"Yeah, just tired. Long day today," Naruto mumbles, rubbing at his forehead as if he's working out a migraine.
"Oh, I see. I'm sorry to hear that…" Hinata lowers her eyes to the floor and clasps her hands in front of her. She shifts her weight from foot to foot, pressing her lips together before asking, "Um, Naruto, did you forget about dinner last night? I waited for you to come over, but you… you never did."
Dinner…?
Naruto smacks a hand to his forehead. "Shit, I completely forgot!"
With how busy Naruto has been since taking on his new role as assistant to the Hokage, sharing a meal is one of the easier dates for the two of them to manage. Hinata hosts most of the time, but Naruto can scrounge together an acceptable meal when he sets his mind to it.
He'd completely forgotten that he was supposed to go over last night. The whole thing with the Chunin Exams, and then the whole thing with Sasuke, and then the other whole thing with Sasuke—
Naruto groans, "Ugh, I'm so sorry, Hinata—"
"It's alright, it isn't the end of the world—"
"I guess yesterday was also a lot, and it just slipped my mind. I'm really, really sorry about that, I didn't mean to leave you hanging."
Hinata smiles at him, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Really, it's okay, things happen. It's just rare when you forget our dinners, so I was worried that something had happened."
Naruto presses his lips into a thin line. He thinks of Sasuke scolding him for worrying, of all things, and he pushes out a gruff sigh. "No, I'm fine. Just… just tired, like I said. We'll have dinner another night."
"What about tonight? We can just heat up the leftovers and—oh, if you're not too tired, of course!" Hinata asks, rubbing her hands together nervously. "If you need to rest, then you should go home. We can reschedule for another night."
There's a knot in Naruto's chest when he thinks about discussing the details of their days over dinner. His mind is barely coherent enough to go home and stew in his frustration with Sasuke's attitude; he doesn't want to spend the rest of his night pretending like everything is fine. And he really doesn't want to go back to Hinata's apartment.
Well. It's their apartment, technically. Hinata has been living there on her own for a few weeks now, preparing for when Naruto inevitably joins her once they're officially married. Naruto had insisted that that's what would be proper and respectful to her Clan.
The lump in Naruto's throat grows bigger, but he chokes it down. Going over and spending time with his girlfriend is what a good boyfriend would do—
Fiancée, Naruto corrects himself. She's not just a girlfriend anymore, she's my fiancée.
"Yeah, sure, why not?" he forces out a laugh. "That sounds… nice."
Hinata's smile is bright and dazzling like a shooting star. "Wonderful! I think the curry tastes even better the next day, anyway—"
She hooks her arm through Naruto's and guides him down the street to her place, offering soft greetings and a deep blush to everyone who wishes them a good night and to stay out of trouble, but Naruto is only half-listening. He tries to return his attention to Hinata, but his mind is elsewhere, and the nausea rolling in his stomach doesn't help.
The queasiness persists throughout dinner. The conversation is minimal, more so Hinata talking about her day, which Naruto is grateful for. He keeps himself busy by scooping the curry and rice into his mouth in a way that borders on mechanical, barely even tasting the flavor he knows is there.
Hinata had invited him over for dinner, giving him an opportunity to make up for his mistake. His mind is on other things and other people, but he can give an hour of his time to his sweet and kind girlfriend.
He'll do what's expected of him. That's what maturing is, right?
His eyes drift around the apartment, enjoying the small lull in conversation. There are a few boxes piled up by the other, black marker scrawled across the sides with various labels like BOOKS, BEDROOM, KITCHEN, etc.
"You still have some boxes left…" he says more to himself than to Hinata. Guilt freezes his body, and he presses the pads of his fingers against his eyes. "Shit, I said I'd help you unpack like a week ago! Ugh, I'm sorry, Hinata, I said I'd help and instead I've been focusing on running errands for Kakashi-sensei—"
"It's alright, the Chunin Exams are an important event for all the villages—"
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I should neglect my girlfriend. That's two things that I've forgotten now. I promise I'll help once we're finished with dinner."
"Really, it's fine, Naruto. You've been really busy, and you have such an important role in the village, it makes sense that you'd have a lot on your mind. I've been perfectly fine doing it on my own, you don't need to fret about it. I promise it's okay."
Soft, sweet, kind Hinata. Her immediate acceptance of his negligence only makes the guilt eating him from the inside out fester. Sometimes her forgiving nature makes Naruto's mind follow deep, dark routes in the late hours of the night. She's always so understanding, always so forgiving, always so prepared to let Naruto off the hook without a fight.
Naruto always expects a scolding word or a show of displeasure. He's always surprised when he never receives it. He's even more surprised by the disappointment he feels with its absence.
"How was today?" Hinata asks as she pushes her curry around with her spoon. "You've been quiet all night. Distracted."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologize."
Naruto runs his tongue over his teeth and stares down at his bowl.
Why don't you ever fight me on anything? Don't you care when I mess up? Even a little bit?
Shaggy black hair and mismatched eyes flash through his head.
"What's on your mind?" Hinata's voice frees him from his trance.
Naruto shakes his head. The tips of his ears feel hot.
"Nothing, just—it's been busy. We still have a lot of organization to do before the exams begin next week, and Sasuke has been so difficult—"
"Sasuke's back?"
Naruto freezes in place like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He lifts his eyes to see Hinata is just as still, watching him with wide, worried eyes.
"Yeah?" Naruto says as casually as he can. "Kakashi-sensei called him back to help with the exams as another proctor for Konoha. He got into town yesterday evening."
"… I see."
The silence that stretches between them is far from comfortable. Naruto feels like he's holding his breath, the thread of tension fraying with the unspoken. So, he does what he always does and makes the first move, cutting it before it can completely unravel on its own.
"What's wrong, Hinata? You look… worried."
Hinata sits up straight, her cheeks coloring. She bites her lower lip and quietly replies, "I'm not worried, exactly… I just think that it's a little strange that Kakashi-sensei would call on him for something like this."
"What do you mean? Sasuke's perfect for this kind sort of thing, he's one of the greatest shinobi we have—why wouldn't Kakashi-sensei take advantage of that?"
Hinata's brows pinch together like she's afraid of answering.
"Hinata," Naruto says her name like he's preparing for a reprimand. "Answer me, please. Why shouldn't Sasuke be here?"
"… It isn't a secret that Sasuke isn't exactly everyone's favorite shinobi," Hinata starts carefully, her words measured and even like she's tiptoeing around a sleeping bear. "He caused a lot of damage back when he was a missing-nin—Kumo wanted his head for what he tried to do to the Raikage's brother."
"He helped just as much as I did fighting Madara. If I'm seen as some savior to the shinobi world, he should be considered one, too."
Hinata looks down at her bowl. "Yes, he was key to our success in the war, but that doesn't mean that he didn't cause havoc beforehand. These people aren't like you, Naruto. They won't forgive him simply because he's Sasuke."
Naruto's throat feels tight.
"What is that supposed to mean? And don't tell me to figure it out, I've had enough vague riddles this week to last me a lifetime. I want a real answer."
Hinata sighs. "He's your best friend, right?"
"Of course," Naruto answers instantly.
"Well, the rest of the world sees him as an international terrorist. To you, he's just Sasuke. You don't see him the same way everybody else does."
Sasuke is the person closest to Naruto's heart. Everyone knows it. He's never tried to hide just how deeply he cares for him, and he refuses to be ashamed of what he feels—of what he knows to be right in his soul.
Everyone should be given the chance to atone for their mistakes, so why not Sasuke? She doesn't understand, none of them understand, why can't they understand—?
Fool, a deep, rumbling voice echoes in his head. That is not what she means.
Naruto sees Kurama in his mind's eye, one paw curled over the other, one gleaming yellow eye half-open to sneer at him with barely restrained exasperation.
Then what is it? Why do Sasuke's sins matter more than the mistakes of anyone else? Why is he the exception?
Sasuke is not just anyone. Not to you. He is not their exception—he is yours.
… I'd try to help anyone self-destructing. You know that.
Kurama growls low and deep in his throat.
You make excuses and pretend not to understand. It is growing tiresome and pathetic.
Naruto scoops another helping of curry into his mouth to prevent himself from saying something he'll regret to Hinata or Kurama. "Thank you for the meal. You're right, it is even better the next day."
He pushes his chair back and takes his now empty bowl in his hand. "Are you finished, as well?"
"Yes, but you—don't you want to stay longer?"
Naruto scoops up her bowl in his other hand, bringing both dishes to the sink. "I'd love to, but I have an early morning tomorrow, so I think I'll probably head out once I'm done here. I'm pretty beat."
He runs the sponge deftly over the porcelain, rinsing off the suds, when he feels two arms wind around his waist.
"… Hinata?"
"You've been working really hard," Hinata says, her voice so soft that Naruto can barely hear her. She presses her cheek against his back. "You always carry the responsibility of everyone and everything on your shoulders. Don't you want to… unwind a little?"
Hinata's fingertips twitch against Naruto's stomach.
The only sound echoing through the apartment is that of the water from the tap splashing into the sink. Naruto stares down at the basin, his heart pounding against his ribs. He watches the bubbles slowly slip down the drain. He desperately wishes he could follow them.
His touch is gentle yet firm when he takes her wrists in his hands and removes them from his waist. He turns and forces a light, "You're sweet, Hinata, but I really have to go. Thank you for tonight."
He presses a quick kiss to the corner of her mouth, doing his best not to notice how disappointment shatters the hope in her eyes when he pulls away.
Naruto is quick to flee from the apartment. He offers Hinata a brief goodbye before slipping out the front door and taking to the roof. He feels exhausted beyond his limits, desperately longing for his own bed in his own apartment.
He avoids the streets below. He isn't in the mood to talk to anyone right now, especially not anyone who might ask him about what he's doing out so late and alone.
There's a spot of pink at the edge of his vision, and he blithely notes that Sakura must be out getting a drink with Ino or maybe catching up with Temari while she's in town, but the black, high-collared cloak snags his attention completely.
Sakura stares up at Sasuke with stars in her eyes, the same way she has since they were kids. There's a flattering blush coloring her cheeks to match her rosy hair as she tucks a piece behind her ear and laughs at something Sasuke must have said, even though he's never funny on purpose.
Something unnamed burns in Naruto's chest as he glances between them.
… Sakura's grown even more beautiful in the time he's been away. I wonder if he's noticed.
Right as the thought comes to Naruto's mind, the toe of his shoe catches on the ledge of the next building. His eyes bulge from their sockets, and he crashes down hard against the flat roof like a pancake.
He lets out a strangled ack and scrambles to his feet, quickly adjusting where his headband had slipped down to cover his right eye. He peers over the ledge, anxious to have potentially been caught at such an uncool moment, but Sakura is already walking down the street while Sasuke has disappeared completely.
Naruto breathes out a sigh of relief.
"Are you following me?"
He nearly leaps out of his skin at the sound of Sasuke's voice. He spins around with a hand pressed against his chest to see Sasuke standing on the other side of the roof with one brow arched high on his forehead. The light breeze makes his cloak billow around him, giving him an air of mysterious allure.
"I figured you'd have grown out of that by now," Sasuke says with a click of his tongue.
"You scared the shit out of me," Naruto rasps out, his heart pounding in his chest. "And, no, I'm not following you. I was just heading home when I saw Sakura, and you spooked me."
"I spooked you from twenty feet below?"
Naruto scowls at him and crosses his arms over his chest. "Oh, so now you're talking to me? What changed between now and an hour ago?"
Sasuke rolls his eyes. "Nothing, apparently, because I'm about to go back to ignoring you."
He turns and crouches, preparing to leap from the roof, when Naruto throws out a hand in desperation.
"No, wait, please don't go!"
Sasuke stills. He looks over his shoulder at Naruto, a glint of amethyst peeking out between strands of onyx hair.
Naruto's throat feels dry.
"I, um, what were you doing down there talking to Sakura?"
It's a dumb question. Naruto knows it's a dumb question, but it's the first one that provides him with a good enough reason to keep Sasuke in place for more than ten seconds.
Sasuke narrows his eyes, fully turning to face Naruto. "Why does that matter?"
"I don't know, just curious, I guess."
"… She caught me as I was leaving the marketplace. She just wanted to know how long I'll be in town for."
"Oh. Okay."
Silence falls between them once more. Naruto hates it even more than the arguing.
"Were you excited to see her?" he asks, eager to fill the empty space. "It's been a while since you last saw each other, hasn't it?"
Sasuke looks away. "About nine months. She was away on a mission the last time I came back."
"Right, right." Naruto presses his lips together. "I'm surprised she let you go so easily. She's really been missing you, I'd have thought she'd drag out to go get dinner or something to pick your brain."
"I said I had exam business to attend to. It gave me a good reason to get away."
Naruto tilts his head. "Get away? Why would you want to get away from Sakura? Isn't she your friend?"
Sasuke takes his sweet time answering, and by the time he finally does, he's looking down at his feet. "She's one of the few people who doesn't resent my presence, I suppose."
"That should be a yes, Sasuke."
"I'm not sure that's true anymore." Sasuke's mouth twists. "It was easier when we were younger, but now I just… feel weird. I don't know how to talk to her anymore."
"Feel weird…" Naruto thinks of the lovestruck expression Sakura had given him only moments ago. His stomach churns. "Do you…?"
"Do I what?"
"… Like her?"
"What?" Sasuke bellows loud enough to echo across the rooftops. "Are you seriously asking me that right now?"
"What do you expect me to think when she was looking at you with those big doe eyes?"
Sasuke gawks at Naruto like he's grown a second head. "You're so stupid, you're the dumbest boy in existence, don't you understand that I—"
Sasuke snaps his mouth shut and paces to the other end of the roof. His chakra is rife with anger. It spills out of him like a broken bottle of sake, leaking out from some part that's been shattered and staining everything around him.
"You're an idiot, Naruto," Sasuke hisses with such potent venom that even Orochimaru would be jealous. "Asking me if I have feelings for her—are you a complete and utter moron?"
"You said you felt weird talking to her! People feel weird when they talk to someone they like!"
"They can also feel weird around someone whose feelings they don't reciprocate!"
"I'm sorry! A lot of things have changed since we were kids! I thought that maybe your feelings changed, too!"
"Yeah, and I'd bet you'd know a lot about things changing, wouldn't you?" Sasuke scoffs, his right eye flashing red as he stalks back and forth.
"… I don't have feelings for Sakura anymore if that's what you're getting at—"
"I'm talking about your fiancée, you jackass!"
Naruto doesn't hear anything other than the rush of his blood pounding in his ears as he stares at Sasuke. "You know about that?"
The muscle in Sasuke's jaw flexes. "Of course I know. Kakashi had to be the one to tell me since you didn't have the courage to do it yourself. Why, Naruto? Why didn't you tell me?"
His voice cracks on the second why, splintering like shattered ice. The sound of it sends a fissure through Naruto's heart.
"I don't know," he rasps, wetting his dry, cracked lips with his tongue. "I don't know why, I just didn't think to tell you—"
Sasuke scoffs. "You tell me everything in every letter you've ever sent to me, never sparing a single detail even down to what you had for breakfast that morning, and yet you didn't think to inform me about a major, life-altering decision?"
He clenches his hand into a fist tight enough that Naruto can see his knuckles turning white.
"I didn't know you were even seeing Hinata. Why were you keeping this from me?"
The truth burns in Naruto's throat.
Every time I tried to write it down in a letter, it left me feeling nauseous. I don't know why. I just know that I didn't want to tell you because telling you would have changed things.
Instead, Naruto stammers out a pathetic, "That's not—we never talk about that kind of stuff."
"And do you ever stop to wonder why that is?" Sasuke sneers with the confidence of someone who already knows the answer.
Naruto clenches his jaw.
No. I didn't.
Because it just is.
It's how we are.
"Sasuke, please," Naruto rasps. "I don't want to be fighting with you the entire time you're here. I don't want to waste the time I have with you."
"How long have you been together?" Sasuke asks, completely disregarding his plea.
Naruto bites the inside of his cheek. "… Five months."
"Five months?" Sasuke practically shrieks. "Five fucking months and you really think you know her well enough to want to spend the rest of your life with this girl?"
"We've been friends since we were kids—"
"No, you've known each other since you were kids. She wasn't your friend, Naruto. Don't try to rewrite history when we both know that you were just as lonely as I was."
A low growl rumbles in the back of Naruto's throat.
"She cared about me," he chokes out. "Even if she never said it back then, she cared about me."
Sasuke opens his mouth, teeth bared, like a coiled snake prepared to strike the killing blow… but nothing comes out.
He just stares at Naruto until finally he closes his mouth and turns away, his Sharingan deactivating and returning to that deep, charcoal iris that Naruto could swear shines like a black pearl most days.
But right now, that eye is as dark and untouchable as the void of space.
"Well," Sasuke rasps in a hoarse voice. "If that's all it takes to catch your eye, then I'm sure she's well suited to you."
Naruto can hear the words caught in his throat.
Every time I saw you suffering… I, too, felt pain.
He just doesn't know what it means.
Sasuke vanishes without another word, disappearing in the blink of an eye as if he'd never been there at all.
The first phase of the Chunin Exam is a classic written exam that focuses on pushing each of the applicants to test their memory as well as their ability to think on their feet. Each examinee is given a written test that they are expected to answer within the hour while, at the same time, another proctor will periodically ask hypothetical questions aloud, which the examinees will need to remember the answers to before reporting to the head proctor. Upon their completion of the written test, the examinee will list off the answers to the oral exam.
"Clever," Sasuke murmurs as he watches the different examinees turn in their tests at staggered times. "The sooner an examinee finishes their written exam, the fewer questions they'll have to remember from the verbal portion. The only trade-off is that they might be rushing through their written answers."
Shikamaru nods. "It's all about speed, memorization, and having the confidence to make the right choice in a situation that requires a split-second decision."
"The ability to deduce just how much time can and should be spent on different aspects of a mission is important for a shinobi to learn."
"And you're not worried this might be a bit complex for a first round?" Naruto asks from the other side of the room where he leans back against the wall.
Temari snorts from her seat beside Shikamaru. "The Chunin Exams are meant to be complex. They're supposed to challenge the applicants."
"Naruto is just bothered because he knows that he wouldn't be able to pass the first phase," Shikamaru says with a teasing smirk.
"There's a reason he hasn't made chunin yet," Sasuke mutters under his breath.
"You haven't made chunin, either," Naruto snaps, crossing his arms tightly across his chest. "Pot calling the kettle black, over here."
"I'm surprised you even know what that even means."
"I'm not a complete idiot!"
Sasuke shrugs with as much nonchalance as he can accurately forge. "Could have fooled me."
He hears Naruto grunt in frustration, but Sasuke refuses to look at him. It hurts every time he tries, remembering how pain and panic had distorted those handsome features of his the night before and left Sasuke feeling hollow inside.
It had been a hard pill to swallow—the thought that Naruto was so dedicated to his performance that he'd forcibly knock Sasuke from the pedestal of his heart and replace him with someone better suited to his ambitions.
Sasuke knows that Naruto isn't aware of it—neither his acceptance of the status quo for the sake of his reputation nor his betrayal of himself. He wonders how Naruto can possibly reconcile this sham of a relationship with his vow to stay true to himself.
Naruto isn't in love with Hinata. Sasuke saw the truth of it on his face last night, heard it in the uncertainty of his reasoning.
But Sasuke can't make Naruto choose him.
Not when Naruto seems convinced that he can be content with only having part of him.
Sasuke has lied enough to himself in the past that he can no longer hide from what he feels; not when refusing to acknowledge the truth of himself is what kick-started the tumultuous beginning and middle of their relationship in the first place.
He knows that he loves Naruto more than anything else in the living world—but he also knows that he cannot be satisfied with only a fraction of what he desires in full.
"You two have sure been at each other's throats since we began," Temari says with an impatient click of her tongue. "If you're going to be more invested in this little game you're playing than in doing your actual job, then Iruka, Shikamaru and I can take care of the assessments ourselves."
Naruto scowls at her. "Why are you even here? This room is for discussing the acceptance of Konoha applicants. Shouldn't you be with the other Suna proctors?
"Naruto," Iruka scolds from the other side of the table. "Play nice. The Suna examinees have already completed their written exams, and Temari was given permission to be here while waiting for phase two."
"Oh, I bet she was…" Naruto mumbles, his eyes drifting to Shikamaru.
Temari rolls her eyes. "At least I'm being helpful instead of pouting in the corner like a baby. "
"Would you two stop arguing, please?" Shikamaru interrupts with a deep sigh as he gathers his papers together and stands from his chair. "The final Konoha examinee just turned in their answers. It's time to review and determine who moves on and who will be cut."
Even as Shikamaru goes through the list of candidates, Sasuke can feel Naruto's gaze anchor on his profile. He hopes that Naruto is noticing the curve of his jaw, the slope of his cheekbones, and the striking contrast of his black hair falling softly over his pale skin to frame his face.
He wants Naruto to notice everything about him—to see what he's missing out on in favor of an inferior substitute.
Have you ever tried this hard to catch Hinata's eye?
Naruto might not even realize that he's doing it; begging for Sasuke's attention. If not, that only makes Naruto's lack of subtlety all the more satisfying.
He doesn't give Naruto an inch, focusing entirely on the papers before him and the conversation at hand.
Withholding his attention will only make Naruto all the more desperate to capture it.
By the time they've made their final decision, the sun is already hanging high in the sky. The location for phase two of the exams is deeper in the Land of Fire's territory, a vast expanse of wilderness with a good variety of obstacles to impede the participating shinobi in their test.
Phase two will group the examinees into teams of three and protect a single scroll as they attempt to escape from a marked area. The teams must defend their scroll while also attempting to retrieve the scroll of another team. Should a team maintain its original scroll but fail to procure another, they will not be removed from the next phase but must complete a preliminary round of combat before participating in phase three.
A variety of both chunin and jonin from the different villages are scattered along the border of the exam area, all gathered to observe the second phase as either guards or medics.
Naruto smiles when he recognizes the spot of pink in between the sea of shifting green, gray, and brown.
"It's good to see you all!" Sakura greets warmly as she approaches the collection of proctors. A faint blush colors her cheeks when she looks at the man standing to Naruto's left. "It's nice to see you as well, Sasuke."
When Sasuke doesn't reply, she quickly follows her greeting up with a bright, "Were any of our applicants cut? Or did they all make it through?"
Shikamaru shakes his head. "Fortunately, all of their answers were sufficient enough for them to make it onto the next phase. They should all be dividing into their teams and heading for their starting points now."
Temari settles a hand on Shikamaru's bicep and smoothly interjects, "Before you all start chatting, I'm going to go rejoin the other Suna proctors. Thank you for allowing me to join you four for the first phase."
"It was no biggie," Shikamaru says with a shrug. "We'll catch you after this thing is over."
Temari nods. She turns to Sakura and offers a warm, "It was lovely to see you again, Sakura," before heading towards a throng of shinobi marked with the sigil for Suna.
Sakura's grin turns mischievous when she looks at Shikamaru.
"Don't," Shikamaru immediately grumbles, his lip curling. "Keep your thoughts to yourself."
"I didn't even say anything yet!"
"And let's keep it that way."
"Oh, don't be such a stick in the mud, Shikamaru!" Sakura scolds as she rolls her eyes. "I think it's very chivalrous for you to have accompanied her over here."
Shikamaru scoffs. "She doesn't need any accompaniment. She's a jonin, she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself."
"See, and I bet that kind of mentality is exactly why she likes you—"
"Goodbye, Sakura," Shikamaru quickly interrupts, walking past her before she can finish her sentence.
Sakura laughs at the red blush spreading across the back of his neck.
"I don't think I've ever seen him so flustered," Iruka chuckles quietly. "He's always so put together."
"Oh, you should have seen him when we all went out to dinner, and Ino asked to see Temari with her hair down," Sakura giggles. "His face was so red, he nearly tripped over his own chair trying to excuse himself to use the bathroom."
"Really? Why would that matter?" Naruto mumbles quietly.
"People like when the person they're interested in changes things up every once in a while," Sakura says with a roll of her eyes. "Don't you like seeing Hinata with her hair up?"
Naruto pauses, trying to think of a polite way to say that he never really notices what she does with her hair. "Uh..."
"I'm going inside," Sasuke cuts in, saving Naruto from his own stupidity. He doesn't spare any of them a single glance as he follows Shikamaru's footsteps and heads for the large surveillance building set up along the outskirts of the exam.
Sakura stares after him, her longing expression turning somber when he doesn't look back.
Iruka sighs, his head tilting back to look up at the sky in mild exasperation. "I should help Shikamaru set up. We still have some time before the second phase actually begins, so you're free to stay out here and chat for a bit, Naruto. Take care of yourself, Sakura."
"You, too," Sakura replies in a quiet voice.
Naruto glances between Sakura and the door that the other three Konoha proctors had disappeared behind. "You okay?"
Sakura nods. "I'll be fine. I just… I haven't been able to talk to Sasuke very much since he's been back. I was hoping I might get the chance to before this phase began, but it seems like that's not going to happen."
"He hasn't spoken to me very much since he's been back, either," Naruto murmurs, his gaze falling to his feet. "Although that's probably my fault."
Apprehension crawls up his spine only to get stuck in his throat.
Is this how it starts? Angrily avoiding me every chance he gets until, eventually, we just… drift apart?
"Really?" Sakura asks curiously. "If anything, you're the one person in the village he can always tolerate. What did you do this time?"
Naruto sighs. "I… might not have told him about Hinata and me."
"What? Why wouldn't you tell your best friend about your engagement?"
Naruto bites the inside of his cheek and winces.
Sakura's eyes grow wide. "He didn't know you were together at all?"
Naruto's face warms. "It slipped my mind!"
"How does information like that just slip your mind? It's a major life event!"
"I don't know, it just didn't!" Naruto groans and runs his hands down his face. "It's not like I'm thinking about Hinata when I'm writing letters for him!"
"… You don't?"
"No? Why would I?"
Sakura stares at him for a long moment before softly asking, "You don't think about your fiancée when you're writing to Sasuke about your personal life?"
The question is more startling than it should be. Naruto searches Sakura's face like he's unsure of whether she's just asked him a trick question or not.
"I mean, I'm only really thinking about him," Naruto finally replies as if it's the most obvious answer in the world. "I don't think about anything else when I'm trying to write him a letter. I'll mention you or Kakashi-sensei if there's something new because I know he cares, but otherwise, it's just… us."
"Do you feel that way when you write to Gaara? Or Killer B? Or anyone else?"
Naruto opens his mouth, ready to defend himself, but nothing comes out.
No. No, not really.
Everything about Sakura softens; her expression, her shoulders, her entire being. Naruto's stomach churns at the sight of it. He doesn't know quite what she's thinking, but the pity on her face scares him.
He clears his throat and forces out a light, "Don't look at me like that! Sasuke's my best friend, of course it's going to be different when I write to him. I just want his attention on me and nobody else, you know?"
Sakura winces.
Naruto's cheeks feel hot. "Is it that weird?"
"Oh, no, of course not!" Sakura quickly says, holding up both hands in reassurance. "You're just—you and Sasuke have always had a… different kind of relationship compared to anyone else in the village. I'm sure that sort of thing is normal for people who have a bond like you two."
There's a strange, stilted silence that falls between them, one that Naruto has no clue how to navigate. This wasn't the sort of conversation he had expected to have with Sakura, and it's left him feeling fluttery and anxious.
"So, um, how's the wedding planning going?" Sakura asks, quickly changing the subject. "Have you two picked out your rings yet? Or decided on flowers, maybe?"
The queasy feeling from before makes Naruto's stomach churn ever more. "I don't think so?"
Sakura glowers at him. "Do you seriously not know?"
"Well, I've been kind of busy lately!" Naruto says as he gestures to the testing area.
Sakura sighs and presses a hand to her temple. "Don't you want to be involved in the process at all? This isn't just some casual event you can toss together at the last moment! I'm sure Hinata would love to see more interest from you—I mean, aren't you excited to get married?"
Naruto doesn't answer immediately, and that seems to be the wrong move with the way the same sadness from before comes crawling back across Sakura's face.
"Naruto… you do want to marry Hinata, don't you?"
A short, sharp laugh is forced from Naruto's throat. He's been laughing a lot today, despite none of its events being particularly funny.
"Yeah, of course!" Naruto offers along with a placating smile. He runs a hand through his hair, grateful that his headband can hide the sweat that's beginning to gather at his brow. "Hinata and I get along great, and she's liked me for a really long time—marriage is just the natural next step."
"Why are you so convinced that you have to get married?" Sakura finally asks. "Why not just date for a while to make sure you're with the right person?"
"We have been dating for a while—"
"Five months isn't that long, Naruto!"
Naruto's anger bubbles to the surface and he snaps, "Ugh, you sound just like Sasuke! Why are you so confused about this now? Everyone was so excited when we started dating and when we got engaged, including you!"
It takes everything within him not to scream.
He needs Sakura to stop talking, to stop trying to poke holes into his very comfortable relationship with his future wife, and to just mind her own business.
"Look, I know I'm—I know that there's something wrong with me," he finally rasps in a voice so hoarse it sounds like his vocal cords have been dragged across gravel. "I can feel it every time someone talks about the wedding, or Hinata, or married life, or anything like that. I knew when we first started dating that I was probably going to marry her. I mean, she gave her life for me, you know? I have to take care of her. I can get over whatever this is inside of me."
He presses a hand to his forehead. "Usually it's not this bad. I'm sure it's just stress making me feel all tangled up inside. Once the exams are over and Sasuke is—"
Gone, whispers a small, unhelpful voice in his head.
"—Well, when things are patched up, everything will go back to normal. I'll go back to being a good, doting boyfriend, and I'll forget about all of this."
Naruto puffs out a deep, heavy sigh. He doesn't want to think about this any more than he has to, and inspecting the details with a microscope will only make the unease he's feeling even worse.
"Sorry, that was a lot," he snorts with a crooked half-grin. "It's not even really an issue if you think about it; 'poor Uzumaki Naruto with his beautiful girlfriend and his functional relationship that makes him feel like he's going to barf every time he thinks too hard about the future'. I mean, what kind of idiotic, unreasonable problem is that—?"
His words sharply cut off when he sees the look on Sakura's face. She looks like she's about to cry. It makes Naruto's chest swell with guilt.
"Fuck, I'm so sorry, Sakura, I didn't mean to shout at you—"
"You dummy, I'm not mad at you for that," she whimpers, wiping at her watery eyes with a hand. "Why didn't you ever say anything before? How long have you felt this way?"
"I… I don't know." Naruto doesn't meet her eyes. "A while? I didn't really notice it until recently."
"Do you think that maybe it's because…" Sakura bites her lip. "Sasuke is back?"