Cover story 48: A part of me sees me that way
What person are you behind those curtains. Behind those moments you don't have a duty, but still have job, stuck with yourself. Ash just kept muttering he was someone not even time is worth questioning him over, he had a dream and that dream was his excuse for being him. But nobody heard him, there was a stench coming from under his bed but his nose adapted, as it glosses over his room, there are names, titles, a singular pet name and eyes. The same eyes looking at him everyday, through the curtains, someone is after him.
But to him everybody was out to get him, a part of him sees him as a victim, but deep down he never was one
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He sat there and after all my pleading all I needed was a single vaccine. I can win this, I can be king, I can be good, even if I never cared for goodness I can lie and say I do. I moved my hands, gesturing at what could have been a better plan, maybe we both can be king ... but the issue with me is I wanna be the only one winning. All I have is a guy I knew, him being a challenge and the fifty I lost yesterday. I can lie, live a few more years with that lie, reach my goal and bail. Bail if I find out it isn't what is meant to be, why CAN'T I BAIL. He would be happy, I would be happy what is he waiting for, I itch and make a face ... I am so close to winning. I CAN*T LOSE, not now. I decerve so much better, all I do is try, and yet even after touching feet with the ones at poverty all I hear is a no. All I see is a person I have numbed out, he may never forgive me, I don't care, but it's all an excuse, what do I have other than a vaccine I lost because someone broke into my house. It's not fair, I pull my hair, hit my head, tap my feet, make a fuss, nothing and all he does is nothing. He has this attitude of throwing it if I do anything rash, I ... want one small victory for once.
--
"I think I can make a difference, please can you give that too me", he said hitting his head on his knuckle not even looking at me face to face avoiding eye contact.
"You see those people, those weren't the same people like before, we don't even know them, we didn't even know the ones in our past, and yet even through our suffering they are here having known nothing of what we have done, nothing has been done, it's been a year ... you know how long that is dumbass, what is this shit we are doing, and you know the dumb part we are still where we were last time we met up, nobody new in our lives and hell you started praying to a belief you didn't believe in, I don't even want this vaccine anymore", I said knowing damn well of my hypocrisy.
"I can do something better, bigger than myself", he said praying.
"But you haven't and this is the same you who would push someone over the edge over money they don't even owe you, to me fifty isn't even a thing. I kill or killed for a living, you ... you preach but don't even notice fifty is still alot", I said having put down the menu.
"I wanna say so much right now", he said.
"In ten years where will all this be, those two, us, why can't we seem to see we hate each other so much we can never work together, every second I see your face makes me want to gouge out your eyes instead of mine because why should I suffer for your incompetence, but biggest of all this vaccine will be yours if you can answer this", I said pointing at those two again.
"Would those two care about the fifty dead if they got to swap out minds for a day, would they still be here, and most of all something even I can't answer what is their reaction to "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" do they smile, say ok or say something narsissistic, and how would you know", even my comment had no answer it was a bluff of my hypocrisy over a win only I cared for. I didn't wanna give all this away, started loosing touch with grammar a bit from time to time because I am so tired I don't wanna talk.
"You can only blame it on others for their misshaps because we will never know everything, people share that everything, you can never become king if you don't understand that ... that fifty was worth something, no you can't have this, this is mine, you lost, you started, die in a ditch", I said, all he did was growel at my feet, all my thoughts were saying I AM TIRED THROW IT, MAKE IT ALL BE GONE. I didn't do such ... he hugged my legs begging me, for longer and longer as time went on the day went dark and the store closed. I stood there and he gave up, he let go partially falling to his tiredness, I left. Fin.