Song Recommendation: ♫ Over The Love - Florence + The Machine ♫
"Death is the end of our path, yet, one may hope that the afterlife exists and brings on the opportunity to experience more, more love, more pain and more happiness or maybe even more despair.''
⚠︎ This chapter is a special Halloween themed side story, it happens in a parallel world, and it touches on two 'what ifs' scenarios: 1. What if Vahe had really died that day and became a ghost. 2. What if Lyor was never allowed to stay in that dimension as a human and became a servant of the universe in a different dimension as a grim reaper. Obs: As Lyor never excised in 'Odd Eyes', the ending of the Og!Novel was changed, so don't take the information here as canon (although some are).
Vahe always thought that when he died it would hurt, as every time he imagined his death it was by the hands of his abusive father or by a random person that he crossed the wrong way while living in the streets. However when it finally happened, it didn't hurt, it was almost instant, all he saw before it happened was a strong orange light and then it was done, he was dead.
Most ghosts don't accept that they're dead, or at least that's how all the other ghosts he encountered in the last few days seem to be. Vahe was quick to accept his death, as the moment he ''woke up'' as a ghost he stared at his own dead body, or what it was left of it after the explosion, not only that but when people start passing through your incorporeal body, it's quite the give away.
Contrary to what he expected, he didn't really felt any despair or anger, sure he never wanted to die, he fought strongly to survive, actually, if needed he would kill and harm others to stay alive, but a chemical explosion is quite hard to run away or expect, so he doesn't really blame himself. And the fact that life post-mortem exists, sure helps to accept one's death.
Now he's floating around, looking for a place where he can be alone and watch the stars. He never stopped running, working or hustling to survive, so now that he's dead, he can finally rest. The polluted air of Katrina City doesn't help him find a good place to see the night sky, but he has time.
Time is all he has now.
Funny how dying can give you another perspective in life, Vahe worked so hard to survive that he never truly lived, he never fell in love, he never formed a family of his own, or even formed a single significant relationship in all of his 17 years of life. Well, 18 now… Not that ghosts can age. When we approach the subject of regrets, sure, Vahe regrets always doubting others and never opening up to real relationships. He had two short-lived relationships, one when he was 15 and the other when he was freshly 17, both lasted only a few weeks and were never serious, from his part, at least.
After walking for a few hours, Vahe finally reaches the countryside, the destroyed buildings that are remnants of the last war always fascinated him, he observes the tall buildings that once were majestic and the epitome of architecture now collapsed and eaten away by the resilient plants and a few mutated animals that surged after one of the older wars 200 years ago.
Humans are truly fascinating, he thinks as he floats in the air, going to the top of one of the buildings that haven't collapsed as much as the others, not that being safe is a concern for him right now. We create and destroy everything all at once.
Sitting at the edge of the top of the building, he takes a deep breath - not that he needs to -, and stares at the dark sky, the stars are scarce, but it's still a beautiful sight, the waxing crescent moon right at the center, he can even recognize a few planets that are miraculously visible that night. All come from his overuse of the knowledge capsules, his hunger for knowledge made him watch even documentaries about extinct animals sometimes, although his favorites were always fake stories, like fantasy novels. 'Odd Eyes' being his favorite title, the way he's unhealthily obsessed with that story can be seen by his online presence inside the community, sharing his opinions per chapter and even participating in fights when people were reading the story for the romance.
Sure, 'Odd Eyes' is a romance story above everything, but Vahe reads it because he finds everything oddly fascinating, the relationship of the people with their gods, the way royalty is portrayed as saviours of the people, and most importantly the essentially flawed protagonist that brings a certain humanity to the story. Of course most people that enjoyed the novel didn't see things the same way as him. The protagonist flaws weren't human, they were story flaws, the author was bad at making a perfect protagonist, or even another take that was prevalent was the opposite, them seeing the protagonist as perfect and devoid of flaws, and those that were talking negatively of them were ''haters'' - term created at the birth of the internet, almost a thousand years ago.
Vahe never cared about being hated on, though, there were a few people that agreed with him, although they were the minority. He did always come on top in most arguments however, that is because most readers don't go to such lengths as to read all of the four books every week, or even study the references used and use real historic facts to back his own opinions.
Once he even had an argument with the author herself. And that was quite disappointing, as she saw the protagonist as selfless, while he argued that she is, by essence, selfish. Maybe authors are also blinded by their own creations, not able to see their flaws, just like parents should always see their children with filtered glasses. He thinks laying back, he can't feel the concrete floor of the building, but he imagines it must be cold, although they're still in spring, due to the climate changes in the Earth, it was cold all year around with sudden peaks of heat during a few months out of the year.
The night is silent, bugs were extinct years ago, the only sounds he can sometimes hear at a distance are the few nighttime animals running across the foliage. Should I pretend to sleep again? He asks himself, Vahe never slept more than 4 hours a night, not because he didn't want to, but because the sleeping pods at the homeless shelter worked at a shift program, not allowing them to sleep for long due to the demand. Sometimes he slept in the streets, but because of the extreme cold he wasn't able to sleep much as well.
So even if he doesn't need to sleep, pretending to do so brought a lot of solace to him.
A few hours go by as he watches as the sky slowly moves, a few rain clouds forming in the distance.
Peace reigning inside his ghostly heart.
Is the theory of souls correct? He wonders. I still have feelings and a few senses, although I don't need to eat or sleep as my body doesn't need it, because I don't have one. His thoughts are filled with speculation. I wish I could still use the knowledge chambers as a ghost, of course, even after death he still wants more knowledge.
After you die and become a ghost you don't really expect to be surprised by much, but seeing a human-like being appearing with a dark smoke in front of you while you're counting stars is definitely a surprise to Vahe in his post-mortem life.
The man is godly, at least in his appearance, he's tall and his body is sculpted, his skin is pale and milky like, which brings him a bigger vibe of a sculpture made of marble in the ancient times, he's wearing a black suit that is too tight for his size. And his eyes shine with an unreal light, one dark like the immensity of the universe and the other almost transparent like the white clouds on a sunny day. ''Are you Vahe?'' The man asks, his voice carries weight, exactly what one would expect the voice of an unworldly being to be. His question doesn't make sense, if he's looking for him and even knows his name why is he asking if he is who he thinks he is.
''It depends'', he answers.
Vahe knows how it feels when people look at you with disdain, like you're an ant about to be squashed if you take a single step closer to them, however when the man looks down at him, he doesn't feel like that, he feels electrified, if he had a heart it would be skipping a beat right about now.
It's quite the miracle to find someone exactly your type after you die, especially when your type is so unrealistic as a god-like man that looks like a sculpture walking on earth. Well, he's floating mid-air but still counts.
There's nothing to be ashamed of, he's simply extremely attracted to an otherworldly being he met after becoming a ghost. Why would he play games or even push others away? He's dead. What's the worst that can happen? Disappear forever? After you die you don't really have any prospects of being ''alive'' for long anyway.
''Are you looking for me to make me disappear or to have a fun night?'' His question is suggestive, but the man doesn't change his expression, if Vahe had blood vessels he would have blushed right now.
''I am here to guide you to the other side'', the man finally says, he approaches Vahe, who's sitting now, their eyes meet, and none of them diverts their gaze.
''So, to hell'', Vahe says with a sigh.
''Not exactly'', the man says, ''It's better to be ignorant, however I can explain it to you if it'll ease your process''.
Vahe laughs, ''Shouldn't you be able to identify what's the best procedure while dealing with ghosts?'' He says, ''You're not that good at your job''.
His words drive the man silent for a couple seconds. ''I'm new to this'', he finally says, making Vahe laugh even more.
''You shouldn't admit to that'', he states. ''What's the usual procedure?''
''Just do whatever it takes to bring the soul back to the universe'', he says, ''With a few rules, of course, and when the soul is too unstable or refuses it we can use force''.
''Sounds easy enough, can't I get such a job?'' He asks, the man shakes his head.
''Only those chosen by the universe can be trained to become soul collectors''.
''A grim reaper then'', Vahe says, his eyes still fixated on the man's.
''I guess''.
''What did you do to be chosen?''
''I was an unnatural being born from two gods in another dimension'', he answers, his eyes showing a small hint of regret and anger.
''That explains your appearance'', Vahe nods, the man makes a confused expression, ''I mean that you're sculpted like a god''.
''Well, by the terms of what a god is, I am indeed one, but I do not exert the functions a god does'', his answer is technical, he doesn't seem to have understood what Vahe meant. After all he trained with celestial beings, not humans, catching a flirting connotation isn't something he has learnt to do.
''I mean that you're so beautiful I would never be bored a day of my post-mortem life if I could stare at your face all the time''.
The man blushes.
Vahe laughs again, ''You're not helping yourself, what if I asked you for a fun night in exchange for taking my soul?''
''As long as it doesn't break the rules, I would do it'', his answer makes Vahe pause, his expression suddenly serious.
''Would your answer be the same for another soul?'' His serious question makes the man ponder.
He's way too naive if the answer is yes, if the answer is no, however…
''I don't think so, but I have never been in such a situation before''.
''Do you know what I mean about fun?''
''We do study human behaviours, and by your previous words I can assume you mean sexual intercourse'', his answer brings Vahe to laugh again, if he had a tear duct he would even cry.
''I wouldn't ask that from someone that only wants to make my soul go back to the natural circle of life'', he answers, ''But I do mean you could sit here and watch the sky with me, a kiss wouldn't be bad as well''. Can I even feel if he kisses me?
''I don't see how a kiss is different from intercourse''.
''Sex isn't something I care much for'', Vahe answers, ''It's natural, sure, I do feel the desire, but when you're doing just for the sake of making me do something it doesn't bring the pleasure it's supposed to.''
The man stares into his eyes for a moment, before he sits next to Vahe, both of them lay down next to each other, their gazes now at the sky. This feels nice, Vahe thinks, he never did something like this with someone before, at least not after his brother's death. The same can be said by the soul reaper, as although he still has feelings, he never learnt to develop them or even act upon them, their colleagues were all created by the universe, those that don't have even empathy as their job requires, he was the only exception, proof of the mercy of the universe, that allowed his unnatural existence, although it gave him a job that made him miserable as he grew up amongst those that never glanced him with an ounce of care or worry.
He was allowed to start the job only a week ago, and all the souls he guided either required him to use force or went quite willingly, maybe because he is quite new at it yet, but the way Vahe reacted was refreshing, different, as if he was seeing him as more than just a symbol of his death and the path for his afterlife.
Vahe brushes his finger against the man's, at first he thought that maybe he wouldn't feel anything, after all he doesn't even have nerves anymore. But he does, just like being alive again he can feel the man's warmth as he interlaces their fingers.
''How does my hand feel?'' He asks out of curiosity.
''Cold'', the man answers.
''Well, I am dead''.
They stay quiet for a few minutes, funny how dying does take a huge burden off your back, Vahe thinks, I was always so paranoid about others betraying me, but right now it all feels so futile.
Feeling peace and not having the need to be constantly alert sure does feel good, especially to someone who was constantly worried about his own survival from childhood.
''What's your name?'' Vahe asks, turning his face to stare at the man who's still gazing at the sky, as if he never really stopped to do so, his eyes glimmering with curiosity.
''Lyor'', the man answers.
''Does it have some sort of meaning?'' Vahe asks, ''Normally gods have names with hidden meanings'', he continues, blinking slowly as he observes every aspect of the man's face.
''My light'', Lyor says slowly, ''Something over the lines of being a miracle'', he says with a snort.
''Do you wish to be human?'' He asks.
''I can't say I never thought about it…'' Lyor trails off, turning his face to stare at Vahe, their faces a few centimeters away, their breaths are unstable, something definitely surprising for someone who is most definitely not truly breathing. ''Do you believe in destiny?''
Vahe ponders. ''Depends, do you mean events that you can never change or in the more abstract way of soulmates and people that you're destined to meet?''
''Is it different?'' Lyor retorts.
He shrugs, ''Thinking the events of your future are unavoidable is terrifying, yet the idea that someone or something is destined to be in your path as a positive impact in your life is hopeful''.
''So it depends if its positive or negative?''
''Bingo'', Vahe answers, tilting his head, caressing Lyor's hand with his thumb, has he ever stayed like this with his past relationships? Did he look into their eyes and think about how beautiful they are? Or even did something besides making out and arguing? Sure, the problem of his relationships were always 100% his, Vahe is suspicious of everyone that enters his life, constantly expecting to be betrayed he prefers never opening up in the first place, why wear a bulletproof vest when you can sink yourself in the deepest of oceans so that the bullet in the surface never reaches you?
Now that he doesn't need to sink himself anymore, and he can finally come to the surface and see the night sky, Vahe realizes he's more sensible than he ever gave the credit for. He's capable of emotions, of trust, even to a complete god-like stranger.
And there is something mystical about being around Lyor, maybe he is destined to meet him, maybe in all dimensions he exists, Lyor is there too, their paths destined to meet.
Proof that humans enjoy believing in destiny when it's positive to them, Vahe doesn't feel despair in that thought, no, he finds it soothing, the idea that regardless of his future, he would always meet the god-like man and stand next to him, watching the night sky, sharing a calm conversation over beliefs and the truths of the universe.
Maybe those people exist, those who cross your path and you feel as if every decision you ever made was leading you to them.
The fanciful idea that you're not destined to be miserable and alone forever.
Perhaps that's why people believe in God.
''I feel like you're part of my destiny'', Lyor speaks slowly, translating what Vahe was thinking into words. After all, how do you explain a person that never would trust someone enough to be vulnerable around them, to be there, talking about destiny and stars with a complete stranger.
''Regardless if we're destined to meet or not, what we do after we meet is our choice to be made'', Vahe says, scanning Lyor's eyes, trying to identify the man's feelings.
''Don't you think that part of the destiny is that our feelings are thought out for us?'' Lyor says, turning his gaze back to the sky. ''Maybe all our lives are a game that the universe is playing to fight boredom''.
''If so, do you think the universe has its favorites?'' Vahe asks back.
Lyor shakes his head, extending his hands as if attempting to reach the sky. ''I think the universe is beyond our comprehension, so no, I don't think it has favorites'', he closes his hands, as if grabbing the stars inside his grasp. ''I just think it finds all of us to be utterly pathetic, scumbling around thinking we have a choice when it comes to our own lives''.
His voice is carried with emotion, as if he himself believes the universe is playing a game with him.
''Don't you think the fact that you are still alive although your existence is unnatural, is proof that the universe loves you?'' Vahe's question makes Lyor laugh.
''What some might see as a blessing is my own personal nightmare''.
''Maybe meeting me was planned by the universe all along, would you still see it as negative?'' His question makes the man ponder.
''That's a fair point'', he answers with a sigh, opening his hand, as if releasing the star he just catched.
''I think the universe is like a world administrator, he just assigns us our roles, and once we're here, it's up to us to choose how we'll use the cards it gave us'' Vahe says, tapping his finger on the ground, a habit he catched from his older brother. ''It put you in my afterlife path and it put me in yours as well, so, what will we do next?''
''I don't think I ever made a decision that regarded my own life before'', Lyor says after a few seconds in silence, he was thinking, reflecting back into his life, never choosing, always taking the path laid down for him, would have taken a different path had he met Vahe at another point in his life? Would he be allowed to make his choices?
All other soul reapers always told him that his life purpose is to serve the universe and then perish by it, does that mean that when he moves away from the path it gave him he'll turn into stardust? Just like when gods are abandoned by it?
He read in a book that the universe made every celestial being to serve humans, free-will being something only such creatures can have. If Vahe chooses to save him, would the universe concede his wish?
Or would they perish together? Turning into stardust?
Lyor voices exactly that to Vahe, waiting eagerly for the man's response.
''Then we perish, after all, death has already come for me, sure, peace is fun, I don't mind being a ghost for now, however I'm sure after a couple of years I won't bear it anymore''.
''You will be reborn'', Lyor points out.
''What's the point of my soul finding another body if the memories I made will be gone? I might as well be someone completely different, I would never even know I was once Vahe, born and killed in Katrina City, son to a dead mother and an abusive father, brother to a dead boy. If I didn't have this, I wouldn't be me anymore''. Vahe answers at last. ''So maybe vanishing into stardust will feel exactly the same as being reborn, the me that exists right now will be gone either way, regardless if the soul's essence might be the same''. He takes a deep breath, leaning his head over, his forehead touching Lyor's shoulder. ''I fought so much to survive in this harsh world, yet here I am, dead, wondering why I tried so hard to survive when I could've lived just a little bit more''. He moves his head to stare into Lyor's eyes, ''I allowed my fears and traumas to move me, I never even bothered to think that it was destroying me, and now regret won't ever get my life back, so what's even the point of it?''
''I understand what you're saying, yet I don't seem to understand what your point is'', Lyor whispers, his eyes faltering as he feels Vahe's hand leaving his, the man sitting up before finally answering him.
''My point is'', Vahe says, ''That right now I feel more alive than when I was truly alive'', he stands up. ''I am watching the stars in a peaceful place, talking with someone with similar thoughts as mine, looking into beautiful eyes and even touching someone that I find extremely attractive'', he continues. ''I don't even remember what I was so scared of, my life feels like an empty shell, as if my soul being set free is what made me finally take my first breath into life, just like a baby after it leaves its mother's womb''.
Vahe turns to look at Lyor.
''So, will you choose to stay in the path laid for you, surviving, or will you take a leap of faith and try to live?''
''How do you suggest I do that?'' Lyor retorts, Vahe shrugs.
''It's your life, your choice''.
A gust of wind embraces them, only messing Lyor's hair, as Vahe is, of course, incorporeal. The man gets up, his height is a contrast to Vahe's, even when they're both floating a few millimeters apart from the ground. Lyor first time enjoying something was a children's book he found at the library where he was created, books were his solace, reading the tales of others that were free, he never entertained the idea he could be free as well.
Perhaps it is all so easy as Vahe is saying, or maybe the man is just saying that because he doesn't wish to be gone forever as he knows himself.
After all, Lyor read that humans tend to constantly lie to get out of certain situations.
The true question is, why Lyor is listening to him, why isn't he just dismissing his words and going away? Is it because he told him what he wanted to hear? Or something far more whimsical?
Would he do this if it were any other human?
A human that doesn't have cold hands and eyes that shine in different colors depending of the angle in which you look at it, in moments green like an emerald, others like a fall leaf that just turned orange, as the fertile soil this earth hasn't seen in centuries, or even gold, like the sun he's only seen in picture books.
''Can I kiss you, then?'' Lyor asks, his cheeks warm out of expectation, Vahe simply laughs, his smile is bright, seeing him like this, Lyor would never imagine that it's been years that the man smiled, the last time being at his older brother's 14th birthday, before he died.
''Sure, it's your choice''.
With the greenlight, Lyor's hand touch Vahe's arm, at first it is a soft touch, as if he's scared of breaking him, but then it's a firm hold as he pulls him closer, their foreheads touching, Lyor needing to bend over a little to reach Vahe, making him snort. ''Why I feel so drawn to you?'' He asks more himself than Vahe, but the man answers either way.
''Maybe I'm your type?'' His answer makes Lyor laugh.
''Maybe'', he answers in a whisper, softly brushing his lips against Vahe's, their eyes still deep into each other, his stomach tingling with anticipation.
''Are my lips cold?'' Vahe asks, Lyor smiles.
''A little'', they stay silent, trembling with anticipation but neither of them makes the final move, staying there for a moment, as if waiting to see if the universe would interfere with their choice.
''After we kiss, what will we do? Will you take me away?'' Vahe asks, but there isn't even a hint of fear in his eyes.
''I don't know,'' Lyor answers, ''Maybe I'll just make a different choice, followed by another and then another''.
Vahe laughs softly, ''That sounds nice''.
Their lips finally meet, the soft touch brings shivers to both men's spines - although Vahe doesn't have one anymore the feeling still embraces him, Vahe's fingers slowly brushing against Lyor's back, softly pushing the man closer, while Lyor grazes his hand on Vahe's cheeks. The kiss deepens when Vahe gently licks Lyor's lips, making the man part them, their tongues meeting in a slow dance in their mouths, none of them feels the need to increase the rhythm of their kiss, after all they have all the time of the world, and the universe doesn't seem too bothered with them at the moment. Incredibly, Vahe can taste Lyor's tongue, the faint sensation of sweetness filling his senses, as if he had just eaten a piece of caramel, the thought of it makes him smile amidst the kiss. Lyor's eyes flutter open, staring at Vahe's eyelashes, the brownish tone makes him feel fuzzly, he brushes his thumb against Vahe's ear, making the man let out a soft moan, the sound is like the most harmonious harpy.
Although their bodies are already completely glued, Vahe still attempts to pull the man closer, his lack of need for air something he's now, thankful of, because that means he can continue to savor that sweet taste for longer, his inexistent heart beading so loud that maybe what he's hearing is Lyor's.
Desire is a word that Vahe wouldn't use to describe the feeling he has right now, maybe ecstatic would be a better word. As if the touch of Lyor's tongue on his is like fireworks exploding inside himself, the world finally spinning, his heart finally beating, life finally taking its first breath into existence.
If the birth of the universe was a feeling, it would be what Vahe was feeling right now.
And to Lyor, the sensation isn't much different.
When they part ways, none can tell how much time elapsed nor they care. When you're dead or practically a god, the concept of time matters too little in the face of a life (or death) changing choice.
Vahe's hazel eyes shine like precious stones in a water cave that is receiving its first rays of light, maybe the man was right, even if their meeting was destiny, if their feelings are orchestrated by something bigger, their choices are what ultimately creates their future and their life.
Perhaps tomorrow the universe will turn them into stardust, or maybe, just maybe, it'll allow them to live for just a while longer, taking pity on their souls that finally have achieved what they were set to.