ANNA'S POV.
The older you get the more you realise that love alone is never enough . Someone could love you with everything in them but it's just never enough .
Somebody could be offering you everything you ever wanted and still you wouldn't want it .
I used to love love so much and now that I think about it i was just young and inexperienced .
Love required way too much and I just wasn't willing to give everything up for it . I didn't want to be understanding if my partner messed up .
See where am coming from you wouldn't do something to hurt the person you loved . If you claimed to love someone so deeply then why would you sleep with other people ?
I was willing to love someone with everything in me I just don't think I'd ever find that person. I don't think people who are considerate exist . People who think about how their actions will affect their partners before they even do it .
People who made you feel comfortable emotionally . All love got out of me is the broken version of myself . The always worried lover girl. The girl who cared too much .
How could I stop caring about someone I loved though ?
Vincenzo didn't love me . He may think that he did love me but I don't think he did love me. He broke me more than I was before he met me .
I remember days I cried myself to sleep wondering I could never be enough for him . I wasn't the problem though because even if I was an angel he was still going to look at other women.
He was going to give other women the power to disrespect me because they slept with my man . He didn't seem to think how disrespected that was .
I used to stay late up at night figuring ways to make myself look better for him. Anything he would say about my body would break and immediately I'd think yeah this is why he doesn't want me.
I never realised how much damage loving him had caused me until I stopped loving him. I didn't want him at all. He disgusted me. Everytime I looked at hom all i could see were all the blogs with different women on his arm .
I loved him than life itself and it still wasn't enough . I knew he was never gonna love me but a girl can dream sometimes you know. I wanted him to love me so much . I wanted to know what it felt like to be chosen.
I just wanted to be happy.
He adored that I loved him so much . He loved that I would do anything to make him happy.
I hated myself and I loved him.
That was the price I needed to pay for his love. It was a high price to pay but I didn't care .
I wanted to prove to myself that I could be loved . I needed to prove to myself that I was worth it and didn't realise through it all that I was destroying myself in the process.
I was destroying the picture of love I had in my mind by being stuck to a narcissist that fifnt care about anyone else . Someone who would leave me on the side of the road if he had to choose between me and all his other women.
I still remember the days I was happy with him. They weren't many but those days existed . He brought my holes high just to fissapoing me a couple of days later .
I couldn't understand why he always did that . I couldn't understand how he would love me so hard and treat me like garbage the next day. It ruined me everytime he dis that.
It would eat me up wondering what i had done wrong to make him treat me that way .He was so cruel and each time I'd swear that I wouldn't fall for it the next time he did but I knew I was lying to myself .
I k ew that he was like a drug and I was addicted to him. Any chance I got to get a fix I took ot willingly . Part of me would do it because I didnt know if it would happen again. Everytime I took a sniff of that drug it got even worse .
I k ew some part of him loved me. A very small part and I know he resented that he loved me. I was amazing anyone would be lucky to be loved by me but he still didn't want that .
He never wanted to be happy and he didn't want me to be happy either. So eveeytime he showed me love he just wanted mmmto give me hope . To make me think that if I waited longer then eventually he was gonna love me .
That he would treat me with respect but that wasn't it right?
He wanted me there to be miserable with him but I was done. All I ever wanted in my life was to be happy . When you have the worst childhood the more you grow up the more all you want is some peace and happiness .
Vincenzo was filled with chaos ,confusion and resentment . I didn't want that to be my life . I didn't want to be sosty years old wondering why I never left early . I wouldn't let him still my life .
I deserved to be happy even if it wasn't with him. I k ew I would find somebody who loved me but I was done looking.
I was done begging men to love me. I was done waiting for something that was probably never gonna happen .
I had my whole life ahead of me and I would love until I was tired of loving .
I needed to work . I needed to be so good at everything I wanted to do at every cost .
I needed people to hear my name and talk about all my accomplishments . Sadly sitting on yhe bed was not going to get me that .
I needed to fix myself. I needed to get to work .