I sat on my bed as Vincent and Jasper continued to completely invade my room and have ALL of their shit EVERYWHERE.
It is crazy how much shit two people can have.
I kept looking up from my phone as the two of them bickered one second and then flirted the next.
I really REALLY do not understand these two.
My dad popped his head in for the final time saying that he was going to bed, so he said for us to quiet down.
We live in a big ass house, so i know damn well that he cant even hear us if he wanted too.
One thing about my dad though, is no matter how many times i tell him that Jasper and vincent are dating he always without fail, brushes it off, insisting that they are really good friends.
Yeah WE are all really good friends, but they are dating.
Hes so weird i cant.
Trying to explain that to him is like fighting a losing fucking battle, my god.
"Nathaniel." why is everyone calling me by my government name today?
"What?" jasper was trying on clothes that vincent had bought him, i dont know when i wasnt looking for details, but it was recently.
"Does this look good?"
Vincent shot me dangers.
I looked back as jasper. "Uh its a little short, like i can see your stomach."
"Thats the point," vincent interjected.
"Yall hella weird. I mean it looks fine, just the sleeves look weird because you are built," i said and jasper nodded.
"I think you look to die for honey," vincent said as he pulled jasper's BIG ASS into his lap, kissing his neck.
I looked back a my phone.
Annoying ass.
So shamlessly in front of me too.
Jasper pulled away from vincent and continued to show us some goofy ass clothes that Vincent said looked really good.
"You look good in jorts," i said.
Jasper whipped around at me. "Do you know who also looks good in jorts?"
"Who?"
"Cassidy."
I felt my heart pull.
I shrugged. "Okay?"
Jasper took my phone out of my hand. "He has like a fashion instagram it's pretty cool." he said and handed me my phone back.
"I truly dont care."
"Fine, whatever," jasper said as he went over to get his next outfit.
Against my better judgement my hands started to scroll on his instagram page.
@cassfitz_looks
34.7k followers.
I clicked follow.
Heat check.
He had on black nike track shorts.
They.
I gulped.
I felt myself staring at his legs.
I closed my mouth.
He had a loose gray hoodie with the hood up and sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
He was holding track spikes in one hand and a small smile on his face.
Does he even do track?
I smiled.
And continued to scroll.
Theo said to put dont get lost in the sauce.
I smiled.
He had an oversized white graphic tee tucked into…these black jeans.
"Close your mouth flies are going to get in," vincent said, popping me in the mouth.
I felt myself distinctively shutting off my phone.
"I already saw it…baby."
Jasper comes over.
Bruh.
"He was looking at cassidy's instagram."
"You're a dog," jasper says slapping me HARD on the back.
"Open it back up, lets see what you were looking at."
"Fuck no, go back to being all lovely dovey."
My phone opens against my better judgment with face ID.
"You are so gay."
"NOW I KNOW YOU ARE NOT TALKING. Yall kiss and fuck, thats gay! Not me fucking looking at cassidys outfits."
"With your mouth open, licking your damn teeth, righttttt."
I kicked vincent.
Ignoring those jeans.
He had black and white Jordans and his hair was braided down.
I feel myself zooming into to his jeans.
I hear jasper snicker.
Fuck forgot about him bro.
"Hes got a nice body, its not gay to enjoy it."
"Enjoying it, is what makes it gay," i said and jasper laughed and hit my shoulder lightly.
I scrolled down more
"Zoo we momma." i snapped my head to jasper.
I rubbed the back of my neck.
I am not even gay, but fuck hes good looking.
Work now, shine later.
He had on a gray compression shirt that clung to every inch of his upper half, he was drenched in sweat, and his hair was curly but shorter than it is now.
He had on some shorts that for real looked like the ones that we wear for basketball but way shorter.
WAY shorter.
He had big legs, like a soccer player's legs or something like that.
Something like that…
They were nice.
And hes so.
So like.
I dont know skinny on his upper half, and he.
Nevermind.
I need to stop.
I should have stopped earlier today, but.
But.
I feel myself double-tap on the post.
Fuck.
Fuck.
I quickly go back to unlike.
"He definitely got that notification." man shut up and go bother your boyfriend.
I scrolled down one. ONE POST and I felt myself staring again.
Stay cool.
And there was also a sunglasses emoji and a strawberry.
He had a cut off tank, showing just enough.
He had on light washed jeans with weird bottoms.
White sneakers.
And a smile at the camera.
Everything about him is so captivating my god.
I blinked a couple of times and kept scrolling down.
Okay, okay last one, i swear.
Light work.
He had on a cream colored turtleneck, tucked into back slacks with a belt.
Silver rings and a thin bracelet.
He had on brown leather boots and what i think was his step dad in the photo.
He looks like he's about to ruin someones life in a romance novel.
Like not even to sound out of touch.
But fuck.
I turned off my phone.
"You finally done looking?"
"Shut your ugly ass up," i yelled at vincent as the two of them started laugh.
I blinked.
Now i cant even get him out of my head.
"Fuck," i mumbled.
"What now?" vincent said standing up.
I took off my pajama shirt. "Nothing im just, hes making me all hot."
Vincent cracked a smile and i watched as it dropped.
"What?"
"Baby come here," vincent and jasper got up as well and the two of them stared at my back. "Bitch what?"
"Have you been feeling weird lately?"
"No, why?"
"Parts of your back are turning black."
"Are you joking?"
"I am being so deadass."
I put back on my shirt.
Fuck.
Now that i think about it my horns do feel really heavy and achy.
"Fuckkkkk. What even caused it?"
One things that teachers never warned about, big horn heat was this weird "form" bullshit.
Its so rare but also genetic, so if one of your parents have it, you have it.
And if both of your parents have it, you are double FUCKED.
They never wanted to talk about in schools because it was something that hasnt existed for years.
They locked people away who had the mutation, so they wouldnt pass it to their children.
The form is a demon.
A crazy thing that society thought they wiped out.
It's slightly different then heat, but its the same symptoms and worse ones.
Like i have normal heats but I also have this, so double heats, just one is so much fucking worse.
"I think i know," vincent mumbled.
The form is caused by, well i dont know.
Its only happened once before and it was awful.
And the one problem is once it starts, like its happening now, you cant stop it.
Impending doom.
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!
I should rewatch that movie.
Madagascar is lowkey a banger.
Anyway.
My lord.
As it leads up i am going to be in an overdrive.
And because i dont have a "soulmate" im gonna hunt.
Hunt to find the "one" and that is truly what i am most worried about.
It is so overwhelming and the physical transformation is awful.
It hurts and you lose control of everything as your "primal instincts" take over.
They take over and hunt to find the one.
My horns will elongate and curl sharper, cracking into these black things with red veins pumping through them.
Black, leathery wings tear out of my back, and they are usually the first thing that shows up.
It makes it so im able to fly, but because of my weight and height i can only fly for so long.
My eyes become this horrid color, its like they are bleeding.
My fingers become these claws that are completely black.
My entire body turns pitch black, every part of me becomes amplified and all weird.
I become like a machine.
They hated this side of us because it shows the "animal side" the part they tried to evolve away from.
"Yeah right you know."
When the form takes it shape, i hunt…hunt for a heartbeat.
The single heartbeat that drives my whole form.
That drives my whole existence.
I think i was 14 when it happened.
I remember the sound of a heartbeat, it was faint, distinct but it was pounding in my skull.
I can't exactly remember what it sounds like now, but I could feel it.
Feel it in my soul.
I feel it now.
I chased that shit through the woods, closer and closer to this giant building.
That i think was a school.
Instead of finding whoever's heartbeat that was, i found vincent in the exact same form.
And instead of killing each other, we bonded.
Not like that, but like as friends.
Swear.
And we some how calmed each down and thats how we met.
The heartbeat, it was the same when i was 14, but this its louder, a lot louder.
Its been playing in the back of my mind all week, i should have known.
"Have you been using a lot of magic?"
I nodded sheepishly.
"And much have you been feeling the pull?"
"Too much."
"Whose someone new you have met?"
"Uh cassidy."
Vincent gives me his creepy smile.
No.
No.
Its okay.
Its not.
Its not from him.
Its not.
That doesnt make any sense.
Hes.
Hes a man.
And im a man.
Its not from him.
Its not.
It will pass.
I will try and slow it down, so it happens on a weekend and not during school.
Fuck.
"Hey, its not that bad," jasper says with a warm smile.
Broddie you dont even have the gene and want to talk about not that bad.
Vincent started to agree with him.
"I hate you guys," i said and i felt myself start to get genuinely angry.
Despite vincent being taller than me, im significantly heavier than him, making the transformation significantly more painful.
And on top of that, he has his "soulmate" or at least has someone. I do not.
Meaning i have to hunt.
The two of them have been together for i dont know how long, but he has JASPER.
GUESS WHO FUCKING DOESN'T?
Me.
My god.
"Come on, you remember my last one. Jasper literally had to chain me down…"
"Im gonna cut you off there because i really REALLY dont wanna know." the two of them were laughing like it was a fond memory.
He can laugh everything off now even though it almost destroyed him.
It almost destroyed jasper as well.
But they can laugh it off and smile because they are a "happy couple."
That doesnt make me like it, not one bit.
Just the thought of still hunting the person i love when they are right there in front of me, is horrifying.
I hate it.
I fucking hate it.
I think the form makes me a beast.
It makes me unworthy of my life.
Unworthy of.
Of.
My familys reputation.
I, just like my dad, am unworthy.
"Besides." the two of them looked at me. "I don't want to end up like that. You too are always fucking fighting, always bitching, always complaining, I don't wanna end up like yall."
"We do not," vincent says.
"He was literally CRYING earlier today, i still dont fucking no why but i know it was your fault because its always your fault."
"It is not always my fault."
"Your very calm and chill boyfriend is always WITHOUT FAIL worked up when he is with you. He's scared of your pathetic ass," i said. "And truly i do not want to end up like that. I do not."
I watched as vincents eyes changed colors.
"Baby," jasper said rubbing his thigh.
This bitch.
"I'm not going to end up like that, truly. Fucking pathetic."
I watched as vincent lunged at me. Truly fight the allegations.
I froze him in place. "You are pathetic. Do you understand that? Maybe instead of fighting me because I'm calling out your bullshit, treat jasper better. Or wait you cant because what was your excuse? Its because oh tough love, because two big horns cant have none toxic love." i unfroze him and flung him backward, trying not to hit jasper.
"Or was it because you are jealous? Jealous of your own friend, or everyone, because they treat jasper better than you ever can. You are scared hes going to leave right? That was another excuse?"
"Or was it because jasper brings out the soft side of you and you cant accept that? Or maybe its because you love control and are convinced the whole world needs it, including jasper?" i held him above the ground.
"Unlike your pathetic ass, i can actually do magic correctly and not use my crazy memory to instill fear in people, including the one im supposed to love." i felt a pain in my neck and i dropped vincent.
Fuck.
I rubbed the side of my neck.
Fuck now my back is hurting.
Vincents quickly ran over to me. "Your neck, stop, stop," he said.
"Shut up."
"Your neck is pitch black, im telling you to stop." i sighed.
"Whatever," i said.
I shook my head and took off my shirt.
"You need to chill," jasper said getting in the bed with me and his little boy toy followed.
Jasper took of his shirt and flung his pants somewhere in my room.
Vincent took off his shirt.
"You are making it come faster," jasper said, as he circled what im assuming was the pitch black part.
"Tell your boyfriend to stop being a bitch, and i will calm down," I said and jasper pushed me lightly.
"I can handle it, you worry about yourself and…" he smiled. "And keep cassidy safe," he said with a wink.
I pushed him. "Good night, vincent go turn that damn light off."
Vincent got up and just like that the light was off.
But the street light was illuminating most of my room.
Jasper was facing me as i watched vincents hands go everywhere on him.
"Yall gay."
"Bitch go to bed and mind your business," vincent snapped.
Theres something so gross about your two best friends cuddling right in front you, shirtless.
IN YOUR BED.
I cant end up like them.
I cant.
I lie on my back.
My heart is racing.
I cant think about anything but hurting cassidy.
But why do i give a fuck?
Why?
I had him up against the wall.
I dont know why.
I should have stepped back.
Stopped fucking vaping, gone back to class.
I should have.
Left him alone.
I couldnt.
I just.
Oh god hes making my heart race.
Every single part of me is reacting to him.
Every move.
Every thing he says.
Every single part of his body.
His heartbeat is getting louder in my brain.
Why do i care?
Why do i care.
WHY?
I DONT UNDERSTAND.
OH MY GOD.
OH my.
"Nate."
I opened my eyes.
"Why are you breathing so heavily?" vincent mumbles.
"Nothing."
"You are okay, you aren't going to hurt anyone, just…you are fine," vincent mumbled.
"Okay," i said.
I am okay.
I.
I cant hurt anyone.
I cant.
Especially not him.
I.
I cant.
The pull.
Its going to make me hunt.
I cant.
I cant.
I cant.
No.
He cant.
I.
Cant be.
Mine.
He cant.
Cant be mine.
I cant hunt.
I cant.