"Where is he!?" someone in one of the other rooms demands to know, a distinct she with an animalistic growl to her voice. Familiar, but I can't recall from where. Then again, my thoughts are a little distracted as of late. I can't seem to think, not while my claws tap in a melodic rhythm against some exceptionally well-carved kitchen wood.
It's only me in this kitchen, no one else but me. It's not even the main kitchen, it's one of the others, so I'm not in the way at all... Just me and me alone to enjoy my self-made music as everyone else occupies other parts of the dorm. Rightfully putting space between me and them.
"Where is who?" another voice acts, a sting of severity to it because of what can only be obvious reasons. Who would ever like being spoken to in a tone like that? I don't think I would like it... I wouldn't like it at all.
"You know *who* I am on about!" this mysterious she growls out with even greater anger than before. Yet, they seem to get their answer, probably as a gesture that I can't see at all. And it leads them all the way straight to me, the familiarity only growing as a certain swoosh joins me in the dark. I try to move away from the room, hoping to not be a problem, and she stops at the doorframe, slamming her hand to block it. My next steep reels me back, head going the other way but never turning away.
"Vadei..." I go between chitters, finding my new footing as I look at that shadow-crested expression of hers. She doesn't even try to turn on the lights... But, at the same time, why would she even come looking for me? We never got along before I died all that well and...
It's not like she or anyone else has come looking for me before... And... And...
A sniffle fills out the air.
"Ok... Ok, answer me this very carefully. Who are you?" she asks, or rather, demands as her eyes narrow clearly while she bares her teeth ever so slightly. A snarl rippling through the air as I keep my nervous distance. It only gets worse as my chittering gets out of control, as my claws come about into view, balling up and flexing aimlessly. However, she doesn't let me keep my distance, she tries to keep it small.
Her eyes narrow more, and her mouth opens just a bit, and I flinch.
"I am Bug... I am Osibindah... I am what is left of one Nin Urtuan." I mumble out, answering her question while struggling with how to answer something as simple as that. I called myself 'Bug,' how can I nearly end up calling myself 'Bug' of all things!?
"Where are you from?" Vadei asks, her expression softening in the same way heated iron does.
Another sniffle escapes as I think about where I am from. How I came here to begin with and how things have turned out the way that they have. I think about what I'm trying to do, how I'm trying to get home, and another sniffle rips through me. My eyes feel like they're going to water.
"I am from Tobaballe..." I go, the word seeming like an impossible dream as something trails from my eyes and catches in the seams between my chitin plates.
"...What do I call you?" she asks, her ears lowering at the tips.
"You call me Ho... The last name of Iishar Ho, one of our Spire-Lords. Tower-Ladies?" I say, clawing at my shell amidst the confusion as I can't quite figure out the proper, pedantically correct answer towards the end.
Seems like I'm forgetting some of the information I should know quite well... It should be to the point of it being nearly unforgettable. Though, I suppose that's the catch when it comes to memory, even things like this. It's only 'nearly' impossible to forget, not flat-out impossible.
"So it is you... How in the... By... How are you alive...? Let alone yourself...?" she gasps, covering her mouth as she takes a slight back-step. Her tone one of utter flabbergastery as she looks me in my eyes... The only thing about me that's still human. The last pair of signs of my former humanity that might as well not exist in any way shape or form.
After all, I'm... I'm a bug now. Bugs have no need for humanity. I'm a monster... A vile monster.
"Funny story..." I huff with all the depressing energy I can muster as I look her way and then away. My claws pat together, clapping randomly and they move to the kitchen counter. They struggle to move across the surface as all manner of shakes and tremors go through me. I take one of the knives from its holder, holding it there for just a minute.
The enchanted blade glows a simple orange, reminiscent of heated metal, but not quite there. It's just fire magic woven into the steel from when it was forged and... It lights up enough of the room with a soft glow. Enough to cast my shadow over an already dark lesser kitchen.
Silly noises come out of me, childish noises. An awkward itch prickles me, and the knife's edge slides harmlessly across my chest, leaving but a thin, white scratch on my carapace. I do it again, drawing the blade down one of my body's natural seams. Blood comes out and sizzles as it gets onto the orange of the metal.
A sudden limpness overtakes me, and my tongue rolls out, a raspberry blowing about as I fight this tiredness affecting me.
"Y-You actually died...? So Vapooliar did, in fact, kill you? *Actually* kill you?" Vadei asks, seeking clarification on what should be impossible and... I nod, I nod to her question, given her that answer she wants. She steps back again, eyeing my behaviour closely while that absurdity lingers on her mind. The man who became a monster, died, came back as a monster and now he's going to die again...
A historical record for legitimately dying twice...!
"I did, yeah. I then met all the gods and goddesses after Undwote brought me aboard his father's ship. Did you know, it has no sails or oars? It just has these four things that shoot lightning." I go, my voice perking up with broken joy as I recall all the wonders I saw. My claws move about desperately, making gestures as I keep my grip on the knife. For once, too, I feel like I can call them fingers... They're fingers, not claws, fingers wrapped around the handle of a knife.
"Are you drunk?" she asks, sniffing my breath from way over there with that good oxfuine nose of hers! And she even recoils away in disgust, putting more distance between us and leaving me all the more confused. I've not eaten anything today, nothing smelly, nothing bad.
I've not eaten for a while, actually... I feel so small, yet I can't be asked to eat anything. So dried and shrivelled and... My eyes turn towards the nearest tap.
"I am not... I have not even had a glass of water today..." I mumble, speaking my thoughts so she understands any weirdness to my actions. Yet, as carry on looking at the tap, at the nearby bread bin, I can't quite manage to stomach the idea of going there. Until I do.
I walk over awkwardly, dragging the knife along the counter and carving a self-healing line across the magnificently made magic building. I spin to a stop, so lethargic and broken in my movements, and I take out the half-touched load inside. My knife-grip slams onto the counter, and I cut the loaf slowly, watching as the slices of toast burn long before I reach the bottom.
It falls to the side, so toasty and warm, and I look away from it. My eyes go back to the knife I'm holding. It's a large knife indeed. One that has a nice, subtle glow to it. A glow that alters the way it cuts things so well. From bread to veg and all the way to meat... Even bug meat.
The blade is so warm, it changes the way cooking things works entirely, a toaster is pointless with knives like this!
A fancy blade indeed... Nice and strong with plenty of gripping space to land a firm hand. Let alone a bug's claw. My claw.
The point is so narrow I could probably snap the tang and tape it onto a stick like a spear. It can be used for so many more things other than just cutting... But what would I even use a tip like this on...?
"N-Nin... Are you alright? Nin? Answer me, please..." Vadei asks me with a kind of voice I don't think I've ever heard her use before. I look her way, looking her right in the eye as it rings on in my ears. That first ever case of her actually showing genuine concern for me as her eyes shift away, watching the knife as I wave it about.
I shake my head about, denying her question as I feel so weak in the legs. I slip and slam down to keep my upright posture. My head keeps shaking, and tears fling far and wide like I'm some kind of sprinkler. Tears I've only just properly noticed even as it continues to feel like they've been there for a while.
"I don't know... I... I don't... I don't know..." I tell her as my voice cracks and whimpers, pitching and fluctuating. Turning into something... Childish... Frightened.
"Hey... H-Hey... Nin... NIN WAIT!" she screams out across the room as shards of broken knife shoot out faster than her voice. I stagger away in the direction I had thrust the blade. Right up there, between my body and my head. What should've been the soft part of my neck...
I fall backwards, the kitchen side rattling as my eyes go blind from the amount of water in them. So much is shaking in this kitchen, all from the force I had used to try and punch that knife straight through my neck. Not into my throat, through my neck!
Vadei looks on in horror, backing away with a covered mouth and lowered ears. I stare around at the kitchen, breathless and alone. So oppressively alone.
My shakes get worse, and the water in my eyes grows heavier. I sob. I truly and utterly sob as I try to cover my face. But I can't hide it, I can't hide the tears or the broken knife.
I curl in on myself, becoming as close to a ball as I can make myself while I claw away at the flooring. Carving apart what I can in an effort to get together some shards together so I can try and kill myself. But it's not working, my claws won't stay steady, and the shards keep slipping through my claws... My monstrous claws.
And as I keep on shaking, a thought settles in my head. Something I didn't think I would ever do again in all of my life, no matter how bad it gets. Something I never thought would ever be a thing for someone as old as I am... I... I don't even think I ever actually did it when I was growing up, either... I was so detached from my family back in Tobaballe that it never slipped into my mind and...
"I-I-I w-want my m-mummy... Mummy...!" I sob out with all the pent-up anger, frustration and hate I've been nurturing these past few months. All while hiding my bug face, my monster face... My osibindah face.
My body moves, it rushes for the darkest place I can see and find. The doors to the basement. I hurry for it, lashing out at anything near me no matter how inanimate it might be. I can't walk, I can only crawl as that spiteful, tailed creature watches me. No doubt wishing for the same thing everyone else in this Academy wants of me...
My death.