"I guess I should count my blessings that Banner isn't here today. Otherwise, before construction on the Avengers Base is even finished, our only home would be gone too!"
Tony, wearing his Iron Man armor, launched a frantic assault on these four heavily built, muscular brutes. Having already confirmed that these men possessed superhuman physicality, he turned up the power of his repulsor blasts slightly to blast the opposing side.
But what Tony found even more hilarious was that this bunch of jokers had actually plugged a USB flash drive into the front desk receptionist's laptop while clamoring, "The Avengers are finished!" Putting aside whether the contents of that flash drive were of any use at all, why on earth did you think the central system of the Avengers was linked to the front desk receptionist's laptop?
The Wrecker, the leader of this villainous organization known as the "Wrecking Crew" who was spearheading the charge, wore a ski mask that made him look exactly like a hardened bank robber. He swung a crowbar all over the place, wielding strength immense enough to flip a car with ease. Yet, with a single leap, he was blasted flying by Tony's palm repulsor.
Following that, Thunderball—the only one among the four-man squad with a long-range output method, and also the only Black man in the group—flung his weapon. It was a massive iron wrecking ball attached to a chain, identical to the kind used on construction site cranes to smash down walls, hurtling straight toward Tony. If this metric ton of iron smashed into Tony, it would certainly scatter him into pieces all over the place. However, Tony instantly operated the thrusters on the back of his armor to swerve and dodge the blow.
The massive iron ball ended up smashing into the ceiling of the Avengers Tower lobby instead, prompting a complaint from Tony: "Hey! Do you have any idea how long it takes me to make this lobby presentable for guests again after you smash it like that?"
"I don't give a damn about this or that, Iron Man! Taste the might of our Wrecking Crew!"
Piledriver was a man true to his name; his fists possessed boundless, immense strength like a mechanical pile driver. He directly punched the rebounding iron ball right back. Tony managed to avoid being hit this time as well, and there was no need to worry about another massive hole being smashed into the ceiling, because Spider-Man appeared right at the perfect moment, intercepting the massive iron ball with his webbing.
"Wrecking Crew? I thought you guys should be called a demolition team instead."
As Peter spoke, he swung the massive iron ball right back at them. Bulldozer, the last of the four-man squad who was dressed like a budget version of the Juggernaut, charged toward Peter and caught the massive iron ball with sheer brute force. Afterward, Thunderball yanked hard on the chain to pull his iron ball back, and the four members of the Wrecking Crew stood directly opposite Peter and Tony.
Tony touched down beside Peter, replying in deep agreement, "Well said. Hey guys, have you considered applying for a job at the Damage Control Bureau as a demolition team or something? I think you'd be a perfect fit, and you could make a decent amount of money too. It beats making an enemy out of us."
"Cut the crap, Iron Man! We came here specifically to beat you!"
As the leader, the Wrecker brandished his magical crowbar and spoke sharply, "This crowbar of mine doesn't back down even when pitted against Thor's hammer. Working as demolition laborers with everyone else? Wouldn't that be degrading! How could that ever bring in cash as fast as this line of work? Eat my crowbar!"
Following his sharp shout, he leaped high into the air and swung his crowbar down toward the two of them. Peter and Tony immediately jumped to opposite sides. Then, Bulldozer lowered his head and shouted, "I am the Bulldozer!", charging toward Peter like an actual, literal bulldozer. Four mechanical claws instantly deployed from Peter's back, and relying on his own raw physical strength, he managed to forcefully grind this bulldozer to a halt after being pushed back seven or eight meters.
"Yes, yes, yes, you're a bulldozer, and I'm Leeroy Jenkins. Do you know the Juggernaut? That guy is way harder to stop than you. I've even encountered an even tougher fellow named Mangog, have you ever heard of him?"
Peter held the Bulldozer back with one hand while gathering bio-electricity in his other hand, transforming it into a powerful current. Then, taking a deep breath, he threw a vicious punch.
"Current Thrust!"
Bulldozer was sent flying backward, crashing right into Thunderball, who was currently smashing his massive iron ball all over the place trying to hit Tony. The two of them instantly rolled into a tangled heap and flew off to god knows where. Immediately after, the Wrecker caught up, fiercely swinging his magical crowbar toward Peter.
"I quite like crowbars too. I really like Half-Life and Gordon Freeman. Uh, never mind, you probably haven't heard of him."
As Peter spoke, he pinned down the opponent's crowbar with webbing, only for a mysterious energy to emanate from the crowbar, instantly disintegrating Peter's webs. This caught Peter by surprise: "You actually have a magical crowbar? Who enchanted it for him? Loki?"
Right after, Peter was absolutely certain that his Spider-Sense tingled briefly before quickly dissipating. He was now highly certain that this guy's crowbar—or rather, this group's superpowers—had been granted by Loki. And considering Loki's current identity, the group was highly likely dispatched by Roxxon Energy Corporation, or rather, Malekith.
But what was the point of sending a bunch of useless bums like this?
Failing to understand the motive, Peter executed a backflip to dodge the opposing Weapon of Physics. In midair, he pinned down the opponent's feet with webbing, then swung on a web line to get behind the Wrecker, pulling him flat onto the ground. Even the Weapon of Physics went flying quite a distance away. Peter tried to pick up the crowbar, only to find that he actually couldn't lift it at all.
"Uh, what's the incantation on this crowbar? Only a villain can pick it up?"
"My guess is 'only a brainless villain can pick it up.' Take this—"
Tony proved that a magically enhanced physical body was still no match for superior technology. He directly delivered a punch straight to Piledriver's nose, flooring him, and then boasted to Peter, "It turns out that World War II veteran combat training is actually quite useful, isn't it, kid?"
"Does Captain America know Wing Chun..."
"Uh, no, but I do. I'm a huge fan of Bruce Lee. I even own a Bruce Lee T-shirt..."
Before the two of them could even begin discussing how to handle these four comedians and how to deal with that un-liftable crowbar, they suddenly heard a familiar voice shouting, "Avengers! We're here to help you!" as a group charged inside.
Looking closely, it turned out to be four superheroes dressed in bright, colorful outfits. The newcomers were actually Carol and the Ultimates she led—Ms. Marvel, War Machine, Patriot, and Ares.
Huh? How did the recruitment loop around to Ares after all those twists and turns?
While Peter was still bewildered, Colonel Rhodes opened his faceplate and walked over to get chummy with Tony: "I originally wanted to ask how you were holding up, pal, but... looks like everything's under control now."
"Yeah, I'm fine." Tony looked toward the other members of the Ultimates. "How did you guys get here so fast? I almost didn't get to finish off these four comedians myself."