Chapter 850: At a Loss
Jonathan Baldwin stood frozen, unable to believe his eyes. His chaotic and scattered thoughts came to a halt. When Lu Ke waved at him, he couldn't even react, only nodding blankly, trying to say something but unable to find the right words. He just stood there foolishly.
"You... I... uh..." Jonathan stuttered, but his broken sentences couldn't express his thoughts, or rather, he had no thoughts at all.
Lu Ke pieced together a rough idea from his fragmented words and said with a smile, "I'm sorry I didn't let you know in advance. I came specifically to see Ryan. If it's not a good time, I can come back another time. I hope I'm not disturbing his rest and recovery."
"No, no, no..." Jonathan waved his hands repeatedly, and a surge of emotions came over him. After denying it over and over, he couldn't explain or respond. Without warning, his voice choked up, and his slightly stinging nose cut off all the words that followed. He just stood there blankly, trying his best to calm his jumbled emotions.
The Jonathan who used to be so prickly, the Jonathan who didn't hesitate to clash with loyal fans, the Jonathan who spoke ill of Lu Ke, the Jonathan who was unyielding and refused to compromise, the Jonathan who was as hot-tempered as a rock in a latrine...
At this moment, he showed a silent sense of helplessness. There were no tears, no cries, and no sadness, just a blank and flustered look that perfectly outlined the feeling of powerlessness from the bottom of his heart.
Even without any words, Lu Ke could imagine that Ryan's condition was definitely not good, perhaps even worse than he had imagined. Involuntarily, Lu Ke felt a pang of sadness.
The long and narrow hallway suddenly became quiet. A death-like silence slowly spread, as if he could feel death spreading its wings, a dark shadow covering them little by little, slowly swallowing the bright vitality. The powerful sense of defeat from sickness, old age, and death made every ordinary person feel their own insignificance and lowliness.
"Plink."
A crisp sound broke the confinement of the silence. Jonathan snapped back to reality. The notebook and pencil he was holding had unknowingly slipped from his grip, and the pencil had fallen to the ground, making a sound.
Before Jonathan could bend down, Lu Ke had already bent down, picked up the pencil, and handed it to him. He slowly took the pencil, twirling it between his fingers, a helpless smile on his lips.
"This is for Ryan's rehabilitation. The doctor suggested that he should practice writing every day. You know, for him, writing, speaking, walking, and swallowing, these actions that we take for granted have become incredibly difficult. The most basic and simple daily habits are his rehabilitation exercises. He just needs to breathe, and breathing is enough. Just breathe."
As he spoke, the smile on his face became incredibly bitter. The sense of powerlessness revealed by his simple words was like a swamp, slowly pulling people in, making it impossible to escape.
Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), commonly known as "Lou Gehrig's disease," is one of the most brutal diseases in the world, with no cure.
Patients gradually lose control of their muscles, and their motor nerves eventually completely atrophy. They are no different from people with full-body paralysis, and it can even affect basic bodily functions like eating, breathing, and speaking.
But because this disease does not affect the sensory nerves, the patient's intelligence, memory, and five senses are not damaged. In other words, the patient can only watch themselves lose control little by little and walk toward death step by step. All their feelings are incredibly clear and real, but they are powerless.
The entire process is slow and long, and the pain gradually accumulates, making every day a torment. It's brutal and terrifying.
Generally, patients can only survive for two to five years after the onset of the disease. To this day, there is still no effective treatment, and even delaying the disease is incredibly difficult.
Just as Jonathan said, even writing, speaking, breathing, swallowing, sitting, and walking, which are common actions for ordinary people, are part of the rehabilitation for ALS patients. How ironic and absurd. The pain and suffering hidden behind them are something ordinary people cannot even imagine.
Jonathan's words stopped. He bit his lip and looked at Lu Ke, showing another ugly smile. "Sorry... I mean, thank you, thank you. If Ryan knew you came to visit him, he would be very happy... Sorry for not going to the home games recently... Ryan really wanted to go. He always thought he could go in person, but the doctor said... the doctor said... Thank you, really thank you."
He was completely incoherent. Jonathan's entire mind was a mess, unable to clear his thoughts. He repeated things he didn't even understand. In the end, he just kept repeating "thank you." His eyes shimmered with excitement and joy, but deep down, a wave of bitterness arose.
The panic was so real that it made Lu Ke's heart sink. An ominous premonition quietly surfaced.
"I know, I know. Although you weren't at Candlestick Park, you will always be the biggest motivation for the team to keep fighting and moving forward. You are always with us, through every game. Otherwise, how could we have won these games, right? The Niners are the Niners. We are always together," Lu Ke said with a big smile, firmly.
The corners of Jonathan's mouth also turned up. He nodded repeatedly. "Yes, yes. Fk the Seahawks, fk the Cardinals. Now they know who the boss of the NFC West is, right?" As he spoke, a smile bloomed on his face.
But the brighter the smile, the more bitter the words became. The strong sadness lingered. But Jonathan still didn't stop. He stared at Lu Ke, saying every word, getting more and more excited and more and more emotional, as if the whole world had brightened up. The intense contrast between extreme optimism and extreme pessimism was revealed in his slightly trembling voice.
"This is our year, right, Bambi? This is the year we get back to the top, right? We've waited so long, and we've finally made it, right? This year belongs to us. We're going to surprise the whole league. We're the 49ers who never give up easily. No one can underestimate us, right?"
Looking at Jonathan, Lu Ke felt a dull ache in his chest, and bitterness slowly spread on his tongue.
"Yes," Lu Ke said, suppressing the bitterness in his heart, and nodding heavily. "That's what I think, too."
Jonathan laughed heartily. "I knew it. Ryan knows it too. Ryan will be very happy. No, he'll be crazy. He'll even stand up and dance. Haha, he's a terrible dancer. The sight would be unbearable to watch."
He was laughing happily, but the pain in his words was tormenting. There were faint tears sparkling in his eyes. He laughed wantonly to hide his embarrassment. Jonathan's skinny and hunched back seemed to have bent a little more, as if he could no longer bear the weight of his life.
"I'll look forward to it," Lu Ke said, trying to smile and sound cheerful.
His usual eloquence had become clumsy at this moment. The power of words seemed so pale and light, even insignificant. No words could bring joy or comfort. Lu Ke's eyes also darkened a little, and the bitterness was unbearable.
After a short pause, Lu Ke turned his head and looked at the hospital room. He asked with great difficulty, "Ryan... what exactly is his condition now?"
Jonathan also turned his head and looked at Ryan's back in the room. His thin body was heartbreaking.
But Jonathan still tried to show his strength and calmness. "I don't know. To be precise, the doctor doesn't know either. The doctor said the disease suddenly got worse. Not the limb function, but the ability to swallow and speak. The entire respiratory system was attacked, so breathing started to become difficult. They can't stop it and he must be hospitalized because..."
After a slight pause, his voice got stuck again. Jonathan thought that things would become easier as time went on, that he would slowly adapt and get used to it. But now he realized that he hadn't.
"Because he could stop breathing at any time, or even choke on his own saliva, and then... and then..." He couldn't continue the rest of the sentence. It was cut off again because Jonathan couldn't imagine what would happen next. Even though the doctor had explained it and he had already done his own research, he didn't dare to imagine, for fear that even a little imagination might turn the fantasy into reality.
"After the first week of the regular season, the disease accelerated. He has to stay in the hospital for observation and treatment at all times to avoid any possible accidents. It's only been less than five weeks, and the situation is even more serious than the accumulation of the past two years." Jonathan stared blankly at Ryan's back, so lost that he couldn't find a foothold.
He once thought that if he ignored the development of the disease, it wouldn't get worse, just like in a fairy tale. So, last season, he tried his best to hide the news of the San Francisco 49ers so that Ryan could recover in peace.
He once thought that if he pretended everything was normal, the disease would slowly get better, just like in a Hollywood movie. So, when the San Francisco 49ers finally came back to life, they enjoyed that wonderful time to the fullest.
But reality was cruel and cold. It mercilessly crushed all their pretenses and exposed their tricks. It laid all the facts bare and bloody in front of them, without giving them any room to react. The world had already begun to fall apart.
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