"Eat this!!" I pull out my barrel shotgun and fire relentlessly toward Namor.
"You think you can hit me, huh?! Femboi!" Namor ducks behind a metal slab, using his trident to shoot water beams like lasers.
"Fire in the hole!!" Gwen yanks the pin from a grenade and hurls it at Namor.
"OH SHIT!"
Boom!!
The explosion forces Namor to leap to another spot, and I seize the opportunity.
"You're done for, fish boy!"
Bang bang bang!
Namor, who had his eyes closed, opens them to see he's unharmed, but the wall behind him is riddled with bullet holes.
"...Goddamnit."
"Your aim is trash! Take this!"
Namor summons a giant squid, making it spray ink all over my face.
"AGGH!!"
I collapse, clutching my face.
"Peter!"
"Your turn! Die!" Namor shifts his aim to Gwen, ready to fire.
Gwen's eyes glow, and suddenly the four elements—water, fire, earth, and air—swirl around her like she's the Avatar.
"???"
She teleports in front of Namor, grabs his finger, and twists it hard.
"I'LL AVENGE PETER!!"
"OAGHH!!!"
Namor screams in pain as Gwen pummels him with punches and kicks him straight into a toilet.
Then she flies back to me.
"Peter! Are you okay?!"
"You can see me clearly and still ask if I'm okay??"
"Alright, chill, let me think of something... Ah!"
Gwen rummages through her bag, pulls out a plate of spaghetti, and mixes the squid ink from my face into it.
"Ta-da! Squid ink spaghetti!"
"...Where did you get a plate of spaghetti from?"
I stand up, looking at Gwen, who... honestly looks like some kind of goddess. Then I glance at Namor, stuck in the toilet, and back at my barrel shotgun.
"...Why am I just now realizing something's seriously off here?"
[Really? Seems normal to me.]
"Did you do this?"
[What?? Nah, I didn't do anything! You gotta trust me! Trust in Nyarlathotep!]
"No one trusts the Crawling Chaos!"
[You... Hmph! Don't talk to me anymore!]
Wow, it's been a while since I've heard this kind of banter. Kinda nostalgic.
"Who are you talking to?" Gwen asks.
"Instead of wondering who I'm talking to, I'm more curious about how you pulled that off," I dodge, redirecting the question back at her.
"I already told you! I'm a warrior of hell! This stuff is as easy as... uh... hugging you!" Gwen puffs out her chest proudly as the elements around her vanish.
The sound of a toilet flushing echoes. Namor emerges from the bathroom, his face dark with unbridled rage.
"You! No one has ever humiliated me like you two have! I, the son of Poseidon(?), ruler of Atlantis! The one who will wipe out all humans, swear I'll destroy you!"
I glare at him, brush the dust off my jacket, and step forward.
"Normally, I don't talk much unless the guy's decent, but for you, I'll make an exception."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Namor snaps.
"No beating around the bush. Would wiping out all humans make the world a better place?"
"Obviously! Nature wouldn't be destroyed! The fish would live in peace, and I could mess around with my soldiers' wives all I want!"
"Everything sounds convincing except that last part... But let me drop some wisdom to open your eyes."
I lock eyes with him.
"We humans created something called laws to hold ourselves back. Our crimes might be unforgivable, but we're still trying to fix the wrongs we've caused. So yeah, you hating humans is fair... but!"
I point at him, my face like a lawyer's.
"Ironically, what you're doing... how's it any different from what we did during wars? Atlantis's own Hitler?!"
Namor stares at me, flustered.
"I'm not bringing human morality into this, but how's what you're doing any different from us?! You wipe us out, and what does that prove? That you're no better than the humans you despise?!"
"Shut up!" Namor roars at me.
"Oh? What's that? Did I hit the nail on the head? That you're driven by hatred, a very human emotion, and trying to be some kind of Hitler? Starting a war with us when we've already made war a last resort and avoid it whenever possible?"
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
Namor charges at me, his aura radiating terrifying power.
'Rage bait successful!' I smirk.
Namor swings his trident at me. I dodge with flair, but the trident unleashes a blast of water with terrifying pressure.
Gwen rushes to back me up.
"I swear I'll make Hitler look like a saint compared to me!!!" Namor roars.
"Wow, admitting it yourself? That's bold," I quip.
Namor looks up and fires relentlessly. Gwen and I scramble to dodge his attacks.
A few water blasts graze my flesh, but I grit my teeth and keep dodging.
The water jets pierce through the roof of the building, even slicing through a sea monster, shooting out into the open.
Namor swings his trident again, summoning a swarm of sharks that lunge toward us.
Gwen and I kick a few away, grab another, and use it to smack the rest out of the air.
"GRRR!!!"
Namor swings his trident at me again.
I grab it, and together with Gwen, we raise our legs.
"TAKE THIS!!"
Gwen and I yell in unison, kicking Namor square in the face.
"Agh!"
"Now's our chance! Gwen, hit him!!!"
We unleash a barrage. I punch his cheek, Gwen kicks his legs.
Namor spins like a top. Gwen and I raise our legs, waiting for his face to line up perfectly, then deliver a crushing kick.
"UGHH!"
A few of Namor's teeth go flying.
"OUGHHHHHH!!!!" I grab his pants and yank them down, exposing his... well, you know.
"HAIYAAAAA!!!!"
Gwen swaps her shoes for high heels and stomps repeatedly on that spot.
"AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Namor's agonized scream echoes through the air.
Gwen winds up with all her strength, pulls her leg back, and delivers a devastating kick!
Crack! (Ouch.)
Namor goes flying, crashing into the roof of the building.
"...Phew." I sit down, wiping sweat from my brow.
"Ugh, my foot's covered in his gross stuff! Peter, help me!!" Gwen looks at her foot and turns to me, fake-crying.
"Alright, alright... We'll wash it with bleach later."
Is it... finally over?
"Grrrrrrr..."
"Of course not! There's still phase three!" I stand up, glaring at Namor, who's growling like a beast up there.
Suddenly, a blue aura radiates from him, forming the shape of a man.
"...Ohhh."
Namor collapses, his presence completely different. Behind him looms the towering figure of a man.
It's Poseidon!
"You... I swear, if I don't kill you two, I'm not a man!"
His eyes widen, exuding an overwhelming, sky-shattering aura.
...Yeah, we're screwed. This guy's summoning Greek gods now.
But... stalling like this probably bought enough time for them to show up.
Right on cue, a metal plate flies straight at Namor.
Namor swings his trident, slicing the plate in half, and glares at the sneak attacker.
"Hulk's friend is in danger! Hulk will save Hulk's friend!"
"Yeah, yeah, and I want to see just how strong a Greek god really is."
Hulk and Moon Knight have arrived!
"Hmph, you think that's enough to defeat me, you pathetic humans?" Namor sneers.
"Big talk. Hope your strength matches your mouth,"
"?!"
Namor looks up, noticing someone hovering above with another figure.
I smirk. Finally, those water blasts Namor shot got his attention.
"Who are you—"
"Iron Man. And I love seafood," he says, landing and scanning the group.
There's also a girl behind Iron Man.
"Uh... who's that, Mr. Stark?" I ask, confused.
"Oh, Peter boy, she's a hire. Pretty reliable, too," he says, pointing at her.
She's dressed in a ninja outfit, a katana strapped to her back, a large, long bow in hand, a scarf fluttering in the wind, and a ponytail.
Her color scheme is purple and black.
C-Could it be... Psyl—
"It's Hawkeye."
"...Huh?"