-???-
Life, its true essence, is like an unpredictable field of white flowers. The flowers wither one by one, representing each moment of our life, but the field of flowers Sakura is looking at is not withered even though Toru's life is already over.
It was now clear to her that Toru is not a heroic spirit, but a wandering soul who was torn from his World. This boy was used as a toy over and over again until he broke. He is broken and traumatized, but none of that justifies all the damage he has caused. For Sakura, however, it doesn't matter. She believes she is the only one who has seen the real Toru. She's right, in part, but knowing Toru's past doesn't mean really knowing Toru.
"I will save you... I promise. You'll be happy together with me, Toru."
The grim expression on Sakura's face showed that she is willing to do anything so that Toru can be happy. No matter if she has to hurt someone to achieve it, Sakura was going to do it without hesitation. That is why she wants to win the war, in order to ask the grail to bring Toru back to life.
Sakura is about to wake up....
***
Again, on top of a building, Toru and Gray appreciated the neon landscape of the city lights. This had become a kind of ritual they do once a week. Occasionally they both took the opportunity to tell things about themselves to get to know each other better.
"Naruto and Sasuke were your friends. You mentioned it the other day, can you tell me more about that?"
Toru nodded at Gray's question. "Naruto was an outcast boy in Konoha, my home village. Many feared or hated him because inside him dwelt a beast that nearly destroyed the village a few years before, but Naruto didn't know that, so he didn't understand others. Once, on a pure whim, I bought him a fox mask and, from that day on, we somehow became friends. As for Sasuke, he is my childhood friend. Our clans were allies, so it was no surprise that the heirs of the clans, us, knew each other. We met thanks to our mothers, who brought us together one day many years ago. We used to practice throwing kunai and shuriken, or sometimes we tried to perform ninjutsu, but failed in the attempt. We were very small back then."
"I have a little trouble imagining that."
"You mean you find it hard to imagine that I had friends?"
"No, no. I didn't mean that."
"Don't worry. It's normal. I discarded the friendship I had with them after my family was killed. After that, I didn't have friends again until much later."
Gray looked into the void and felt sorry for Toru. Despite that suffering he keeps in his heart, Toru still looks forward calmly. Gray doesn't know if that's a good or bad thing. Holding so much pain is never good, she knew that, but Toru sometimes seemed to have a heart of stone, unable to show what he feels to others, but deep down, Gray guessed that Toru's heart is too fragile.
"I don't know anything about the life you had to live, but it certainly must have been painful. You've been through so much and yet here you are, standing beside me. I promised you that I would protect you and that is what I will do. There will be nothing else that can hurt you."
Toru sighed wistfully. Gray knew what words to say. That talent of hers was incredible.
With a faint nostalgic smile, Toru whispered, "I can never thank you enough."
Toru is lost and needs someone to guide him. Disastrous emotions continue to consume his heart and damage his mind. Every time he falls, he needs someone to help him get back up. That's why loneliness is not a choice. It sounds depressing that way, but Toru is emotionally dependent on other people. It may even seem like Toru just uses others to keep him from feeling so miserable, which is partly true. However, children need someone to love them. If there is no one to teach them the value of love, then they would all end up like Toru, who doesn't even know what it means to love. They would have the wrong thought that loving means suffering and sacrificing for someone else.
That's not right and Gray was teaching that to Toru, at the same time she learns along with him.
"No need to be thankful. Just keep loving me like you do now."
The latter puzzled Toru. At the end of the day, he was still unable to tell Gray that he loves her.
"I'll keep that in mind," he replied dryly.
They say one nail doesn't pull out another nail, but what if you find the right nail? Just as one sick person can't heal another without infecting them, there's a chance they can. In that case, Gray and Toru were the demonstration of that.
'When I think about it carefully... I'm still afraid of something. I don't understand anything that's happening to me, but I know it's not something bad. I know mother is wrong. How could I ever repeat the same mistake of hurting the people who love me again?'
Toru believed that he had already learned from his mistake. Seeing Hinata and Ino's disappointed expressions, he understood everything he did wrong. He acted like a stupid child following his disastrous emotions and it ended in tragedy.
While thinking with Gray's warm embrace, Toru closed his eyes to shut out the bad thoughts.
This life wasn't as bad as he thought. When you give Toru a normal life, he is able to heal the wounds of the past. If you give him friends who trust him, he will be able to rely on friendship once again. And if you give him someone who loves him with his whole being, Toru will be able to love once again, for that is what personal growth is all about. Make mistakes and then accept them as your flaws. Learn and improve, for that is the meaning of growing.
Toru will continue to grow, he will continue to believe even though his heart is already broken. He will have hope even though his will is in pieces. Unfortunately, that's how the World created him, programming that way of being in his soul.
***
Later that night, while Gray slept, Toru visited Sakura, for he felt that girl's will resonating with his soul. That meant that it wouldn't be long before she would open her eyes again. Besides, the war would be starting very soon, so it was time to get ready.
"Sakura-sama, I hope you're ready. War is not a game," he whispered, as if he expected Sakura to hear him. With a gentle movement she glanced towards the window. He waited patiently, admiring the night sky. "I hope everything goes well..."
The expressionlessness of his face didn't show his emotions, but inside Toru wasn't sure if he could win the war. Sure, Toru knows his own strength is abysmal, but he doesn't know what enemies he will encounter.
"Hm... I could use a stiff drink..."
It had been a while since Toru had taken the time to drink a glass of liquor. It was already strange that he had forgotten about it for a long time. It was a mistake on his part, but this habit of drinking liquor had really clung to his daily life.
The only thing Toru hoped was not to become obsessed with drinking. So he calmly walked through the walls until he reached Waver's office. In one of Waver's desk drawers was a bottle of whiskey. Toru took that bottle and sat down in the chair behind the desk. He adopted a somewhat stiff and elegant posture as he sat down. Then, he opened the bottle and drank silently.
For a few minutes, Toru drank in silence while staring at the ceiling. Then he put his feet up on the table and relaxed. With each mouthful of the whiskey, his mind became more and more lost, slowly in the lonely darkness.
"Too quiet..." he whispered.
Life in this place was, at times, quite noisy. In that respect, this place was similar to Konohagakure. There was always conflict, always noise in the streets. Only which, in this world, the conflicts were much smaller and, at times, too hidden from the public eye, but that was okay.
He drank, hoping the silence would become more than that. Instead, the sound of whiskey passing down his throat came through. As he swallowed the liquor, a soft carefree expression formed on his face. Everything became strangely heavy before his eyes. The bottle was already half empty and the alcohol was beginning to do its work in Toru's mind.
He got drunk like in the past, like a long time ago after the death of his friends. It made him remember those people from Akatsuki. Although his time together with them was relatively short, he shared many little stories with them.
Once Deidara blew up one of Sasori's puppets. Sasori got angry and chased Deidara for a few minutes. Toru witnessed that and it was quite entertaining. On another occasion, Toru had to stop Kakuzu, as Kakuzu was trying to dismember Hidan in one of his impatient outbursts. After that, the three of them ate some apples on their way to one of the small wars between coastal countries. There was also an occasion when Itachi and Kisame caught some carp in a lake while Toru fished for salt. The trio cooked the fish in front of a campfire on a cold full moon night. That night in front of the campfire with Itachi reminded Toru of all the hatred he had repressed in recent years.
Thinking about it all, Toru closed his eyes. They were gone. Even in death, he couldn't be together with them or with his mother. All he was left with was a lonely torture in that field of flowers. He relived the happiest events of his life with those people only to see them die again and again.
There was a time when Toru became obsessed thinking about what he could have done to save them. He could have done so many things to make them all stay by his side, but now there was nothing left, no more second chances....
Now the expression on his face had changed. He looked slightly depressed. He picked up the bottle and drank again, as if he could drown all that pain at the bottom of the bottle. He drank until the bottle was finished and dropped it on the floor on the carpet.
'Won't there be more?' He got up from the chair to look for more liquor. Luckily, he found more in the second desk drawer.
He continued to drink for the rest of the night. With a soft smile on his face, he talked to himself as he laughed, though he was really talking to the one or other soul who spent the night in the house.
***
At dawn, Toru woke up lying on the floor. He had an empty bottle in his hand.
"Where am I?" he asked himself. He got a quick answer as he remembered.
After the whiskey ran out, he went outside to look for more. A lot of very strange things happened in succession, as Toru has hazy memories of the moment. A limousine, a bar, a mansion, were the places that showed up the most in his memories.
"Reines was there?"
Supposedly he was somewhere full of people and that girl was there too.
It was likely that she was responsible for this.
Ignoring the facts, Toru got up from the ground. It didn't look like anything really crazy had happened last night. No, that didn't really matter. At least, Toru felt it didn't matter. He just got up off the floor, tidied up the office, and went back to Gray.
As he made his way to Gray's room, Toru stopped as he noticed the smell of alcohol on his body mixed with the faint scent of a woman's perfume.
'I think I'm very distracted lately...'
He thought about that due to the events that take him away from all the usual thoughts, which in turn makes him forget things. For Toru, the smell of his body after drinking all night should have been one of the first things he should have noticed when he woke up, but it wasn't.
However...
'I can afford to forget some things. Just for today...'
Toru had started off on the right foot. Besides, he decided to ignore the smell of woman's perfume that was permeating his body. He likewise took a bath before everything.
***
Gray had a good dream tonight. She dreamt that Toru returned from the war together with Sakura. They had won the war and in a wooden box they brought the Holy Grail, the same legendary cup that was used by Jesus Christ during the last supper and by Joseph of Arimathea to collect the blood of Jesus during the crucifixion.
Sakura made the wish to reincarnate Toru and so it was. In this dream Gray lived a happy and adventurous life with his friends.
It was beautiful, but it was time to wake up.
When she opened her eyes, she found Toru, who was sitting at the foot of the bed, looking at her silently. To anyone else that would have been very creepy, but to Gray it was a romantic gesture.
"Good morning," he said.
Gray smiled. "Good morning, Toru."
He nodded. "Looks like you slept well. However, you have to go to school today. Studying is important for the future. Believe me, I mean it."
"Now you're saying weird things, Toru."
She yawned, stretched her arms and sat up in bed.
"Maybe because I had a weird night. At least I had time to think. But I think I thought so much, I don't remember anything that happened anymore."
"That's even weirder, Toru."
"I know, but anyone can think so much that they eventually end up losing themselves. Everything becomes fuzzy and blurry, and the moment you open your eyes, you realize that a long time passed and that you're lying on the ground, but you don't remember anything."
"Your thoughts are complicated. They're like... a puddle of water filled with dry leaves."
"Mh... Interesting analogy. My thoughts are complicated, yes. Thoughts in general are complicated, as each person is a different world. As for your analogy, I give it five points out of ten."
"And why is my rating so low?"
"Because I don't understand your analogy..."
"Oh..."
"Anyway. If we keep talking like this, you'll be late for your classes. Can you afford to be late again? I don't think you'll like the stares of your classmates who arrived before you."
At the thought of all those eyes staring at her, Gray felt overwhelmed. She sighed and stood up. "All right. Let's not waste any more time."
"Very well."
"In that case," she said, raising her arms. She was still wearing those old-fashioned pajamas, but she took them off in front of Toru. "Get me dressed."
Toru, confused, bowed his head. "Can't you do that yourself? You're not a child anymore."
Gray didn't respond. She just stared at him, still with her arms up.
"Gray...?"
She just stood there right there, waiting in silence. She even looked like a spoiled child just looking for attention from Toru, who was very confused about it.
Noticing that Gray wasn't going to budge, Toru denied and walked over to her. "Now you do weird things."
"I know. That makes us weird. Are we weird?" she said, raising her head to look Toru in the eye.
Picking up Gray's pajamas from the floor, he nodded. "We are, but does it matter? I don't think so."
Gray nodded with a smile. Toru definitely had the right answers to a lot of questions. The fact that Toru accepts her despite all her flaws made her heart feel warm in her chest. They are both weird, but that was what made the relationship they both have special.
"No. It doesn't matter...."
It's early in the morning, but Gray felt like she could drown in the love Toru has to offer her. And it was that response that told her she could throw herself at him without restraint.
As Toru was about to open Gray's trunk of clothes, she grabbed his shoulder and kissed him. Although Toru sensed Gray's hasty movement, he didn't expect her to suddenly kiss him. That could be noticed in the way his eyes widened when Gray pushed him back against the bed.
Gray was the only one naked, pressing her body against Toru's chest. Every part of her body was smooth, white and without a single hair. She was like a tiny doll made by the hands of a divine craftsman powerful enough to configure perfection in his creation.
She is also strong, stronger than anyone would expect. If she gets the chance to throw you to the ground, that's what she'll do; that's what she did with Toru by throwing him to the bed. She used that same force to kiss him, as if she expected Toru to try to run away.
"Gray... No... Wait."
-???-
She plunged into this ocean of memories and pain to learn Toru's story. She never expected this to be the story of her servant, but it was true in the end. He is alone and lives to suffer.
She sat beside his in this ocean. She looked at the souls and thought.
"I have to go back..."
Sakura wanted to get out of here to go save Toru from himself. In this story there was no villain other than Toru himself. It was time for someone to talk some sense into him; for someone to teach him how to live.
"I need to wake up..."
Try as she might, she couldn't open her eyes. She was still locked in this place of death and pain next to Asahi Toru's lost soul. All she could do was wait beside him.
"Please..."
She closed her eyes and wished with all her might. She wished to get out of here. She wished to win the war. She wished to have Toru forever. She wished for happiness. The memory of the servant who wished to die and the girl who accompanied him still lingered. The cold of the snow, the beautiful flowers he looked at in silence. The lonely moments, together, in that place.
Every memory was as cold as the snow itself, but as warm as the summer of embracing sunshine.
She wanted to live in those moments again. However, there was someone else in those memories. Rin was also there, as always, to take away everything that made her happy, or at least that was what Sakura always saw....
It's been ten years now, but Rin never showed up. She was never interested in finding her little sister. Nobody was ever interested in Sakura. Nobody loves Sakura...
Sakura is bad? Sakura has done something wrong? What can Sakura do to get better? What can Sakura do to be pampered by her father like Rin? How can Sakura be better?
The darkness in her heart was the same as that of the suffering soul beside her. Maybe that was why, now more than ever, Sakura wanted to save Toru. By saving Toru, she could also save herself, she could let little Sakura die, but that would be a terrible contradiction.
Toru once said that it would be a shame for Sakura to let that kind and bright part of herself die. Toru let everything good about himself die and that's exactly why Sakura understood everything he did for her.
Her love may be just the cute memory of a little girl, but that was what kept everything that made her a good person from dying.
"Toru..."
She took Toru's hands; from the soul chained to this red ocean. She touched her forehead to his and concentrated.
"Give me the strength to continue... I won't leave you alone, I never will. I just don't want you to leave me alone."
Was the connection between a servant and his master more than a contract made with magic?
"Toru..."
Is that what holds them together?
"I'll save you."
That didn't apply to them, for the memories they had were more than just a contract.
***
Suddenly, she felt a slight cold breeze and opened her eyes. She was met with a ceiling that looked very familiar. It was the white ceiling of her room. Uncomfortable from the slight sharp pain under her skin, she looked around. She was lying on the bed, so her field of vision was not as wide, but it was enough to know that she had woken up.
"..."
With a horrible heaviness all over her body, as if she was tired to the extreme, she sat up in bed and touched her head.
"..."
Her eyes were a little red and her appearance was somewhat disheveled, but she looked healthy for all the time she had been in a coma.
As she felt the warm breeze come in through the window, a couple of tears fell down her face. It all felt like a strange dream; a light nightmare. Everything she saw before seemed so real that it didn't feel like this was real life. Was it just another memory of Toru? No. It wasn't. But still, the story she saw, the story she experienced, all of this was so... cold and depressing.
Sakura woke up. She finally woke up, but instead of rejoicing, she just cowered in the corner of the bed and cried. She didn't understand how Toru could endure so much.
-In Gray's room-
Neither of them held back when it came to mingling their bodies with passion. Well, Toru did hold back, for he thought that if he wasn't careful, he could hurt Gray at any moment.
He had thought about it many times before, but Gray always felt so fragile in his arms. She was like a delicate little flower in the hands of a blood-stained monster. That monster was trying not to hurt the flower by any means possible, but it was extremely complicated.
What can you do when all you have done so far is destroy and hurt? This was a new experience for Toru. It was good that he could learn to be a normal person next to another person who is not normal. It even seems that, after all the misfortune, life is smiling on this couple.
"Toru! Aah!"
Gray has a hard time hiding her voice. Every time she had sex with Toru, an explosion of overflowing emotions caressed every corner of her body. She clings to him desperately, digging her nails into Toru's back, trapping him with her legs so as not to let him go. Her whole body craved Toru's love and receives it with those melodious wet and tired moans.
This girl's body always sweats too much in the act, so, right now, as Toru moved his hips to pleasure Gray, the bed was drenched with sweat and, in general, Gray's fluids.
It really was a lot of wasted mana... But that's not the point now.
"To... ru... Kiss me... Kiss me..."
Toru always obeyed Gray's requests. He was like a dog following his owner's orders, a very dangerous dog. He kissed her, shoved his tongue down her throat violently and Gray seemed to gag, but she showed no signs of rejection or anything like that. Her look, the expression on her face, it was clear that she was ecstatic with pleasure, drooling with her mouth open as the splashing sounds of skin rubbing against skin flooded the room.
The atmosphere in itself was already humid, so the smell of all those male and female pheromones had completely mixed together.
Gray had forgotten all about what she was supposed to do today. She was supposed to go to school today, but instead, she preferred to stay and do this with Toru.
"Aah! Hmn! Toru! I feel weird! I'm scared!"
The servant completely ignored those words. Instead, he licked the girl's neck and then gave her a small bite that left a mark. Gray moaned loudly, not from the pain, but from the pleasurable shiver that bite gave her. Her skin, once white and pale, was red and purple in many places. From the look of this, it looked like Toru was doing something wrong, but Gray was enjoying it, maybe too much.
Gray's whole body was battered and, at times, Toru wondered if doing this was okay. However, seeing the face Gray was making, those questions disappeared and were replaced by a: Does it matter?
At that, they both intertwined the fingers of their hands and kissed. The two were so caught up in the moment, they didn't notice someone walking outside the room.
***
With great difficulty, she stood up. However, her legs gave way and she fell to her knees on the floor. Her face swollen from crying, her body trembling with pain, she reached across the carpet and tried to stand up. Again, her body betrayed her and she fell on her face.
She thought this was nothing compared to what Toru had to suffer. This was nothing, it wasn't even worth comparing.
"Where are you?"
Her voice was weak and brittle. The weakness in his body was too much, but still....
"Toru..."
Uttering that name, she mustered all the willpower she had left and stood up. Just touching the ground with the soles of her feet causes a certain burning sensation, but again, she thought this was nothing. She leaned against the wall and walked out of the room.
After that, she felt the presence of the servant. He was close, she could feel it in her heart. It didn't matter if she had to crawl to get to him, she was going to go without hesitation.
In the end, it's sad to think how much Sakura depends on Toru. All these years, the thought of having Toru back was what allowed her to live. That's why it's kind of sad, because she never looked for another way to live. She clung to the past with all her might and never let go of it again.
The closer she got to her destination, the more she felt the warmth of the boy who pulled her out of hell.
She walked down the stairs on her way to the basement. She helped herself by leaning against the wall. She shuffled her feet lazily, for she was not strong enough to lift them. The path was short, but it seemed to stretch to infinity.
As she approached the place where Toru's presence came from, she was confused to notice that she was standing in front of the door to Gray's room. Moreover, the door was locked from the inside and a strange feeling flooded her soul.
She could very well open the door using magic, as for magecraft something like that is quite simple, but there was something strange about it all. Still, her urge to see Toru overcame her and a gentle stream of mana spread from her fingertips to the doorknob. A small click was heard and the door opened.
It only took her one step into the room to know why Toru was there.
At first she didn't believe what she saw, but it was all too real to be a joke.
Toru was on top of Gray and they were both naked and doing things....
"Angh! Toru!"
Yeah... This was a nightmare for her. It seemed that neither Gray nor Toru noticed Sakura's presence, as Toru was still penetrating Gray while intertwining his fingers with hers.
Sakura had frozen in the doorway, her face distorted into a grimace of confusion and anger.
Trembling, she could only mutter.
"You..."
Toru opened his eyes and stopped. He heard the voice clearly and turned around. Seeing his Master, he immediately grabbed the sheet and threw it over Gray, instantly pulling away from her. This, of course, confused Gray, who still excited, pulled the sheet away from her face. Her face was red and her body covered in sweat, her crotch was sticky and dripping with fluids from inside her. She didn't understand why Toru stopped halfway through, but she soon figured out the situation.
"Sakura?"
In turn, Sakura just looked down and grabbed the doorknob. She turned around and slowly closed the door. Before the door closed, Toru noticed that the doorknob had been crushed by Sakura's hand, the metal had been bent like fresh clay....
After that, they both fell silent. Toru looked at the door silently. He didn't understand if he had done something wrong or not, but with Gray the story was different.
Was Sakura part of her imagination? She had to be, otherwise everything would have gone to hell.
"I think you should take a bath, Gray," Toru suggested, with a slight tone of indifference. "I'll go talk to Master."
Gray was nervous, scared, and her mind was a mess. Toru saying this didn't make her feel any better. First of all, neither was doing anything really wrong other than the act of a man and a woman who love each other, but Toru is Sakura's servant, therefore, he belongs to Sakura as long as the command seals remain on the back of her hand.
"I still don't understand what just happened. Toru, we... Are we in trouble?"
It was normal for her to think so, but Toru was confident.
"I don't think so. Just calm down and take a bath."
With that, Toru materialized his clothes and walked out of the room, leaving Gray to take a breather. With all the suddenness of the situation, all of Gray's excitement vanished, leaving only the disastrous emotions of despair.
***
On Sakura's side, she staggered down the hallway back to her room. With every step she took, Toru's past resonated with her thoughts, but at the same time the image of Toru and Gray merged with those memories.
'I understand why he seeks the warmth of others...'
Sakura understands why Toru is always with a woman. Deep down, Toru's loneliness is so immense that he unconsciously seeks the love of others, but she never imagined that Toru would do the same in this world. Now her heart felt heavy and a deep resentment was born. Anger, confusion and fear clouded her judgment.
Dark thoughts filled her mind and her dull-eyed gaze drifted to the hallway after the stairs.
'Gray...'
A dark desire...
'It's your fault...'
To be continued...