I would be praying if I had even the slightest bit of faith that I would pass something. Even if I don't believe in God.
"As your teachers have already told you, we are going to hand in all the exams now. I will give you twenty minutes to write down any questions you may have."
With those words, the values teacher began the class, which was anything but a class. It was more like a trial, with some students leaving without a sentence, and others facing death penalties. I've overused the "guess what I get" joke so much that it's no longer funny.
It wasn't exactly a situation to laugh about.
"Name I don't remember 1"
The teacher began calling out names in order of the list, which, as always, was ordered by surnames.
"Name I Don't Care About 2"
All I could do was swallow my anxiety until my turn came, which was roughly halfway down the list.
"Otsuki Atsumi"
It wasn't unusual to hear his name so soon, plus, I had the option of distracting myself with his reaction to all the exams.
I saw her face during the first exam, and she didn't seem happy or disappointed. If I really want to know her grade, I have to ask her, since her reactions will depend on her expectations.
" =@º\' Konoe."
I also want to emphasize that I have no idea how the exams were ordered, so I don't know which exams he got a good or bad grade on, only whether he got what was expected or not.
During the next exam, he maintained his neutral, almost disinterested reaction. The same with the third, although he raised his eyebrows as little as possible.
" _¨*^?¿ Mori."
The fourth one was when his face changed the most— he frowned, stared at the exam for a while, and put his hand to his forehead.
I think that's the English one.
Before I could look at the next one…
"Riku :2!";_¨`*"
Gulp.
I got up from my seat, and after a couple of steps I was able to grab my stack of exam papers. One of the few advantages of being at the front is that you spend less time standing in situations like this.
"&$%"! Nakamura."
I ignored it.
It's irrelevant to be so close to the teacher's desk because at this point half the class was mentally engrossed in complaining about the teachers.
37. Then I saw it was the history one. A high grade for having seen it before class.
12. If you remember that Japanese is my worst subject, it won't come as a surprise.
23. In math. Otsuki is going to kill me… I didn't expect to pass, but I also didn't expect to get less than 25 points.
49. In English. Damn it all. One point away from passing. I would have been less upset if I'd gotten below 40, or even 45. I was already depressed, getting more and more so seeing the grades, but seeing the English one has really put me in a bad mood.
25. In science. At least in this one I haven't gotten less than 25…
And finally…
"I-don't-remember-his-name Takayama."
Dude, let me see the note. I want to forget your name.
Unfortunately, I didn't get Takayama points out of 100, but 30. In geography. I'm starting to think that the things you make up get away with more than they should when you're writing.
I glanced through the exams quickly to get them over with. I jotted down their grades so I could calculate later at home what I needed to get on the finals to have a decent grade. A seven at most, as I see it.
The professor was still handing out the exams. I'll have to wait a while before handing mine in.
Oh well, whatever. I'll study later, now I want to go home.
Having finished handing out all the exams, the professor had to wait the twenty minutes he had allotted. He decided to go around the classroom asking the students how their day went. The class got along well with him, so hardly anyone minded.
People soon gathered in groups. The professor let us get up just for this. Obviously, I was one of the few who didn't join anyone directly.
I was hoping Otsuki would come to my place.
But he didn't.
I turned my attention back to her when I noticed she wasn't sitting next to me to bother me. She didn't seem unhappy about the exams, quite the opposite, but she was still jotting things down in a notebook.
Indeed, she has better things to do than come and bother me.
Something grabbed the collar of my uniform as I tried to leave. I was lucky to avoid tripping and falling over my desk.
"Do you think you can leave without saying anything to me? Tell me, how did math and science go?"
"And you don't care about the rest."
"Because I already know you failed them, if you tell me you didn't study anything on your own."
She arrived late, by the equivalent of an entire class period. She spent the entire twenty minutes they allowed writing down questions about her exams. All I did was stare at the floor with my chin resting on my hand and the elbow of that arm on the table.
"What an inflated ego."
"And so?"
"You're not even a good teacher in your dreams."
"It's not my fault you can't appreciate such a good teacher. Did you fail them? I don't know why I'm even asking, with the tone you're using..."
"…"
Being an average person was what it took to guess my 'success' on exams. I'd rather talk about yours, which are much more unpredictable.
It would feel wonderful if they didn't rub salt in the wound.
That same person who was indeed adding salt to my multiple blows is the same one who countless times, maybe three, has told me that I can salvage the term in the final exams.
"What I've earned doesn't matter... What about you?"
"Everything has been as I expected."
"And what were your expectations?"
"Between seventy and eighty for everything except English."
"And what is it in English?"
"Fifty and sixty."
"I was referring to what you posted in English."
"Sixty-nine."
And you still complain!
The average she mentioned was roughly the average I usually get, so even if I were in good shape, she'd be a tough competitor. And those are just her expectations. Who knows if she might have scored higher on different tests?
Honestly, I wanted to leave class already, and I wasn't going to let Otsuki keep me here any longer. She left with me after pointing to the door and saying, "Let's go, otherwise we'll be stuck here all day."
She replied, "I'm going to meet up with Natsuki and Hina, I'm going back home with them. You could come with us instead of rushing off, if we have to catch the train too."
Since I returned to school, I've gotten into the habit of being one of the first to leave class, maybe even leaving the school early. She's already complained a couple of times, and that's why she always stops me, grabbing my shoulder or the collar of my shirt.
Before Saturday, it made sense that I didn't go with them. It still makes sense that I don't now; I'm not that close to them. But then again, I've already hung out with Tsukiyomi three times during recess, and with Hina twice. It's something, at least.
Is that enough?
Don't know.
I might have accepted in a casual context, but my mood has plummeted to rock bottom.
"I want to go home early. You'll come over if you see me on it."
I know her house isn't very close to mine; I walked for about an hour with my dad. I don't remember why we didn't take the car if I had to go to school afterward. Did he want to punish me by making me walk? I'm rambling again.
I also know this because of Saturday, when she got off two stops before me. That's why I knew we were going in the same direction, unlike Hina and Tsukiyomi.
…
I prefer not to delve into that .
The only thing that matters is that it happened.
Otsuki didn't like being left stranded again, complaining a little, but then she accepted it as if it had never bothered her.
"I'll see you tomorrow then. Make sure your father doesn't kill you."
"He's not going to do it."
He's too soft to do it right now. Unless my excuse doesn't work for him.
With nothing more to clarify, we both continued on our way.
As a funny side note, I ended up running into her on the subway, or at least I think I did. I got on the car furthest from the entrance to avoid her. And I think I saw her get on the train.
It was a bad trip.