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Tanrıyı Oynayanlar

Safsak59
TANITIM Farkındalık var oluşun başından beri çok az kişiye huzuru getirmiştir. Farkındalığı yaşadığın ilk anda saf bir korku da onunla beraber gelir. O korku bir eşikten geçmek demektir. Korkuyu hissettiğin ilk an sonsuza dek süreceğini düşünürsün bir saniye öncesinde hayatının anlamsız olduğuna inanırken korku o anlamsızlığı özletir. Anlamsız hayatını geri istersin. Çünkü hayatının bir anlamı olması demek bir hedef yaratır ve o hedefe giden uzun dar korkunç bir yol... Kimse o yolda yürümek istemez, yani yolu gördükten sonra istemez. Var olduğum ilk andan beri içimde koca bir boşluk taşıyordum. Bir şeylerin ters gittiğini her zaman biliyordum. Her şey olması gerektiği gibiydi ama beni rahatsız eden bir boşluk vardı. Görmezden geldiğim bir boşluk. O boşluğu o kadar görmezden geldim ki var olduğunu bile unuttum. Diğerleri gibi olmama düşüncesiyle baş edemedim içimdeki utanç ve korkuyla başa çıkamadım. Hiçbir şeyin eskisi gibi olmaması düşüncesi içimdeki boşluğa sırt çevirmeme sebep oldu. Sırtımı çevirdim kulaklarımı ve gözleri kapattım. Bana yazılan rolü oynadım üstelik hiç fakında olmadan. Ta ki o güne kadar... Artık o rolü oynayamazdım. Yolu görüyorum, korkuyorum. Hissettiğim ilk şeyin bu olması çok acayip olsa da korkudan daha gerçek ne var ki? şimdi çılgınca bir şey yapma zamanı. O eşikten geçme zamanı. Özgür kalma ve tüm köleleri özgür bırakma zamanı. "Sadece Tanrıyı öldürenler özgürdür. Çünkü özgürlük ancak Tanrıyı öldürünce gelir."
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