"Wanna suck my banana! Wanna do the Moan-na-na-na-na, oh yeah!"
**Deedpool** was singing at the top of his lungs as the two of us walked back to my place. Granted, I was the one who started the song:
"See my balls, pa-ra-ra! Sea in my holes, ta-ra-ra! Look at me now, I don't know how, but I'm a real MC! Ra-ra-ra-ra... ra-ra-ra-ra..."
We were practically dancing down the street. By the time we reached my neighborhood—a normal residential area where regular people live—there were quite a few locals out and about. Watching us dance to such an awkward, bizarre song, they all stared at us with a mix of surprise and annoyance.
An old man living next door, who was standing by his entrance looking up at the starry sky (and who happens to be one of the people constantly trying to buy my house), scoffed.
"Maybe Aqua found a mad friend," he muttered. "They look like they're either drunk or just got dumped by their girlfriends. Heh, that song is a real nasty-hero type."
We didn't pay attention to the neighborhood gossip because we were both too deeply invested in our crude anthem.
[Me]: Jumping into the night,
'Cause we lose hope!
Staring at the fight,
'Cause there are babes!
The villains are very uncomfortable—
Are bouncing-of-the-girls
Picture your girlfriends in no-virginity...
[Pool]: Picture me in your panties...
[Both]: Nobody in the shop,
'Cause we closed it!
Nobody in the cup,
'Cause it is dirty (BRA)!
Look at me now,
I don't know how,
But we're the real MCs!
```
"Heh, let's go..." I muttered as I stopped and pointed **Deedpool** toward my place. He commented, "It's recalling my home... Hmm."
### Act II: Tofu Curry and Tragic Backstories
We started climbing the short flight of stairs to my door. The song had been incredibly stupid, but somehow our minds had perfectly matched the lyrics.
"Heh, what a coincidental song that was," I commented.
With a creaking sound, the wooden door opened and we stepped inside.
"Gimme some clothes so I can take a bath," **Deedpool** said.
"Oh! Yeah," I replied. I went over to my room and brought back a pink t-shirt and a pair of pink trousers.
"Eh! Pink? Am I a girl? And you expect me to wear this?" he argued.
"Yes, and it's a boy's clothing line from a good brand called *Guhki*," I informed him. "Wow! *Guhki* exists in this world too? Okay, gimme."
He took the clothes, but before closing the bathroom door, he peered out and warned, "Don't try to peek inside, b-b-ba... baka!"
"I'm not a cut-sleeve! (into guys)" I argued back as he slammed the door shut. While he was bathing, I cooked dinner.
I waited for him on the sofa. He walked out a few minutes later wearing the outfit I gave him. Looking at him, I shouted in mock horror:
"Woah! A villain has killed **Deedpool** and is wearing the clothes I gave him!"
"Hey! It's me, **Deedpool**! It's my look! My real name is... Clod Wane!"
"Eh? It's you... oh my Harem! I thought a villain had come to jump me." I released a breath of relief.
Without his mask, he had coarse, grey hair. His skin was wrinkled and severely scarred—looking like someone who had been rescued from a burning fire. His eyes were gloomy but somehow still carried a "female-lover" vibe. His lips were dry and his overall skin tone was completely faded.
I asked again, "What the hell happened to you?!"
He sat beside me on the sofa and sighed. "I had a girlfriend, and she was a looker. But one day, a mad scientist kidnapped her for a sick experiment and tore her in half right before my eyes. Before they could use the serum they had created, I breached their hidden bunker by tracking down the kidnappers. To keep her hostage, they tried to blackmail me, threatening that if I came any closer, they would tear her apart with a woodcutter's saw. But the doctor's clumsy assistant accidentally hit the saw's activation button... and well, you know what happened."
He continued, a dark look in his eyes. "In a fit of rage, I rushed them. During the chaos, a bottle of the serum dropped onto me without its cap. The doctor had been trying to drink it himself, but I kicked him, causing the serum to fly through the air and land right in my mouth. Ever since then, I've looked like this."
I shrugged. "Heh, tragic story. Just like a comic book hero."
"Yeah, I think—"
Interrupting him, I smiled. "We're fictional."
"Hmm..." he commented. "...You're a big harem fan."
"Yes," I replied. "And you're a big R-18 fan."
### Act III: The Disappearance and a New Threat
After that, we started eating dinner. Before taking his first bite, Clod complained, "Just vegetarian?"
"Yeah, I'm a vegetarian."
"...Ugh! Ok! There aren't many veggies, so I can manage for today. How do you even live—" He kept blabbering, but the moment he put a piece of tofu from the tofu curry into his mouth, his jaw dropped. After finishing the bite, he confessed, "Oh wow! It's really delicious!"
Once we finished our dinner, I went to sleep in my room while **Deedpool** spent the night watching adult shows on my smartphone.
The next day, I stepped out of my room to check on him. I found my smartphone lying on the sofa, but there was no trace of **Deedpool**. I searched the entire house—the living room, the kitchen, my room, my late parents' bedroom, and the bathroom—but **Deedpool** had completely vanished.
*I thought to myself: Maybe his gadget started working, or maybe it was already fixed and he just hit the button to return to HIS reality... though I don't really care.*
So, I went about my daily routine: brushing, cleaning, bathing, and making breakfast. I made five sandwiches for myself. Even though my own limit is usually two or three, I always make extra to feed the street dogs. I don't give them to the beggars because they still have all their limbs intact but choose not to work; besides, there are barely 10 or 12 beggars in this entire country. It's a rich world, after all.
Just as I took a bite of a sandwich, a sound cut through the quiet: *[Ding-Dong-Ding]*
It was the doorbell. Thinking it might be one of my wealthy neighbors, I opened the door, only to be caught completely off guard. Standing on my porch was a woman accompanied by three men dressed in sharp black tuxedos.
"W-Who are you?" I asked.
### Act IV: An Offer You Can't Refuse
The woman held up an identity card displaying her picture. She had a black bob haircut. Her name read: **Temari Obbo**.
I gasped. "Aaah! You're the hero publisher, Miss Temari?!"
She smiled calmly. "Yes. We've decided to hire you as a hero."
I blinked, stunned. "But why?"
"Yesterday at night, a police robot on patrol discovered a villain's dead body with his guts completely smashed. When we checked the alleyway's side-building CCTV footage, we saw you walking into the alley. We don't have footage of the actual alley because there are no cameras inside, but the proof pointing to you is undeniable. You have two choices: One, join the **Z-HERO-TRIAGRAM** alliance. Or two, get locked up in jail for killing a 'C' rank villain named 'Lipid Crusher'. The choice is yours."
Without hesitating for a single second, I blurted out, "I'll be a HERO!!"
The woman smiled.
"Wait! I've made some sandwiches," I offered, trying to break the tension. "Let's eat."
"Hmm... Okay, guys, let's go in," Temari said to her guards.
They all sat on the sofa and took a bite of the sandwiches. Instantly, their faces flushed with color.
Temari praised, "Wow! You're a very good sandwich maker! Would you mind making these for us sometimes?"
"Heh, yeah, of course—"
Suddenly, a holographic display flashed directly over Miss Temari. On it, glowing text appeared:
* Girlpanion Number 8 *
Real Name: Kamado Asuna
Profession: Maid in a No-Male World, Kurose Clan.
Status: Main Maid.
```
I screamed internally: *My publisher is also my hot girlpanion?!* And right then, I realized the true extent of the ability I had been granted: the power to recognize my own Girlpanions.
**— To Be Continued...**