Author Momo: Hello, everyone.
While I'm still working on Season 3, I thought I'd give you something small to keep you occupied.
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For seventeen years, the Emperor's daughter had been missing, plunging the entire nation into mourning.
Unknown to everyone, her disappearance had been orchestrated by her own aunt, Kashi, who had ordered the young princess assassinated.
Seventeen years later...
Chaos: We found the girl.
Kashi: What? I beg your pardon... what girl?
Alex: You know... the Emperor's daughter.
Kashi: I don't believe it!
[Chaos hands her a photograph.]
Kashi: [eyes widening] Ah! The Emperor's daughter is alive?!
Alex: Yet you don't sound too excited about it.
Kashi: You fool! Where is she? Bring me the girl!
Chaos: The Emperor already sent out men to fetch her.
Kashi: What?! Making a decision without me? Who does he think he is?!
Alex: Uh... the Emperor?
Kashi: You simpering simpleton!
Chaos: Well, he is the Emperor. He's got a crown and a sceptre...
Kashi: SILENCIO! SHUT UP!
───
Some time later, Chaos and Alex arrive at the house where the girl had supposedly been hiding.
They search every room.
Nothing.
Chaos eventually walks into an empty bedroom.
Chaos: [sighs] Victims... never there when you need them.
[Alex appears in the doorway.]
Alex: So what do we do now?
───
Hours later...
Kashi: Did you find her?
Chaos: No.
Kashi: [raises a brow] That's your answer?
Alex: We didn't find her.
Kashi: [glares at Alex] Thank you for emphasizing his word.
Chaos: We found out her name, though.
[Alex picks up an apple and takes a bite.]
Alex: She's named Zarri.
Kashi: [Shocked, grabs Alex by the neck] Named... what?
Alex: [choking] Zar...ri.
Kashi: [drags him closer and points toward a figure dancing across the ballroom.] Is that her?
Alex: [looks] It would seem so, my lady.
Kashi: [releases him.] If you want something done...
Chaos: You can always call on us.
Kashi: [glares at him] No. Do it yourself.
Alex: You want us to do what?
[Kashi facepalms.]
Kashi: Never mind!
Alex: But you said you wanted something done.
Kashi: No! It's just a saying. If you want something done, do it yourself.
Chaos: Why do it yourself? Just let us do it.
Alex: Yeah, we'll do it. We've always done whatever you needed.
Kashi: "..." I don't need you to do anything.
Alex: But...
Kashi: ZIP IT, ALEXANDER! [She exhales slowly.] Now... where were we?
Chaos: You wanted something done.
Kashi: Right. [Looks across the ballroom.] It took you hours to find her, and she's twenty feet across the room doing the fucking cha-cha!
Alex: [looks over.] I think that's the salsa.
Kashi: [Stares at him.]
Chaos: [nods] He's right.
Kashi: Whatever! We need a plan to get her out of here without anyone noticing.
Alex: [smiles] And you wanted to do it yourself.
Kashi: FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, ALEX, IT'S AN EXPRESSION!
Alex: [shrugs.]
───
Kashi: Okay, here's the plan. Chaos, you go over to her, switch dancing partners, and after a minute, lead her out of the room.
Alex: What do I do?
Kashi: You'll accidentally spill your drink on her clothes, giving Chaos the opportunity to lead her out.
Alex: [tightens his grip around his wine glass.] But... I don't wanna.
Kashi: Alex, this is a simple plan. It's just wine. There are dozens of glasses in this room.
Alex: [pouts.]
Kashi: [sighs] Fine. I'll get you the whole damn bottle later.
Alex: [Immediately smiles.] Okay. I'll do it.
Kashi: Now that you know the plan, please, in the name of our Lord, do not mess this up.
Chaos: We won't, Your Highness.
Kashi: That's what you told me seventeen years ago, and now look at it! [She points furiously at Zarri.] Doing the salsa!
Alex: [looks over.] It's cha-cha now.
Kashi: [slowly turns toward him.] What?
Alex: It's cha-cha. The music changed.
Kashi: I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS WHAT SHE'S DOING! GO OVER THERE AND DO SOMETHING!
[Chaos walks toward Zarri.]
Alex: [muttering] Should've just let you do it yourself.
Kashi: [whips around.] The fuck did you say?
Alex: Nothing. [walks away briskly.]
Thirty minutes later...
They mess up the plan.
Spectacularly.
Instead of quietly removing Zarri from the ballroom, the entire imperial court discovers that she is the Emperor's long-lost daughter.
Two weeks later, a grand ball is held to celebrate the return of the imperial princess.
Kashi, having apparently learned absolutely nothing from her previous failures, develops another plan with Chaos and Alex.
This time?
Poison.
───
[Kashi approaches Zarri with a goblet and a warm smile.]
Kashi: A toast to the princess.
Zarri: [accepts it happily.] Thank you, Aunty! [She looks around the grand ballroom excitedly.] I can't believe it. I'm at another grand ball!
Kashi: Your last!
Zarri: [glances at her.]
Kashi: [quickly catches herself] As princess, the next would be as Empress. [She smiles.]
Zarri: [takes a sip.] Ouu... strawberry.
Kashi: [chokes on her own wine.] Straw... WHAT?!
Zarri: [points at her goblet] It's strawberry-flavoured.
Kashi: [eyes widen and simply refuse to come back down. Slowly, she turns toward Chaos and Alex. Chaos immediately points at Alex and Alex waves.]
Zarri: Wasn't it supposed to be? [She turns toward her father.] Father, did I get the wrong wine?
Emperor Caesar: [confused]
Kashi: [under her breath] You idiots. You absolute fucking idiot.
[The surrounding guests gasp.]
Zarri: Huh? Aunty, is something wrong with the wine?
Kashi: No. Everything is right with it.
Zarri: I just feel strawberry is a little awkward for a toast.
Kashi: [turns toward her] OF COURSE IT'S AWKWARD! IT'S SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE POISON!
[The entire ballroom gasps.]
Alex: Oopsie.
Chaos: Oh no.
Emperor Caesar: WHAT?!
Zarri: Huh?!
Kashi: Ugh! At this point, what do I care?! [pulls out a gun and points it at Zarri's head.]
Kashi: Do you fear death?
Zarri: AHHHHH!
Kashi: Don't "ahhhh"!
Zarri: YOU POINTED A GUN AT MY HEAD!
Kashi: [considers this.] Fair point. Go on, then.
Zarri: AHHHHHHHHHH!
Alex: Ohhh! So this is what she meant when she said, "If you want something done, do it yourself."
Chaos: [turns toward him.] That has still been bothering you?
Kashi: Nice job figuring it out, Alexander. [She rolls her eyes.]
Alex: [smiles proudly.]
───
Kashi: Ugh! The plan was simple. Get rid of you seventeen years ago, become Empress, and get rid of my brother. But unfortunately, a series of misfortunes happened.
Alex: [looks away shyly.]
Zarri: Aunty... why would you want to harm me?
Kashi: Want to? [She laughs wickedly.] I already did! Seventeen fucking years ago! But then you had to show up at the ball... ALIVE! Dancing the cha-cha like there was no tomorrow!
Alex: [opens his mouth.]
Kashi: [immediately raises one hand toward him without looking away from Zarri.] If you correct me, I swear to God...
Alex: [Closes his mouth.]
Kashi: Ahh. This is better. [She smiles.] Truly, if you want something done...
Zarri: Do it yourself!
Kashi: [smiles.]
Emperor Caesar: Why are you doing this, dear sister of mine?
Kashi: [turns toward him.] Oh, NOW we're siblings?! Stand in line. I'm conversing with your daughter here!
Emperor Caesar: [goes silent.]
Kashi: [turns back toward Zarri.] Now... how would you like to die?
Zarri: [Slowly picks up the wine goblet.]
Kashi: [rolls her eyes] That's just strawberry wine.
Zarri: Ohh. [She sets it back down.] I forgot there was no poison.
Kashi: Good God. I am surrounded by idiots.
END.