"I guess I should be glad Banner isn't here today. Otherwise, before the Avengers compound is even finished, we would've lost our only home!"
Tony, clad in his Iron Man armor, launched a flurry of attacks at the four heavily muscled brutes. Having already confirmed that these guys possessed superhuman physical traits, he dialed up the power on his repulsor beams to blast them back.
What Tony found even more hilarious, however, was that this gang had actually plugged a USB flash drive into the front desk receptionist's laptop, shouting slogans like, "The Avengers are finished!" Putting aside whether the data on that drive was of any use at all, what made them think the central systems of the Avengers were connected to a front desk laptop?
The leader charging at the front was the Wrecker, head of this villainous group known as the "Wrecking Crew." Wearing a ski mask that made him look exactly like a bank robber, he wielded a crowbar, swinging it around wildly with enough raw strength to easily flip a car. Yet, with a single leap, Tony blasted him away with a repulsor shot from his palm.
Following that, Thunderball—the only one in the four-man squad with a ranged attack, and the only Black member of the team—swung his weapon. It was a massive iron wrecking ball attached to a thick chain, the kind used on construction sites to demolish walls, and he hurled it straight at Tony. If a one-ton iron ball like that hit Tony, he would undoubtedly be scattered in pieces all over the floor. However, Tony instantly engaged his armor's back thrusters, veering out of the way to dodge it.
The massive iron ball crashed into the ceiling of the Avengers Tower lobby instead, prompting a complaint from Tony: "Hey! Do you have any idea how long it takes for me to fix this place up so we can welcome guests again after a smash like that?"
"I don't give a damn about any of that, Iron Man! Feel the wrath of the Wrecking Crew!"
Piledriver was a man who lived up to his name. His fists possessed immense power, acting just like mechanical piledrivers. He struck the rebounding iron ball with a heavy punch, sending it hurtling right back. This time, Tony didn't get hit either, and he didn't have to worry about another gaping hole being blasted into his ceiling, because Spider-Man arrived right on cue, catching the massive iron ball with his webbing.
"The Wrecking Crew? I thought you guys were called a demolition squad."
As Peter spoke, he swung the massive iron ball back at them. The last member of the quartet, Bulldozer—who dressed like a budget version of the Juggernaut—charged forward and caught the giant iron ball with sheer brute force. Immediately after, Thunderball gave a hard yank, pulling his weapon back. The four members of the Wrecking Crew stood in a line, facing Peter and Tony.
Tony landed right next to Peter and chimed in with full agreement, "Well said, kid. Hey guys, have you ever considered applying for a job at the Damage Control Bureau as a demolition crew or something? I think you're a perfect fit for it, and you'd make decent money too. It beats the hell out of crossing us."
"Cut the crap, Iron Man! You're the one we're here to beat!"
As the leader, the Wrecker brandished his enchanted crowbar and barked fiercely, "This crowbar of mine can hold its own even against Thor's hammer! Working as demolition laborers with ordinary people? Wouldn't that be a total downgrade! There's no faster way to make a buck than this. Take this!"
With a sharp roar, he leaped high into the air, swinging his crowbar down toward the duo. Peter and Tony immediately split up, jumping to either side. Next, Bulldozer lowered his head and roared, "I'm the Bulldozer!" True to his word, he charged at Peter like an actual construction vehicle. Four mechanical spider-legs instantly deployed from Peter's back. Relying on his own raw strength, Peter managed to bring the human bulldozer to a grinding halt, though he was pushed back seven or eight meters in the process.
"Yes, yes, you're the Bulldozer, and I'm Leroy Jenkins. Do you know the Juggernaut? That guy is way harder to stop than you. I've even met an even crazier fella named Mangog. Ever heard of him?"
Peter held Bulldozer back with one hand while channeling bio-electricity into his other, turning it into a powerful surge of current. Taking a deep breath, he threw a heavy punch forward.
"Current Push!"
Bulldozer was sent flying backward, crashing straight into Thunderball, who was in the middle of swinging his massive iron ball at Tony. The two of them instantly tangled together into a ball and rolled off into the distance. Right on his heels, the Wrecker rushed over, viciously swinging his enchanted crowbar at Peter.
"I actually really like crowbars. I'm a big fan of Half-Life and Gordon Freeman. Uh, never mind, you probably haven't heard of him."
As Peter talked, he used his webbing to snag the opponent's crowbar. To his surprise, a mysterious energy flared up from the crowbar, instantly disintegrating his webbing. This caught Peter off guard: "You really do have a magical crowbar? Who enchanted it for you? Loki?"
Right then, Peter felt his Spider-Sense tingle briefly before fading away. He was now absolutely certain that this guy's crowbar—and by extension, the superpowers of this entire gang—had been granted by Loki. Considering Loki's current affiliation, it was highly probable that they were sent by the Roxxon Energy Corporation, or perhaps Malekith.
But what was the point of sending a bunch of clowns like this?
Unable to comprehend their motive, Peter executed a backflip to dodge the "holy weapon of physics." While still in mid-air, he fired webbing to bind the Wrecker's feet, then swung himself around using a web line to land right behind him. With a sharp tug, he pulled the Wrecker to the ground, causing the magical crowbar to fly quite a distance away. Peter walked over and tried to pick up the crowbar, only to find that he couldn't lift it at all.
"Uh, what's the enchantment spell on this crowbar? Only a villain can lift it?"
"My guess is 'only a brainless thug can lift it.' Take that—"
Tony proved that a magically enhanced body still couldn't beat advanced technology, landing a direct punch right onto Piledriver's nose, knocking him flat on his back. He then bragged to Peter, "Turns out World War II veteran combat training is pretty useful after all, isn't it, kid?"
"Does Captain America know Wing Chun..."
"Uh, no, but I do. I'm a huge Bruce Lee fan, I even have a Bruce Lee T-shirt..."
Before the two of them could even discuss how to handle these four clowns and what to do with the unliftable crowbar, they suddenly heard a familiar voice shouting from outside, "Avengers! We're here to help!" as a group charged into the lobby.
Looking closely, it turned out to be four superheroes dressed in colorful outfits. The newcomers were none other than Carol Danvers leading the Ultimates, alongside Ms. Marvel, War Machine, Patriot, and Ares.
Huh? How did things loop back around to recruiting Ares anyway?
While Peter was still lost in confusion, Colonel Rhodes opened his faceplate and walked over to greet Tony, "I was going to ask how you were holding up, pal, but... looks like you've got things covered."
"Yeah, I'm fine." Tony looked over at the rest of the Ultimates. "How did you guys get here so fast? I almost didn't get the chance to handle these four clowns by myself."
Fun trivia: In the Ultimate Universe (Earth-1610), the Wrecking Crew really did work as a legitimate demolition squad.
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