The muffled singing of birds slowly wakes me up.
As I shift in my bed, the soft fabric beneath draws me into it.
'I don't want to wake up.'
I sit up straight and slap my cheeks.
'No being lazy! You have to take care of your brother!'
But as I looked around the empty room, I remembered the events of yesterday.
'Right... I don't have that job anymore.'
That wasn't a good excuse to be lazy though!
My feet touched the slightly cool floor and I got dressed.
Before going downstairs, I looked at the sleeping profile of my brother.
'He's so cute...'
My face stiffened and I clenched my fists.
Once I descended the stairs, I saw Faun already there.
"So this is about the time you wake up. Noted."
That monotone voice made me tense up.
I sat at the wooden table, the chair creaking under my weight.
Sitting idly, I was constructing the perfect sentence in my mind.
I opened my mouth, but Faun was faster.
"When will your brother wake up?"
My perfect set up was ruined, but that was no big deal.
"I'm not sure myself. I'm normally at work when he wakes up."
He slowly nodded, not even bothering to look at me.
I descended into thought.
'He's not shouting, and he's patiently waiting. He seems understanding.'
I didn't allow those thoughts to fool me, people constantly use masks. They all act sweet at the start...
'But he's not acting sweet, is he?'
I shook my head. Being so naive never did any good for me.
I needed to focus on something else.
"Mister Faun, what will we be selling and making?"
"Popsicles. And no need for the Mister."
"I see, popcikls..."
He frowned for some reason. I tried thinking of the reason for the sudden change in expression, but came up short.
In boredom, I looked around the kitchen.
It felt empty despite the multitude of things in it, probably because there were only necessities here. The only unnecessary thing was a metal bucket.
Next, I looked out the window.
The sun shone brightly on the houses and roads outside.
It felt... weird.
Instead of being outside under that shining sun, I was watching from the inside of a house.
In fact, now that I was aware of it, I felt a bit chilly. Was my body missing the sun's warmth...?
"Hey, look at me."
I returned from my deep thoughts at Faun's voice. I did as he said and looked at him.
"Okay, you can do whatever now."
He went back to staring at nothing.
I kept looking at him, studying his expression and clothes.
His expression was bored, he was probably tired of waiting for Kilta. His clothes were completely plain. White shirt, black pants, black socks, nothing else.
Overall, he looked completely normal. It was to the point that my brain automatically tuned him out of my perception.
The only thing weird were his eyes. How to say it... it was almost like he was looking through everything instead of at everything.
If I had to pick a word to describe them... it would be distant.
I did not know why, but that word felt the most appropriate, despite me never seeing any eyes similar to this one. A kind of intuition I gained from studying so many eyes.
"Haaa, we're going to have to fix Kilta's sleep schedule."
As soon as he said that, his eyes became completely normal, and his expression became even more bored.
I blinked in shock.
'The look in his eyes changed so rapidly! I don't think I've ever seen something like that before...'
I was a bit surprised, and I decided to study Faun's eyes more. Who knows what they could be hiding...
***
Standing in front of the clothing shop, I once again felt weird. It was a feeling I couldn't quite describe.
Faun walked in without a second thought and Kilta followed suit. I hesitated before going in too.
Once I did, bright colors filled my vision. It was a bit stunning.
I started looking around without thought.
So many colors, so many different clothes of different types. It was as if I was in a fantasy world.
Snap.
I came back to my senses and went after Faun, who had stopped and snapped his fingers upon seeing my state.
We walked alongside the various clothes, until Faun suddenly stopped. He turned to the two of us.
"So, if I remember the color wheel correctly, yellowy-orange works best with dark blue. Do you want to go with my recommendation, or pick out something yourself?"
"I'll choose something myself."
Kilta answered without hesitation.
I looked around. So many clothes, so many colors, it felt like my vision was swimming...
I forcefully closed my eyes.
"Your recommendation."
I knew that if I tried picking something myself, we would be here all day.
***
"Alright, this is where you'll be selling the popsicles."
I looked at the signboard.
'Ah, so that's how popsicle is spelt...'
We walked behind the stall with me carrying a heavy metal box on a wooden plank.
Even after I placed the metal box down, my arms felt weak.
The thought of carrying this every day made me slump my shoulders.
"You won't really have to worry about attracting customers, popsicles are already kind of a big thing. Just make sure the transaction goes through smoothly. Though, if you want some more coin, maybe think about acting cute?"
I nodded. Acting cute was nothing new to me, I would probably do it out of sheer habit.
Faun's gaze locked onto three people who were walking towards the stall, I followed his gaze.
Once the trio walked up to the stall, they all looked at me. I smiled at them.
"What kind of popsicle would you like? Strawberry, apple? And how many?"
The boy of the group looked at Faun.
"Who is she?"
Faun gently pat me on the head. It looked weird, considering I was only a small bit shorter than him.
"This is Ryuni, and she's going to be the one working at the stall from now on. For now, I'm just getting her familiarized with everything. Though, as you can see, she's a natural."
He smirked.
I was surprised, this was the first time I had seen his eyes smile.
"Mister Faun, you know these people?"
"Yep. And how many times do I have to tell you to drop the Mister?"
He gave me a look that was half-stern half-joking. I wryly smiled.
"Sorry, habit."
The boy then looked back at me.
"It's nice to meet you, I'm Souma, she's Mitsuki and she is Leila. We're Faun's... friends, so to say?"
Mitsuki straightened her back and interjected.
"We're acquaintances. I wouldn't say we're close enough to be friends."
"I would say the same."
Faun nodded.
'From my perspective, it clearly looks like they are friends though. Perhaps Faun just does not want to admit it...?'
"Well, whether we're friends or not, we'd like three popsicles."
"Three? You don't want a popsicle that often, what's the special occasion?"
Souma shrugged.
"I just want one."
Faun looked at me with a small smile, I was brought back from my ponderings.
"Alright, three popsicles coming up!"
I smiled enthusiastically.
***
"Meow."
"She's... surprisingly clingy with the both of you. Wonder why."
I petted the cat who was brushing herself against my legs.
"She's a cutie. What's her name?"
Faun blinked for a small while.
"You don't know?"
"Well, she does have a collar, but there's only some kind of weird pattern on it, no words or letters. Is it some kind of weird writing style that I am supposed to know?"
He sat down and looked at the cat, presumably at the collar.
After a small silence, he stood back up.
"Her name is Ispra."
"Ispra... a somewhat dignified name, but at the same time cute. I like it!"
I continued petting the purring Ispra.
***
As I looked at Faun's disappearing back, I couldn't help but feel weird.
Before I knew it, I had acted upon that emotion.
"Excuse me, Mister Faun?"
He turned back at me, his face as impassive as always.
"No need for the Mister, just call me Faun. In the first place, I'm only two years older than you."
"Ah, alright."
His voice was monotone, but it didn't feel as scary as it used to.
Without even realizing it, I had started fidgeting with my hair.
I didn't know what I wanted to say, but I knew that I wanted to say something.
The silence stretched, and yet Faun was not getting the smallest bit impatient.
"What is it that you wanted to tell me?"
I looked at his profile. He was standing there in the doorway, blocking the sunlight, his whole body a shadow.
My mouth opened, but I still had no idea what to say, so it just stayed like that. After some hesitation, I decided to ask the question that's been on my mind for some time, hoping that's what I wanted to say.
"...Why did you choose us? There are numerous other children in the streets, I don't see a reason for you to have chosen us."
The weird feeling in my chest didn't go away, instead, it flared even stronger. Even still, I had no idea what it is I wanted to say.
Faun tilted his head, the sun now visible from behind him, which made his figure appear even darker.
"Ah, well, the answer's simple. You're cute. And if you're pleasant to look at, it's easier to attract customers. It's also easier to gain the trust of two people who are connected than to gain trust of two completely separate people."
He closed the door, stopping the conversation.
As I looked at that door, I finally realized what that feeling was.
Tears started streaming down my face.
I bowed.
"Thank you."
Words I had not spoken in years. An emotion that was laying dormant had exploded in full.
From the moment we escaped from our mom, to the moment I finally found a job as a waitress, it was all so scary... it was just too much.
So many things to do, so many things to take care of.
It was difficult. The shift from being taken care of to not even having a roof from the rain was too sudden, I could barely deal with it.
But the worst was my brother.
Weaker, younger, less experienced. His safety was the hardest to guarantee.
For so long, I had just wished to see him safe.
"Thank you."
And now, he was. He was safe, he even had a job! My dummy of a little brother having a job! It still felt like a fantasy.
And it was all thanks to Faun. I did not understand him. At all. When most people I could understand from just a glance, he was still full of mysteries and contradictions.
But even so, that did not stop me from feeling this flaring emotion.
Gratitude.
So much gratitude.
***
"Thanks for the food!"
Kilta said with a big smile on his face.
"Good. Now, go upstairs and sleep. Otherwise, Faun will give you an earful again."
I smiled mischievously.
Kilta cringed. That was clearly not a pleasant memory for him.
He left upstairs.
I put the dishes into a... I'm pretty sure Faun called it a sinc? Yeah, I put the dishes into the sinc.
Faun normally washed the dishes with water magic above the metal bucket, and this sinc was the gathering for dishes before he did that... if I'm remembering correctly.
Sitting at the table, I looked out the window.
It was almost night, and Faun wasn't here yet. He wasn't normally this late.
I stared at the darkness outside the window. The light from the houses somewhat lit up the streets, but that was not enough to extinguish the darkness fully.
I felt myself slipping a bit.
'...What now?'
Kilta is safe and happy.
That was all I wished for... and what now?
'I'm definitely not dying, that would make Kilta sad... but what now?'
The question swam around in my head.
For so long I had dreamed of this, and now that it was here... just how do you live inside a dream?
Was there... a place for me inside this dream? Did I belong in this fantasy land?
If I did belong, then what was I supposed to do?
'...What now?'
I have tried a couple of things already. I bought some toys and decorations, since I know that some people derive pleasure from spending money and looking good. I exercised a bit, as some people feel good from bettering themselves.
Nothing worked for me, the question never went away.
The only thing that felt slightly interesting was talking to some weird adventurers that come to the popsicle stand.
The stories they have, their ideologies, their eyes. It was somewhat intriguing, but still not hole-filling.
'Unfortunately, I don't have much time to talk to customers. They are just that after all, customers, and there's a line that I shouldn't hold up...'
Suddenly, the door opened.
"You are quite late..."
My next words got stuck in my throat.
In the doorway stood Faun, covered in scars from head to toe. The light from the house made the scars stand out even more due to the dark cover of night behind him.
"What happened?!"
I walked closer, concerned.
Now that I was close up, I could see that his clothes were extremely bloodied too. His state was even worse than what his scars would suggest!
"Oh, I just got into a kind of bad situation back there. Don't worry, I can still cook and move fine."
My eye twitched. What the hell was he saying?!
"That amount of scars is not a kind of bad situation, it's a really bad situation!"
He looked me in the eyes with the same impassive expression.
"No, a really bad situation is one in which my livelihood is threatened. This time around it's just scratches."
He said that in a monotone voice, as if it was a logical thought.
I was bewildered.
'What?! So you only care about your life?! What about the pain?! The blood?! The people around you?!'
As I was looking at his face, I noticed something.
I focused on his eyes, they were going wild. I didn't know why, but his eyes were rapidly switching. One moment, they were looking through me, the next second, they were clearly looking at me.
Those distant eyes that he didn't have during the last two weeks, they were now showing up again.
A realization struck me.
'Ah... is that what it is?'
Distant. His eyes felt distant.
His eyes were actively distancing everything in his perception, making everything further away than it actually was.
In other words... he was running away from reality.
'Is that why he doesn't consider the trio as friends?'
Being a friend meant being close to someone. Considering how Faun was distancing everything, he probably didn't want that.
But why?
'And what forced you into this current state?'
His eyes were rapidly switching. It meant he was trying to distance reality away from him, but was failing.
I looked at his profile. He was standing in the doorway, the fire from the candles lighting up his body. It contrasted heavily against the shadowy night behind him.
"Anyways, I'm going to my room. Considering your brother's not here, that must mean you've ate already, so I have no need to be down here."
He walked up with hurried steps. I was too stunned to follow him.
A person who distances everything away from themselves...
'Is that why?'
He never gets annoyed and is always patient with others. He is fine with others making mistakes, despite them sometimes affecting him.
'Is it because you don't care? Because everyone is a stranger to you?'
Nobody would care if a stranger made a bunch of mistakes, nobody would expect a stranger to do what is asked of them perfectly.
Was this why he acted like he did with everyone?
'...Just what made you want to see everyone as a stranger?'
And do you consider me one too?
...
I tilted my head.
'Interesting.'
I did not care for being seen as a stranger, it had nothing to do with me. I also did not care for Faun's mental state as long as my brother lived fine.
But still...
"Interesting."
This felt like a good waste of time. A good way to live my life that has no purpose anymore.
What now?
I had an answer to that question.
I will understand Faun now.
***
Faun started walking outside after eating the breakfast, I couldn't help but call out.
"You're already going back to adventuring?"
He turned back at me. His eyes were normal, unlike the previous days.
"Not yet, I'm not fully healed. I'm just going to the library."
I was surprised. Library?
"What's the occasion? What are you going to learn?"
"No occasion, just a good way to spend time while being injured. And I'm going there to understand this world a bit better."
Something felt wrong in that sentence, but I wasn't able to pinpoint it.
"Ah, also, you made me remember something."
Faun went upstairs. After I heard some rummaging, he came back down.
In his hands was a... book? It looked weird, but it was most definitely a book.
He walked up to me and handed it to me. The book felt strange to the touch; the cover was smooth. It was a weird material I had never seen before.
It was blue, and on the front of it there were some weird scribbles.
"Here you go. This is a book with some recipes I know how to cook. Whenever you have the opportunity to cook, I'd suggest using this. I'd like to know your opinion on how tasty the dishes are."
I nodded and opened the book.
As I listed through its smooth paper, I couldn't help but be surprised at the amount.
'I've never heard of any of these.'
Just where was Faun getting all these recipes from?
'Ah, these ones look pretty normal.'
Upon reading far enough, I started seeing some foods that vaguely resembled something I knew. Even still, there were some clear differences.
"So you want me to make some of these?"
"Yeah. You don't have to, but I'd appreciate it."
"You'd... appreciate it, huh."
As far as I had seen, Faun hasn't shown much emotion. At most, he had smiled with the trio. Considering being full of wounds didn't even cause him to frown, would something like this really make him smile or did he have some other plan...
'Well either way, he doesn't seem to like lying.'
Despite not showing it, he clearly still felt emotions. If I were to do this, he would appreciate it.
'I wonder how he acts when he appreciates something...'
That was something interesting to think about. Would anything even be different about him? I felt like the answer would be no, but the only way to truly find out was...
"Okay, I'll do it. Be prepared for a good meal when you come back."
I smiled at him.
He just nodded with the same impassive face as always.
"Thanks."
***
"Hey, would it be possible to talk?"
I was a bit surprised, but kept my friendly expression.
"Please don't hold up the line... is not something I can say, considering the emptiness behind you. Sure, I can spare some time, what did you want to talk about?"
Talking with adventurers like this girl before me was also interesting from time to time. So why not indulge?
She put her arm on the stand.
"So, you know the guy who worked here before you, right?"
"Yeah, he's my employer."
"Do you know how to piss that fu"
She pinched herself.
"that guy off?"
...
"What?"
She frowned heavily.
"Listen, that du"
She pinched herself.
"that guy has been a source of headaches for me, and I want to really get under his skin. You know how to do that?"
I was a bit amused by this girl. I couldn't help but look into her eyes.
There was some mild anger and gratitude in her eyes. It was a weird combination.
"How petty."
I wondered how she would react to that.
She scratched her head.
"I know it's fucking petty, but that guy pisses me off. Like, he perfectly pushes my buttons without any effort, but when I try to insult him, he doesn't give a shit! And that's especially weird because the first time we met, he overreacted like crazy! I can't grasp what the hell suddenly made him so thick-skinned."
My eyes widened. Overreacted? That's not a word that could be used to describe Faun. In fact, it was the furthest word I could think of.
I was instantly hooked.
"Hmm... I'm going to be honest with you, I'm not sure it's possible to make Faun angry or upset. That said, if you tell me about that overreaction of his, we might come up with something together."
She had a surprised look on her face. In fact, she was completely frozen.
"What? Why are you so surprised?"
"You are... fine with this? Isn't he your employer, aren't you scared or something?"
I was dumbfounded. This girl... was she stupid?
"No, don't you think it's a little bit late to be thinking about that? Why did that kind of thought enter your brain so late?"
She shook her head.
"No no, It's nothing, forget about it. Since you're fine with it, then you're fine with it."
This time, it was my turn to be surprised.
'Are her thoughts delayed or something?'
I had seen adventurers that were musclebrained, but this was something completely different. She was clearly capable of smart thoughts, it's just that they took a while.
Is this what they call... being slow?
I took a deep breath, it was a bit funny, so I had to calm down.
"I see some customers coming up, so we don't have much time to talk. Come here at around 18:00, when my popsicles will run out."
She nodded.
"Alright. Can I... please have a popsicle?"
"Of course!"
I served her with a smile.
Looking at her disappearing back, I was intrigued.
I wondered just what was up with this girl and Faun.
***
"Please come back again!"
"We will, thank you."
I waved at the family walking away. The boy's eyes lingered on me for a bit too long, but I was used to that.
I dropped onto the wooden chair behind me, almost falling from the momentum.
"Hut!"
I leaned forwards and managed to stabilize the chair, barely.
"Whew, all good. Wonder when she's coming..."
I looked around, it was quite nice.
The orange rays from the setting sun made everything look like a beautiful painting. It was calming.
After some time, I saw the girl approaching from afar. The closer she walked, the more I could make out her details.
A slim well-defined body covered by armor that was worn out from countless battles; she even had a scar on her cheek. Red eyes that felt fierce and short green hair that heavily contrasted with it.
The orange glow made her eyes appear more laid back and her hair less prominent. She felt more approachable than during the day.
'Lighting and setting really does make the difference sometimes.'
Looking at her approaching profile, I couldn't help but be intrigued.
Just what made her take such a dangerous path in her life? Her face and body, that are most certainly top quality, just what made her throw those away for the sake of being an adventurer?
Now, I was not just interested in her interaction with Faun, but in her as well.
When she was finally in talking distance, I waved at her.
"Hey. Nice to see you again."
She nodded.
"It's nice for me too... I guess?"
She scratched her head.
I sneezed. She looked like she was a bit uncomfortable and was overall acting pretty awkward.
She frowned.
"What's so funny?"
I shook my head to stop laughing.
"Nothing, it's just pretty clear you don't socialize much, considering how fidgety you are."
"Yeah, I know. That b... Faun made me see the problems in how I act, but fixing them is really fucking hard."
"He helped you and you want to make him mad?"
"He made me mad, really fucking mad, and he knew he was making me mad. He has to pay in some way."
Just like what she said, I could feel burning anger in her eyes.
"I see, I see. Well, introductions first. I'm Ryuni."
I extended my hand.
"My name's Norna."
She shook my hand. I was surprised, she was careful not to accidentally hurt me with her strength. She was not like some others...
'Wait, Norna?'
I blinked in shock.
"You're Norna? Like, 'The Nobody Prodigy', Norna?"
She closed her eyes for a bit... before opening them back.
"Yeah, I am."
"You don't seem all that proud of that title."
"Titles hold no meaning. The only thing that matters is how many people's lives I can make better."
My eyebrows rose. What a noble goal. Most were in this line of business for the sake of money or fame.
I wondered just how true her goal was...
'Considering how slow she is, and how her eyes act, she doesn't seem to have a mask.'
I did not judge people only by first impressions though, so that was mostly a passing thought.
"That's quite a thing to say. You seem like a good person, despite the revenge stuff."
She huffed.
"Of course I'm a good person. It's just that... my emotions are something I can't reign in fully yet. That said, we are getting a bit off-topic here."
"Right. Then please describe to me the time he overreacted, and if possible, all the other times you met him. I'll also add in some of my own."
She nodded and closed her eyes, probably to recall the scene better.
"So about that overreaction, it was actually right here, back when he wasn't getting any customers. I told him off for sitting around and doing nothing, because he was an adventurer who was supposed to save people and get stronger. He then rambled about how strength was the ability to achieve goals, which includes money, and not just how hard you can punch. He also said that he was making people's lives better by providing them with tasty treats. I said that he was a fucking dumbass, and then it just escalated from there. That's pretty much how the overreaction started."
...
I sighed.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm pretty sure Faun just acted back there."
"Really? He held up a dagger to his throat though..."
"Yeah, just calling him a fucking dumbass and insulting his ideology is not enough to get under his skin."
She furrowed her brows.
"But why would he act then?"
"I don't know. But if I had to guess..."
I looked into Norna's eyes.
Then I realized that I recognized her. She was actually someone who bought popsicles pretty often.
"Hey, did Faun somehow find out you liked popsicles, and that overreaction was for the sake of getting you on board?"
After a brief pause, her eyes widened.
"So that's why he asked whether it was tasty... it was an act after all."
I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Welp, looks like a closed case. He didn't overreact at all. To be honest with you, I've never even seen Faun frown, much less be mad or overreact."
"Really? I've seen him frown though."
"When?"
My face gained a serious tone, which seemed to surprise Norna, probably due to how sudden the change was.
"This was actually the second time I properly talked with the guy. There was one time when a little boy was chased by wolves. He helped the boy, despite sustaining heavy injuries. When I helped him get rid of the leftover wolves, he slumped onto the ground and frowned. I think it was because of the pain."
My eyes widened.
"No... no, it wasn't because of the pain. When he came back home with those injuries you're talking about, he wasn't frowning anymore."
But I did know the true reason for that frown.
'He... saved a boy. For no reason.'
He, a person who tries to not care for anything and tries to distance everything away, helped a random boy, despite the heavy injuries it cost him.
It must've weighed on his mind, his way of living was being compromised.
I couldn't help but laugh in surprise.
'Even when his entire way of living was being compromised, he just frowned?'
The equivalent for my way of living being compromised was... knowing Kilta would grow up into a horrible person, and that all my efforts would lead to the death of many.
In that case, I would most certainly break. The way I lived was by relying on my brother, if that turned out to be a bad decision, I wouldn't know what to do.
And yet... Faun just frowned?
'What kind of mental fortitude does he have?'
I shook my head, just thinking about it hurt. It was the kind of mindset I never wanted to have, as it was pessimistic to the core.
Perhaps understanding Faun was not as fun as I thought it would be...
'But if I don't do that, then for what reason do I have to do anything?'
He was the only case that was truly hard to crack for me, knowing what made him tick was exceptionally difficult.
For some reason, working towards a goal as hard as that made everything regain colors.
As such, I would continue understanding Faun, even if it would make me depressed.
"So it's not the pain that made him frown... what the hell can make him mad then?"
I was suddenly brought back from my thoughts. Looking at the pondering Norna, it was clear I had gone a bit too deep there.
I shook my head and refocused on the present.
"Well, while I can't tell you what can make him mad, I do know that a lot of people will become mad if something is said back to them, with the same energy they had. So if someone insults you, if you say the same insult back, it can make them irritated."
"The same thing..."
She scratched her chin in thought, and her eyes suddenly lit up.
"How about I call him popsicle guy? You see, that... Faun always calls me rude girl, and he actually doesn't even want to know my name, because 'In his memories, I will always just be the rude girl'. Do you think that if I call him popsicle guy, I will get a reaction out of him?"
"It doesn't hurt to try... wait, he doesn't even know your name?"
She nodded.
"I'm pretty sure he doesn't, or at the very least, he always forgets it, just to fucking spite me. Oh, and don't get me wrong, I'm actually fine with that. I can't wait for the time when I am extremely well known, and he realizes he messed up by not getting to know me better. Ah, just thinking about it makes me want to laugh."
She smirked.
I held in the chuckle.
'Sure, keep thinking like that.'
"Just one last thing, the other way you can make a person mad is mess something up when they are happy. The sudden change from happiness can make a person react how they normally wouldn't. And... yeah, that's all the ideas that could work on Faun, I don't have any more tips for you."
She sighed.
"A shame, but understandable."
I stretched and stood up, it was a bit enjoyable, but the conversation had to end somewhere.
Taking a deep breath, I picked up the wooden board that had the frizer on it with a small grunt.
"It's about time for me to go. Bye."
I started walking, but before I could take the fifth step...
"Hey, will it be possible for us to talk again?"
I turned around.
"Of course. It won't always be at 18:00 though."
The only reason I was able to leave so early was because all the popsicles sold out. The more experience my brother gets, the more popsicles he will make, and the longer it will take to get through all of them.
As such, the time I will be free will change depending on countless different factors.
"Okay. I don't care when all that much. Bye."
She waved at me. I didn't have the freedom to wave back, unfortunately.
I just smiled at her and continued walking to my home.
Step. Step. Step.
...
"Do you mind if I carry that?"
Why was Norna still following me?
Ah, whatever, that doesn't matter.
"Yes please."
I wouldn't deny the opportunity to let my back rest a bit.
She took the board from me with one hand.
We continued walking in silence.
I looked at her. She was completely nonchalant, as if what she was doing was logical. I wondered...
"Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me?"
"You did something good for me, shouldn't I pay back? And you looked like you were really struggling, why wouldn't I help a person who's struggling?"
There's that nobleness of hers again. The more I understood her, the less it felt like an act.
...Wait, why was she lifting the board up and down?
Don't tell me... she's using this moment to work out?!
My smile twitched.
'I know that you're helping me out... but do you really have to work out at the same time?!'
I knew Norna was very serious about getting stronger, she said herself that a proper adventurer must constantly get stronger.
But I didn't think she was taking that ideology to this degree!
"Norna, do you mind telling me why you have that kind of idea of adventurers? Why do you think of them as people who should be so serious about... well, everything? You do understand that most people don't even have the capacity to care about that, right?"
She looked at me with a furrowed face.
"How did you... nevermind, I guess that guy and his employees go hand in hand. And I won't answer your question, since that will mess things up. Also, don't you think you are trying to know me too well too soon? I thought you were more apt than Faun, at the least."
I put up my arms in a surrender.
"Sorry, sorry. I just can't help but want to alleviate my boredom. Your story seems more interesting than most, is all."
"Boredom, huh... Either way, I won't be telling anyone about it. It'll mess up my life to a hellish degree."
"You do understand that you saying that only makes me more interested, right?"
She frowned and opened her mouth to speak... but closed it after some thinking.
I chuckled.
'Too late.'
She had already gotten me way too interested in what this big secret of hers was.
After some more chatting, we finally arrived at my home.
Norna gave me the board back and opened the door for me.
"You should seriously get someone to carry the metal box for you, it's way too heavy. Maybe ask it as a small favor from your dad in the morning?"
My smile cracked.
"I... don't live with my dad. He and my mom... I just live with Faun."
Norna's eyes widened, and then her face scrunched up. She started scratching her hand.
"Ah, that's... Sorry, I didn't know..."
"It's fine. Faun makes sure me and my brother live well, so it's not a problem."
"So you have a brother and you both live with Faun..."
I nodded.
"Yeah. We were pretty much picked up off the streets by him. He gave us a home, jobs, regularly feeds us... We're living quite nicely."
There was an awkward silence between us.
Norna took a deep breath.
"Um... bye, I guess. See you tomorrow?"
"See you tomorrow. Bye."
I walked into the house and she closed the door behind me.
After putting the board on the table, I looked at my reflection in the metal box.
'Ahh, I shouldn't have remembered about them.'
I was once again reminded that I might have done the wrong thing.
I shook my head to expel those thoughts from my mind.
'It's too late to think about that. We're living fine with Faun, that's all that matters.'
The past has passed. The future is what remains.
***
"Hey, Faun?"
"Yeah?"
He answered without even looking at me.
"I met Norna yesterday."
"I see. Who's that?"
He really didn't know her name. Despite what Norna said, this still shocked me.
"It's the rude girl."
Faun's eyebrows rose.
"Ah, the rude girl. Cool."
My mouth was almost left agape.
'Hello? I met with a person who you know, and you don't even want to investigate that? I even know the nickname you have for her, and you still don't care?!'
I was baffled.
"Aren't you interested in our interaction?"
"Did you sell the popsicles?"
"Yes."
"Then why should I care?"
...
'He truly doesn't see me as anything more than an employee.'
I was fine with that, but considering we lived together, I thought he would care just the smallest of bits.
"Hey, did you know she already has a moniker?"
Faun looked at me.
"She does?"
Just like I thought, only something practical like this could draw his attention.
"Yeah. They call her The Nobody Prodigy. Pretty cool, right?"
He tilted his head, and his gaze drifted towards the ceiling.
I smirked. I made him react in at least some kind of way!
'Thank you Norna for being such a good topic.'
"I feel bad for her."
I was a bit stunned to hear that. For multiple reasons.
"What? You feel bad for her? Why?"
Faun feeling bad for someone? That was unbelievable. And how could you feel bad for someone who has earned a moniker? That was just preposterous.
Faun looked me dead in the eyes.
For the first time, his eyes looked welcoming. Not normal, not distant, but welcoming.
It was like a side I've never seen before.
"Well, yeah. Just think about it. She's been training day and night to the point of overexertion, and the reward for all of that... is being called a prodigy. Who wouldn't feel downcast?"
I descended into thought.
My mind went back to when I called her by her moniker.
She closed her eyes for a small while back then.
'Perhaps, if she hadn't closed her eyes, I would've seen sadness in them...'
No, with her character, it would be closer to frustration. That felt more appropriate.
"Hey."
I opened my eyes at Faun's call. He still had those welcoming eyes.
"If you talk with her again, make her feel appreciated. She's probably struggling with that, especially with that moniker."
He stood up and left the house, probably to go to the library.
As I mulled over his words, I... got really angry.
'What do you mean "make her feel appreciated"?! How do I do that?! And why is she struggling with feeling appreciated? You cannot just go ahead and leave without explaining stuff like this to me!'
I tried to come up with an idea, but came up short.
'The only thing I'm good at is seeing eyes! You can't expect me to figure this out!'
I was good with customer service, but that's surface level stuff. I can't just go ahead and help with a deep personal problem!
Faun, what kind of impression do you have of me?!
'No, more importantly than that, how do you even know her problems without seeing her?!'
***
Me and Norna stared at each other, not quite sure how to start the conversation.
Not only did we say our goodbyes on an awkward topic, but I also had that weird advice from Faun.
I sighed, this was getting annoying.
"Norna, I'm going to be serious with you, Faun told me you are struggling with feeling appreciated. Is that true?"
That was a bit too straightforward for my tastes, but what could I do? This was the first time I talked about something so deep.
How else was I supposed to go about it?
I looked at Norna's face, she had widened eyes. Slowly, they gained a glint of anger.
"How... How does that fucker keep doing it? Am I really that easy to read?!"
Her fists clenched and she barely stopped herself from smashing the stand.
I was frozen in shock. This was the first time I had seen her this mad.
"Why are you so angry?"
When she looked at me, I shivered under her intense gaze.
"Because I don't want fucking help! That fucking bastard... I know I have a problem, but I want to solve it on my own! If I always get shit done for me, how am I supposed to fucking grow?! I am not so pathetic I need help for everything! He told you to help me, didn't he?!"
I nodded with some trembling.
"I knew it. That bastard..."
She grabbed her face. Her red eyes felt even more fierce now.
...
She took a deep breath and lowered her hand.
"Sorry. I... I overreacted there. You don't deserve to be glared at."
I was stunned from her sheer malice. It took me a while to regain myself.
'Okay... I can now see why Faun told me to help this girl.'
She had some serious problems!
"W-what was with that? Do you think being helped is a sign of weakness?"
"Fuck no. Being helped is nothing to me."
She looked me straight in the eyes. For the first time, I saw genuine sadness in them.
"But needing help is."
She held her forehead and sighed.
"Why do you even think I wanted to talk with you again? It makes no sense for a person who trains as hard as me to waste their time on conversations. It was because... because I wanted to fix my fucking problems on my own. But now... guess that's been wasted. Bye."
She started walking away.
I quickly stood up and grabbed her sleeve, stopping her in her tracks. She turned to me with a fierce gaze, but I didn't back down.
In fact, instead of being scared, another emotion flared.
'How fun!'
I smiled.
"Hey, why are you walking away? We can still talk."
She scowled.
"Because I want to prove to myself that I don't need help. I don't need my problems to be spelled out for me, I don't need someone guiding me by the hand, I don't need someone to show me the way. I want to prove to myself that I can carve my own path."
She shook off my hand easily and continued walking away. I tried to grab her again, but she denied me the opportunity.
My eyes widened.
'How fun!'
"Oh, so you don't care about me? You are so egotistic, no wonder no one likes you."
Her feet froze.
'If actions don't work, then I just have to use words!'
My smile widened.
She glared at me.
"What do you mean by that?"
"You're just breaking off our relationship like this? Do you even care about my feelings? Do I not matter a bit to you?"
She slowly shook her head.
"We've only known each other for one day. There's no way you got so attached to me already."
I cracked my smile, making it look forced.
"I have no friends, you know?"
Norna's eyes locked onto my face. I distorted my smile further.
"And the first person who could be my friend... is just leaving like this, for things outside my control. How can I not be shaken?"
It was a lie, I did not care for friends.
But I also did not care for lying!
'How fun!'
I wasn't quite sure why, but the world looked brighter than it did a small while ago.
I could not stop now.
"Tell me, why do you think continuing conversing with me would be bad for you?"
"Because Faun told you to help me. I do not want something like that."
I tilted my head while putting a finger to my cheek.
"I'm confused... you don't seem against talking with others, you started talking with me for the sole purpose of fixing your problems with me as the tool for that job. So... I see."
I nodded with a big smile on my face.
Somehow, it all just clicked into place right here and now.
"You want to fix your problems with your own efforts. If you think you made a friend with your own effort, and then that friend helped you, you wouldn't be against it, since your effort is what started that whole interaction. But now that Faun told me to help you, you don't feel as if it's your effort that started this interaction. Am I right?"
She nodded.
I chuckled.
"But here's the thing I'm not getting. Who talked with Faun? Who told Faun their ideologies? Who shouted at Faun? Who saved Faun from the wolves? Who started a conversation with me? Who wanted to talk with me for the second time? Who left a big impression on me, to the point that I accepted the second conversation?"
The more I talked, the more Norna's eyes drifted to the side.
"Are you telling me that all of that wasn't your effort?"
She clearly didn't want to see my wide smile. Because of that, she closed her eyes.
"Those... are just coincidences."
"It's a coincidence that you were born to your parents. It's a coincidence that you were born with all of your limbs. It's a coincidence that no sudden dangers befell you, and you could continue training non-stop. It's a coincidence... well, I can keep going, but I think you get the point. Saying it's a coincidence when you were the one to take advantage of that coincidence with your effort, is like saying nothing."
Norna grit her teeth.
"But... But..."
She clenched her fists.
"It's just... pathetic, no?"
Her eyes opened.
'...Oh...'
I saw tears.
My heartbeat slowed down. My excitement cooled.
'I made Norna cry...'
My smile dropped and I started twirling my hair without much thought. I bit my lip.
I felt guilty.
I took advantage of Norna's vulnerability to feel something. I was truly having fun leading her by the nose. Doing something like playing with a real human's feelings...
'...I got too heated.'
I sighed and sat down.
Without looking up, I could see the small puddle near Norna's feet.
'I have to fix this. I got her in this state, I have to do something about it.'
It was time to be serious.
"It's not pathetic. You worked for my help, you truly did. Even if you don't feel like it is the case, it is the truth. Without your effort, I would not be talking to you. That is a fact you can't deny. But..."
I looked up at her.
"You aren't crying because of that, huh?"
She tried to wipe her tears away, but it did not work.
"Come on, s-stop. Stop... Why are you not... fucking... stopping?!"
There was slight sobbing in her voice.
Now that I was looking into her eyes, they felt familiar.
After staring at them for a long time... I could not help but be surprised.
I knew where I recognized those eyes.
They were similar to mine a long time ago. So similar it felt eerie.
"Your crying won't stop no matter how much you tell it to. Hey, Norna... What's up with your parents? Why are you carrying so much on your shoulders?"
Those were overburdened eyes. I myself had them when we escaped from our mother.
It was one of the reasons I hated mirrors and puddles...
'No, this is not about me right now.'
I shook my head. Thinking about my past was not what I wanted to do here.
Hearing what I said, Norna's face scrunched up.
"D-did Faun tell you about my parents too? That f-fucker."
"No, he didn't. It's just that I see myself in you. It seems we've been through similar events. Mind telling me your story?"
"That's..."
She chuckled and fruitlessly wiped away her tears.
"No, we are not similar at all, you've had it way worse. It's funny, a person like me crying while you got through your more horrible life just fine."
"I cried plenty myself. Don't act as if you're worse."
It was true. I was just careful to not cry in front of other people.
Norna took a deep breath.
"Fine, I'll tell you. My parents... are great adventurers. Extremely well-known, strong and kind. They are the perfect image of an adventurer that I strive towards. But because of that popularity, they were scared for me. They felt that too much would be expected of me, as their child. So they decided that I wouldn't be associated with them, they kept my connection with them as hidden as possible. They still took care of me and allowed me to go outside, just made sure I couldn't be tracked back to them. Not long ago, I decided that I wanted to leave and carve my own path. They told me multiple times whether I was sure, whether I really wanted to go away while so young, but I was adamant, so we separated."
Her sobbing stopped.
"I did well, extremely so. Now that I was allowed to get into dangerous situations, I started growing way faster. But the more I did, the more I realized the stupid fucking mistake I had made. Separating from my parents meant completely separating myself from my past life. I lost all my friends... and I lost all the emotional support that I fucking had. It wasn't a big deal at first, but the more time passed, the more it became a problem. I only had past friends because they were with me from the start, back when I wasn't so fucking crude. They saw what I said as quips. But that doesn't work while trying to make new friends, I just come off as rude, it's what Faun made me realize. And I also realized... that nobody was cheering me on. There was no one to be happy for my progress, despite it being so big. And then... and then I was given the fucking title The Nobody Prodigy! I worked so hard, and they call me a fucking prodigy?! Does... does no one fucking see how hard I'm working?!"
She took a deep breath.
"I... I guess it's my pride, my pride is hurt. Faun hurt my pride. I realized that I needed help back then, and I didn't want to fucking accept it. And I also take pride in how hard I work, so it was hurt immensely by the public perception too. In the end, I decided to deal with this problem with my own effort. I want to fucking prove to myself, that I don't need for things to be done for me. I also don't want to go back to my parents, because I left with such a strong personality... how could they accept me just coming back to them, bawling my eyes out? ...No, that's an excuse, I know my parents will accept me, they're kind. It's me who's the fucking problem. I'm the only person who doesn't want to accept a weak me."
She looked down into the small puddle her tears made.
"Sometimes... I wonder where that strong Norna went. The one that did not care for others' opinions or support. The one that had self-confidence so big she didn't need anyone else to say she was awesome. I know that that kind of Norna never existed, it was just how I felt... but I know that I am capable of it. I just want that kind of me to be real... so that I can prove to myself that I am not weak."
She wiped away her tears. This time, they didn't come back.
"It's... It's just my stupid fucking pride. I'm destroying myself, all because I want to prove something to myself. Pathetic, right? I have awesome supportive parents, and yet I still find ways to destroy myself. Compared to you, whose parents weren't there for you, I feel even more like a piece of shit."
She sniffed and chuckled.
"And now, I'm telling you all my troubles, despite us meeting yesterday. Just... just how more weak can I get?"
She smiled at me.
This time, our expressions were reversed. I was frowning and she was smiling.
I processed what she said and sighed.
'Thinking about what to say won't work here...'
"I... I think there's nothing wrong with being prideful, if it's what makes you want to become a better version of yourself. That said, I think what you have isn't pride, it's self-hate. I've seen plenty prideful people, and you don't act or think like those. You are more inline with the people who constantly admonish themselves."
Those eyes of hers conveyed hate, that was something I could tell for sure.
After going through all the information again, I came up with a conclusion.
"I'm pretty sure your parents made a small mistake."
I put my palm up before she could get angry.
"They were so scared of the public expectations being too high for you, that they completely forgot about your own expectations for yourself. They might've saved you from the masses, but they didn't save you from yourself."
I put my hand down.
"Let me set this straight, I'm not saying that for you to just push all the blame onto them, I'm saying all of this so that you can somewhat understand what you are missing. I myself am not sure how to go about solving your problem, I'm no parent, but knowing your enemies is half the battle, right?"
Norna nodded.
"Right. My mom always said that information is the most powerful weapon."
I nodded back.
"That's good. I personally think that what you lack is support, but it's probably just one of many problems. I mean, you don't even work in a team, right? And you yourself said that you have no friends. You went from full support to no support in a blink, anybody would be shaken from that. I myself know that feeling very well."
Norna bit her lip... before sneering.
"I think that fucker Faun would be fine. He's a guy with basically no emotions."
I laughed a small bit.
"Indeed. Faun seems like the type of person to just frown and keep moving. We are not talking about him here though, and you do understand that Faun as a topic won't help you interact with other people, right?"
She raised an eyebrow. Her expression was lighter than a second ago.
"What are you getting at?"
I smiled at her while putting my hands on my lap.
"I'm going to teach you how to make friends. Is that fine with you?"
Her eyes widened. After closing them, she nodded.
"I think so."
"Great, then we'll start today."
Accepting too much help was something Norna seemed to beat herself up over.
As such, solving all her problems for her would be bad. She would feel like a piece of shit after that.
But if I were to teach her how to be more friendly, and then she went ahead and solved those problems on her own by making friends, she would end up in a much better place.
I was sure about that.
***
"Was it fun?"
I was surprised at Faun sitting in the main room. He was always in his room or outside, only being here to eat. And yet, here he was, with only an unusual book in front of him.
"What was fun?"
"The rude girl."
My face twitched.
'Wait, you already forgot her name? Really?'
It definitely felt like Faun was doing this on purpose. Perhaps, while not overreacting, he did feel angry about being called a fucking dumbass...
"If you think it would've been fun, your definition of it is really fucking weird."
"Ah, you should probably be careful. You're getting contaminated."
"What do you fucki..."
As realization dawned, I slapped myself.
'Right. Next time, I should take time to refresh my thoughts after speaking with Norna. I don't want to be a bad example for Kilta.'
I put the wooden board with the frizer on it on the table and coughed to get all those slurs out of me.
"You still didn't answer my question. Was it fun?"
My gaze went to the ceiling. It felt closer than when I first arrived.
"...Yeah, it was."
I was a bad person. Playing with another person's feelings was fun for me. The taste of control was extremely sweet. So sweet I wanted to do nothing but manipulate countless other people.
'That said, what happened next with Norna wasn't too bad either.'
Figuring out Norna and helping her fix her problems, while not fun, could be described as hole-filling in some capacity.
And I genuinely wanted to help her further... perhaps while making her cry again just once or twice. I involuntarily smiled just thinking about playing with her feelings again.
'Ah, I truly am a bad person.'
"Good."
Faun nodded and went to his room.
I sat down and my mind started being filled with thoughts about Norna.
***
"Ngh."
I tried shifting in my bed, but was unable to.
'Huh? What, why?'
As those thoughts filled my mind, it started burning.
Feeling something coming up, I rolled onto my side and threw up onto the floor.
"Ugh..."
I was sick.
'Fucking hell.'
I mentally chastised myself for thinking that, while checking my own condition.
So, I felt bad.
My head was flaring, my stomach was tight, my body felt heavy, and an awful taste filled my mouth.
"Ah, you're awake!"
The door to my room opened and I heard Kilta's voice.
He ran up to me with a plate in his hands.
I noticed that there was also a bowl on the table.
'Right, I'm pretty hungry.'
I sat up. I had enough energy for that, it seemed.
The cold wall behind me made me shiver slightly.
"Um, Faun cooked another new soup called chanakhi. It's now cold, so if you can't eat it like that, then I also mashed some fruits into a paste for an easy and quick meal."
The soup was placed in front of me on the bed.
I took a spoonful and put it in my mouth.
'Somewhat spicy.'
This soup had a very thick consistency.
Eating it cold was... not too bad, but not something I would prefer.
'I want pizza...'
But that wasn't an option here, unfortunately.
"Fruits, please."
Kilta took the bowl and replaced it with the plate.
I started eating the paste with the spoon instead.
The more I ate, the worse I felt.
But I knew that was a lie. I needed to eat, no matter how much my body was against it. So I continued eating despite the protests of my stomach.
After finishing, I laid back down and closed my eyes.
'Sleep is the best medicine...'
I slowly drifted to dreamland in silence...
...Tap. Tap. Tap.
...Scrub.
...Screech.
I frowned.
"Go away."
"Faun told me to look after you, I won't."
"Then be quiet."
I shifted onto my side and tried to fall asleep.
...But failed.
My thoughts started spinning without me wanting them to.
'Is there anything more I could help Norna with? Not really, she would feel bad if I did anything more. It's not like I could help discreetly.'
Every now and then, I heard the quiet shuffle of Kilta shifting in his seat.
'Ah, why won't he just go away? Because Faun told him to? Wha the hell does Faun even know? He knows...'
I furrowed my brows.
'What does Faun know?'
Completely forgetting about my illness, my thoughts continued going. I had to know the answer to that question.
'He knew what problems Norna had without even looking at her. And if he knows Norna so well... who says he can't know me well?'
My brows rose.
'And if he knows me well...'
I came to a realization.
"Distraction?"
"What did you say?"
"No... nothing."
I calmed Kilta down and continued thinking.
'He... used Norna as a distraction, didn't he?'
To stop me from figuring him out, he gave me another target. A target that was easier and also more fun.
He played me.
I was surprised. From the past two months, I had realized just how complicated people were. So many little things make up a person, that to make them do what you want, you have to take into account dozens of different factors.
'No, this is even more advanced.'
He did not just make me do something. He made me do something, with me thinking it was my own decision, and without any suspicion from my side.
He manipulated me.
'How did he do it so well?'
Could he perhaps... also see eyes?
'...No, that doesn't add up.'
He understood Norna despite not seeing her at all. He guessed her state just by hearing her moniker.
If I were in his situation, I wouldn't be able to do that, so it's not that he sees eyes, it's that he just knew her well.
I tried to come up with any other explanation on how Faun knows me and Norna so well, but came up short.
'I guess the how doesn't matter. It's the why that I need to think about now.'
Faun knew me and Norna well. I wouldn't be surprised if he knew everyone well.
Why would he need to know everyone well? And what kind of life did he have that made him have that kind of ability?
'And what does all of this have to do with him running away from reality...'
***
Distance.
That was the word that always came up when I thought about Faun.
His eyes were distant, and... he also made sure to keep a certain distance between himself and everyone he met.
That was why he needed to understand people, to make sure he could keep them at a distance, to make sure nobody got too close for him to care or too far for him to lose control of them.
'That's why, I will break it today.'
After eating the meal prepared by Kilta, and with Ispra curled up next to me, I once again went to sleep.
***
"You awake?"
I slowly opened my eyes.
I wanted to get this over with as fast as possible, but...
"Don't even try to talk."
He guessed exactly what I wanted to do.
His cold hand touched my forehead, my headache lessened slightly.
"You're gonna have to bear with it for a bit."
He very carefully picked me up and propped me up against the wall. Without realizing it, I steeled myself for the cold wall, but was only met with a soft pillow.
'His movements feel automated...'
He put the soup on my lap and tried to spoon feed me.
"...Myself..."
He immediately understood what I meant and gave me the spoon. I slowly started eating the hot soup.
'Another new dish. Wonder what it's called...'
It felt very fatty, to the point that I kinda didn't want to eat more.
After a couple of spoons, I stopped.
Faun did not move, he knew what I wanted to do.
"W...why."
One word, but that was enough.
For Faun, who understands me so well, that is enough.
'And that's what I'll use.'
Despite Faun trying to ignore it, understanding a person would inevitably make you empathetic towards that person.
It's just natural. Especially when you want to predict what that person will do, because you'll have to delve even deeper into their psyche. I learned that firsthand.
For someone who understands so many people so well, empathy is bound to build up.
Using that empathy...
"Obviously I'm doing all this because I want you to get back to work as soon as possible. You do understand that I'm currently losing out on money, right?"
I shook my head as best as I could.
He was hiding his empathy, not showing it to me, for the specific purpose of mantaining that distance he carefully crafted.
But I will not allow that. Not today.
"Li...ar"
I wasn't so sick as to have that kind of weak voice, but I preyed upon and used the empathy Faun had for me.
It felt... fun.
Faun scratched his head, and his eyes turned welcoming.
"It's not as though I lied... but fine, I'll tell you the full truth. Alright, yeah, I pity you. Is that what you wanted to hear? I pity your past, and I pity you because you caught my eye. Due to that pity, I can't help but want to make sure you're fine."
I smiled.
'I made him admit it...'
Faun, who looked at everything from a distance, finally properly saw me. The invisible wall between us shattered.
"Knew...it..."
I cheered, victorious.
This wouldn't last. Faun would push me away again, probably without me noticing it. The invisible wall would be rebuilt.
But even so, I had proved that getting closer wasn't impossible.
***
"..."
"..."
There was a somewhat awkward silence between us. I decided to just get this over with.
"I'm Ryuni, who are you?"
"I'm Kakoheita, but you can just call me Kako."
"And what are you doing here?"
"I'm just following the man who made my heart skip a beat, nothing more."
I looked into her eyes, I recognized them well. I knew those eyes better than any other.
Those were the eyes of obsession. Of an unhealthy obsession that destroys a person.
Obviously, seeing those eyes again, directed towards a man, I couldn't help but see my mom in Kakoheita. The resemblance was uncanny.
'That said, they're a bit mellow.'
Her eyes weren't too intense. She could keep herself in check, at the very least.
But that wasn't the most surprising part about her.
The most surprising part was that... Faun had not kicked her out.
It made no sense. There was no reason for Faun to associate with this elf. In fact, there were reasons to not associate.
And yet, Faun continued interacting with her. And every time she did, Faun's eyes became distant.
'She is so rapidly approaching Faun, that he has to push her away at every opportunity. And yet, he is careful to not push her away completely.'
This meant that Faun had a soft spot for this elf. What exactly that soft spot was... was hard to tell. And even if I asked Faun about it, I would not be able to confirm whether he would say the truth or not. Only speculation remained, but that was even worse.
Perhaps Faun cared for elves; perhaps Faun had a soft spot for pink haired and pink eyed people; perhaps Faun had a soft spot for people who were struggling with obsession; perhaps... there are thousands of different 'perhaps' there. Even if I were to start eliminating different possibilities one by one, several dozen would remain. Faun was just too mysterious to say anything for certain.
"The man who made your heart skip a beat, huh... Tell me, you understand Faun well, right? Can you tell me a bit about him?"
Faun himself said that Kakoheita knew him well. I was interested. How could a person as complicated and closed off as Faun be understood?
Kakoheita just chuckled at what I said.
"What is there to understand? He is just kind, that's all there is to it."
...
"There's no way. You're messing with me, right?"
"Nope. It's really as simple as that. Maybe you should pay less attention to eyes and think more. Fufu."
I froze and frowned.
'...She's an elf, alright.'
She figured me out so fast probably because she met a person like me before.
When the thought that she is considered young among her people crossed my mind, I shivered. Just what were old elves like?
I shook my head, elves were not who I wanted to think about right now. I wanted to figure out Faun first.
Taking what Kakoheita said into account, I continued thinking.
'If he really is kind, then I will definitely use that...'
***
"The trio will be coming over too?"
"Yeah. They also want to celebrate your birthday... for some reason."
I didn't interact with them that often, so I was genuinely surprised by that.
"That's... alright, I'm happy with that."
Faun sighed.
"This house is gonna feel cramped with seven people in one room, but it's your day, so whatever makes you happy."
Kakoheita's face filled with suspicion.
"What do you mean seven. Shouldn't it be eight?"
"No, because you aren't invited."
Faun said matter-of-factly.
Kakoheita turned to me with puppy eyes.
I shrugged.
"I'm sorry, I don't really know you that well compared to everyone else. And you... you don't mix with Norna at all. She will go crazy if she even hears about you."
The trio could probably be fine with Kakoheita, but Norna? No way.
"Yeah, the rude girl will be rude. And nobody wants that at a birthday party."
'Really? You're still keeping that up?'
I couldn't help but wonder. Would Faun continue calling her the rude girl straight to her face? That felt like something fun to see.
'But... seven people, huh.'
It wouldn't be the biggest or the craziest birthday celebration I've ever had. When I was still with my mom, I would invite kids and their parents would follow, so that resulted in the numbers going up quickly, and my celebrations overall were more grand to accommodate more people.
But still, for some reason.
I knew this birthday would be better than all of those combined.
***
Looking at the trio chatting with Faun casually, I couldn't help but chuckle.
"This feels more like a party for Faun than you, if you ask me."
"I know. But since it's ironic and consequently funny, I'm fine with it."
It was true. It felt like the trio came here for the free food and Faun, rather than for my sake. But I was fine with that. The fact that they wanted to come here at all meant that they cared more than I expected them to.
Norna sighed.
"I aspire to be as calm and optimistic as you."
"Me too, I don't see how you can't be even the slightest bit mad, Sis."
I laughed.
"Oh no no. Don't get me wrong, I am angry, it's just that sometimes holding back makes everyone happier, yourself included."
"There you go talking like an old wise person again. Someone your age should be more cheerful... wait, I just did the exact same thing, didn't I? Man, you're rubbing off on me more than I thought."
"I really hope I am. At the very least, I hope you swear less because of my influence. I can see that you're holding back for my sake, and I'm happy for that, but I would like for those words to depart from your thoughts too."
I was both happy for her and angry at her.
'It's you who's rubbing off on me too fucking much.'
Do you know how difficult it has gotten for me? I have to think through every single word before I say it out loud, so that I don't accidentally curse in front of Kilta. It's way too tiring.
"Why do I feel like I'm not important to this conversation?"
I petted Kilta's head.
"Because you're too small and cute."
"I am not! Stop, you're embarrassing me!"
I continued petting him despite his protests.
"So, how does it feel?"
Before I noticed it, Faun was right in front of me.
I looked up at him. His eyes were welcoming, just like when he was talking with the trio.
"How does what feel?"
"Being an adult. You're fifteen now, after all."
I tilted my head in thought.
"...Like nothing's different."
He nodded.
"That's good. If nothing changed... then that means everything's good."
He smiled and looked me in the eyes.
"..."
After that, he walked away.
"That guy and his weirdness... can't he just normally congratulate you or something? What's with him, constantly being so cryptic?"
'...'
"Oi, why are you not answering? Everything okay? Don't tell me you fell for that guy or something."
...
I shook my head.
"No no, it's fine. I'm fine. I did not fall in love or anything of the sort. It's just that..."
I think back to those eyes Faun showed me.
"I... I think I saw something I shouldn't have and never want to see again."
I wanted to cry.