A week has passed since I was finally dropped off at my foster home, and a full week since I so naively threw myself at Steven, who was startled by a stranger hugging him. It's also been a week since he's completely avoided me at every turn. I know he's avoiding me because we bumped into each other, and before I could introduce myself and apologize, he gave me a cold look and walked past me like I was the scum of the earth. To put it frankly, that shit hurt. After that dream where he treated me like I was his stars and moon, his cold reception is startling and heartbreaking.
Oh, and Nadia, who I became instant best friends with in my dream state and also taught me self-defense, hates my literal guts in reality. I know that because she found me shortly after my naive interaction with Steven. She beautifully threatened me, saying she'd rip my fucking head off if I touched even a hair on him again. Startled by her approach, I could only tearily nod while my lower lip trembled, which made her yell at me to stop the fucking crocodile tears because no one is falling for that bullshit before storming off.
Oh, and Jessie, the moment he saw me, was so startled that he froze in his tracks and stared at me with shock until I got uncomfortable and slowly started to back away.
Everyone has been having different reactions to me since I've got here, and I'm not sure how to react. In my head, I've known everyone here for a couple of months already, but they don't know me; except for Jessie, he's known me for two years.
Which leads me to where I'm at now, standing at the edge of a cliff I found a little way from the house I was dropped off at.
The scenery is beautiful here, and the sunshine on my face feels like a warm friend who wants me to walk closer.
I smile bitterly at my reality because I fucking hate the cards I was dealt with, and I hate my existence even more.
I look down the cliff at the crashing waves and how inviting the water presents itself.
"Would it matter if I just ended my existence entirely? Would it make everyone's life better? I'm so lonely, sun. If I were to let go, would you wrap me in your warm embrace until the water catches me with its ethereal beauty? —It's waves to brutally kiss every inch of my skin while I suffocate in her merciless embrace?"
I cry out to no one in particular as I furiously rub at my face to get the tears away. Then I scream an anguished cry to the sky and decide to end it all.
I take a step forward. And another, and another, and another, until I'm teetering at the edge.
I smile, close my eyes, and take that final step forward to feel free; I feel myself falling, but I'm harshly snapped back to reality with a gasp. My eyes snap open at the sensation of my arm being seized tightly, and I'm dangling, paralyzed with fear, when I see the waves crashing below me.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I hear someone shout out, but it all sounds so murky, and then I start to lose it and finally have my mental breakdown.
"Stop! Just let me go! Everyone will be better without me!" I scream and cry out bitterly, clawing at whoever's hand has me. Whoever it is obviously doesn't care as they hoist me up and throw me over their shoulder, running me away from the cliff.
I pound on their back and cry my eyes, heart, and grief out.
"Put me down! Put me down!" I cry through blurry vision.
Finally, I'm thrown on the ground with an oof.
I curl up into a ball and continue to cry while I begin clawing at my face, arms, and anything just to feel.
My arms are grabbed and forced away from me while I just cry and scream, kicking my legs out in a tantrum.
"Helang..." I hear them say, so heartbroken, but then the voice turns cold.
"Get a hold of yourself! There's no reason for you to be acting this way!"
"A storm's coming! We have to get away and back to the house! Just pick her up and we'll get the doctor!"
I'm again slung over a shoulder and run off, but I don't feel anything.
I'm so numb.
I don't want to feel anything anymore; why won't they just let me die?!
.
.
.
I'm sitting in what they call their pack doctor with who I now realize is Steven and Nadia. Steven looks uncomfortable with the situation in general while Nadia glares daggers at me and stands protectively in front of Steven.
I look forward with glassy eyes, feeling numb to my core, and wait for the doctor to come in to declare me a nutcase.
Around thirty minutes later, the doctor and Mr. McCarter walk in.
He takes one look at me and shakes his head with a heavy sigh.
"Helang, your suicidal tendencies are becoming quite a nuisance for me," Mr. McCarter says sadly, but then, gently, he pats my head, and I sniffle.
"I understand things are hard for you, and you've been shifted around in many environments in a short span, but please, Helang, you need to be more mindful," he pleads, standing in front of me.
"Haven't you at least tried to make any friends yet? Who are these two?" he questions me, then looks over at Nadia and Steven, who promptly introduce themselves.
His eyebrows pinch in thought, and then his head shoots in my direction when he remembers the hasty conversation we had when I asked about them and he told me we never made it to the temporary home. His honey eyes widen with shock as his mouth slackens a bit.
"They're—"
"Yeah." I cut him off bitterly.
Understanding sympathy crosses his honey yellow eyes, and he clamps his hand on my shoulder, and I involuntarily flinch at his contact.
"It's okay, Helang, it'll get better."