What can possibly save you...
Yondu's thought process was simple: if Star-Lord were his biological kid, he would've thrown him against a wall as a baby and called it mercy. The boy was a walking disaster magnet.
To everyone else in the galaxy, Thanos was pure nightmare fuel. The lunatic traveled from planet to planet, slaughtering half the population for no apparent profit. Just death for death's sake.
And his forces weren't some ragtag militia. He commanded an army of elite warriors culled from brutal survival competitions across countless worlds. The best of the best, forged in blood.
That didn't even count the vassal forces trailing behind his main fleet. The Chitauri alone numbered in the millions, expendable cannon fodder that bred faster than they could be killed.
Yondu grabbed Star-Lord by the collar and yanked him close, slapping one hand over the idiot's mouth. He forced his face into something resembling a smile.
"Hey, hey! Sorry about that, folks. Kid forgot to take his medication this morning. I'll get him to a doctor on Xandar, no problem."
He started dragging the struggling Star-Lord toward the exit.
Star-Lord had only wanted to cause enough chaos to create an opening for escape. He never expected Yondu to fold this fast.
But Yondu wasn't being a coward. He was being pragmatic. Talking tough and getting his entire crew massacred wasn't bravery. It was stupidity with a body count.
His eyes kept darting toward Gamora, trying to signal her. They'd gotten along decently enough in Kyln, mostly because Star-Lord had been chasing her like a hormonal teenager. But Gamora had no time for Star-Lord's antics right now. Her mind was in complete chaos. Two Thanoses didn't mean double the fatherly affection. It meant exponentially more problems.
This wasn't the time to betray Thanos. Not with both versions of him standing right there.
"Father, I've disappointed you. The Orb was switched."
Young Thanos' expression softened in a way that would've shocked anyone who knew his reputation. "It's fine. I no longer need the Infinity Stone inside. As I told you before, you can live the life you want now."
He pulled out a prepared communicator and pressed it into her hands.
"If you ever need help, you can contact me."
Then he stepped back to stand beside Infinite Thanos. At this moment, he wasn't even second-in-command. He was just another subordinate with no authority to make decisions.
Yondu kept pulling Star-Lord toward the exit, his crew gathering around to help carry the struggling idiot. They grabbed his arms, his legs, basically every available limb.
That's when Mario's voice cut through.
"Please stay a moment."
He had somehow positioned himself right in front of the exit. "Good to see you again, Yondu."
Yondu had been shocked too many times today. First the double Thanos situation, then Star-Lord's suicidal provocation, and now the human who traveled with the Mad Titan like they were business partners.
"What a coincidence running into you here. About last time... I was planning to visit you soon to discuss that."
He felt like he'd stepped on every cursed artifact in the galaxy today. If he could rewind time, he would've stayed in bed.
"It's rare we meet face-to-face. Why hurry?" Mario's smile didn't reach his eyes. "And please don't tell me your wife is giving birth or some other bullshit excuse."
Star-Lord finally broke free from his crew's grip, landing on unsteady feet. One hand clutched his crotch protectively while the other smacked the nearest Ravager upside the head.
"Did you have to grab that hard?"
Then he turned to Mario. "Wait, it's you! What are you doing here... Hold on. Don't tell me you're the one who switched the Orb?"
He assumed Mario had made the swap back on Xandar.
"Star-Lord." Mario's grin widened. "I took the Orb months ago. Then I put it back, curious to see which lucky bastard would open it. Congratulations. You won the lottery."
That's when the first explosion echoed from outside. Then another. Then a whole chain of them, like fireworks on New Year's Eve.
He moved to the doorway and looked out at the chaos erupting across Knowhere.
Numerous ships were tearing through the station's defensive forces.
"Ronan showed up." He turned back to Infinite Thanos. "Notify your army. Time to begin."
Infinite Thanos didn't hesitate. The Mind Stone in his gauntlet flared bright yellow, and reality warped at the edges of Knowhere. Two colossal dreadnoughts materialized out of warp space.
Thousands of fighters poured from the hangars.
The explosions outside escalated from scattered chaos to full-scale warfare.
"Young Thanos, go handle Ronan. If he's willing to surrender, keep him alive. If he's stupid enough to refuse, kill him."
To Mario, Ronan only had individual strength going for him. Everything else made him disposable.
Young Thanos glanced at his counterpart. Infinite Thanos opened a blue portal using the Space Stone.
Young Thanos walked through without hesitation.
Mario turned his attention to Tivan.
"Interested in relocating your museum? As you can see, this place is becoming rather dangerous. You've collected so many valuable items. It would be a shame if they got destroyed in the crossfire."
Tivan said nothing, but his thoughts were written all over his face.
You're not just after my collection. You want my staff, and resources.
Mario believed children made choices. Adults took everything they wanted. The only thing stopping him from looting Knowhere's biggest prize was logistics. The dead Celestial's head was simply too big to transport easily.
Maybe I can come back for it later with better equipment.
Tivan hesitated. He knew Mario wasn't offering a choice. This was a polite notification. If Mario wanted everything here, resistance would be futile. But human nature resisted until the last possible moment. He needed to see who would win, Thanos or Ronan. That would determine his course of action.
Mario didn't care about Tivan's internal debate. He thought the Collector should relocate. Knowhere was a powder keg waiting to explode, literally and figuratively.
His eyes swept the room. Star-Lord had somehow slipped over to Gamora's side, whispering something. Yondu stood at the doorway, watching the space battle outside.
---
Ronan stalked through Knowhere's corridors toward Tivan's museum, his massive hammer resting on one shoulder. The explosions echoing through the station barely registered in his consciousness. Overhead, a fighter spiraled out of control and crashed into a marketplace. The fireball sent civilians scattering in panic, but he didn't even glance up. A shirtless figure suddenly blocked his path. The man was covered in red tattoos, and he gripped a short blade.
Drax the Destroyer.
"Did you send the signal? Saying the Orb is here?"
"That's right." Ronan's expression didn't change. "This will be your burial ground."
"Ronan, you will pay for what you've done to my family—"
Drax launched himself forward, blade aimed at Ronan's skull.
Ronan didn't even break stride. He swung his hammer, connecting with Drax mid-leap. The impact sent him flying backward into a pile of rubble.
That's when the sky went dark.
The scattered explosions suddenly became a constant barrage, so dense it sounded like continuous thunder. The abrupt escalation made even him look up.
A massive swarm of fighters was descending on his forces.
That's Thanos' army... but how... why...
The Kree soldier beside him went pale, his hands shaking as he pressed one finger to his earpiece.
"Our flagship is being engaged by two Sanctuary-class dreadnoughts. We're taking heavy fire."
Ronan grabbed the soldier by the throat and lifted him off the ground. "Who is it?"
He had a suspicion.
The soldier choked out the words, looking like he'd swallowed poison. "It's... it's Thanos' Sanctuary ships. Two of them."
"Two Sanctuary ships? Why don't you just say there are two Thanoses while you're making up bullshit—"
A blue portal tore open reality three meters in front of him.
Young Thanos stepped through, his double-bladed sword already in hand. Beyond the portal, Ronan could see the other Thanos watching silently.
Oh fuck.
He released the soldier, who crumpled to the ground gasping.
"Why? We had a partnership."
Young Thanos looked at him. "I need no reason, Ronan. Submit completely... or die."
Their relationship had always been transactional, not truly hierarchical. Ronan served as an ally, not a subordinate. That's why he had let it slide when Ronan killed that loudmouth servant months ago.
But hearing the word "submit" triggered something in Ronan's explosive personality.
"You think you can enslave me like your Chitauri?" Ronan gripped his hammer with both hands. "The Kree bow to no one!"
He swung with all his strength.
Young Thanos raised his blade one-handed and caught the hammer mid-strike. The shockwave from the impact sent cracks spider-webbing through the floor beneath them.
Then he kicked Ronan in the chest, sending the Accuser staggering backward a dozen steps.
"You're strong," he said. "Wasted potential."
Ronan's soldiers raised their weapons. That's when countless needle-thin projectiles materialized in the air above them.
Two identical figures descended from above. Maw, both versions of him, smiled.
"Shh. Do not disturb the Master."
With a slight gesture, the ice needles shot downward, piercing through throats.
BOOM.
Two massive figures jumped down from a transport ship overhead, their landing cracking the pavement. Obsidian, again, two of them, raised their hammers and roared at the surviving Kree forces.
The message was clear: interfere and die.
Ronan's remaining soldiers froze. The floating needles had been terrifying enough, but those hammers looked like they could pulverize starship hulls. He showed no sign of surrender.
Young Thanos didn't waste more words. One more follower or one less made minimal difference. The universe never lacked for life willing to serve power.
He charged forward, his blade descending in an overhead strike. Ronan barely got his hammer up in time to block, but the impact sent numbness shooting up both arms.
The explosions in the distance ceased. Ronan knew what that meant, his forces had been wiped out or captured. No more reinforcements were coming. But he had never retreated from anything in his life. Pride wouldn't let him.
I am Kree. We do not kneel.
Young Thanos read the defiance in Ronan's eyes and moved. His blade came in low, bypassing Ronan's guard, and went clean through the Accuser's chest.
The wide blade nearly bisected Ronan's torso. His hammer slipped from fingers and hit the ground. Blood poured from his mouth, but his eyes remained filled with rage until the very end. He tried to speak, but only managed to cough up more blood.
Young Thanos pulled the blade free and wiped it clean.
Ronan's corpse collapsed in a heap.
"Take in all surviving Kree. Execute any who resist."
"Yes, Master."
"As you command."
---
"Well, that's that."
Mario watched through the windows as the last of Ronan's ships went down in flames. The Accuser's death had been surprisingly anticlimactic, all things considered.
He turned his attention to Yondu.
"Interested in a long-term business relationship?"
The forced grin had completely vanished from the Ravager captain's face. Ronan's death served as an excellent object lesson.
"Because we've worked together before, I'm willing to let you walk away." Mario stepped closer. "But considering your stunt last time, I think we need to renegotiate our terms."
He held up one hand, fingers spread.
"Six. Six uninhabited but livable planets. Size doesn't matter."
Yondu frowned. Not every habitable planet was worthless like Morag. Six of them might as well be asking for his ship, his crew, and his firstborn child.
"That's... you're only holding up five fingers."
Mario smiled wider and wiggled his hand. "I can't count. You got a problem with that?"
Yondu understood the situation instantly.
"No. Six is perfect. Six sounds great."
Right now, all he wanted was to get his crew off this station before Mario changed his mind about letting them leave at all.