Ren's body sealed itself shut, fighting through the pain of it all.
"Y-you're…" She whispered.
He inhaled deeply, full and desperate, like a drowning boy breaking above the ocean surface. His glass, colorless eyes fluttered open, slowly adjusting back to the world around him.
She flinched at his sudden normalcy.
"It's fine," Ren muttered, noticing her startled posture. "It doesn't hurt anymore."
He sat up smoothly. His body, once unrecognizable, was whole again.
Clean and untouched, clothes fully mended.
"Eva?" Ren frowned at her expression. "What's wrong?"
She was stiff, unable to move. "You shouldn't…"
"Shouldn't?"
"You…shouldn't look like that."
He tilted his head, confused. "What do you mean? I'm back to normal…aren't I?"
"That's not the point," Eva said. "You don't understand. Regeneration doesn't do…this."
"It's normal in this world," Ren said, though it sounded more like a question. "I've healed this way before. I've seen it happen. I thought—"
"No." Her voice cracked. "No, Ren. Regeneration exists here, yes—but when people come back, they don't come back whole. Their bodies heal, but something else…breaks in return. As they regenerate, they lose."
Ren's voice dropped. "Lose what?"
"Pieces of themselves," Eva whispered. "Their voices. Their faces. Their memories. They forget how to speak. All they can do is just…stare. Like there's nothing left inside."
Ren looked down at his hands. They didn't tremble. Weird, since they always had.
He flexed his fingers slowly. They responded without hesitation, steady and obedient.
"So…what does that mean for me?" He asked in a worried tone. "If I've come back many times before…but I'm still whole. Still…me." His voice fell to barely a breath. "Am I still me?!"
Eva didn't answer.
"You said people lose pieces. That they change." Ren swallowed the fear. "But I haven't lost anything. I still remember who I am. At least…I think I do."
"That's the nature of this world. You don't know what you lose…" Eva spoke in a soft manner. "Because you forget you ever had it."
'If that's true.' Ren thought. 'If she's right about this. Then what am I now?'
He took in the thoughts for a moment.
"Then either I've been spared…or I am no longer me."
Eva stood, her hands folding behind her back.
"That's not true."
"Why not?" His voice cracked. "What if I'm just something that thinks it's me? What if the real me died the first time, and I've just been… repeating?"
"That's not how it works."
"Isn't it?" He looked at her with desperation, searching her expression for something solid. "You said people change. I haven't. Not once. So tell me what makes me…me?"
"I don't know," She whispered.
Ren lowered his head in disappointment.
"But you're still here," Eva added. "You speak. You feel. That has to count for something."
He turned his hands over, as if expecting something to be written there.
"And if I'm just a copy of who I was…Would I even know?"
Her silence was enough.
"I wonder…if it's me who came here. Or if I am no longer…Only holding onto his memories."
Eva offered nothing but presence.
"I remember…when I died." Ren spoke in a gentle tone. "In the real world."
"The real world?" Eva questioned.
"The machines. The sterile walls. I was going to die, and I knew it. I couldn't move. Couldn't speak. I just stared at the ceiling, as time went by without me." His voice trembled. "I kept thinking—'Is this it? Is this how it ends? Alone, waiting for something that would never come?'"
The steed wandered up to them.
"I didn't want to die," Ren continued with raw emotion. "But I wasn't scared, either. Just…tired. And when I pulled it. When the pain stopped. There was no light. Only darkness…But it wasn't so bad. It was when I was taken from it that I began to feel pain again…In this broken world…"
"This place…" He looked up to the crimson sky. "Is this hell? Purgatory? Some kind of punishment…for taking my own life?"
He met Eva with please.
"Please…tell me. Is what I've done a sin? Do I…deserve this?"
Her lips parted, then closed. She shook her head.
"Ren," Eva said, drawing his attention. "You're not the only one who questions this world. I used to think I woke up here by accident. Or because I wasn't good enough to reach heaven. But now…" She hesitated. "I think this place finds people. The ones who carry too much. The ones who can't let go of their past."
"Then…" Ren asked. "How did you die in the real world?"
"I…don't know."
"You don't remember?"
She shook her head.
"There are gaps in my memory," Eva said with a faint, yet sad smile. "I remember my favorite book. The sound of rain on windows. A song I used to sing. But not where I was…or how I left."
Her hand drifted to her chest, as if searching for something in her heart.
"Sometimes I question if I ever existed in my 'real world' at all," She admitted. "Or if I was made here…like a thought by The Mother."
"Do you want to know?" He asked. "How you died?"
She was silent for a long time.
Then, barely audible—
"On occasion. But other times…I'm afraid of what I'll see. Because if it was something awful. If I was hurt, or betrayed, or just forgotten…Then maybe it's better I don't know."