Olivia walked out of the gym and headed towards the woods. Going a little deeper she spotted a stream. There was a waterfall at the center of the forest that kept similar springs running. This one was the farthest from the source, hence much smaller and shallower, however the water was crystal clear and the tiny pebbles could be seen getting swept away by the current. Its rocky bank provided a peaceful scenic spot to dip your feet and enjoy nature's beauty, forgetting everything else. Unless there was heavy rain, the current was not dangerous.
Sometimes students secretly gathered on the bank to hold picnics because the area was off limits without supervision. However they were never completely on their own due to the heavy surveillance especially in the forest area.
Olivia walked a little closer and looked around. She spotted Koushik sitting under a tree, curled in a ball, hugging his knees and hiding his face behind his legs such that only his fluffy hair and eyes were visible. He stared at the stream absent-mindedly. Usually, a cold wind blew from the mountains but it was a summer time afternoon so the breeze was light and warm.
Just as she approached him, Koushik said with a mirthless chuckle, "Go ahead. What are you waiting for? Laugh at me. I created a challenge for myself for no reason and gloriously failed. If not for you, a skull fracture was inevitable. I'm also shameless enough to walk out without thanking you. Hell, I couldn't even stand up to those bullies for mocking me! I just.. I just ran away like a coward."
His voice was heavy and cracked.
"I just came to return your uniform." Olivia took it out.
"Just keep it here." Koushik sniffled and patted the rock beside him without looking at her.
Olivia looked at him and then at the uniform in her hand. Then she sat down beside him keeping a suitable distance.
"Why were you crying?" She spoke after sometime in a soft flat tone.
"I was not." Koushik retorted in a broken voice.
"Hm." Olivia hummed.
"You don't believe me? Look, I'm not crying!" Koushik sat up straight, wiped his face and stared at Olivia indignantly.
He had rubbed his cheeks so hard that it turned red and started stinging. Still, he frowned and looked straight at Olivia as if that would convince her. But she just stared back with a blank face. Koushik was trying so hard to prove her wrong that he did not blink for several minutes straight and that caused him to tear up.
"Sure, it's raining." Olivia gave him a side eye.
"Dammit this is because my eyes became dry!" Koushik said through sniffles holding his eyes which had started stinging.
Olivia looked at him and squinted, trying to understand if she was intruding in his personal space. She was caught between wanting to get him to talk or leave him alone.
'It's said that talking to strangers about your feelings help right? Maybe talking to me will help him release some of the pent up emotions? But what if I'm pushing him to do it? He isn't obligated to share his worries with me. God, this so frustrating! Haaa, okay, let's try one more time. If he refuses I'll go.'
"Why were you crying?" She asked again trying to sound as gentle as possible.
"You aren't going stop asking until I answer, are you?" Koushik sighed.
"This is the last time. I won't bother anymore if you refuse." Olivia shrugged.
Koushik silently scrutinised her face for a long time, searching for any ill intention behind her persistence. Olivia had helped him a few times in the past but those were different because it simply involved physical assistance. Now it seemed like she was trying to understand him, as a person, not help a new student out of a crutch as the School Captain.
'Well, Bikram has been telling me speak about it anyway, guess I'll try it with Olivia. She doesn't seem to be someone that goes around spilling other's secrets, hope I'm right.'
Koushik let out a deep sigh and started speaking, "Listen, what I'm about to share is very personal to me so please keep it a secret."
Olivia sincerely nodded.
"So.. I, haah, damn this is difficult." He ran his hands through his hair, tugging them a little.
"Ahem, this dates back to my trainee days. I had joined with my best friend.. Ekalabya." His voice choked as he said that name, the one he tried to avoid even remembering let alone speaking till then.
"He was my buddy, my brother, my everything. We grew up together as neighbours, went to the same school, and f*ck even had the same dream career. We were practically soulmates. We joined Bali Entertainment together and started training to be a duo. He was an amazing singer, like always ranked among the top 10." A big smile formed on his lips as he reminisced those days.
"We always wanted to be a singer duo. Being idols were never in our plans but things happened and the higher ups said we'll have to form a four member idol group to debut. I was skeptical about it but Ekalabya insisted we meet our bandmates. Rishi and Bikram were nice people. There had never been direct interaction between us but I had seen them from afar a few times. Definitely talented individuals. Hence we formed Antariksha, Ekalabya had suggested that name, he said that one day we will be like the galaxy, encompassing people all over the world with our songs." Koushik paused with a sad smile on his face, staring into the distance.
After some time he shook his head and continued, "Then began our training as idols which was vastly different from what me and Ek were used to. Rishi and Bikram were aiming to be idols from the beginning so our schedules had to be changed in order for us to catch up to them. Dance lessons were now included as well as more time in the gym to develop a defined body. Ek and I often competed on who could reach our goal for the day first. This was more intense in the gym because both of us were able to pick up dance skills faster than we could have a toned bicep. All was going well until one day I noticed Ek being very out of character, he was being too absent minded, forgetting our plans and even my birthday which never happened before for once, no matter how hectic our schedules were."
Koushik pulled at his hair and let out a frustrated sigh. His shoulders tensed as a great sense of grief and regret weighed on them. Countless what ifs formed a cyclone in his mind. What if he had pushed for answers? What if he paid more attention? What if he insisted on not being idols?
Keeping his eyes closed, Koushik went on narrating, "I thought it might be because our debut date was nearing. I had asked him about his strange behaviour a few times but he downplayed it to being stress. I didn't press either. I thought he would share on his own in due time. Heh, but the time never came."
Tears cascaded down his face which contorted in guilt. He broke down in loud sobs.
Olivia lowered her eyes. She was all too familiar with such a sense of loss. She could have never imagined that the bright, warm and playful Koushik Roy has such a tragic past. Well, she was not so different herself nor were her friends. All of them carried a scar from the past. And this revelation from Koushik ignited a small flame of kinship towards him. How odd or maybe not, out of everything that could have made her see Koushik as a kindred soul it was the sense of loss of someone precious to them.
Olivia reached out her hand and awkwardly but gently patted him on the shoulder.
Koushik looked at her through his red stinging eyes. He could feel the awkwardness of her touch but more than that, for some reason, he could see understanding in her eyes. Not the generic look of pity or sympathy but true understanding of his pain.
"Thanks," He placed his hand over hers and smiled a little.
That startled Olivia. She had never been the one for physical contact so Koushik's cold palm made her jerk back.
"Oh, sure, no problem." She looked away.
Koushik chuckled and said, "So, yeah that's the reason I struggle working in the gym or in the dance room especially by myself for a long period. Memories keep coming back."