Chapter 303: YOU'RE FINISHED!
Inside the lounge of the Fuyuki City film studio, the three stooges of the Round Table had just wrapped up shooting.
Instead of relaxing, though, their faces were pale, stiff, and tense—hardly the look of men on break.
"Damn it, what the hell are we supposed to do now?"
Gawain grumbled, throwing a sideways glance at his two companions.
"Don't you dare act innocent!"
Lancelot shot him a glare sharp enough to cut steel, his tone practically dripping with venom.
"This whole mess is your fault! If our Master or, heaven forbid, the King decides to blame us, you'd better be ready to die in apology!"
Gawain just scoffed and curled his lip.
"Die? Please. I've been dead for centuries."
Seeing Gawain sitting there like a pig in mud, completely unbothered, Tristan's hands twitched around the strings of his harp. He looked one second away from garroting his so-called comrade with them.
"I told you from the start, don't act on impulse! But no, you had to go and do it your way! Now look—thanks to you, the entire honor of the Knights of the Round Table has gone straight into the gutter!"
If it weren't for the fact that civilians and reporters were wandering nearby, Tristan probably would've filled Gawain full of holes with his "harp-strung arrows of despair" by now.
Their fury wasn't without cause.
Last week, the three of them had appeared on a variety show—posing as idol trainees, no less.
In Japan, just like in other countries, variety shows are prime territory for idols to maintain their public image and stay relevant. But compared to other places, Japanese variety programs tend to push things… a little further. Contestants often get covered in whipped cream, ink, or worse.
Fans of the 48-group shows were already used to seeing the girls shrieking as they got doused, slimed, or ambushed with weird stunts. Honestly, those girls had it easy—at least compared to the late-night programs where snakes, frogs, or bugs were fair game.
Not that any of that mattered to the three knights. As a collaboration project between Type-Moon and Johnny & Associates, their idol debut had given them far higher status than random comedians or fledgling idols.
Case in point: for most artists, performing at Tokyo Dome was the crowning dream of their career. For Johnny's idols, however, debuting at Tokyo Dome was just… routine. If you didn't? That just meant the agency had already given up on you.
Their first show had been a sports-variety program. Guests were split into teams and made to compete in physical challenges until a victor emerged.
And with the Round Table trio's inhuman stats, it should've been child's play. Lancelot alone could've crushed every other team with one hand tied behind his back.
But of course, they couldn't actually do that.
First, flaunting superhuman feats risked exposing their magecraft, which would've been a nightmare to clean up afterward. Second, they weren't there to win—they were there to build their image as approachable, lovable idols.
So the knights reined themselves in, playing it painfully average. In fact, during the tug-of-war, they managed to lose in just ten seconds flat.
Normally, that kind of thing wouldn't matter. Variety shows run on pre-set character roles anyway—rarely do viewers ever see a celebrity's true self.
Unfortunately, these three were absolute beginners when it came to acting. Their "holding back" was so ham-fisted, so blatantly fake, that anyone with half a brain could see they were throwing the match.
〔Are they kidding me? That was the most boring tug-of-war in history!〕
〔Are they seriously not taking this show seriously? Do they think the viewers are idiots?〕
〔This is way too half-assed!〕
〔You're getting paid, so do your damn job! If you're tired, go home and sleep!〕
…
When the episode aired, the internet lit up with backlash, hammering the trio for their sloppy, unprofessional attitude.
And in Japan, slacking off at work is a serious accusation. Sure, ever since the bubble burst, society as a whole had quietly sunk into "collective apathy mode"… but slacking off in public was an entirely different matter.
Fortunately, Johnny's management wasn't too worried. They chalked it up to inexperience—after all, it was the knights' first time on a variety show. With practice, they'd naturally learn to balance things out.
As for online criticism? That kind of thing was nothing new. Give it a few more shows, some better performances, and the audience would forget all about it. The agency had weathered this storm countless times before.
So, while cautioning the trio to "take the shows a bit more seriously," the managers also lined up more appearances to help them "gain experience."
—If only they'd understood who they were dealing with.
For the Knights of the Round Table, reputation was sacred—second only to loyalty. And the moment things threatened their King's honor, even a thousand-year-old knight would flip a table.
Case in point: during a previous interview, when asked which senior idol they respected most, the three had answered in unison: "Arturia."
But after the variety show fiasco, snide comments began popping up online:
〔Arturia's fans are really like this? This is their standard? This? THIS?〕
That was the spark that set off a powder keg.
It wasn't just slander against them anymore—it was dragging their King's name into the mud. And that, the knights could not forgive.
Thus, the three vowed that in their next variety appearance, they would give it their all—no more holding back, no more restraint. For the glory of their King, they would fight with everything they had!
—And so, the second program they appeared on was an indoor show.
One of the segments? A cooking challenge.
That was when Gawain stepped forward with fire in his eyes and, holding nothing back, presented his ultimate creation—mashed potatoes.
Yes. Those mashed potatoes.
The very same abomination that even Arturia—legendary glutton of the Round Table—refused to eat.
To put it simply: if Kirei Kotomine's infamous mapo tofu was "painfully spicy but technically edible," then Gawain's mashed potatoes belonged to an entirely different category—"not meant for human consumption."
Sure enough, the host who bravely took the first bite was rushed straight to the hospital.
In fairness, having idols cook poorly on variety shows was nothing unusual. Most of them were spoiled brats who couldn't even boil water, and producers often leaned into the comedy by forcing others to taste-test their disasters.
But this? This was on another level. The host had barely swallowed a mouthful before vomiting, clutching his stomach, and rolling on the floor in agony.
〔Is this guy trying to poison people?〕
〔He slacked off in the last show, and now he's lashing out at the host? Terrible character!〕
〔The host cried! He probably just experienced the worst thing he's ever eaten in his life!〕
〔Get this bastard out of the industry already!〕
…
Thanks to Gawain's "bold performance," the trio's reputation had completely tanked.
Which was why the three knights now sat slumped on a row of chairs, sighing heavily and pointing fingers at one another.
Truth be told, their misery only made the producers happier. After all—negative press was still press.
And thanks to the knights' antics, the show exploded in popularity, topping the charts as the most talked-about program in the entire Japanese entertainment world.
However—
"Do we care about popularity?!"
"We wanted honor! A good name! Damn it, this is betrayal!!"
Gawain roared and slammed the ratings sheet the managers had handed him straight onto the floor.
"Ex—calibur! Ta-da ta-da-ta-da ta-da~!"
Just then, Lancelot's phone went off with his rather questionable ringtone.
"It's… Master…"
The "dead camel" wore the face of a man walking to his own execution. He looked up at the other two knights, clearly desperate.
"What do we do? Should I pick up?"
"Not my problem."
Tristan immediately washed his hands of it, tossing the matter aside as neatly as he plucked his harp strings.
Lancelot shook his head violently. "No way! I don't want to get scolded! What if Master comes back and uses a Command Seal to make me streak naked through town? I'm finished! Gawain, you take it!"
"Why the hell me? I'm not answering!"
Even with his gorilla-level brainpower, Gawain wasn't stupid enough to fall for that.
A call from Shinji at a time like this? There was no way it was good news.
"Ex—calibur! Ta-da ta-da-ta-da ta-da~!"
The ringtone blared again. Shinji clearly wasn't giving up until someone picked up.
"You'd better answer," Lancelot said, thrusting the phone into Gawain's hands.
"If you don't, and Master ends up calling the King instead, do you really want to shame yourself in front of her?"
Gawain's lips twitched hard. Unable to come up with a comeback, he reluctantly took the phone and pressed it to his ear.
"H-hello, Master, long time no see! How's the food in Italy treating you?"
Forcing his voice into a casual tone, Gawain babbled on, "So, listen, the three of us… the show went really smoothly—"
"GAWAIN, YOU DAMN GORILLA—!! Smooth, my ass!"
Shinji's roar nearly blew the earpiece apart.
"You think I don't know how lethal your mashed potatoes are?!"
"Why the hell would you feed that to normal humans?! Did your brain never finish developing? Did your cerebellum just give up halfway?!"
Even though Gawain hadn't put the call on speaker, Shinji's tirade came through so loud that Tristan and Lancelot heard every word.
"You've tanked the group's image! And worse, you've dragged down Arturia's name with you! You moron! You blockhead! You pale-skinned, three-times-stupid GORILLA!"
Whether Shinji was genuinely furious with Gawain or simply venting his own frustrations, one thing was certain—the longer he ranted, the harsher his words became.
'He's never going to stop…'
Gawain's head throbbed like it was splitting in two.
"Uh… Master… what was that? Sorry, I can't hear you very well…"
Switching into shameless mode, Gawain pretended the signal was bad.
"Hah?!"
From the other end, Shinji let out a sharp, icy snort. "Don't you dare play dumb with me!"
Gawain ignored him and kept up his act.
"The international signal must be bad… your voice is cutting in and out…"
"Gawain, if you keep faking it, I swear I'll make you eat your own mashed potatoes!"
"I… Master… you… can't… hear…"
Gawain deliberately broke up his words, then casually tapped the end call button.
Beeeep—beeeep—beeeep—!
Hearing the busy tone, Shinji, all the way in Venice, actually laughed in rage.
"Good! Very good! You dare hang up on me?!"
"GAWAIN, YOU'RE FINISHED!"
<+>
If you want to see more chapter of this story and don't mind paying $5 each month to read till the latest posted chapter, please go to my Patreon[1]
Current Chapter In Patreon: Chapter 363: Fate/Apocrypha Teaser Premieres[2]
Link to the latest chapter: https://www.patreon.com/posts/145877654?collection=31097[3]
https://www.patreon.com/collection/31097?view=expanded[4]
[1] https://www.patreon.com/collection/31097?view=expanded
[2] https://www.patreon.com/posts/145877654?collection=31097
[3] https://www.patreon.com/posts/145877654?collection=31097
[4] https://www.patreon.com/collection/31097?view=expanded