"I don't know what I am looking at right now," Matteo said.
Because I can't be happy for more than a day, we had the pleasure of receiving a very cryptic message in the mail.
AND after our bomb dog, Matteo, checked the package for bombs, we started to look at it.
"There's a date," Leo said.
"What's the date?" I asked.
"11/2/2006."
"That's the date me a lova started dating." I snatched the paper from Leo's hand.
The picture was blurry, like it was taken from afar.
It was school. A… "that's our college."
"It's what?" Leo and Matto got up together and went to look at the photo.
"It so is," Leo said, cranking his neck to the side and looking at the photo better.
"The photo's not even of anything. Why would Elena send this?" Matteo asked.
"How do you know it's her?" Leo asked him, looking up at matteo.
"Because she's a dumb ass and one uses the same return address as she did when she worked for me, and two didn't cross it out."
"She wants us to know it's her," I muttered.
"Or that," Matteo said.
"You have conceringly good memory," Leo said to Matteo.
For real, memorizing someones address just based on one look a week or so ago, is really good. And very fucking scary.
Matteo nodded.
I understand, maybe our wedding date, I do, but the day we started dating is weird. Really weird.
I don't even know who would remember that, who I even told.
I mean…besides…besides…Lova.
"Dominic, what's with the face?"
"Do you know when Lova and I started dating?" I asked Leo.
"I mean, now I do."
"Not now, but like before that, did you know?"
"No, why would I know that?"
"Well, who else would know that besides me and…" My voice faded.
"She's dead, I know she is, so maybe Elena got it from a yearbook. Don't think about it, it's okay," Leo said.
Right.
She's dead.
Elena must have found it online. It's okay.
I need to calm down.
Oh my god.
It's okay.
The day continued on, and I was now on call with the dynamic duo, Thomas and Daniel.
"I thought you guys started dating in January," Thomas said.
"You are not fucking helping," I said.
"Elena didn't go to school with us, or maybe she didn't, I dont know," Daniel said.
The more I talk to people, the worse I feel about the whole thing.
"Are you guys going to the convention?" I asked, trying to get my mind off one bad thing with another bad thing.
"Did we say we were going to?" Thomas said.
I rolled my eyes. "If I remembered, why the fuck would I be asking you, dumb ass?"
"I can't leave Zayne alone with the kids."
"Are you calling him incompetent?"
"No, I'm just saying, I don't wanna leave him alone, let him actually get some rest and not risk him getting fucked kidnapped again," he barked at me.
Right, right.
"Thomas, what about you?"
"Gianna and I are going on a trip."
"Where?"
"I don't know, she said she wanted to, so I just gave her my card," Thomas said with a smile.
"Right, okay, so fuck me," I mumbled.
I am having that awful gut feeling again.
"What if Ryder and Isabella get kidnapped?"
"Don't say that," Daniel said.
"I know, but what if? What if all my safety precautions mean absolutely nothing, and then they get kidnapped? I know Elena will kill them, I know she will," I gulped.
Oh my god.
"That won't happen, Dominic, it won't."
"How can I even be sure?"
"Holy fuck, when did you become such an overthinker?"
When you start to have people you care about, care about beyond the world, beyond your own life, you start to think.
Think way too much it makes you fucking sick.
I need to stop.
She won't try anything.
It's okay. I will find her. It's okay. It won't happen. It won't.
"Okay, I will call you freaks later," I said.
"Don't overthink it, you are okay. Call me if you need anything," Thomas said.
"Don't call me late, you know how Zayne gets with waking up the kids," Daniel said.
"Okay, okay. Thank you." I ended the call before I went off on them even more, oh my god. I can't deal with this.
I slowly walked back up the stairs.
I stood at the top of the stairs.
I played with my fingernails as I stared at the wall.
I still have time.
Life is too short not to live in the moment.
Ryder and I still haven't gone on a proper date.
And he deserves that.
I know he does.
He deserves so much more, more than me, more than anything.
I won't die at the convention, I know that.
But I don't know about the days after that.
Don't know whose going to come through that door one day.
Come through that door and shoot me dead.
So I need to be there for him.
Even if it's small.
Even if it's taking him on dates, hugging, kissing, and watching movies.
I can't be in a loveless relationship.
Not again.
I can't.
Can't have someone walk out on me again.
Can't give someone my all but nothing at the same time.
I can't have him grow to hate me.
I can't.
God, I don't even know where young people go on dates.
I mean, we could go to the beach, or just walk around.
I could buy him whatever he wants.
Get matching shirts, do stupid shit.
That makes me smile, makes me happy, and I know it will make him happy.
I really hope it does.
I continued walking and opened up my bedroom door.
"Yeah, I know, I know." Ryder was on the phone.
I took off my shirt and my pants and got into bed.
"Dom is here. I will see you tomorrow," and just like that, he ended the call.
"Who was that?"
"Eliza."
"Is she okay?"
"Yeah, she just wants me to come visit," Ryder said with a small smile.
I licked my lips and swallowed.
I gave him a small smile. "That would be fun, you should go."
I know I am so selfish, because the thought of him leaving my sight, even going with his fucking family, is making me fucking crazy.
"Okay," he said with a small smile.
"I can drop you off in the morning, and you could spend the day there, and just let me know when you want me to come get you," I said with a small fake smile.
He smiled and reached over to hug me. "That would mean so much to me."
I rubbed his back.
Stop being terrible.
Stop it.
I need to stop.
"And then your doctor's appointment is the day after tomorrow?"
"Yes, it is."
"Okay."
"Why?" He let go of me.
I shrugged. "Just wondering." Lying to him for the greater good isn't bad.
He squinted his eyes at me. "You are being suspicious."
"I am not, I am just wondering," I said.
He continued to squint his eyes at me; he didn't buy it one bit. "Sure."
Surprise date it is.
I think he will enjoy it.
The day will be all about him.
Anything he wants to do.
I will get him flowers, get him anything he wants.
The entire day is his.
And I know he likes surprises.
This will be fun.
My smile grew.
Now I was getting all giddy.
All excited.
I can't wait.
Just being with him.
Being with him makes me happy.
Happy beyond words.
That's what love actually is.
It's not spending your whole relationship asking questions, trying to prove yourself, trying to be someone you're not, trying so hard to push a love that was never there.
Love is.
Something you can't explain.
Can't put into words.
This is love.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
I really wouldn't.