Oren continued through the void, relentless, but as he did, an unshakable sense of dread began to creep in.
Aggh…!
His thoughts stuttered.
For a moment, everything blurred, each motion threatening to pull something from him, as though parts of his very being were slipping into the uncanny abyss.
Naked before everything and yet nothing to see.
Damn it! What is happening…?
A sour discomfort spread through him, not from bitterness, but because even the act of moving tore at him.
Think…!
At this pace, I'll fall apart. I'll lose myself in this trial…
Then, something in him shifted.
He moved, again and again, refusing to fall apart...
And slowly, once scattered and fraying, his thoughts began to gather. Not as limbs, not truly, but as something shaped.
A form imposed that should have only worked in imagination, but in this place he was no different from a flowing pond of thoughts and ideas strung together.
This was Oren's purest imagination, enough to force his mind into shape.
An outline to hold his vast consciousness together... a vessel.
His feet and legs came first, then his torso and arms, finally his face.
Then a sudden ease cleansed his mind.
Thinking of a body felt delusional, but the relief, it was certainly real.
Heh… Oren pondered.
So that's what they meant by "pull yourself together."
And it worked, he had not felt this good in years.
Still, it would not be long until he was overcome with suffering again. Nonetheless, he would walk endlessly, until he reached the final destination.
The trial really was a trial of mind. He chuckled bitterly as he questioned something he had long put off for a while now.
Something was off about the trial... and himself.
Oren was slowly forgetting...
Forgetting what exactly?
He did not know. That was the problem.
This trial was not as fair as someone claimed it to be.
Who had told him that?
It did not matter.
Wether Forgetfulness or pain, he did not mind it.
Because the pain is nothing compared to what I will gain.
In the end, I will leave with enlightenment. I will also reach my nirvana. This place benefits me more than anyone.
The least I can do is bear this pain.
Oren let out a quiet chuckle, even as his mind trembled in agony.
He could not help but feel as though he was exploiting the Trial of Longing.
Its benevolence meant he would leave with two things.
But there was a chance Oren would not leave at all. As he drifted further, he looked out into the abyss of the Trial of Longing.
But he was met with the familiar impenetrable darkness, one that resembled a void.
It still had not changed.
Am I just... a bland person?
Oren glanced behind him.
Is this pointless?
With nothing to do but think, his mind drifted to the endless stretch of nothing that lay ahead.
Before long, his thoughts turned to the changes he had undergone, and the path that had led him here.
He had wondered if, somehow, he survived the fall, or was reborn, he would continue to search for peace.
He had searched for it for so long after all, but when he came to terms, when he tried to get over the peace, no past of his to succeed the trial, it made him realise.
There were many peaces, peace differentiated between beings...
But maybe what he was searching for was nirvana all along.
Oren shook his head in confusion...
The previous thoughts stirred a quiet sense of fear for the future and, for some reason... the past.
The feeling felt foreign to him.
Because this… was not like him.
He had already moved beyond his past. He no longer felt anything toward his past.
And yet, for some reason, an immense desire to return took hold.
His eyes widened.
This is all... these emotions and desires are the damned trial's doing.
But it was too late, since an uncontrollable urge to think of it, to go back to where he came from… and remain there had already taken place.
Oren had never considered that multiple emotions could exist at once within the trial. That multiple desires would be the trial.
Until now, each feeling had always resolved into a single, dominant state, same with desires.
Now, it was different.
He could not stop them. He could not simply cease thinking.
Oren trembled forward. A thought guiding his mind.
Step 365.
He continued counting, despite saying he would not, assuming it would help him keep clarity.
... so that he could become unattached.
But even when Oren reached step 456.
He took yet another step forward, then another, and another.
And then suddenly, Oren felt a sinister shift in the void around him.
His thoughts were projected into the surrounding areas. Yet the memories he saw felt more and more real as the world converged.
Even as he dismissed the memories, the projection remained absolute. Like a picture already taken, it would only fade once forgotten.
His eyes darkened with an indescribable animosity.
Longing, desire, nothing, the trial?
Whatever this is, I do not want it. I do not care about the future, I do not care about the past.
Oren's body tensed as he watched everything change in nothing.
His face grew cold and empty, brimming with something he could no longer name.
The surroundings reformed, trying to persuade him.
But Oren remained utterly unconvinced.
He no longer longed for it, so why was the trial doing this?
As the body he had conjured slowly began to weaken, his eyes widened in terror.
…
The view shifted as the void faded, bringing forth a verdant field that stretched endlessly, beautiful in a way that felt rehearsed.
New, vibrant flowers materialised, swaying as though breathing with life.
Golden sunlight spilled across the surface of the quartz blue lake Oren stood before as he murmured to himself.
"It's very cold today, isn't it?"
He crouched down at the lake's edge.
Nirvana.
A faint smile spread across his face.
Oh… right.
Then it dimmed.
…What was that again?
He stared at the fish beneath the water's surface, then the frogs that leaped from lily pad to lily pad, as though they would answer.
They did not.
Instead, a new question filled his silent mind as he grew bored of the frogs and looked at the flowers reflected along the curved rim of the water.
I have to leave this realm soon. But how?
Was there ever a reason to stay? It was home, that alone should have been enough.
Can it really be called home if no one knows me…? If no one remembers me?
I don't belong here anymore.
And I don't know why, but I know the problem...That alone should be enough.
His thoughts felt strange, unsettling. Like they no longer fit him.
Oren lifted his gaze to the sky. White clouds veiled the blue expanse.
Golden sunlight blazed overhead, casting vibrance across the world, reaching even the furthest cities.
His expression shifted slowly as he turned back toward the field of evergreens.
Something was there.
Someone.
And they came from nowhere.
No… Oren's gaze tightened peering into the forest.
Who is that?
That face was so familiar, yet only through careful focus could he discern who he was truly looking at.
The man stood indifferently in the distance by the green trees swaying in the wind, his long black hair falling loose, his dull golden eyes nearly identical to his own.
It was himself.
The man standing indifferently in the distance by the green trees swaying in the wind had long black hair and dull golden eyes nearly identical to his own.
His thoughts halted upon that realisation.
Then his lips twisted into something unholy.
His jaw slackened, revealing teeth once pearly white, now chipped, as though he had bitten down hard enough for them to chatter and fracture.
The smile widened.
Madness flickered across his face. His body began to convulse, to shiver, to tear.
Then, within moments, it stopped, and his expression calmed.
Oren's jaw tightened, then his lips relaxed.
His expression returned to what it had been, calm... almost empty.
…as if nothing had happened.
Somehow, the man across the great field, identical to himself, did not notice the subtle change, that something had shifted.
He seemed yet to realise it, but already knew what mattered.