"These are the best doughnuts in King's Landing," Dany told Jon once again as he bit a chocolate doughnut.
This was their fourth date. She had taken him to a tiny place, which only had a counter with doughnuts and two tall tables on the sidewalk.
"It's good," he said. "But not amazing."
Her jaw dropped and she asked the man behind the counter for an apple and caramel doughnut. He handed it to her in a napkin and she handed it to Jon, simultaneously taking the chocolate one from him.
"Eat it," she told him.
Jon smiled at her bossiness, and took a bite. "Amazing," he replied after swallowing it.
They sat down at a table. She watched his fingers as he turned the doughnut in his hands and then looked up at his face as he took another bite. He looked up, catching her staring at him. She smiled and bit hers as well.
She felt like she talked maybe three times as much as him, which sometimes made her feel guilty about not letting him speak, so she tried to bring up new topics often to get more words out of him. So far, she knew he would talk more than usual if it was a conversation about food, politics, dogs or books.
"You still have trouble sleeping?" He crossed his arms on the table.
"It does happen quite a bit, but it's not a thing of every night."
"Why don't you want to try sleeping pills, though?"
She shook her head. "They're addictive. With time you need more and more to get the same effect. My mum's a doctor so she's told me a bit about it."
"What kind of doctor?"
"Paediatrician."
"Ah, nice. That's nice," he smiled. "What about your dad?"
"No, he-" she fidgeted nervously, "he passed away when I was little."
"Oh," he frowned. "I didn't know…I-I'm sorry."
"It's alright," she nodded, giving him a smile. "Thank you. It's been a long time."
Jon pursed his lips and scratched his jaw. No matter how many years had passed, it was always uncomfortable to say her father had died. She hoped he didn't ask more questions about it. She hated talking about her father. He had not been a beloved person in her family. She had never met him, but her mother had told her everything once she turned fifteen—well, perhaps not everything. Yet what had stuck with her the most was that he had not always been violent or aggressive; he had been quite nice when he and her mother had just met. When their relationship had gotten more serious, after Rhaegar had been born and things started getting complicated at home, he had shown his true colors.
He paid for Rhaella's education, which she kept on pursuing even after Rhaegar had been born. It had tied her to him. So, her mother had always told her that she had to work hard to be independent.
"I'm glad," Jon said. His eyes widened right away and he stuttered. "I mean…I'm not glad he died. I'm glad he…I'm glad you're alright now, I mean."
"Yeah," she smiled. "Thanks."
"Would you like to go for a walk?" he suddenly asked. She felt relieved he understood she didn't want to talk about it.
Dates were complicated. Both wanted to let the other know about their positive attributes, to show-off, but kept it modest, not to seem arrogant. Dates are usually thought as a moment where two people get to know each other. But how much did they truly learn about one another? Not only they discussed trivial topics about themselves—favorite food, favorite movie, if they liked sports—but they also chose carefully what to say. No one talks during the first dates about how difficult their relationship with their mother is or how easily they get angry. Dany, for one, never talked about her father, and would certainly not do so now. She could not deny it, she was trying to impress Jon, picking good things about herself to say.
As they walked side by side, he checked the time on his phone and she caught a glimpse of his background, it was a picture of a little kid with a big white dog.
"Cute picture," she said.
"Oh," he turned on the screen again. "That's my dog and my little brother."
"Is he your favorite brother?" she asked, making him laugh. "Come on, we all have a favorite brother."
"I don't know if he's my favorite, but he's the last one so he gets the most love from all of us."
"Ah, he must be super spoiled," she joked.
"You're the last one, were you the spoiled one?"
"Well…" she laughed. "My brothers did spoil me when I was little, but also kinda helped my mum raise me. Especially Rhaegar, who's much older than me so he feels kind of fatherish. I imagine you might feel that way with your youngest siblings too?"
"With Rickon, I guess. He was born when I was eighteen, so it does feel like a much more paternal relationship than with the others…taking care of him, teaching him stuff, like how to walk!"
"You taught him that?"
"Along with my parents I did. He fell often," he laughed. "But as soon as he could walk by himself he hasn't stopped running around." She laughed. "It's kind of sad, though, being away from home now and not seeing him grow up as I did with my other siblings." Dany turned her head to look at him. "That's why I try to go home kind of often, more than my brother, at least. He prefers by far staying here to party every weekend."
"You don't like to go out much?"
He shrugged slightly. "Not really. I do like to...get together with friends to have some drinks but...but partying...not that much, to be honest. And you?"
"Yeah, I like going out. I'm not such a good dancer but I try my best, it's fun," she chuckled. Those were moments where she forgot about her academic responsibilities and had fun with her friends. Studying was usually at the forefront of her mind, so going out to any party or social gathering always felt refreshing.
This was another difference that seemed to tear them apart for a few seconds, though, making her stop to wonder how compatible would they be. Dates were a weird dynamic: both asked the other questions to find how similar they were, and then evaluate how fit the other would be for them—to see if they were compatible enough for a relationship, for just a friendship, or for nothing at all. One thing she was sure of was that she did not want Jon to fall into the third category.
What exactly made them more compatible, though? Having more similarities? Having the same interests, same taste in music and movies? Same political views? Same values? Same future aspirations?
Dating was a careful evaluation of the other, yet the hardest part was assesing which traits of his—or which similes or differences between them—were relevant and which weren't. She tried not to give much thought to his mild dislike of going out, for example. It was not something crucial to impede them from getting along. In calculus, or in statistics, assigning a weight to every variable (the similarity between Jon's traits and hers, in this case) to compare different options was simple. In real life, though, it wasn't. Perhaps, those algorithms and methods were only for the classroom, for research, to evaluate investment options. Perhaps applying them to choosing a partner did not make sense.
She could not help herself from wondering, though, what was his method of evaluation towards her? Was it similar? Was Jon evaluating her from a philosophical point of view, remembering what a certain philosopher said about partners or love, while she had science in her mind? Perhaps his method, whatever it was, made more sense than hers.
It was a busy hour in King's Landing. Most people were getting out of work and a long line of cars extended next to them, stuck in the traffic jam. They crossed the street and walked into a square with benches that surrounded it. They sat down.
"Did you change your brother's diapers?" she asked him suddenly, with a laugh, going back to the family topic. "I know my brothers changed mine."
"Did they? Oh, it's not a nice job," he laughed. "One of the worst things about babies, besides the crying at night."
He took out his phone again and clicked on his camera roll. He started browsing through his photos to find ones of his family. Now, sitting so close to him, she could smell his cologne. She had chosen a nice one for today, she hoped he could smell hers as well.
He showed her a Christmas picture in which his whole family stood next to the tree, wearing comfy woolen sweaters. Jon looked much younger, he was probably sixteen in that picture. Rickon was not in the picture, but she spotted little Arya hugging Jon tight by the waist.
She leaned closer to him to see better, to the point where her face almost touched his shoulder. She didn't know what to do with her hands, so she just pressed them together on her lap. He was holding his phone just inches away from her lap, right between their bodies, and his knee was against hers. This physical contact, even though tiny, was enough to send a tingle to her stomach.
"I like your Christmas sweater," she smiled, giving him a soft pat on his hand unconsciously, as if her body were begging her for a tiny bit more of physical contact.
He laughed. "It's buried in my drawer at home."
"You should use it in school," she laughed.
He kept scrolling down on his camera roll while she stared at his fingers as he scrolled. His hand was almost touching her leg. He showed her pictures of Ghost when he was only a puppy. He was a tiny ball of white hair in the arms of Jon. A picture of baby Ghost on the bed with Jon made her go 'awwww' and made him laugh.
"He peed on my bed right after that," he added. "Now my parents don't even allow him to enter the house. He can only be in the backyard and kitchen." She was slightly hunched down over his shoulder, without actually touching it, as she looked at his phone. "Have you ever had any?" he asked. They were so close to each other she felt his breath on her ear when he said so.
"What?" she asked softly, raising her head to look up at him. Their faces were so close to each other it was a slight shock for both.
He looked down nervously and smiled. "A pet, I mean."
"Oh. No, never."
She had asked for a puppy since she was little, but her mother insisted that it would be too demanding. Dany used to get angry about it, but understood now. Her mother raised three kids practically on her own.
Jon nodded and eventually turned off his phone's screen. The silence made her uncomfortable and pushed her to turn her phone on and do the same as he had done, searching for a picture with her family. They did not have many pictures together. They didn't take pictures on Christmas. The holidays were usually quiet moments of the year when they had a nice dinner, sometimes with their grandparents and some cousins. But they were not a family like the Starks seemed to be. It was a complicated and broken family, not the type that took pictures together.
"Okay," she said when she finally found one. She closed the space between their hands. His leg, the one that was not against hers, started bouncing up and down. "This is my mum's birthday from last year."
Dany and her two brothers stood at the sides of their mother in the picture, in front of a table with a birthday cake on it. Both Rhaegar and Viserys stood tall next to them.
"Rhaegar, Viserys, my mum," she said, pointing at each of them with her thumb.
"Yeah, they're much older than you. You definitely were the spoiled one in the house," he jested, making her laugh and shake her head. "So, this is the brother with whom you don't get along?" he pointed at Viserys.
"Yeah," she chuckled, "he's a bit…special."
"How come?" Jon asked.
"Just...fucking annoying," she replied, making him laugh out loud. "No, really. He always told me I was an accident because I was born so much later."
"What?! Come on! That's so mean."
"Yeah, but…well, it's probably true...I was born so much later."
"Oh, what does it matter? There's no way my parents planned all six of us. It's fine."
She smiled, unsure of what to reply. "I guess," she just said, and inevitably, the conversation died.
"Do you like King's Landing?" Jon tried to break the silence awkwardly.
"It's nice. I also like Dragonstone, but I do see myself staying and living here. And you?"
Jon pursed his lips and nodded. "I like it. But I think I prefer Winterfell."
"I've never been there, but I've heard it's a nice place. The weather's a bit cold, isn't it?"
"Yeah, the name says it all. It's only sunny a few days a year, but I don't mind. I've heard Dragonstone is also beautiful."
"Oh, it is. Very different from King's Landing. It's a bit quieter, I think…life here is crazier. Oh, and our food! Oh my god, our food is amazing."
"What do you usually eat there?"
"Hmm…we have a lot of seafood, but our burgers are definitely the best."
"I must say I've tried some good ones here in King's Landing, really hard to beat."
"Okay, I must admit I haven't tried many burgers outside of Dragonstone," she said, making him laugh.
"We could go get some one day, if you'd like to. There are some really good spots in the center."
"Sure," she smiled, thinking about how he also wanted to spend some more time with her. "Sure. That would be nice."
"Are you free tomorrow evening?"
She shook her head sadly. "I'm not."
"Ah, sucks. Whenever you can, then."
"What about today, though?"
"Right now?"
She nodded. "Why not?"
He chuckled and said, "Alright. Yeah! Alright, we could go now."
They walked to the subway station together to take the subway to the center. Their hands brushed against one another but she was not sure if she should hold his. Perhaps not yet.
"Wwe have to take the subway number seven," he said as they approached the station.
She looked at the big panel with the times of arrival of the subways and said, "The seven is arriving! Shit! The seven is arriving!"
Dany ran down the stairs into the station and Jon ran behind her. The subway was arriving at the station and she ran towards it as it stopped and the doors opened.
"Hurry up!" she shouted at him while she kept on running and finally squeezed herself into the subway.
He jumped in right after she did, and the doors closed right after. They both panted in exhaustion as they made their way among the people and stretched an arm to hold the bar above them. The subway was full, warm and with the terrible smell always present when a public transport vehicle was full. However, the number of people forced her and Jon to stand just inches away from each other.
"I'm so thirsty," she panted, her breathing loud and deep from all the running.
"I might have water," he said. He let go of the bar above them and moved his backpack from his back to his side. He opened the zipper with both hands and reached a water bottle on the inside, but before he could hand it to her, the subway departed and his whole body fell against hers. He was heavy, but she tried to hold him with her free hand and push him so he could stand back up once more.
"Shit! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry."
She just laughed. "It's fine, it's fine. If I hadn't been holding the bar we would have both ended up on the floor, though."
He laughed nervously, his gaze down.
"Oh right," he said. "Water."
He handed her the bottle and she smiled, thanking him for the trouble of taking it out.
"Oh my god," Dany said as she received her food in her hands from the cook behind the counter. Two thin loaves of bread held inside shredded chicken, lettuce, onion, tomato, pickles, cucumber, garlic sauce, hummus, squeezed inside a plastic paper with napkins, but no plate. Jon only held a burger in his hands. They both walked to sit at one of the small wooden tables outside.
She opened her mouth wide to take a bite. It was flooding in sauces, though, so as soon as she closed her mouth to take the bite, the orange sauces dripped from the sides and dampened her hands completely.
"Oh shit," Jon said, sitting in front of her. "More napkins?"
She nodded at his obvious question while she chewed and the sauce now dripped from her hands. He stood up quickly and rushed to the counter to bring tons of napkins with one hand, while he took a bite of his burger which he held with his other hand. She watched him confused as he was completely clean. He sat in front of her again as he cleaned her hands with the napkins, unable to contain his laughter and making her laugh too at how ridiculous she felt. It seemed as if every attempt to impress Jon had been in vain, as what he would probably remember the most would be her hands full of sauce. Had he felt the same way when he fell on her on the subway?
"Uh…if you don't want it, just give it to me," Jon said.
She shook her head. "It's delicious!"
"And you didn't even want to try the burger! You're just having chicken."
"Let me try yours."
He extended it to her across the small table while he chewed, and she took a bite.
"Better than Dragonstone's?" he asked her.
She swallowed and pursed her lips to think. "Pretty different, but yes, maybe."
"Aha!" he smiled.
"Don't you want to take a bite of mine?"
"I don't really love chicken, but, let's see."
She stretched her arm to him and he took a bite.
"Watch out for the sauce," she warned with a laugh.
A bit of sauce, nevertheless, ran down the corner of his mouth and he tried to hide it with his hand. She laughed and handed him a napkin. He hummed as he chewed and cleaned himself. Yet he suddenly stopped chewing and squeaked in pain, frowning.
"What is it?"
"I bit my tongue," he said in a high-pitched voice of pain. She laughed out loud, throwing her head back. "It hurts," he complained, "so much."
"Well, that's a good indicator that the food's good."
He nodded and laughed along, shaking his head.
She had never had a boyfriend. She had been out on many dates, but had never wanted to take the next step with any of those guys. In fact, she had cut them off quite quickly. A number of worries about relationships always crept in the back of her mind. She had heard many times how children of abusive parents are often subconsciously drawn to an aggressive partner in their future as well. It had frightened her to the bone. So, she was extremely cautious with men.
However, she had always wondered how it must be to be in a relationship. Sometimes, the idea was tempting. She could have someone to cuddle with after a tiring day, to kiss, to have sex with, and to share her insecurities and fears too. Yet, other times, the idea was scary: what if she got cheated on? What if he ended up being an asshole? Not as loving as she had thought? Aggressive?
In this handful of dates with Jon, plus the day they studied together and the night they met at the library, he had conveyed the opposite of that. He was a loving brother who changed his brother's diapers and had his picture as his lockscreen, who preferred to spend the weekends with his family to watch his siblings grow. He seemed like the furthest from Aerys one could be. She remembered that the most from their dates, more than any silly difference in their tastes in music or in their easiness to talk.
They went back to school and he said goodbye at the entrance, as he would go to his flat now.
"Why don't we go get Valyrian food the next time?" he asked her.
"Sure," she smiled. "That would be nice. Do you like spicy food, though?"
"Kiiinda. Not that much, but…I could try."
She chuckled. "Alright, I'll pick you up next time."
"Pick me up?"
"In my car, yes."
"Oh, you have a car? We could have avoided the mishap at the subway."
"Yeah, well, we were already too far from school to go back and pick my car and go to the center…"
"Sure, yes, yes." He looked at her, smiling. "Well, um, see you."
"Yes," she smiled back. "Bye."
He leaned in and hugged her awkwardly by the shoulders. He let go quickly, she didn't even have the chance to hug him back. She couldn't help chuckling.
"Well…bye."
"Bye."
When was the right time to finally kiss someone? On the fourth date? On the fifth one? Some people kissed or even had sex on their first date. How she wished there could be a set of instructions for this! How simple it would be if she could study for these situations as she did for exams. Life was easier in books and in the classroom. There was a method, a simplification for everything.
She didn't think she should kiss him yet, though. They both still seemed too nervous around each other. Plus, she had already been the one to go for the kiss in her room. Yet she did want to slink out a clearer hint of her interest in him. A tiny hint.
She extended her arm and held his fingers. She did it quickly. If she had given it more thought, she would have probably chickened out. He smiled, looked down, and chuckled softly. It was a sweet laugh that extended to her own lips. He pressed her fingers back, and, to her surprise, he leaned in, but only to press a kiss on the lower part of her cheek, next to her mouth. His short beard tickling her chin sent a tingle down to her stomach. It felt much more intimate than the reckless kiss she had given him in her room, and coming from him, it felt even braver.
Was the scientific way really the best way to make decisions? Maybe. Maybe not. She and Jon were quite different. They had different personalities, different tastes in music, but they both liked books, politics, and dogs. But would another economist, who liked the same music as her, the same movies as her, the same books as her, the same food as her, be her perfect partner? She did not think so. Maybe the variables did not have to be their similarities and differences. Maybe she had to look for other variables...or did she? Could love and infatuation be reduced to that which could only be assessed by logic and reason?
Dany liked Jon. No matter he was not similar to her in every way. She wanted to keep on going out with him, regardless of what any statistical method said.