[Shizuka POV]
We stood facing each other, my mouth opening and closing like I wanted to say something.
It's funny—I could make a thousand excuses. I could probably even formulate one right now.
But somehow, my brain is just… blank.
Even Miu's face showed a confusion no words could explain.
After what felt like an eternity, Miu spoke first.
"Shizuka… what, how?"
I couldn't help but avert my eyes, smiling a bit bitterly.
"I, uhmm…"
My black eyes returned to meet Miu's, reflecting the concern in her blue ones.
"You got recruited? Are you a magical girl now?"
Miu smiled back, her hands—still holding paper bags—trembling slightly as she spoke.
I knew she knew. She'd seen me use my powers… and it didn't resemble anything like the magical girls.
"Ah, that… yeah, I guess I did."
I smiled wider, the light in my dark eyes slowly fading.
『Should I just kill her?』
Having someone other than Himeno know my other identity… is a liability.
And that scary thought came so easily, so naturally.
But that would be too easy. Far too easy.
And this isn't like me at all.
"I'm kidding~"
I stuck out my tongue playfully, watching Miu frown in response.
"Then what was that earlier?"
Miu's eyes narrowed, staring at me like I was up to no good.
"What was that I saw earlier?"
She huffed.
"Oh, nothing."
I smiled as I stepped toward her, causing Miu to retreat slightly.
"Just a bit of youma magic."
My grin deepened, and I winked, raising a finger to my lips in a cutesy shush gesture.
"Y-Youma magic… Shizuka, you…"
Miu stepped back again, her eyes trembling, struggling to focus on my face. My smile grew more apparent, more gleeful—like a crow finding a new shiny thing.
"Mhm."
I said it simply.
"If Lya didn't pick me, I would've chosen to become one myself."
My black eyes swirled into whirlpools of abyss.
"No, no, that… but you said—"
"That I wanted to become a magical girl? I did. But now, as you can see… I've become one!"
I spread my arms wide, cutting her off with a proud tone.
"But that's not important. What's important is that you, my childhood friend, saw me use my powers. And I…"
I tilted my head, taking another step closer.
"Don't know if you can keep this a secret."
My hands slipped behind my back, already ready to conjure a shadow-spike if needed.
"I-I can keep my word!"
And just like that, the spike vanished before it even formed. Her words—so sweet, so desperate—made me smile even wider.
"Oh, really?"
I asked, my voice light and sweet, yet laced with unmistakable malice.
"R-Really! You're my best friend! My childhood friend—didn't we promise that no matter what, I'd support you?"
Hearing Miu's trembling voice, seeing her eyes shake with fear… the smile on my lips faded into a slight frown.
Right…
What have I been doing, toying with our relationship like this?
This isn't like me at all.
What have I…
…been doing?
My gaze softened, gentler than before.
"I'm sorry, I…"
But the apology caught in my throat. I didn't even know why I was saying it—or if I meant it at all.
"N-No, it's my fault. I should've just kept walking and…"
Hearing Miu make excuses—apologizing to me—made my heart pang with pain…
I haven't seen her since the new magical girls debuted.
And this is how I treat her?
I know she looked up to me.
She must be so disappointed.
My mouth opened and closed again, searching for words that wouldn't come.
Nothing came out at all.
As Caelumbra, I valued efficiency above all else. Cruelty, if necessary, was just part of the job.
But… I'm not Caelumbra right now, right?
I'm Shizuka.
Yet somehow, that mentality seeped into this 「mask」.
Miu's voice began to blur, my eyes unfocusing as I analyzed, reflected, dissected my own actions.
"Hah… hah…"
My pupils dilated as Miu kept apologizing. My chest felt tight—so tight I clutched it, afraid my heart would be torn out.
Why?
Why do I feel like this?!
The usual calm, composed me…
What's happening?!
"Shi-… Shi-… Shizuka!"
When I came to, I felt warm, gentle hands wrapped around mine. Miu was there…
Looking at me with so much concern.
"You're… crying."
Miu whispered it softly.
Eh?
Me?
Crying?
My black eyes trembled. Realizing her hands on mine, I swatted mine away abruptly.
"I-I'm sorry."
Seeing Miu's wide, pained eyes, I apologized immediately.
"Hah… hah…"
My breathing was still fast. Unsteady.
That warmth I just felt… am I even worthy of it?
I bit my lip, looking at Miu with a pained expression.
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry, I'll explain when I can… I'm sorry…"
I blubbered incoherently as tears fell profusely.
"Shizuka, it's okay, you can—"
But before I could hear the rest, I turned my back and ran.
"I'm sorry!"
I yelled as I fled, my legs moving like they belonged to someone else.
I ran and ran. It didn't matter that my feet screamed in pain.
Tears kept welling up. I almost tripped as I ran.
I couldn't see clearly. My breathing was so tight, my throat burned with every gasp.
But it didn't matter.
It didn't matter that people saw me crying as I raced toward Hanamizuki University.
Didn't matter that I failed to help elders cross the street.
Didn't matter that I didn't greet anyone as I reached my room.
It didn't matter.
It didn't matter!
My eyes darkened even as tears kept falling.
Is this really the path I'll take?
I didn't know it would be this hard.
I knew I'd hurt people in the future…
But I didn't expect it to hurt this badly.
Of all people, it had to be Miu.
Of all people… her.
Why did I even think of killing her?
Why?!
She did nothing wrong…
I hugged my knees tighter, curled on my bed, crying.
This path I took is too pitiful.
Too pitiful.
Maybe… this is why, in the beginning, when all there is is darkness… light eventually appears.
Because when darkness is all alone, there's nothing but an empty void.
So even when light takes its place, the darkness grows so weak it cowers.
It never fights back.
Because the light is all it has…
I couldn't help but think those thoughts.
This path I've chosen will inevitably push the people I love away from me.
Only now do I truly feel this burden.
I am a lamb for slaughter.
I was never the unmoved mover.
I was never Her Majesty.
Just a young woman, blinded by hatred…
So foolishly offering to be the villain, just so the world remembers what "good" is.
I will be hated.
I will be despised.
As these thoughts raced, I wailed in grief for what felt like forever.
For this might be the last time I can grieve for myself.