"Shit…"
"Where am I?"
Derek opened his eyes… or at least he tried to. All he found was absolute darkness.
A warm liquid surrounded him, wrapping around his body like a soft, uncomfortable prison.
"Shit… the last thing I remember is that I had a job to finish. I was just about to wrap it up when I felt a sharp pain in my chest, and suddenly my vision blurred."
"Well, no matter how much I think about it, I can't guess what's going on. It's not like I died and was reborn."
Little by little, exhaustion finally overcame him, and he fell asleep.
....
Lying on uncomfortable straw, I watched with boredom the three-year-old baby beside me.
Weeks have passed since I was born.
At first, I was so frightened that I couldn't help but cry. And let's be honest—who wouldn't, if the first thing they saw was a giant, strange woman with tusks and claw-like nails?
Doesn't this woman know that manicures and dentists exist? Then again… I doubt it, since I strongly suspect we're right in the Paleolithic era.
These past weeks have been terribly boring. All I do is drink milk from mom's breasts, shit, and watch my older brother, who keeps making strange noises while playing with small stones on the cave floor.
If you're wondering where dad is…
Well…
I suppose he went to the store to buy cigarettes.
Ugh, poor dad. Cigarette shops in the Paleolithic era must be extremely crowded. He's probably still standing in line.
....
A few months have passed since my reincarnation.
I finally have teeth! That means I can eat meat. It's not that mom's milk is bad, but drinking the same thing every day gets boring.
I've accomplished a lot over these past months.
The most notable achievement has been training my older brother.
I extend my hand toward him and say:
"Brother, give me your paw."
The child looks at my hand in confusion. After a few seconds of hesitation, he slowly extends his own… only to suddenly lunge forward and bite me.
"Shit, don't bite. Let go… let go!"
Well, we're still practicing that trick, but there's progress. Before, he didn't even pay attention to me.
Jokes aside, the real problem was discovering that dinosaurs exist.
Were there dinosaurs in the Paleolithic era?
If I had known I'd reincarnate in this time period, I would've paid more attention in history class.
'Shit… that means there are a lot of dinosaurs out there that could eat me.'
I had no choice but to start training. The problem was that, in my past life, I was an otaku who never left the house. Where was I supposed to learn how to fight?
So I could only train the basics: push-ups, sit-ups, squats, planks, and biceps using cave rocks.
That's how it came to be that a months-old baby was seen trying to do push-ups inside a cave.
....
More years have passed since my reincarnation.
I don't know exactly how old I am, but I'll say one thing: I've lived a damn good life.
I eat dinosaur meat when I'm hungry.
I drink mom's milk when I'm thirsty.
Looking at my older brother beside me, I notice that for months now he hasn't stopped complaining. He's full of energy, always trying to follow mom outside the cave when she goes hunting.
What's so good about going outside?
It's much more comfortable to stay home, warm, with food and—most importantly—safe. Than to venture into an exterior filled with dangerous dinosaurs capable of killing you at any moment.
Speaking of my brother… observing him more closely, I have a slight suspicion that I know exactly where I've reincarnated. I'll need to wait a few more years to confirm it.
.....
More years have passed since my reincarnation.
And the most feared moment has arrived.
My mother wants to take me out of my beautiful cave.
Years ago, mom took my older brother hunting. I won't lie—I was worried about him. After so many years living together, I'd grown quite fond of my stupid older brother.
On his first hunting day, he returned carrying a young triceratops.
Damn it… give me back all the worries I felt for you.
Back in the present, my mother is trying to drag me out of the cave.
It's time to show the results of all these years of training.
I'll fight until the very last second.
//a few seconds later//
"I'm too small to go outside. Wait until I'm eighteen."
"Let go of me, woman. I'll report you for child abuse."
'Damn it… how does my mother have so much strength in those small arms?'
Step by step, we approach the cave entrance.
A few more steps and we'll be outside.
Soon, enormous trees begin to appear before my eyes.
"No! Let go of me! I'm allergic to the outside world."
"I don't wan—"
'What a beautiful sight… I've never seen anything like this in my past life. Trees as tall as skyscrapers, exotic flowers with impossible colors. Maybe the outside isn't so ba—'
A ferocious growl tears through the air, so powerful that it makes the trees tremble.
"I want to go back to the cave!"