He had felt it the moment he came back… Alice wasn't alright. The pitiful expression cracking through her calm facade, the one he was staring at now, only confirmed it.
There was nothing wrong with her body; he had already checked. That left only one answer: something emotional. Unfortunately, he wasn't in the business of mind-raping his women, so he'd have to do this the old-fashioned way and ask.
"Alice, you seem out of it. Are you alright?"
He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her. She latched onto him almost instantly. A faint tremble ran through her body, barely there, but he felt it.
"...The army is organized for now," she said at last, her voice carrying an unsteady tremor.
"I see…"
"The territory's people have also calmed down."
"Good job."
"Seraphine is busy healing the injured…"
"She's so hardworking, just like her best friend."
"..."
"So?" His tone softened, but didn't yield. "I'm still waiting for you to finish your report."
"...That is all."
"Not quite." He tapped her forehead lightly. "I still haven't received the details about my commander's mental state. Out with it."
That did it. The tremble worsened, no longer something she could hide.
"...I'm afraid, Ash."
"Of what?"
"Despite our promise to never leave each other, despite knowing that you would never abandon me… I can't help but still feel afraid."
Silent tears fell down her cheeks as she looked up at him.
"Back then, when you came back so different, for a split second, I was so terrified… not for anything else, but for the thought that you had somehow forgotten about me…"
The hands around his shoulders moved to his neck and tightened, as if she wanted to physically make him understand what she was feeling.
"I was terrified out of my mind, Ashen."
"…you know… sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake by allowing you to have more women."
'So it's this…' Ashen wanted to curse his other personality for making his Alice so distressed.
"I know that this decision couldn't be undone now, after you have let them enter your life, and I have no right to take my words back… but I find myself wondering now…" She smiled so bitterly as she finally let go of him. "If that decision will cost me more than I'm willing to give."
Then she shook her head as if she regretted ever speaking of it.
"I'm… sorry… Ashen… I shouldn't be bogging you down with this… I should be the rational one… I should be the cold one…. But when it comes to you… I can only be the most hopeless one… please… Don't leave me…"
"Leave you? Are you crazy?" His voice was instantaneous.
Ashen realized that Alice was so afraid that she started hallucinating impossible scenarios. "First… let me explain something."
He pulled her back in gently, his thumb moving to brush the tears from her cheek.
"The man you saw out there… the one who put his hands on his soldiers… that wasn't a stranger." A pause. "It was me. A version of me I sealed away, because as you saw… it's cruel and callous. It doesn't care for the things it should."
His hand stilled against her face.
"But Alice… no matter how ugly that part of me is, it's still mine. And every part of me loves you."
"…Including that."
She didn't respond, but the tremble in her shoulders eased by a fraction.
"Come on," he said softly. "Let me show you something."
{Path Skill Activated: Lucid Dreamweaving.}
The dreamscape had always been his to enter, and so was any dreamscape connected to it, thanks to the dream parasite.
He did not need permission. He only had to reach for it, and the sleeping world would answer like a door that had never been locked in the first place.
The lord's bedroom dissolved.
In its place came the inward hush of the dreamscape, vast and pliant, threaded with countless sleeping minds he could touch at will. Ashen did not linger there. He simply drew Alice along and stepped into the first dream he had already prepared.
It belonged to Seraphine.
The setting was simple enough to feel real for the sleeping woman.
A medical tent; wounded soldiers… too little time, too many hands already busy. Ashen had built it from the kind of pressure Seraphine would actually understand, the kind her mind would recognize immediately as life-or-death.
Then he made the choice appear.
One patient was Alice, who was unconscious. The other was Seraphine herself.
A physician in the dream spoke the words flatly. "You only have enough supplies and time for one. Decide now."
Ashen watched with a sigh, while Alice stayed transfixed on the sight of her mortally wounded form and Seraphine's one from the moment they entered.
She saw Seraphine freeze for a single breath.
Her eyes moved to Alice first, then to herself, and the answer came immediately.
"Save her."
Without hesitation or drama, the Saintess showed exactly why she was granted that title.
The dream-physician frowned. "You may not survive."
Seraphine turned back to Alice, and her expression changed only then, not in resentment or hate, but in relief.
Her cheeks softened as she repeated. "Then save her anyway."
"If I have to choose," she said, voice low and thin now, "it's her."
Not only because Alice was more important to her, or because she was her best friend… but also because Seraphine would rather lose herself than watch Ashen lose Alice.
"Please take care of him well… for my portion too." Tears started welling up in her eyes… and Ashen couldn't handle it anymore, and wove the nightmare off.
He moved them onward at once.
The following dream belonged to Lucia, and her dreamscape was different.
It took the shape of a room she would plausibly find herself in: an orderly private office. A physician's report lay on the desk, and one outlandish option sat beside it like an execution warrant.
Ashen made the situation simple enough to be straightforward.
Lucia had been offered a choice.
One memory would be removed completely.
The memory of Ashen.
The question wasn't whether it would be done. It was who would give the memory up.
Alice… or herself.
Lucia read the papers once… then again.
She leaned back and exhaled through her nose.
Within the dream Ashen had woven, the rule was absolute: whoever's name she wrote would lose all their memories, without exception. This was an unmovable truth accepted by the dream as reality itself.
Alice and Ashen stood behind her like silent ghosts, reading alongside her.
Alice turned slightly, her gaze settling on Lucia without expectation.
To her, the answer was obvious.
"The answer's obvious," Lucia said right after.
Alice's eyes narrowed slightly.
Lucia lifted a finger and tapped the line on the report that explained the condition in plain terms. The memory loss would not be partial or temporary. Whoever was chosen would truly forever forget.
She looked at the two options again, then at Ashen's name.
For the briefest moment, her face was unreadable.
Then she spoke, dry as ever.
"Take mine."
The ghosts behind her did not move.
Lucia continued as if she had just approved a budget.
"The generosity of allowing me to share your man is now paid, I suppose."
Then, the memories started really fading from her mind, because the dream had been built to be believable; her mind accepted the consequence in the same breath it accepted the choice. The report's implication became clear all at once: if she forgot Ashen, then everything attached to him would hollow out with it. The future would stay standing, but it would be empty enough to make breathing feel like a chore.
Lucia's mouth curved.
"So this is what it feels like," she murmured. "How convenient. Life would become intolerably boring."
She reached for the knife at her side. "Miss Sinclair, we are even now."
Swoosh—
Ashen moved before the blade could catch her flesh.
His hand closed around her wrist.
Lucia looked up.
He took the knife from her and set it aside, then kissed her once. When he pulled back, his thumb brushed lightly over her wrist.
"There's no need to go that far," he said quietly. "If you ever forget, I'll always be there to remind you, partner."
Lucia stared at him for a long second.
"I'm sorry for bringing such a nightmare to your sweet dreams…" his voice cracked a fraction with guilt.
The corner of her mouth lifted as she glanced back at Alice behind him.
"As long as you're the one in my dreams," she said, "they can never be nightmares."
The dreamscape loosened.
The bedroom returned around them. Alice was still in his arms.
Her trembling had eased, though the fear had not vanished entirely. It had simply found somewhere to sit now.
Ashen looked down at her.
"You saw them," he said. "They were real. Real enough for their minds to answer honestly."
He brushed a hand over her hair.
"That's what I wanted to show you. It's not a fantasy… it's not wishful thinking…." His voice remained certain. "The moment the choice became real, they both answered the same way you would have. None of you would abandon the others."
Alice did not speak.
Ashen tilted his head.
"Do you think I'd bring someone unworthy into this family of ours?"
She leaned forward and rested her forehead against him. She looked smaller than before.
"Now I feel stupid," she admitted.
"No." His hand moved through her hair, slow and careful. "You had every right to be afraid. Every right to ask. I'd be disappointed if you never did."
Then, more quietly, "I don't know your pain completely. I never will. But I know enough to understand why the thought of it would scare you. That alone is enough to make me want to rip something apart."
Her breath shuddered once.
Ashen continued, his tone gentler now.
"You're a hero for living with that fear. All three of you are."
His fingers combed through her hair again.
"My three lovely heroines… I would like nothing more than to chase every bit of that pain out of your lives. But nothing in this world is perfect." His mouth twitched faintly. "So all I can ask is that you trust each other… and trust me not to let you down."
Then he added, after a brief silence, "And I'm sorry. You should not have to feel this way. You deserve better."
Alice lifted her head at once, her eyes still wet but steadier than before.
"No."
He blinked once.
"I don't deserve better," she said. "I deserve you."
"I only want you. I only need you. And I will only have you." Her lips pressed together, as if the next part offended the very idea of possibility. "I do not care for a better future if it does not have you in it. If staying beside you is hell, then I'll be the queen of hell."
Ashen let out a low breath.
"So don't be sorry."
She shook her head.
"I won't apologize either."
Her golden eyes met his, bright beneath the unshed tears.
"No matter how dysfunctional this is, it's ours. So let's live it well."
He huffed a small laugh.
"Hah… glad we're on the same page, wifey."
Then, because he was Ashen and had no shame worth speaking of, he glanced aside and added, "On another note, I may have figured out why you were feeling so insecure."
Alice blinked. "...Why?"
"You were missing some vitamin D!"
"..."
"It must have been a hard year without your dear man's cock messing you up, huh?" He patted her head with false solemnity. "Don't worry. I'll correct that oversight immediately."