I don't understand why you can't be better.
WHOLE.
Don't you want to become something great?
After all those years you've spent building up to this moment…Do you really want to choke up at the last second? Let that loneliness seep into your core.
I mean if you can fix everything else why can't you fix yourself?
Why can't you fix yourself? Or the people who hurt you, why is it that you always end up last place at the front of the line?
There is some understanding, I am failing to recognize and it is truly deafening to my inner thoughts. I cannot breathe or think of anything else.
So, you must please answer the question as to what makes you an emotional being? What makes your body ache so loud even though you could cure it.
Rid the flesh from the mistake of illness, you could be better. But you choose not to? Choose to put up with people who bring you more pain than any object ever could, or any sharp tool or intentional weapon.
You truly are a mystery, more than any book could ever tell, your internal conflict screaming out to you, pouring out all of its defense. Yet, still it is not enough to save it, save it from your approaching demise.
The people you claimed you're fighting for won't care and neither will the ones you associate with. It is all about oneself in the game of survival, and it is a game.
One that has losers and winners, and one that isn't sensitive to the kind or susceptible to bribes. It will choose who will be on top and if it decides that it isn't you.
Then the consequences will be severe in one way or another.
Regina winced, taking a seat onto a stool before taking in a few deep breaths.
A familiar company passing by to rest a hand on her shoulder and sympathetic glance.
"Are you okay, Regina? You don't look too hot."
She laughed dryly, "Yeah, I think that's pretty obvious, Leo, I don't feel hot either."
He put a hand to her forehead, flipping it over twice to check the temperature. "That's ironic, considering you're burning up like a kettle to a stove. Have you eaten today? I didn't see any ingredients lying around or unwashed dishes. Unless, you washed them and cleaned all before I could get back?"
She shook her head, "I didn't feel hungry actually, wasn't in the mood to eat. " She hugged her body tight, and scrunched up her face, "I wasn't in the mood to do anything actually."
Leo sighed, and pulled back his raven-colored hair with a slight frown, "That's okay, but you got to eat, at least something small, Regina."
She shook her head again, with a bit of liquid starting to bubble on the top of her eyes, "What's the point? If I don't eat today then I can just eat tomorrow and if not tomorrow then the day after."
Leo blinked back, headed over to the back of kitchen for some ice and a small towel, "I know but still, you got to take care of yourself, you can't do what your passionate about without a little something to eat."
She wiped her eyes and her nose, looking down to her hand smeared with crimson droplets. "Shit."
Leo peeked over from a cupboard, "Everything okay?" He questioned carefully putting small water blocked into a checkered towel. "I'll be back soon okay?!"
"Okay", she responded with, quickly standing up and wiping her eyes yet again. More liquid but not the clear color it was supposed to be, it was still red.
"Am I really bleeding?" , she pressed her hands to her face, nails glued to her skin as the sharp pain came back.
Harder than it did before, a repeated pounding, sounding louder than her own heartbeat.
"Leo, something is happening! I can't think or barely breathe it hurts so bad!" She stumbled onto the counter taking deep gasps, her eyes scanning the room for him but he's not there.
"L-Leo where?", she held her stomach with one hand, frantically looking for a trace or a single piece of black hair but she saw nothing. There were just emptied shelves and unfilled glasses that looked like they haven't been used in weeks.
She squinted hard and licked her lips, "No, no, no, no, this isn't right?" The liquid pooling on her face finally dropped down to her cheek as she balled her hands into fists. "He was just here, we were here together, h-he just went to get me something."
She nearly dashed to the back of the kitchen to find him but he wasn't there either, he wasn't anywhere in the house actually.
She wiped her face again trying to straighten her hair, her chest growing tight as the drumming in her head continued to grow.
"No, this can't be right, this can't be this can't!" She yelled out loud but only her own voice echoed as she scratched at her skin. Eyes opening for a second just to see a mirror in front of her, with the same blood from before. But, this time it was all over her face, followed by the huge gash tracing from the top of her forehead down to her chin.
She stepped closer, "Is this supposed to be me?" She questioned letting her hands fall down to her waist, her amethyst dressed ripped in two, exposing bloodied skin.
"No but-how did-why didn't anyone help me if-", she put her hands together her head couldn't not shaking now as her body twitched at the sight.
"This can't be true I mean, Leo, wouldn't let this happen to me. H-he loves me and and the village, what would they do without-without.."
She fell to her knees combing her hands through her hair, taking off small pieces with each stroke.
Ginger strands falling to the ground as her body tried to reject the realization. Her mind quickly looking through books of memories to comfort her, to make her forget what actually happened.
What they actually did to her and what she did to them.
She wasn't their savior anymore, nor a pawn, but instead she became what they truly always wanted her to be.
Their monster.