FROM ELLA PERFAE
TO LARA PERFAE
34 MAY'S CORNER
CASTLEFORD
LO6 1AR
Dear Lara,
It has come to my attention that after my last letter, you decided to involve your lawyer and the prosecution.
So. You have been reading my letters.
I received a call from my own lawyer this morning. Mr. Rajmen has advised that it would be in "my best interest" to stop writing to you, or to have his office vet each word before it is sent. It is his job to worry about these finer details, but I've reassured Mr. Rajmen that he has nothing to worry about. Everything I've written in my letters so far has not been damaging in any way, nor threatening; I wouldn't have been able to send them if they were!
I believe my letters have been nothing but truthful, and as we both know, the truth can be harsh. But would you prefer to stay in the dark, Lara?
I don't think so.
There is so much more I can tell you. With every secret revealed, you will realise how you have been living in a false world sustained by the people around you. You will see that it was your privilege that cost this family its peace. You were the trigger, Lara.
Honestly, I should thank you. If it wasn't for you, I would have never realised that I deserved much better from our family, from the world. I would have never realised that I was doing far too much for other people, and not enough for myself. You helped me see, Lara. And now it's my turn. With these letters, I plan to bring everything into the light for you.
Mr. Rajmen will think it's a bad idea, of course. During our phone call, he told me that the police and the prosecution will more than likely use my letters against me, as potential evidence. Evidence of what, LaLa?
My love for my sister? For my children?
You will gain nothing from these letters except for what I want you to have.
All this is, is a conversation. It's not a battle, or a court case. There are no secret codes hidden in my words. I simply want to talk to you because we haven't talked in months; we used to talk everyday!
But now that I know you're reading every word, I'm overjoyed. I feel like I'm finally being listened to, and that is worth any risk that Mr. Rajmen thinks he sees.
He is like every other person with their fancy badge and title. They tell you they want to listen, that every word you say is important to them, but the truth is; it's all a ruse. They're not actually listening. Instead, they conspire to reach a conclusion as quickly as possible. That is the only thing they value. The truth does not really matter to them. So, do not let yourself be swayed when they promise you justice. Justice is truth. And only I can give you that.
That is why my offer still stands. For every letter, call or visit, I'll reveal a secret that has been kept from you. Shall I give you a hint about what I plan to tell you next?
It's about your beloved gallery, Lara. All your success started with a lie.
Oh, you must definitely want to know more after that! How can you not?
I'm excited to tell you. But I wonder if it will be enough to tempt you. Or will you try your hardest to keep ignoring me again?
Let me reassure you that this truth is far less critical of you, compared to what was revealed in my last letter. That seemed to have angered you enough to involve the prosecution.
What was it that hurt you the most?
Was it how I convinced you to move Cam to another school? I told you; I was protecting Aiden. I was protecting Cleo. I used whatever I had at my disposal to get what I wanted, and yes. I admit, I did have an advantage over you. But that was because I actually made the effort to volunteer at the school, to socialise and connect with the headmaster, the teachers, and all the other mothers from the PTA. You didn't see why it was so important back then, no matter how much I tried to convince you to come along with me; well, do you see now?
You also never understood why I was so strict with my children. Whenever you picked them up for sleepovers, you always joked about how you were saving them. How does it feel to know that it was your child that needed saving? And it wasn't just from his bullies, but from you, his own mother. And it was me who actually saved him. Perhaps that is what hurt you the most; the realisation that you didn't actually do anything to help Cam during one of the hardest moments of his life. You found out that you really were a bad mother, and no one thought to tell you, until now. Ihope you won't mistake cowardice for kindness, Lara.
If you're still feeling resentful, you're wasting your time. You need to start accepting that I've been the kindest one of all.
But you'll come to realise that soon enough.
So try and hide behind your legal team, behind the prosecutors and whoever else has it out for me, all you want, but it certainly won't help you. They can take every letter, read every word as they attempt to decipher and dissect them, but there will be nothing for them to find. You'll only receive the same letters back, except they might be a little worse for wear, and marked with pen and bright highlighters.
But that's not the only reason I'm against it. I'll be so disappointed if you let other people read my letters because they're for your eyes only. In fact, it will be a great insult to our family if you allow strangers to read about our lives. Why would you want them to intrude on such precious memories?
They'll read about how Amir brought you tulips for Valentines, how Aiden cooked meals for our family, how Dad played with us when we were younger.
But they'll also read about your lack of responsibility, and how you caused trouble for everyone else. They'll gasp at your incompetence, and marvel at my capabilities. They'll realize that I am speaking nothing but sense, that my actions were perfectly justified and necessary. They will dissect the worst days of our lives and find out that they are going to lose against me. And then they'll realise they're representing the wrong sister.
So I ask you; do you really want all of that out there? Our most treasured memories, our most painful truths?
Let's keep this between us, then, Lara.
No one else will understand the significance of these letters, anyway. No one else will feel the weight of our shared memories. What will they know about Dad's warm laughter, how it sounds like his strong arms are wrapped around us from a distance. Will they know what I mean when I talk about Mum's perfume, that wonderful scent of jasmine and vanilla, and how it smelled like the sensation of coming home. They were not there for all the times our children played together, for all the family photos, and yet, you want to hand over these beautiful moments and reduce them to "evidence".
This is our story, Lara. No one else's.
It's your decision to make. You can continue to ignore me, and allow the prosecution to turn our memories into a cold strategy…or you can respond. Pick up the phone, write a letter; you can even come and see me. But think about this; which choice leads you to understanding your whole life?
Our story, our bond as sisters, it does not belong in legal pads or files.
I'll wait for your decision, but don't take too long. My patience has its limits and secrets can become heavy.
You, of all people, should know that.
Send my love to my children; they deserve to know that I am always thinking of them.
Ella