It was as if Oren had been struck by amnesia... yet before oblivion could settle, a flood of memories crashed through his mind.
He was instantly overwhelmed, for some reason, Oren laughed, then cried.
Drunk on memories, He moved through a symphony of emotions. Oren danced through the abyss, only to freeze again as if something inside him had died.
It did not stop.
The surge of emotion stretched endlessly, and an involuntary gasp tore through him as he realized he no longer had control.
Because with each step, a new memorie surfaced.
The world reshaped itself around them. And yet, despite remembering so much, Oren began to forget.
His principles. His reason. His purpose for entering the trial, his motive to succeed.
All slowly fading beneath the promise of it.
…Nirvana.
And if he continued walking, it felt as though nirvana would draw closer.
That realization unsettled him.
He stopped.
A strange clarity returned to him, though the desire to keep moving still tugged at his mind.
His thoughts darkened.
What am I even thinking? Is this truly the Trial of Longing? Do I really desire it? Or is the trial making me... desire nirvana? Was that even possible?
No, it shouldn't be, Oren thought, forcing the memories down.
He knew what he wanted...
But was that desire truly worthy of becoming his trial?
Oren had always wanted peace.
But nirvana…?
He shook his head and continued forward.
He needed to reach the end of the Trial of Longing. If every step carried him deeper into a place designed for him, then all he had to do was endure.
But havent we endured to much already.
Even that simple thought felt strangely heavy. Or perhaps he was simply thinking too much.
That happened often in the Trial of Longing.
Still, it was common knowledge that when one fixated on something for too long, it began to feel wrong, like repeating a word until it lost its meaning.
After several minutes of silence, Oren continued walking, waiting for the world to adapt to him.
To reveal what he was connected to, that was only an assumption though. At the moment, he felt somber, but at any moment is could change.
The uncomfortable feeling of something watching lingered. To distract himself, he began counting his steps.
It was the best way to keep clarity, that way, if a swarm of memories bombarded Oren again, he would not be lost in them.
One step. Four steps. Eight steps. Twelve steps. Twenty-two steps.
Before he realized it, he had reached forty-two.
Still Oren walked forward.
Seventy-two steps, he whispered. Or was it seventy-five?
...Seventy, maybe.
He thought in confusion, so Oren began counting again.
How long had he been here? Had hours passed?Days even?
He did not know, he could not fail this. But nothing had appeared. Was something supposed to appear? Had he already succeeded?
Oren shook his head again, his resolve strengthening. It would not be so simple.
He counted one hundred steps. One hundred twenty-two. A strange pressure formed beneath his feet.
Why is it so difficult to understand I truly want? He asked himself.
Why is something so simple… this hard?
Yet he also feared discovering it.
Because if he knew, he might be bound by the desire to obtain it.
One hundred fifty-two steps.
One hundred eighty-seven.
Two hundred. Two hundred twenty-four.
But still nothing changed.
Only the invisible pull remained.
Two hundred sixty-three steps, he muttered.
Every thought made him tremble. Every doubt deepened his uncertainty. It felt as though he simply felt too much.
Still, he continued counting with an indescribable expression. Two hundred seventy three steps. In this place it felt like his mind was doing the moving.
It was exhausting and yet he felt as though he wanted to continue, to persevere. Oren breathed in through his nose and out his mouth as he counted again.
Two hundred eighty five steps. Oren's steps hastened. Before he knew it, he had reached two hundred ninety nine steps. Two hundred ninety nine.
This step was three hundred.
Oren took another step, then froze, an uncertain expression twisting his lips.
Both concern and confusion filled his golden eyes.
Why am i counting steps?
Why was he? Because each step would take him to… nirvana?
Another thought faded into his mind, unfamiliar yet his own. Counting steps will only make us lose interest in nirvana!
Nirvana does not care about steps.
What if he passed nirvana but missed it because he was too focused counting?
Oren nodded with a confused smirk, agreeing with himself. But still, he expected a change, and yet nothing had changed.
After realizing nothing had changed after such intense strain, Oren was not filled with despair. He began to realize the reason.
And in less than a step, he understood everything. There was no external force guiding him.
Yet if he stopped, an invisible collar around his mind would tighten.
It made no sense.
Where am I being taken?
No one answered for no one was there, or was there.
Is it that my mind is playing games on me?
His mind was throbbing with a sadness, that if he were to continue feeling this was he would eventually cry.
And then, fall into despair, loosing hope to beat the beat the Trial.
But Oren didn't loose hope, he gained it.
Because there was a sound... a thought.
He replied to himself, and yet his tone was deranged and insidious, yet at the same time, calm and delightful.
What he was searching for… had always been nirvana.
Because longing is benevolent and it promised peace and serenity.
After all, that was the Trial of longing, a trial that would bestow one what they longed.
Oren paused, as though recalling something he did not remember learning.
That it also wants me to reach enlightenment, it desires for me to be happy and prosper.
It will help fulfil my own desire.
If i walk long enough, i will reach it, my destiny.
My nirvana.