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"Esteemed customer," the clerk said smoothly. "What might you be seeking?"
Levi folded his hands behind his back, posture relaxed, expression neutral. His voice came out quiet and steady.
"A weapon. Something reliable."
The clerk straightened slightly. "Of course. Please allow us a moment to prepare the viewing chamber."
She turned and gestured to the assistants. Levi followed at a measured pace, eyes scanning the shop. His gaze briefly caught the nameplate pinned to her violet robes: Reya.
Behind his calm expression, his thoughts were less composed.
I hope they don't ask if I've ever used a sword. The last blade I held was a cake knife. It had frosting on the handle.
Within moments, two side doors opened. A pair of younger staff entered, each carrying a sealed case marked with binding runes. Reya led Levi into a smaller hall lined with floating crystal pedestals, each surrounded by transparent magical wards that rotated slowly in the air.
The first case opened.
Inside rested a sword that looked like it had been forged from concentrated sunlight. A flawless silver blade embedded with a clear jewel that pulsed with soft light. The thing practically hummed with holy energy.
"This is Seraph's Rest," Reya said. "A relic of the Church of the Blinding Flame. It repels corruption and burns falsehood with every strike."
Levi stepped closer. The light reflected off his coat. He raised a hand.
SYSTEM ALERT
Equip Attempt Blocked.
Host cannot equip this weapon.
System deems Host incompatible.
Levi's hand froze midair.
His eye twitched.
Excuse me? What do you mean I'm the problem?
Outwardly, he lowered his hand with calm precision and gave a single thoughtful nod.
"Hm. Not the right fit."
Reya showed no sign she'd noticed anything. She gestured, and the assistants stepped aside to reveal the second pedestal.
"This is the Tidepiercer," she said. "A high pressure spear designed to break enchanted armor and manipulate battlefield currents. Crafted in the Sunken Guild of Nerra."
The spear looked sick. Sapphire veins ran through the metal, and water actually curled around the blade like it missed the ocean.
Levi stepped forward again.
One hand lifted.
SYSTEM ALERT
Denied.
Not in alignment with Host's narrative archetype.
You are not good enough.
His eyelid twitched again.
Just a little.
Out loud, he murmured, "Not quite."
What narrative archetype? I wasn't assigned one! Was there a form I didn't fill out? A checkbox labeled 'vibe' that I missed?
Reya tilted her head politely. "We have other options."
She motioned again.
The assistants opened the next case, revealing a long staff carved from something that looked like compressed starlight. A constellation pulsed inside the core like a frozen galaxy.
"This piece channels mana through ambient alignment. Ideal for archmages and high ritualists."
Levi took one look at it and decided not to reach for it.
I don't even have mana. This thing would probably just sit there judging me.
"Not my style," he said.
She nodded without missing a beat and raised her hand once more.
A final pair of assistants emerged with a sleek black case. Inside gleamed a matched set of dual daggers, pale as moonlight. The edge of each one shimmered with micro-thin runes.
"These are the Blades of the Moon Hunt. Synchronized channeling, perfect balance, built for movement-focused combatants."
Levi approached.
The moment he touched the edge of the display circle:
SYSTEM ALERT
Blocked.
Host lacks the psychological profile required for twin-wield focus.
Too many conflicting variables in combat style.
He slowly lowered his hand.
Out loud: "Interesting craftsmanship."
Too many conflicting variables? Bro, I'm sorry, were you under the impression I came here to be roasted? You absolute gremlin of a program.
Reya stepped back, a slight crease forming at the corner of her mouth. More curiosity than concern.
"If none of these suit you," she said, "we can prepare items from the sealed archive. Reserved stock for rare clients."
Levi shook his head once. Slow and deliberate.
"No need. I've seen enough."
He turned toward the nearest wall, pretending to observe a suspended greatsword radiating frost. He wasn't even reading the plaque. He just needed a second to mentally scream into the void.
How can I be unworthy for every weapon in the shop? I summoned a Death Knight by accident. I am literally a sentient plot device.
A new System message pinged quietly in the corner of his vision.
Notice:
Your current archetype is classified as "Nothing"
You do not match the criteria for standard combat class alignment.
Compatible equipment: ???
He pinched the bridge of his nose.
Nothing? Are you fucking you fucking piece of rusty crime committing piece of junk
Reya was watching him now, hands folded, respectfully silent.
Levi turned back with a composed expression.
.
.
.
Reya's professional calm was starting to crack just slightly.
"Is nothing to your liking, honored guest?" she asked gently.
Levi offered a faint smile. The kind that said "everything is fine" while the fire behind his eyes said "I will launch myself through a window to escape this embarrassing situation."
"Everything is beautiful," he said. "Unfortunately, I'm being very particular."
I'd take a sharpened spoon at this point. A butter knife with the right energy. A cursed ladle that whispers threats would be fine.
He folded his arms slowly, gaze drifting across the floating displays again. The staff hovered nearby, clearly uncomfortable. Customers didn't usually reject four relic class weapons without even pretending to consider them.
Levi turned back to Reya. Calm. Steady.
"Bring out the strongest one you've got," he said.
Reya blinked. "You wish to see our most powerful piece?"
"No holding back," Levi said, lowering his voice just enough to sound intentional. "Whatever you have locked behind three layers of blessing and a moral waiver. Let's see it."
Reya hesitated for the briefest moment, then gestured sharply to one of the assistants. The man nodded and vanished behind a sealed iron door at the end of the hall.
The chamber fell quiet.
Minutes passed.
Levi stood there, hands behind his back, looking thoughtful.
Inside, he was running calculations.
Okay so far I've been rejected by: a holy sword, a spear that controls water, a staff that probably requires a PhD in astronomy, and dual daggers for people with coordination. I'm zero for four. This is worse than my dating track record.
One of the younger assistants shifted his weight nervously.
Another glanced at Reya like he was waiting for permission to breathe.
Levi didn't move. Didn't blink.
Just stood there radiating the kind of energy that said "I have all the time in the world and also possibly the ability to end yours."
In reality, his left foot was starting to cramp and he was trying very hard not to think about it.
Finally, the door opened with a low clank.
Two clerks emerged carrying a rune-sealed case flanked by levitation runes. Their hands trembled slightly under the weight, not physical, but symbolic. One of them murmured a quiet chant, and the seal rotated with a soft click.
Inside, nestled in black velvet, was a Runeblade.
Long and elegant. Obsidian and silver. The hilt shimmered with braided light. Golden runes ran down the flat of the blade, pulsing in rhythm with something unseen. There was no mistaking the weight of it.
A blade once wielded by a Saint-Knight. A weapon tempered in divine fire, blessed to endure eternity, used to cleave through wars that reshaped continents.
It had never chipped.
Never dulled.
It whispered power in every angle.
Levi stared.
Please don't pop up. Please don't—
SYSTEM ALERT
Access Denied.
Host would rupture in six places attempting to lift this weapon.
Cardiac stress levels exceed safety limits.
Attempting to interface with divine resonance would shatter Host's spine.
You're not ready. Stop it.
Levi's eyelid twitched so hard it could've registered on the Richter scale.
He lowered his hand without touching the glass and leaned slightly toward Reya.
"This," he whispered, "is bullying."
Reya blinked. "Pardon?"
He cleared his throat.
"I said... it's a beautiful piece. But perhaps not the right match."
I am being personally targeted by a spell engine with opinions.
You know what? I hope you get a virus, System. I hope someone installs you on a cursed toaster. I hope your code gets rewritten in Comic Sans.
The assistants carefully sealed the case again, looking relieved they didn't have to witness whatever cosmic rejection was happening here.
Reya hesitated, her professional mask slipping just slightly.
She'd seen wealthy clients. Picky clients. Clients who demanded to see every item in the store twice.
But this? This was different.
This man had rejected four legendary class weapons and a literal Saint's blade without even touching them. No haggling. No questions about enchantment specifications. Just calm, polite rejection.
Either he was the most discerning customer in the history of the shop, or he was utterly insane.
Possibly both.
"If I may," Reya said carefully, "perhaps a custom commission would suit your needs. We offer personal enchantment sets and spiritual resonance forging—"
Levi shook his head lightly. "Not today."
He turned.
Every muscle in his body was done.
He'd tried holy blades, starborn staves, daggers that could pierce memory, and now a Runeblade that could apparently rearrange his organs like furniture. Nothing worked.
Not because he wasn't strong enough.
But because the System was apparently running on spite and bad code.
He took a single step toward the exit.
And that's when it hit.
SYSTEM NOTIFICATION
in large, bold, flashing letters
A COMPATIBLE WEAPON HAS BEEN DETECTED IN THE BACKROOM STORAGE VAULT.
Would you like to view it?
Levi stopped mid-step.
He didn't move.
Didn't blink.
Didn't say a word.
Behind him, Reya tilted her head slightly. "Honored guest?"
He didn't answer right away. His eyes narrowed, the faintest crease forming between his brows.
The backroom? You mean after parading a divine sword that could flatten cities, NOW you remember you had something that won't snap my spine in half? Are you serious right now?
Outwardly, he turned his head slowly. His voice was quiet. Calm.
"Where is your back vault?"
Reya straightened. "That area is reserved for legacy inventory, lower-tier artifacts, and prototypes. Most are unregistered."
"Show me."
The assistant at the far end of the hallway looked nervously at his superior. Reya nodded once.
"Yes, of course."
Levi said nothing more.
The room seemed quieter now. Not reverent. Just focused.
Even the floating weapons dimmed slightly, as if sensing the attention shifting elsewhere.
He followed without a word.
This better not be a stick. If this is a stick, I'm gonna lose it.