Chapter 308: Archer: Combat Power Can Be Weak, But Style Must Always Be Maintained
Even though Illya went home to watch TV today, the Type-Moon Company's Appreciation Gathering went on as usual.
Without the little white-haired grade-schooler and her ever-kind older brother, everyone simply kept the music going, kept the dancing flowing—business as usual.
If there was one difference, it was that Arturia and her shadowy counterpart, Arturia Alter, had completely unleashed their appetites today, ordering dish after dish from their long-suffering "housemaid," Archer.
The reason Alter was gorging herself was simple: earlier today she had lost to Archer in Magical Illya. Naturally, she had to restore balance in some other way.
As for why the original Arturia joined in…
Well, even if Alter was the one playing Saber in Magical Illya, to the outside world that was still her. And so, she felt she had to be there—purely to save face.
"Come on, just admit it. You're here for free food and drink, nothing else."
With a sharp smack, Archer slapped the rice ladle against the table, his expression dark as he snapped:
"Have mercy already! We're out of ingredients in the kitchen!"
"Oh-ho~"
Alter arched an eyebrow, then casually picked up a bag of potato chips from the table and handed it over.
"Mix natto with yogurt to make a dip. I'll eat these chips with that."
"…That's a culinary crime I've never even heard of!"
Archer almost spat blood. "What kind of death-wish cooking is that?! Can anyone even eat such a thing?!"
Tilting her head slightly, Alter replied with perfect seriousness:
"Didn't Shinji once mention pouring soy sauce over pudding to fake the taste of sea urchin? By comparison, my natto-yogurt-chip dip shouldn't be that bad."
Archer rubbed at his temples. "Why don't you just make it yourself if you're so insistent on this insanity?"
"Because I'm bad at seasoning," Alter shot back without shame. "You make the sauce taste good, then bring it to me."
"…How the hell am I supposed to know what 'tastes good' for an abomination like that? Don't tell me—you're just trying to trick me into taste-testing your freakish experiments as punishment?"
Archer was utterly drained. More than anything, he wanted to drag Shinji—currently away on a business trip—into the kitchen and scream at him:
'You're the one who ran your mouth about these nightmare recipes! YOU make them!'
"…Fine. Don't complain if it tastes disgusting."
With a weary glance at the three idiots sulking in the distance, Archer sighed. Resigned or not, he would just have to accept his fate. After all, as long as the two Kings of Knights weren't making him cross-dress, this was still survivable.
Yes, because last time Gawain's poker face had disgraced the Round Table, Arturia and Alter had punished the three stooges with forced cross-dressing. And oh-so-"thoughtfully," they had even bestowed flowery new names upon them: Gao Wen, Tristy, and Lanselot.
Luckily, thanks to Shinji's "efforts," the punishment wasn't too extreme—the three were made to wear the Einzbern household's maid outfits, the very same as Sella's in Magical Illya.
Not because Shinji was kindhearted. Far from it.
No, that guy was darker than the Knights of the Round who dreamed up the punishment in the first place.
"If you start with clothes that are too revealing, then what do you do for the next punishment? Penalties have to escalate. The cross-dressing has to get progressively more perverted, after all."
In Shinji's view, Mashu hadn't even shown up yet, so why waste such precious 'beast-mode' outfits? Better to wait until Lancelot the stubborn old camel officially turned into a doting dad.
Of course, the three stooges knew exactly what their wretched Master was thinking—Shinji hadn't even bothered to hide it. That's why they didn't feel grateful in the least. Instead, they just stood in the corner, heads hanging low, accepting their punishment.
"…Hey, Miss Gao Wen."
Grinding the words out from between clenched teeth, Lancelot addressed the golden-haired gorilla whose eyes had already started to glaze over.
"What is it, Miss Lanselot?" the gorilla replied without lifting his head.
"How long do you think we'll be stuck standing here like this? Our King seems to have completely forgotten about us."
"…How the hell should I know? You got the guts to ask if we're done being punished yet?"
"…No."
Lancelot let his head droop weakly, completely drained.
"…When I went to the practice room today, that Satomi-sensei pulled me aside."
"Hm?"
At the mention of that particular name, Gawain finally refocused his dazed eyes.
Satomi-sensei was one of the staff members managing them under Johnny's. The lessons he gave the three stooges were mostly about public relations.
"He said… we can start moving on to the next stage of promotion. That we should… get along better."
"Eh… do we really have to go that far?"
Gawain's face stiffened slightly.
What Satomi-sensei meant by "the next stage of promotion" was—yes—pairing him and Lancelot together as a CP.
Of course, this was still only 2006. It wasn't like they were about to go full-on fujoshi baiting. Johnny's plan was just to market the two of them as rivals-yet-allies, both teammates and competitors.
As for why poor Tristan got left out—well, Johnny's quickly figured out that out of the three idiots, Tristan was the most reliable. At the very least, his IQ hovered somewhere around the normal human range. And so, they made him the leader.
But honestly, that title of "leader" was wasted on him. There was no way he could keep the gorilla and the camel under control.
"Tch tch… Just imagining myself having to smile warmly at you in the future makes me want to vomit."
The mockery in Gawain's voice practically dripped with disgust.
"…Are you trying to rebel, Miss Lanselot?"
"Call it history repeating itself, Miss Gawain. How about we make it a contest this time—see who can gather more fans?"
"I've got zero interest in that. When it comes to charming women, you're the professional here, Miss Lanselot."
"Seriously, you two…"
Tristan's weary voice cut through the air between them.
"…Don't you get awkward talking like that?"
"Awkward?"
Both Gawain and Lancelot raised their heads at once, fixing their "captain" with innocent looks. Then, in eerie unison, they spoke:
"I don't feel awkward at all, Miss Tristy." x2
"Enough, both of you! Stop screwing around and get ready. Our King is about to make her exit!"
Tristan's sudden reminder shut them up instantly.
Gawain and Lancelot dropped their sniping, turned their gazes obediently toward the TV screen, and straightened up.
◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆
Archer—or rather, the Heroic Spirit Emiya—had always been massively popular among Fate fans.
A man who exuded pure coolness just by standing still—there was no way someone like that could ever be unpopular in any franchise.
But here's the funny thing: in the world of Fate, where arguments about power levels were only half a step away from turning into real-life fistfights, Archer's actual combat ability had always been… a mystery.
On paper, his upper limit was absurd. His younger self, Emiya Shirou, had managed to beat Gilgamesh—sure, Goldie had been careless and let his guard down, but nobody denied that even holding back, Gilgamesh was not the kind of Servant an average Heroic Spirit could touch.
But if we're talking lower limit… well, does getting cleaved nearly in half by Saber in the opening act of Fate/Stay Night count?
The truth was, in the god-tier brawls that defined Fate/Stay Night, Archer's record wasn't impressive at all.
If Gilgamesh was the Servant who "nobody could beat," then Archer was the Servant who "couldn't beat anybody."
Strictly by the numbers, his standing was only slightly above Assassin.
Even Rider—if you swapped her Master to Sakura—would wipe the floor with him.
And yet… no matter how the official power scaling was written, Archer's fans never once admitted their white-haired, tan-skinned hero was weak.
Even those who weren't particularly fans of his still refused to dismiss him as a lightweight.
Because when it came to style, this guy could out-style just about anyone. His flair rivaled Agul, outshined even Kamen Rider Kuuga's final form, and maybe—even if Super Saiyan Vegeta himself walked in—he still couldn't beat Archer at being the coolest "background character" alive.
When it came to the art of acting cool, fans especially loved two types of scenes:
Playing the pig to eat the tiger.
Playing the tiger, only to get eaten by the pig.
Usually, the first trope went to the protagonist. The second? Reserved for the rival.
Vegeta, Sasuke, Agul—they all followed this formula.
Not the main character, yet strutting around like "I'm the strongest in the world." Naturally, such characters were destined to eat dirt again and again.
Archer was the same. Just like his Reality Marble, Unlimited Blade Works—undeniably stylish, but when you looked at his win record… let's just say, awkward.
Though he was called "budget Gilgamesh," his only real achievement in the Fifth Holy Grail War was puffing himself up and flexing in front of Shirou.
As for the anime-original scene where he activated UBW to grind down Berserker's twelve lives—that had to be taken with a grain of salt. After all, Kinoko Nasu himself wasn't exactly warm toward the 2006 adaptation.
Still… when it came down to it, whether a cat walked in a straight line or not depended on the mouse. And in the world of Type-Moon, a character's battle power depended heavily on their popularity.
Unless you were the author's golden child, a character's long-term role and strength were directly tied to fan demand.
If there was money to be made, their power levels could skyrocket overnight. And if the character themselves couldn't pull it off, the creators would simply find a way to hand them some convenient "buffs."
Archer was the perfect example. He just happened to rise at the right time.
That so-called "Emiya Collection"? It was really nothing more than the will of the fans manifesting itself.
Sure, Type-Moon loved to dangle bait and drop endless "satellites" (teasers), but if they only teased without ever delivering, FGO would've collapsed long ago.
So this originally third-rate Servant, thanks to a massive fanbase, had his battle power steadily boosted ever since Fate/Stay Night.
(Well… except when Sakurai writes him. That's a separate issue.)
Even if his stats on paper never changed, through clever storytelling, Type-Moon had raised his "felt strength" in the eyes of fans.
Which brought us right to what was currently airing on the TV—Archer in Fate/Kaleid Liner Magical Illya, facing off against Saber.
Forget whether he should be able to beat Arturia based on the raw numbers. The impression this anime left was clear as day: Archer > Saber.
Especially that final showdown—the clash between black Excalibur and a projected Excalibur.
"There is no rule that says an imitation cannot defeat the original."
That line was Shirou's famous creed.
And yet… nobody ever imagined that a projected Excalibur would actually defeat the real thing.
As Saber dissolved into golden radiance, the expressions on the Servants watching from the couch were… indescribable.
And then—
"Ahhh! Our King—!!"
"Your Majesty!! My liege!!"
Before either of the two Arturias could even react to the scene, the three stooges of the Round Table were already rushing forward.
They clung desperately to their liege's skirts, bawling their eyes out.
"King! Do not despair!"
"Yes, yes! We shall avenge you!!"
"A mere defeat like this isn't worth your grief, Your Majesty!!"
…
Watching their ridiculous dramatics, Arturia completely lost it.
"I haven't said a single word yet, and you idiots are already crying your eyes out? What, are you hoping I die early and get shipped back to the Throne of Heroes?!"
"You three cross-dressing buffoons! Take this! Ex—calibur——!!"
That night, golden fireworks once again lit up the skies above Fuyuki City.
<+>
If you want to see more chapter of this story and don't mind paying $5 each month to read till the latest posted chapter, please go to my Patreon[1]
Current Chapter In Patreon: Chapter 363: Fate/Apocrypha Teaser Premieres[2]
Link to the latest chapter: https://www.patreon.com/posts/145877654?collection=31097[3]
https://www.patreon.com/collection/31097?view=expanded[4]
[1] https://www.patreon.com/collection/31097?view=expanded
[2] https://www.patreon.com/posts/145877654?collection=31097
[3] https://www.patreon.com/posts/145877654?collection=31097
[4] https://www.patreon.com/collection/31097?view=expanded