Jungkook laid awake for hours next to Taehyung, staring at the sleeping figure. He had dozed off the moment his head had touched the soft pillows,a result of his strenuous adventure.
The younger had a hard time closing his eyes as his inner conflict about the realisation of having fallen in love with his contracted sugar daddy and his growing distress had him tossing and turning in bed.
He raised his hand, fingers smoothly trailing over the shiny strands of his forehead, caressing them, tears glowing in his eyes that carried the weight of his ambiguous feelings.
" I love you… if I had lost you in that explosion, I'd have died with you.." he hummed under his breath. " I love you and this is the only way to tell you.. because if you knew… Oh God if you knew.."
As he slanted over and gently kissed his lips, Taehyung stirred in his sleep, mumbling a name.. over and over again like a prayer.
Taehyn…
Who was he?
Better yet.. What did he mean to Taehyung's life?
An ex lover?
A man who hurt him?
The man who broke his heart and turned into stone?
An open wound bleeding?
A man he couldn't forget and still had a place in his heart or all of it?
He frowned, pulling back his hand as if he was electrocuted, turning it into a fist on his chest. The walls were dangerously closing around him to the point he felt suffocated.
He kicked the covers and rushed to the bathroom,the door shutting and locking behind him. It still carried the scent of coconut soap and Jungkook turned the tap on, splashing water on his face as if that would help him wash away the feelings he was holding inside him for far too long.
Or ignore the familiar stirring coiling his stomach.
The mirror was still there.
He could clearly see his reflection in it.
Flushed. Lips swollen. Eyes sparkling. Not from pleasure but from the tears threatening to drown him. Tears he was suppressing for years.
He looked different.
Panic- stricken.
He pressed both palms on the counter and crouched down, shoulders unbearably heavy,slowly inhaling and exhaling through his nose.
That was the hard part.
Letting the air he didn't have out of his burning lungs. With steady breaths he took one last chance of calming his raging heart.
Sadly it didn't follow orders and Jungkook finally gave up. He abruptly shifted, unable to face himself in the mirror and collapsed on the floor,back against the vanity cabinet,arms cloaking his bent knees,head buried between them,cradling himself like a baby.
Choking sobs jolted his body, tears flooded his eyes,venting down his cheeks and knees. Sobs he could no longer stop even if he wanted to.
If Taehyung's heart was already given to another man,how would he survive the heartbreak?
How could he go on living under the same roof with a man he had no chances of having truly for himself?
Because each time they'd make love…
He bitterly chuckled, sniffling. They weren't making love. They were fucking. Taehyung was fucking his contracted boy toy like so many others before him.
The thought of Taehyung fucking him and imagining that other man was a pain he couldn't handle.
And that stung him more than anything.
As a thunderous cry attempted to break out of his lips,his palm choked it out of the fear of the man hearing it.
Where has he gotten himself into?
How did it come to this?
It was supposed to be casual, unbinding sex. No attachments,no feelings,no obligations,no emotional dependency.. Nothing.. just plain,good sex.
And Jungkook broke the first and most important rule of their deal.
He fell in love,without even wanting to, with his sugar daddy after complying with every term written on that bloody piece of paper.
The contract wasn't just paperwork. It was a legal arrangement that bore strict consequences concerning both parties.
By singing that paper,which to horny, starving for sex Jungkook seemed like a profitable exchange at the time,he didn't merely offer his body to Taehyung,he singlehandedly gave him his heart and soul.
Taehyung was powerful and insightful,a dangerous combination. Sooner or later he'd sense the change in Jungkook's attitude. He'd see it on his face.
Loving someone like him meant being prepared for war and Jungkook was losing battle after battle. It wouldn't take long to lose the entire freaking war.
Tonight had stripped him of the illusions he had formed in his mind.
When they had him for dead, Jungkook was struggling between reason and sanity. He wasn't composed as he had expected. He had let anger and sorrow guide him into uncharted waters.
He had yelled at strangers, simply for trying to do their jobs. He had smashed furniture,cursed. He had broken down in the presence of Taehyung's friends. He had planned to fly to Phuket just to fight for the man's life.
To find him dead or alive..
For the first time in his life he had felt true devastation.
He cropped up his head, dragging a hand over,his drenched from the tears, face and his chest clenched from panic.
If Taehyung knew..
If Taehyung ever suspected..
If he saw the love in his eyes..
Things would automatically change.
Taehyung wasn't the type of person that allowed weakness. Ruthless at business, ruthless in his personal life.
He had set boundaries between them.
Unreachable walls to secure safety.
Jungkook had let his guards down.
Loving him would instantly make him a liability.
And he had witnessed first hand how the man treated people who became a burden to him.
They were discarded without hesitation as if they meant nothing.
A cruel look,an indifferent nod,a pack of money and they were out the door and Taehyung's life forever.
Jungkook didn't want forever because it was unreachable.
He wasn't seeking promises because they'd be empty.
He only needed time.
More time with him.
Mornings waking up in his arms. Making him breakfast and coffee he hated. Glances of lust across rooms. Touches filled with longing.. steamy nights tangled in his arms..
Even if it was temporary.
Even if it was disguised as caring from Taehyung's part.
Supposing he confessed his feelings,the risk of losing these moments with him were certain. Taehyung would break the contract,cast him aside and look for another partner.
That surpassed his fear of rejection more.
Taehyung would never love him back. He couldn't love him because that wasn't part of their deal. It wasn't written. It wasn't asked. And Taehyung had no intention of falling for a person who he thought wanted only his body.
Jungkook didn't mean to fall in love either.
It happened.
The way Yoongi insinuated when he had told them about the deal.
Jungkook had probably known from the very beginning.From the first unwanted touch. From the first smile that wasn't meant for him.
Eventually,he stood up,rinsed his face with cold water and softly tapped it with a towel but his reflection blurred,not sure if it was the water on his lashes or something else.
His throat tightened, averting his gaze as he pressed his face on the mirror, shutting his eyes as if shutting the whole world and his feelings out.
The cold glass numbed his skin,his breath fogged his reflection till the man staring back at him vanished.
He needed time.
Time to learn how to smile without meaning it.
Time to memorize the curves of his face.
Time to teach his hands not to reach.
Time to make enough memories to last a lifetime without him.
He'd learn to live off crumbs and call it a feast. He'd tell himself it was enough.. it had to be.
He'd practice smiling without baring his teeth.
He'd stop asking questions he didn't want to answer.
He needed time to swallow the quiet truth. That he was merely a body to be wanted,never a name to be kept.
He returned to the room.
There was still silence.
Taehyung laid sprawled across the bed,mouth slightly open, oblivious to the war Jungkook had just finished fighting alone.
The younger slid back into bed but this time he purposely left a careful inch of space between them.
___________________
" I fucked up. I really did this time! God I messed up!" Jungkook pushed the door open, barging into his former apartment, like a hurricane,breathing heavily and thrashing his fist on his forehead.
The apartment was dark,the curtains were half closed, allowing a weak sunlight to peep through them.
Jimin was standing in the kitchen in shorts and a T-shirt worn inside out, hair flattened on one side, arguing with the coffee machine that refused to work." Damn thing. I knew I had to throw you away. Oh.. you're counting days!"
The door of the bedroom burst open, Yoongi came out, rubbing his eyes and yawning, eyes squinting against the light and the chaos. He blinked once,twice then a third time before fully opening them but didn't move.
" It's barely six. What did you do this time?" he asked, scratching his head.He knew he'd regretted asking but he did it anyway.
" The one thing I shouldn't do. I messed up,hyung." he repeated like a broken record, throwing his keys on the table, startling Jimin who was still arguing with the coffee machine for a war he had already lost.
" It can't be that bad." Jimin turned around, as a punishment for the bloody machine that wouldn't give him coffee,leaning on the counter and resting his palms on the edges, scanning him from head to toe.
" Oh, think again!" Jungkook started pacing back and forth, occasionally dragging a hand through his messy hair. His clothes were mismatched. Grey pyjamas,black, leather jacket and ankle boots.
He hadn't slept a wink last night and had sneaked out early in the morning, leaving a note for Taehyung that he had gone out to grab some breakfast.
" Why are you dressed like that?" Jimin pointed at his clothes, narrowing his brows, knowing perfectly well how meticulous Jungkook was with his clothing.
" I left in a hurry. That is not the point, hyung."
That was the second time Jungkook had called him ' hyung' which meant it was serious. Jimin gave Yoongi a meaningful gaze as the second walked towards the kitchen,lazily picked up his phone and ordered three iced Americanos.
Then he sat on one of the chairs, stretching his legs." You look like hell. Weren't you supposed to be happy your sugar daddy is back ?"
Jungkook's eyes shifted left and right,his lips pressed together forming a thin line. " I messed up. I broke the rules. I broke the order. Hell, I broke everything!"
Yoongi took one careful look at Jungkook pacing in frustration and let out a heavy sigh. A sigh of a man whose prediction had become real." So.. it finally happened." he shook his head.
Jungkook halted." What do you mean?"
" Sooner than expected. We had bets."
The younger's gaze darted from Jimin to Yoongi and vice versa." " You had bets? On what? Are you fucking kidding me?"
" Settle down." Yoongi replied." Jimin said five months just because you're stubborn. I said four. I was closer."
Jimin lifted up his chin." Only because of the unpredictable factor."
" This ain't funny,shorty. " Jungkook warned him as he began pacing again." It's serious."
Jimin smirked, moving a little closer." What is? Say it." A direct challenge. Because saying it out loud made it real.
" There's a contract. They're rules and.. and terms. Specific terms about emotional boundaries.. and I.." he huffed." I.. I am in love with Taehyung. I love him. Didn't mean to. Didn't see it coming. Fuck! I'm not sure I want to."
There was an odd silence.
Suddenly both men stared at each other and burst out laughing. Jungkook threw his hands in the air, cursing.
" Will you quit laughing? Jungkook's patience was crumbling. Probably because their reaction wasn't expected.
" Yeah.. we know." Jimin nodded, crossing his arms over his chest.
Jungkook blinked several times, trying to calm his pounding heartbeat and focus." How? How do you know?"
Yoongi rested his elbow on the table, giving him a reassuring nod." Paper is powerful but attachment is even more. You look at him like he's the air you breathe. Your eyes follow him everywhere. They kind of sparkle when you see him,talk about him."
Jimin added in a teasing tone." And it was there,long before the contract. From the moment he stepped into the club and stared back at you.. I knew this day would come."
Jungkook's mouth opened,then closed, then opened again. He knitted his brows,taking a deep breath." I.. what is that obvious? I mean.. I didn't even like the guy. I just wanted to punch his arrogance."
Jimin tapped his shoulder." That wasn't anger Kook. It was a suppressed need. It was you fighting yourself and your nature. You were born gay. Taehyung happened to be the one who forced you to see it."
Jungkook slowly stumbled back,his legs hitting the couch as he sat on it, only because he suddenly felt weak. He propped his elbows on his knees,hands cupping his cheeks.
His eyes were wandering around, everywhere and nowhere. Could that be true?
Had he noticed him from the very beginning but felt threatened by his own feelings?
Had he categorized Taehyung as a danger to his entire beliefs?
Had he listed him as the enemy because admitting he liked a man would shatter the foundations of his well planned life?
Fall in love. Get married. Build a family. Have kids.
It has always been his life's dream.
But now he was madly in love with a man.
A specific man that was out of his league.
Perhaps that's why his eyes were constantly searching for him in the crowd. Why his heart kept pounding unconditionally at his sight. Why the blood in his veins bubbled when he saw him.
The signs were there all along.
In fact, Jungkook was unable to decode them.
He ran both hands down his face, growling into his palms. His heart felt equally serene and turbulent." I kept my distance. I was careful. I followed the rules I signed for. How did I let this happen? How did I lose control?"" he choked out.
Yoongi tossed his head back." You moved into his penthouse Kook. You must have suspected the risks."
" That was necessary, part of the contract." Jungkook lisped, gulping out a sigh, agitation crawling under his skin." Taehyung can't know. If he finds out, he'll break the deal and send me away. He'll fix it."
Jimin snorted, taking a seat next to his friend, cupping his shaky hand, arching an eyebrow."Fix it?"
" Yes. He'll remove me as a complication. That's what he does. He's good at it."
Jimin's voice softened, watching his friend's inner battle." You believe that loving him makes you a complication?"
" Yes. " Jungkook responded without hesitation." My feelings for him are forbidden. The deal has strict terms. I signed up for my body not for my heart. It was physical,not emotional.If I fall for him, I lose him." His voice broke,taming the need to shed the tears he was holding back." I don't want to lose him,hyung. I can't lose him.."
Yoongi studied him for a few moments and when he decided to talk,the doorbell interrupted him. He reached for the door, grabbed the cups of coffee, paid the man and shut it – almost too quietly.
He then offered Jimin one and placed the cup on Jungkook's face. " Drink. Then we'll talk."
Nobody said a word for at least ten minutes. Jimin and Yoongi's eyes spoke volumes in those moments of stillness. Jungkook kept his gaze on the icy cup between his fingers that was melting.
He didn't want coffee.
He wanted a solution.
Someone to give him comfort and reassurance that he had a chance to make this work.
To turn this hopeless situation to hopeful.
Yoongi's firm voice broke the silence." You're not wrong."
Jungkook's stomach clenched,his mouth tasted bitter. The trembling of his hands nearly made him drop the cup on the carpet.
" However." Yoongi continued." You're also not thinking clearly. And it's logical."
" I'm not sure I understand." Jungkook's doe eyes held so much pain that Jimin's heart clenched.
" It means that you're assuming you're the only one losing control and breaking the deal." The man had an unusually calm expression that baffled him more.
Jungkook repeatedly shook his head. " No. He's not interested in me that way. He wants me.. my body.. but not my heart. He has made that perfectly clear.."
Jimin laughed under his breath." Oh Kook! You didn't see his face the moment he stepped inside the house and looked at you. He needed to see you. He was happy to see you, baby. Like a man who finally escaped hell to find his way back to heaven."
Jungkook's chest clenched in a way that forced him to draw in long, steady inhales. " No. I don't believe that. He was relieved to come back safely. His friends were there. No..it had nothing to do with me."
Yoongi didn't reply immediately. He slumped back into the armchair with the weight of Jungkook's words,letting the silence settle in. When he finally spoke,his voice echoed low and careful but not exactly soft.
" I'm not gonna lie to you,Kook. I'm not going to tell you it's gonna be ok. I don't know that." He took a sip of his coffee but somehow tasted bitter." But you're sitting there, scared and you haven't shed a tear. You're holding it together. That doesn't make you weak. That's you protecting yourself and that's perfectly understandable."
Jungkook's fingers stayed hooked around the cup, staring at it. Drops of melted ice dripping on the floor.. but he didn't care.
" You have a point on one thing. He might get angry and send you away. He might even laugh at you. But there's something you have to hear." Yoongi reached out and held his chin, lifting his head up." You didn't lose control. You fell in love with a man. This man. It's only human. You've always tried to be perfect,avoided getting hurt, denied your true nature. Maybe your heart grew tired of pretending and demanded something in return."
Jimin's hand was now wrapped around the boy's arm,giving him silent comfort.
Jimin coughed only to clear his throat and ask the question twirling in his mind since before Jungkook's confession." Kook? I've been meaning to ask you this for months.. and I want you to give me an honest answer. Without fear."
Jungkook's head bobbed in a nod.
" If there wasn't a contract between you. No terms,no obligations and no consequences.. If there was only you and him.. and nothing else standing in your way.." he paused, looking straight into his friend's eyes." Would you tell him? Confess?"
Jungkook hadn't thought that far. It was a possibility he hadn't considered regardless of the contract. Taehyung wasn't in love with him and bearing in mind what he heard last night,it was most likely he didn't stand a chance.
The ghost of another man was hanging above him and that made it impossible for Taehyung's heart to bore feelings for him.
" You don't have to confess anything you don't want to." Jimin said." Just ponder on it. As a possibility."
Jungkook let out a shaky breath,hands trembling as he set his cup on the table,holding his stomach that was about to explode.
" Breathe.. stay calm." Jimin advised him."Don't think about it if it upsets you. You've got time. Three years. A lot can happen."
Yoongi observed the agony. How his face turned pale,the ragged breathing,the trembling." You've already done the hardest part. Admitting your feelings. Jimin's right.Give it time. "
" Taehyn.. that's the name he was desperately whispering in his sleep last night…" Jungkook was caught between fear and desolation. He felt as if he was drowning in an ocean of anguish.
The two men looked at each other. Jimin chewed on his lip, something he did only when nervous.
" I'm afraid that's.. the reason he acts this way. Why he can't commit and fucks around. " His eyes held so much pain, sharing his thoughts because somehow it made it real." I think that's the man who has.. his heart.."
" You can't be sure of that. " Jimin hurriedly replied." You heard a name. Nothing solid. He could be anyone." Deep inside not even he believed it.
Jungkook scoffed,bitterly smiling." Oh,hyung! We both know you don't just talk to your sleep about insignificant things unless it's your subconscious speaking."
There was silence again.
The kind that crawls under your skin.
Jungkook's voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke. He stood up, adjusted his wrinkled clothes and stared outside the window where the sun was spreading across the city.
" You're right, hyung. Perhaps I'm biased. Maybe I'm overthinking." He gulped hard,the words stabbing his throat." But it doesn't matter."
Jimin grabbed his wrist." Jungkook.."
" Jimin.. it doesn't matter. " He glanced back at his friend and what Jimin saw scared him. It wasn't just resignation. It was far worse than that. It was acceptance." Because even if I had a chance.. even by some miracle he grew feelings for me.. then what?"
He walked past them, heading for the door. The keys were exactly where he had left them. On the table. He closed his hand around them and exhaled.
" The contract was specific. It doesn't give a damn about feelings. It cares about terms and compliance. I already broke that. I broke it the moment I saw my reflection in the mirror and wanted him to look at me like I mattered. The moment I wanted him to touch me and see me more like a human rather than an object. If he finds out, he'll end it."
He laughed,broken and empty." So I won't let him. I'll keep my distance and try to handle it as nothing more than what it is. A business deal."
Yoongi's eyes frowned." You'll hide it."
" I'll survive it." His voice now sounded harder like he was building up taller, stronger walls of protection." I need more time with him. More of him in my life even if it's just..sex. Even if my body is the only thing he wants. I intend to take whatever he gives me, for as long as he's willing to."
" It's an open wound Jungkook." Yoongi gushed out.
" Nobody dies out of love."
" No, but an unrequited love leaves wounds. And wounds leave scars."
Jungkook wiggled his shoulders." Let it.."
It was a decision and not a collapse. Jungkook wasn't falling apart,he was making a choice. A hard one but still a choice. He was trading his peace of mind for a few stolen moments, for touches that were perhaps not meant for him.
For the illusion of holding on to someone who would never be truly his. It was risky,messy but human.
Jimin attempted to go after him but Yoongi's hand on his wrist made him sit back on the couch. He looked worried and a little guilty. He had strongly encouraged him to accept his feelings for that man.
Now everything had taken an unexpected, unwanted turn and Jimin couldn't easily digest it."Kook.. please.."
" Don't." Jungkook stopped him." This is my choice and I'll live with that. I know what I'm doing. I'll love him in silence.. want him in secret. It won't be easy but I'll pull it through." Strangely,his voice was serene,not a hint of the weight crashing his chest." When the three years pass.. when it ends because it's bound to happen, I'll at least have something. That should be enough."
He didn't turn around while approaching the door. When his fingers gripped the cold handle,he knew that he was stepping out of safety and straight into troubling waters.
" I'm sorry for waking you up." He opened the door and left.
" Damn!" Jimin cursed, thrashing his fist on his knee." Fuck Yoongi! I was certain! I thought Kim had feelings for Kook. How was I so wrong?"
Yoongi rose from the armchair and settled next to him on the couch,draping his arm around Jimin's shoulders, kissing his head.
" Your guess is as good as mine.What I do know is that Jungkook is heading straight towards a heartbreak." He took a long breath."And we have to be prepared for the worst."
____________________
On his way back to the penthouse Jungkook made a stop at a bakery,bought some croissants and pastries. His stomach was tied into a knot at the idea of eating and it stirred the moment he stepped into the shop and the smell surrounded him.
He gritted his teeth,ignored the weird looks,paid for his things and left as quickly as possible. The thought of going back to Taehyung felt equally thrilling and scary.
He was puzzled as to how he could maintain an emotionally safe distance when his heart was seeking acceptance and love.
The two things he couldn't have.
As he entered the Kim building,he went straight to the elevator. After ' busting his cherry' with closed spaces,it seemed relatively easy for Jungkook,whose mind was elsewhere.
Each floor number up to the penthouse felt like a countdown. His reflection in the mirror seemed that of a total stranger. Someone who had made a life-changing decision he couldn't take back.
He practiced his face expressions in the glass. Relaxed,composed,cool. But his eyes bore out his feelings. They strongly resisted.
They were too bright,too wide,filled with the things he absolutely needed to hide but wasn't sure he could.
The click of the door was nerve wracking. A punch to his already fragile nervous system. For a brief moment he considered just standing there,in the corridor.
The penthouse was quiet.
Every step felt loud.
Taehyung was most likely still asleep after his ordeal and Jungkook breathed freely.
He had to pretend everything was cool. That his heart wasn't beating for him. However, he'd stick to his decision and try to minimize the damage to that stupid organ.
Who needs a heart anyway?
Logic should be enough!
He stomped to the kitchen,placed the bags on the counter,his hands shaking, switching on the coffee machine. He chose coffee not tea like Taehyung preferred.
He stared at the flow with intensity while snatching the edge of the counter as an anchor hit the bottom of the sea to stabilize.
He kept breathing. In and out,in and out,rehearsing to find the right rhythm.
" Yeah! You've got this. Nothing changed. Nothing.." he mumbled to himself. But the stark reality hit him hard.
Everything was different.
His life had taken a dramatic change.
Jungkook was scared stiff. Head hanging low, shoulders shrugged, eyes fixed on the flow dripping in the cup. " I'm gonna look at him and know he doesn't want my heart. I'll smile anyway. I'll let him touch me and pretend it's enough."
His breath caught in his throat,eyes burnt,palm pressed to his mouth to choke a sob.
He could do this.
It was his decision.
His choice.
Jungkook sensed his presence. The soft footsteps but he didn't turn around. His body went rigid,his heart kicked in a rhythm he thought Taehyung could actually hear from across the room.
The man leaned against the doorframe, observing him with profound curiosity."Jungkook?" His voice was low and gentle and the sound of his name nearly shattered the younger.
Jungkook squeezed his eyes together and inhaled. ' Don't panic. Don't panic. You can do this. Stay focused..'
Casually,he shifted, putting on a fake smile of indifference." Good morning."
" Well good morning to you too. You're up early."
" Couldn't sleep." he lied." Went out to grab something to eat." His voice sounded pathetically steady.
" I found your note." Taehyung 's T-shirt was loose above his white shorts,eyes half lidded but still deadly gorgeous,and hair sleep tousled. The way he was studying him, made Jungkook feel uncomfortable.
" The fridge was empty. I forgot to order while you were.. away."
Taehyung 's brows frowned." You didn't have to go out at the break of dawn. You could have them delivered."
" I wanted to get some air." That wasn't a lie. It was the half truth. That damn smile he had to put on,numbed his face." It's no big deal."
" If you say so." Taehyung stuffed his hands in his pockets, moving closer, enough for Jungkook to feel his presence and his scent. See the way his chest rose and fell but not close enough to touch him.
Thank goodness for that!
The younger kept his hands busy,making the coffee,taking the pastries and croissants out of the packets and into the plates, wiping the crumbs from the counter and at the same time chitchat about safe things.
Anything to distract his mind and keep his hands occupied because if he didn't, they'd reach out and touch him.
He wasn't ready yet.
Not yet.
Some distance would do wonders.
" You're shaking."
Jungkook gazed down at his hands,the coffee cup trembling in his grip." Cold.." he had lied so many times it was easy to do it again.
Taehyung's eyes narrowed, not from suspicion but from carefully observing him and Jungkook hated how much he loved being noticed by him.
" It's warm here."
" I don't know."He gave him a shrug and a smile that never quite reached his eyes."Perhaps I'm tired. You know. It's been intense lately."
Jungkook's heart skipped a beat when Taehyung loomed up closer and the boy could feel the warmth of his body. Hell! He could count his eyelashes if he dared to look up.
" Jungkook? Is something the matter?"
His name again.
Careful and smooth as if he was testing his patience.
The younger eventually looked up. Their eyes met and for a long moment Jungkook forgot how to breathe." I'm fine."
The earsplitting silence dangerously stretched between them.
The man's gaze searched his face looking for something he couldn't name. Jungkook was acting strangely that morning. They had an unforgettable night yesterday and he seemed lost.
Lost and indifferent. Just like when they first met. He couldn't decode his behaviour and it bothered him.
Jungkook had always been a mystery to him. Like he was on a treasure hunt and the only clues he had were bits and parts of a complex mind.
Perhaps Taehyung was overthinking. Jungkook was probably still a bit irritated with him for not contacting him during his adventure.
He'd get over it.
He smirked,stooped over, lips gently pecking Jungkook's forehead,reached past him,his chest nearly brushed the boy's shoulder and grabbed a mini, chocolate croissant from the plate." Gonna take a shower."
He walked away leaving Jungkook behind in the room,cheeks flushed,heart racing,ice cubs melting on his fingers.
He simply stood there,staring at the door and the man's disappearing figure. He wanted to laugh and cry all together. His lips exhaled something between a half- laugh and half- sob.
That's how it would be. He knew it. Close enough to taste but never close enough to feel.
Fighting with his own feelings.
Seeking some form of care from his ' daddy '.
He had agreed to be desired. Not cared for. Affection would cost more than money.
For Jungkook his heart and sanity. For Taehyung another unwanted situation he had to fix.
With nothing else to do,he set breakfast on the table,took a seat far from where he had placed Taehyung's coffee, sipped his own that had turned into water and folded one leg on the chair.
He waited.
He carried on glancing at the door, pretending he didn't want to rush upstairs to him and beg.
Beg for his love.
Beg for attention.
What he was living had to be enough.
Well.. it wasn't. It would never be enough for him.
But he smiled anyway.
He smiled when Taehyung returned to the kitchen and sat across from him.
When the chocolate was dripping on his brand new T-shirt while biting the croissant.
When he was sipping the coffee Taehyung hated so much.
When chatting about this and that like old friends, trying to chisel away at his desire to just tell him.
He didn't.
Even if it was tearing down the last shred of his sanity.
___________________
For the next few days Taehyung was given the brush- off. Jungkook maintained a safe distance physically but mostly emotionally.
They shared the same bed.
But his side was cold.
No hands reaching in the dark. No kisses before sleep. No soft smiles.
Just a quiet distance between two bodies that used to collide with passion.
Taehyung moved around him cautiously. Brushing past him,never lingering. Staring but not actually looking.
Jungkook went to work as usual. In his familiar spot behind the bar, next to a strangely silent Jimin because for the very first time he didn't know what to tell his friend.
He had no witty replies,no brilliant ideas on how to fix a situation that seemed unwilling to conform.
The younger smiled when tipped, laughed when expected, kept his hands steady when his chest wasn't. He felt caged everywhere he looked and went.
The bar should have been a shelter but it wasn't. Not with Taehyung downstairs. That reality was an unbearable weight on Jungkook's chest,making the air thick and suffocating and the ice in the glass sound like cannonballs.
Every loud or small noise,every sudden movement set his nerves on fire. The earsplitting music,the subtle clicking of glasses on the bar counter,the voices of customers demanding new drinks with a lightness that irked him.
His imagination was running wild. He pictured Taehyung leaning back in his leather chair, perfect in his ironed black suit,the faint tilt of his head while reviewing a file.
Just enough motion to make his stomach stir.
His hands slightly trembled as he wiped the counter and each time he imagined Taehyung glancing up,meeting his eyes,unbearably calm and unreadable. He felt his chest clenching, heart thudding like a drumbeat.
Every logical thought struggled to stay anchored but his desire was slick. It seeped into his veins and made him ache in ways too familiar to his body.
Jungkook swallowed hard enough to hurt. The absence of physical contact had him on edge. Four days and nights without as much as a peck on his lips,a brush of their shoulders.
Taehyung kept his distance.
A carefully calculated distance.
Jungkook should have been thankful he wasn't demanding contact.
Sadly he realised he hated his absence.
He pressed the towel to the counter,fingers tight around it, scrubbing it with ferocity,his knuckles numbed.
A ghost of a certain name was hanging over his head. The ghost of Taehyn's presence. An unknown man that threatened him. One more obstacle between them..
His eyes shut,tired and heavy, as if he was trying to get rid of the man's reminder.
Whoever he was,he wasn't there.
He kept telling himself that sentence.
'He wasn't there.. he wasn't there..'
When he opened them he only wanted to run downstairs, allow himself to lose control,to let his hands touch him,feel him but even the thought made his stomach twitch with panic.
Because that would mean total surrender and Jungkook wasn't ready for it.
But the pull was equally strong. One breath away, a set of stairs and he'd be in his arms.
A few strides and the heat of Taehyung's presence, the strong scent of his cologne, the intensity of his gaze would be enough to drown him.
Toned muscles wrapped around him.. veiny hands crawling on his skin.. lips sucking on his flesh quenching the fire that set him ablaze.
A torture of his body,a reninder of how close they were and the distance he himself had settled between them.
Only imagining him moving with the grace of a predator,chest pumping up and down, stretching his muscles, was enough to make him spill the drink in his hands and curse under his breath.
All of the sudden the bar felt smaller.
Every shiny surface,every click of glasses,every pulse of music, every glow of neon lights,every laugh from customers or Jimin standing beside him was a punch to his guts.
It burnt him.
Made him ache in ways he couldn't imagine.
Taehyung was downstairs. Just downstairs.
Jungkook had spent the last few days putting up walls, building distance, imagining passionate touches and filthy words, reveling in Taehyung's body each time he was coming out of the shower naked and it killed him.
Bit by bit he was losing battles in a ravenous war he wasn't meant to win.
He threw the towel,hands shaking, not from fear but from desire. Something deeper and sharper than need. Darker and fiercer.. something unspoken.
His stomach twisted and chest burnt. All too powerful to brush aside. Like a magnet pulling him to a specific direction.
" Fuck it! I want him! " Jungkook murmured under his breath." I'm gonna claim what's mine. His body.. if that's the one thing he can give me." The words landed heavy on his chest.
He needed Taehyung's touch. He wanted his weight crashing him. He needed his kisses more than the air in his lungs. He wanted to be ruined for good.
He sucked in a deep breath and shifted towards the door,his gaze locked on it. His instincts were screaming from hesitation but every cell in his body was shouting for unconditional surrender.
It felt dangerous but in his eyes it was necessary.
His legs moved before his mind could protest.Fingers clutched the door handle,turned it around and the corridor looked smaller now.
He pranced with determination,down the stairs, towards the office at the end of the hallway,heart drumming, hands closing to fists,eyes focused on that black door.
Closer and closer till the scent of Taehyung's body tickled his nostrils, till the taste of his lips slurping his own felt real, sensed his hand touching his skin.
And in that precise moment,his hesitation and doubts were stripped away. He didn't care about losing battles or the fucken war or himself in the process.
His hand, steady and composed,touched the handle and pushed the door open..
He wanted Kim Taehyung and he was willing to settle for less.