CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND SIX: THE QUESTION
The next morning, I woke up with one thing on my mind.
I was going to talk to Samuel.
Not through a note.
Not through a half-hearted question.
Not through a conversation that ended the moment one of us became uncomfortable.
I was going to ask him what was really happening.
For several days, I had watched the distance between us grow.
It wasn't huge.
It wasn't obvious to everyone.
But I could feel it.
And pretending I couldn't was becoming exhausting.
By the time I reached the classroom, Samuel was already seated.
He looked up.
"Morning."
"Morning."
I placed my books on the desk.
He studied my face.
"You look serious."
"I need to talk to you."
His expression changed.
"About what?"
"I'll tell you later."
"Why not now?"
"Because everyone is here."
He nodded.
"Okay."
The first lesson was Literature.
I barely heard half of it.
My mind kept returning to the conversation I wanted to have.
Every time I looked at Samuel, I wondered what I would say.
I had rehearsed it several times in my head.
Are you tired of me?
No.
Too direct.
Is there something you're not telling me?
Better.
Why do you keep talking to Abigail?
Too accusatory.
I didn't want to sound jealous.
I wanted an honest answer.
During break, I waited until most of the class had left.
Samuel remained at his desk.
He looked at me.
"Now?"
I nodded.
"Yes."
He put down his pen.
"Okay."
I took a deep breath.
"Samuel, is something wrong with us?"
He stared at me.
"No."
I frowned.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Then why have you been distant?"
He looked away.
"I told you. I'm stressed."
"About what?"
"School."
"Only school?"
He was silent.
I waited.
Finally, he said, "And other things."
"What things?"
"I don't know."
I sighed.
"You keep saying that."
"Because it's true."
"But how am I supposed to understand you if you won't tell me anything?"
He looked at me.
"You don't have to understand everything."
"I want to."
"Why?"
"Because you're my boyfriend."
He looked down.
I continued.
"If something is bothering you, I want to know. If I've done something, tell me. If you need space, tell me. If you're unhappy, tell me."
He was quiet.
I swallowed.
"Just don't leave me guessing."
His eyes met mine.
"I don't want to leave you guessing."
"Then tell me."
He sighed.
"I don't know how."
That answer hurt.
Not because it was cruel.
Because it sounded helpless.
I sat beside him.
"Try."
He leaned back.
"I've been thinking about what happens after school."
"University?"
"Yes."
I nodded.
"And?"
"I don't know where I'll end up."
"Neither do I."
"I know."
"Then why does it matter now?"
"Because everything feels like it's happening quickly."
I looked at him.
"You think we're moving too quickly?"
He shook his head.
"No."
"Then what?"
He rubbed his forehead.
"Floral, I care about you."
My heart tightened.
"But?"
He looked at me.
"There is no but."
"There always seems to be a but."
He was silent.
I looked away.
"I'm trying to understand."
"I know."
"Then help me."
He took a deep breath.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to have everything figured out already."
"You don't."
"I know."
"You're still a student."
"I know."
"Then stop putting so much pressure on yourself."
He smiled faintly.
"You make it sound easy."
"Maybe because it is."
He laughed softly.
For a moment, we were okay again.
Then I remembered the other thing I wanted to ask.
"Samuel?"
"Hm?"
"Who is Abigail to you?"
His expression immediately changed.
I noticed.
He looked surprised.
"Why are you asking?"
"Because I keep seeing you with her."
"She asks me for help."
"Every time?"
"Floral."
"What?"
"You're making this bigger than it is."
I felt a sharp sting in my chest.
"I'm asking a question."
"And I've answered it."
"Not really."
He sighed.
"She is my friend."
I nodded.
"Okay."
"That's all."
"Okay."
He stared at me.
"Do you trust me?"
I hesitated.
"Yes."
"Then believe me."
"I do."
But my voice sounded weaker than I wanted it to.
He noticed.
"You don't."
"I do."
"Then why are you still asking?"
I looked at him.
"Because I don't want to feel stupid."
His eyebrows drew together.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want everyone else to know something about my relationship before I do."
He was quiet.
I continued.
"People talk. You know that."
"I know."
"And sometimes I hear things."
"What things?"
I shook my head.
"Nothing specific."
"Then don't listen to them."
I sighed.
"It's not that easy."
"It should be."
I looked at him.
"That isn't fair."
He stared at me.
"I didn't mean it like that."
"I know."
Silence settled between us.
The bell rang.
Neither of us moved immediately.
Finally, Samuel picked up his book.
"We're okay, right?"
I nodded.
"Yes."
He smiled.
"Good."
I smiled back.
But there was still something unsettled inside me.
Not because I believed he was lying.
I didn't.
I believed that Abigail was his friend.
I believed he cared about me.
What I didn't understand was why I still felt as though I was slowly losing my place in his life.
The rest of the day passed without any major problem.
Samuel behaved normally.
He joked with me.
He asked for my notes.
He even teased me about my handwriting.
I laughed.
Maybe the conversation had helped.
Maybe things would improve.
That evening, however, something unexpected happened.
After prep, our class teacher asked Samuel to stay behind.
I was waiting outside with Victoria and Morayo.
Samuel eventually came out.
He looked worried.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Nothing."
I frowned.
"You look worried."
"I'm fine."
I sighed.
"Again?"
He smiled faintly.
"It's nothing."
"What did the teacher want?"
"He was talking about my academic performance."
"Oh."
"That's all."
I nodded.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
He looked at me.
"Go to the hostel. I'll see you tomorrow."
I hesitated.
"Okay."
He walked away.
I watched him.
There was something about his expression that I couldn't ignore.
Victoria touched my arm.
"Floral."
I turned.
"What?"
"Leave him."
I frowned.
"What?"
"Give him some space."
I looked at her.
"You heard him. It's about school."
"I know."
"Then why—"
"Because sometimes people need to deal with things themselves."
I was quiet.
She smiled.
"You can't solve every problem for him."
I nodded.
Maybe she was right.
That night, I went to the hostel.
Gift was sitting on her bunk.
She looked up.
"How was your day?"
"Fine."
"You don't sound fine."
I laughed.
"Everyone says that now."
"Because it's true."
I sat on my upper bunk.
"Samuel and I talked."
She looked interested.
"And?"
"I asked him what was wrong."
"What did he say?"
"School. The future. Stress."
Gift nodded.
"That makes sense."
"He also said Abigail is just his friend."
Gift shrugged.
"Then believe him."
I smiled faintly.
"Why is everyone telling me that?"
"Because you need to hear it."
I laughed.
The room was noisy around us.
Someone shouted from across the room.
"Who took my bucket?"
Another girl responded angrily.
"It was not me!"
A prefect immediately shouted for everyone to keep quiet.
Gift and I laughed.
For a moment, everything felt normal.
I lay down beneath my mosquito net.
Maybe I had finally understood something.
Relationships were not about knowing everything.
They were about trusting someone even when you didn't have every answer.
I wanted to trust Samuel.
I did trust him.
But there was another truth I had not yet admitted.
Trust could be weakened without being completely destroyed.
It happened slowly.
A question here.
A doubt there.
A rumour.
A misunderstanding.
A moment of silence.
And if those things kept happening, they could eventually become heavier than the love that was supposed to hold two people together.
The next morning, I entered class expecting everything to feel lighter.
Instead, I found Samuel sitting quietly at his desk.
He looked exhausted.
I sat beside him.
"Good morning."
"Morning."
"You slept?"
"A little."
I frowned.
"What's wrong?"
He looked at me.
"Nothing."
I almost laughed.
"You really need a new answer."
He smiled faintly.
"I know."
I wanted to ask more.
But I remembered what Victoria had said.
You can't solve every problem for him.
So I didn't.
I opened my notebook.
For the first time, I allowed Samuel to have a problem I could not fix.
I thought that was the mature thing to do.
I thought giving him space would bring us closer.