"Careful with that. It's three thousand years old, from when Asgard was conquering half the known universe."
Tivan directed a crew of workers as they hauled his collection through the blue. The new location was considerably brighter than Knowhere, at least it orbited an actual star instead of floating in the dead Celestial's skull.
Mario watched the procession with satisfaction. "I'm glad you made the smart choice, Collector."
He walked over and picked up the sword Tivan had been fussing about. "Though I gotta say, your collection's quality is a bit inconsistent."
The blade showed no signs of aging despite allegedly being three millennia old. The craftsmanship was Asgardian work, probably from when their Valkyrie corps got wiped out fighting Hela. How it ended up in Tivan's hands was anyone's guess.
Then again, you could grab any random Asgardian warrior off the street and their weapon would be at least a few centuries old. That's just how they roll.
"Here." He pulled Ronan's hammer from his inventory. "Consider this an upgrade. Ronan's weapon. I think both the reputation and the raw power far exceed that sword."
Tivan's eyes widened at the sight of the Universal Weapon.
"Oh, and I've got more." Mario was on a roll now. "The Destroyer, Odin's personal war machine. Plus the Casket of Ancient Winters, an artifact of the Frost Giants. Fun fact: with the right technique, that thing could freeze an entire planet solid."
The Casket had been a favor from Thor, given with Odin's blessing. The only condition was that it couldn't fall into Frost Giant hands. Anyone else was fair game.
"All yours. Add them to your museum."
Mario even hinted that more might be coming, maybe the Eternal Flame, possibly even Infinity Stones.
Tivan practically threw himself at the artifacts, his eyes burning with collector's mania. Mario took a step back from the intensity.
Guy's got issues.
But that was the thing about Tivan. Unlike most beings who wanted Infinity Stones for power, he just wanted to collect them. He just wanted to put them in a display case and admire them.
"Your collection is extraordinary. Items of this caliber are vanishingly rare across the entire cosmos."
"That's because you're collecting in the wrong places. If the universe is a story, then Earth is the protagonist. Stay close to the main character and you'll find more treasures than you can carry."
Tivan didn't quite understand the metaphor, but it didn't stop him from caressing the Destroyer armor.
That's when a silver-white robot burst into the room, Banner's excited voice emanating from the speakers.
"Mario! The mutant serum is finished! We've tested it extensively on the vampires and the safety rating is now one hundred percent!"
Mario's entire demeanor shifted.
"But..."
Mario's expression darkened instantly. "If you don't want me finding a wife for the Hulk, spit it out."
Banner had no idea how terrifying that threat was. On the other end, the excitement drained from his face as his mind conjured images of Hulk... and hypothetical offspring.
"Right. Sorry. The mutant serum works, but only Raven's shapeshifting gene has been successfully replicated so far. And we've only tested it on vampires. If we want human trials, we'll need to reconfigure the formula."
Raven's shapeshifting ability had been Mario's top priority from the beginning. Thanks to her cooperation and the vampires' "enthusiastic volunteering," development had progressed faster than expected.
He wasn't disappointed. This level of success in such a short timeframe exceeded his expectations.
"Wait for me. I'll be right there. As for human test subjects, I'll handle it."
He turned back to Tivan, who was still examining the Destroyer. Mario could hear him muttering under his breath.
"Something's off about this armor... but it's definitely Asgardian work... the energy signature is unique..."
"Problem with the armor?"
Mario walked over and rapped his knuckles against the Destroyer's chest plate. Tivan straightened, his expression unusually serious. "The energy contained within is formidable. Extraordinarily so. But if this was truly meant to combat the Celestials..."
He gestured at Knowhere visible through the viewport, the severed head of a dead Celestial.
"I'm not certain it would be sufficient."
Mario frowned. He'd seen the Destroyer in action in the original timeline. It was powerful, sure. With Odin inside it would be devastating. But against Celestials?
Was this thing a fake?
No, that couldn't be right. His inventory clearly labeled it as Destroyer Armor. The system didn't lie about item names.
Unless this was a replica that happened to share the name.
His frown smoothed out as quickly as it had appeared. "I got this from an Asgardian prince. Real or replica, the damn thing is still terrifyingly powerful."
The Destroyer was armor, not a robot. Its strength depended entirely on who wore it. Most people just treated it like a remote-controlled weapon and missed the point entirely.
Tivan nodded, accepting the explanation. Even if it was a replica, the energy readings far exceeded most items in his collection.
Mario glanced at the steady stream of artifacts still flowing through the portal. "You stay here and organize. I've got business to handle."
"Of course."
Tivan maneuvered the Casket of Ancient Winters into a specialized containment unit. Every instinct and instrument he possessed screamed that direct contact would be catastrophic.
Seeing there was nothing else he needed to do here, Mario left.
Tivan got his collector's fix. Mario gained a massive museum filled with artifacts.
Win-win.
---
The biological laboratory was spotless, which made sense given that the test subjects were all vampires. Unlike lab animals, they didn't piss and shit everywhere. The few accidents that did occur got cleaned up immediately by the subjects themselves.
Nothing motivated cleanliness like the threat of Banner turning green.
The moment Mario entered, he spotted a vampire suspended by all four limbs in a glass enclosure. Something was stuffed in its mouth, muffling the pathetic whimpering sounds it made.
The creature looked utterly miserable.
None of the surrounding researchers showed the slightest sympathy. Not because they lacked compassion. The vampire had earned its punishment the moment Banner freed it from restraints and it immediately lunged at the nearest researcher. Who happened to be Banner. The vampire's fangs shattered on impact. Then Hulk had pile-driven the poor bastard straight through the floor. The fact that it was still alive testified to vampiric durability.
Mario approached the containment unit. "This one's still breathing? Just kill it already. It's been hanging there for days."
Banner shook his head. "Not yet. We're still running tests on the serum effects."
He wasn't motivated by revenge. Definitely not.
He merely glanced at the vampire who had contributed so tremendously to the research. Without this particular test subject, progress would have been significantly slower.
Most experiments tried to keep subjects out of danger. This one was special. Under Mario's direct orders, they'd pushed it right to the edge of death repeatedly.
Mario waved at a nearby technician, signaling to lower the vampire from its restraints.
The moment its feet touched the ground, the creature curled into a trembling ball. It didn't even remove the gag, just cowered there like a terrified quail.
He raised an eyebrow at Banner. "What did you do to him? He's terrified of you."
Last time he had checked on the aftermath of Banner's attack, the vampire had been arrogant even with every bone shattered. It had tried to make threats about doing inappropriate things to everyone's families.
Banner gave an awkward smile but said nothing. Some things were better left unspoken.
Mario turned his attention back to the vampire. "Come on, I liked you better when you had attitude. Bring back the tough guy act."
The vampire trembled harder.
Banner pulled out a notebook and pen, tapping the folder twice.
"Stand up. Walk to the testing area."
The vampire's body moved before its brain processed the command. It rose and walked toward the designated zone.
Mario followed, scanning the lab. "Where's Karen? And Raven?"
Banner's expression turned uncomfortable. "They both left. Karen went back to find Blade. Raven went looking for Xavier."
Given his unique situation, dating was complicated. Most women couldn't handle the fact that intense emotions triggered a transformation into a giant rage monster.
He ignored Mario's inappropriate stare. "Try activating the shapeshifting gene."
The vampire's face immediately began shifting and morphing. Its body, however, remained unchanged. The transformation gene clearly still had bugs to work out.
"Raven's gene has been successfully replicated," he explained. "But the effects don't quite match the original. The gene needs time to adapt to each individual biology, otherwise it triggers genetic collapse."
Mario nodded in satisfaction. This outcome exceeded his expectations. Maybe not as perfect as Raven's natural ability, but more than good enough.
"Excellent work."
Banner wasn't finished. Seeing Mario's approval, he continued, "There's more. Our research into Raven's genes led to breakthroughs in other areas. We've developed gene serums that enhance cellular activity and extend the cellular life cycle. All we need now are human trials. If this works, it'll be a watershed moment in human evolution."
Mario's eyes lit up. If Banner was right about the implications...
"How much longer? Life extension, I mean."
"Based on theoretical models, between one point five and two times normal human lifespan. And with enhanced cellular activity comes dramatically improved immune response. We're talking immunity to most diseases."
The serum would be useless for Mario personally, he didn't age and was already effectively immune to disease. But for ordinary humans? Priceless.
"I'll find volunteers for human trials. Don't worry about ethical concerns, they'll all be genuine volunteers."
Mario couldn't just grab random criminals or healthy people off the street. Banner still had a conscience, and those subjects would register as "human beings" to him. But terminal patients who had nothing to lose? People with stage four cancer staring down death anyway? They'd volunteer in a heartbeat.
Money talks. Desperation screams.
Banner nodded. He'd worked with Mario long enough to trust that the man had his own moral boundaries, even if they didn't always align with conventional ethics.
---
After saying goodbye to Banner, Mario left the bio lab and used a Nether portal to return to Central Park. He hadn't been back to Earth in weeks, and the familiar surroundings triggered an unexpected wave of homesickness.
People who get homesick shouldn't travel to other galaxies.
He collapsed onto his sofa in the underground base.
"I need to call Coulson. When it comes to finding test subjects, S.H.I.E.L.D.'s the best option."
S.H.I.E.L.D. had risen from the ashes of the Hydra purge. Fury had rebuilt the organization into the global powerhouse it once was. The man's personal capabilities were genuinely impressive.
Mario pulled out his phone and dialed. After a few rings, Coulson's familiar voice answered.
"Mario? What made you suddenly think to call me? Let me guess, you need something."
Mario chuckled. "Come on, don't be like that. I've been busy. I've developed something interesting. Thought S.H.I.E.L.D. might want first crack at it."
Coulson's tone shifted immediately. If Mario himself called something interesting, it was guaranteed to be significant.
"I'm listening."