"UGAHHHHH!!!" Moonie roared
"UWASHOOO!!!" The Leader roared back
An earth-shattering battle was unfolding!
"+4, Bitch!"
"Ahh!! You cheating bastard!"
"Shut up! Take the 4 cards, bro!"
Both of them were playing Uno
"Grrr... You bastard! Don't you dare underestimate me—the guy you're facing has a brain that even Einstein would envy!" The Leader sneered mockingly
"I think Einstein wouldn't even want a head as big as Vegapunk's. You look ugly as hell, painfully ugly, offensively ugly to anyone who sees you."
"You dog! What do you mean by that!"
...Here's what happened: a few minutes earlier
"You can't run away! Accept your fate and let your daddy give you a loving stab!!"
"You're not my dad!"
"Oh? Didn't your mom tell you?"
"Shut the fuck up!!"
Moonie had been chasing The Leader for minutes now, neither giving an inch
The Leader had set up tons of traps, but this lunatic from the mental hospital chased after him calmly even when injured!
"Come to daddy! Daddy will give you a hug full of love!"
"You're not!!"
After running for a while, somehow they ended up at a dead end
"Oh shit!!!"
"What's wrong? Miss daddy already?"
Moonie's voice was getting closer and closer; The Leader was sweating bullets, clinging to the wall
In front of him was a crazy guy in a white outfit cooler than any he'd ever seen—the clearer the view, the more appealing he looked
"Damn! You look this good, no wonder there's no season 2!"
"Are you insulting me, you slut?"
Moonie lunged forward; The Leader shouted loudly
"Wait! I want to negotiate!!"
"Too late, son!!!"
"We'll settle it with a game of Uno!"
Moonie stopped in his tracks, staring at The Leader with glowing white eyes full of murderous intent
"...Uno?"
"Y-You don't know? Uno is that card game the kids love so much! Not playing it is a waste of life!"
"...And what does that have to do with anything?" Moonie pointed his sword at the guy's forehead
"I-It does! You can use it as an excuse to go to their houses to play Uno and meet their moms!"
...
Everything went dead silent, quieter than it had ever been
Moonie stood there motionless, staring intently at The Leader
"You're smart—you've made me play by your rules."
'You fucking Milf hunter'
And so...
"+4! Haha, you pig-brained beast! Draw 4 cards!" The Leader taunted
"Are you blind? Look here, you slut!"
It was a Reverse card!
"AGGHHH! YOU'RE CHEATING! HOW DO YOU HAVE A REVERSE CARD?!" The Leader pointed right in Moonie's face
"Hey, I'm playing by the rules—it's just your bad luck."
"Grr..."
Though The Leader's face looked furious, deep down he was smirking to himself
Because while they were playing cards, he'd set up automatic machine guns all around the place, and as soon as the moment was ripe, the psycho in front of him would be dead!
The more he thought about it, the happier he got—after all, he was just too smart, easily overpowering idiots like this!
'After I deal with you and those two kids, I'll take care of that bastard Bruce Banner!'
"What's up? Not drawing cards?"
"Huh? Oh, I was just lost in thought for a sec, wait a bit."
So he drew the 4 cards, then sneaked a peek at the lunatic in front of him
He was super chill, not on guard at all—total idiot!
Today is your doomsday, you Milf Hunter!
"ATTACK!!!"
Right then, a barrage of machine guns appeared, aimed at Moonie, firing nonstop
"GAHAHAHAHAHA!!" The Leader laughed maniacally, completely overtaken by arrogance
"How's that?! Killed by me! A guy you don't respect at all?! How about it? Feel humiliated?! GAHAHAHA!!"
After laughing for a while, he wiped his tears and ordered the machine guns to stop firing
He walked over, waving his hand to clear the smoke, intending to check the body
"?!"
Right in front of him, Moonie was still sitting there, holding a rainbow-glowing card
"Wha—"
"Ultimate Reverse card," Moonie explained as he stood up
"It's a combination of 4 different Reverse cards; its function is to redirect all damage caused by others back to them."
"Huh?? Wait, I thought we were playing regular Uno???"
"Yeah, until you started cheating, it stopped being regular—so I borrowed the power of Uno, making it ready to join me!"
What the hell is this guy even saying?
"Oh, and by the way, you were doomed from the start," Moonie said, showing him all the cards Moonie was holding
Mostly +4s, one Skip, and two Reverses
"...I hate Uno."
"Now! Return everything to the retard in front of you! Ultimate Reverse card!!!!"
The card glowed brightly, then fired thousands of bullets at high speed back toward The Leader
"No!! Impossible!!!! GAHHHHHHH!!!"
The spot where he stood exploded, Moonie's cape fluttering in the wind
"...I'll invite Billy from next door to play cards; his mom is pretty nice to me anyway."
And so Moonie gathered all the cards, put them back in the box, and left.
On Peter and Gwen's side
"Hit his balls, Peter! I can't hold him much longer!!"
"I'm trying!!"
Namor was now covered in webbing, struggling to break free
Every time Peter tried to kick him there, Namor dodged it instinctively
To the point where after 3 minutes, Peter still hadn't landed a hit
"You won't hit me! A giga chad like me won't let a nerd virgin like you tarnish my honor!"
"Oh? Is that so?" Peter's eyebrow twitched
'Nya, lend me just a tiny bit of power, just a little...'
[Sure! You can ask me anytime!]
Suddenly, Peter's leg emitted a terrifying surge of energy
"?!' Namor sensed something was off and struggled even harder
"You can't escape! NUTS SHOT!!!!"
Peter leaped up and kicked like a Kamen Rider; Namor saw him moving so fast that even his instincts couldn't dodge it
"It's you who challenged me!!!"
Then, the 'window' in his pants slowly opened, revealing his massive package
"?!?!" Peter recoiled in shock, staring at the thing aimed right at his leg
"THE GREAT WATER GUN DIVINE ART, MASTERED ULTIMATE BALL-BUSTER! MILK THAT STRIKES LIKE LIGHTNING!!!!!"
In an instant, the white liquid shot through Peter's leg, piercing through his bones and flesh
AND IT WAS HEADING STRAIGHT FOR PETER'S TONGUE!!!
"PETER!! DON'T SWALLOW IT!!!"
"HOLY SH-"
Luckily, he quickly tilted his head back, avoiding it hitting his tongue
...but still
"How's that, you femboi?! Feels like how it is when I shoot inside?!"
"DISGUSTING AS HECK!! I SWEAR IF I DON'T BREAK YOUR DICK, I'M NOT A REAL MAN!!" Peter stood up, tears streaming down his face
And so the battle... continued with Peter suffering the most humiliating indignity ever as a man