Chapter 851: Unyielding
Five weeks.
In just five short weeks, not even five, the disease had progressed faster and more ferociously than the previous two years combined. It was like a race car with failed brakes, crashing forward relentlessly until it was completely destroyed.
All the illusions of peace were shattered in an instant.
Since Ryan's condition had worsened, Jonathan had taken on all the burdens. He had no one to talk to and no one to rely on. After being strong for so long, he suddenly saw Lu Ke.
The offensive captain who led the San Francisco 49ers back to the top, the team's quarterback who fought for victory relentlessly, the spiritual leader who reignited the fans' passion and the city's hope—all his defenses and strength became fragile.
The sudden impact, which had been building for too long and suppressed for too long, was now released. Even someone as strong and determined as Jonathan started to lose his focus, mumbling to himself unconsciously.
"When he was first diagnosed, the doctor said that this disease is unpredictable, unstoppable, and incurable. It can only be alleviated. But even with persistent physical therapy, the effects are unknown. No one knows if it can curb the deterioration of the disease. So, we need to be mentally prepared at all times. The patient might pass away in just one year, or they might live for more than a decade."
"I thought... I thought I was mentally prepared. I thought I was strong enough to handle everything possible. In two years, I've gone through the five stages of grief back and forth several times. I thought I was invincible. But... but I still wasn't prepared. Ryan needs me, but I can't even take care of myself. God, I'm a terrible brother."
Suddenly, Jonathan's voice stopped. There was no choking, no crying, no bitterness, just a blank and confused look. He looked at Lu Ke with a questioning gaze. "Why? Why did things turn out this way? Can God give me an answer? Or who can give me an answer? Who should I ask?"
Sadness is more poignant than anger.
A blank state is more bitter than despair.
Calmness is more oppressive than an outburst.
Jonathan didn't cry or scream, and there were no tears. He was completely calm, but it made Lu Ke almost breathless and speechless.
He couldn't answer, and he didn't know how to answer.
Even words of comfort seemed so pale at this moment. "Everything will be alright," "Things will take a turn for the better," "I'll sincerely pray for you"... These were all lies. In the face of cruel reality, they didn't offer any comfort and sounded like lollipops meant to comfort a nine-year-old child—which would no longer work for a ten-year-old.
Looking at Jonathan's confused eyes, Lu Ke clenched his fists tightly and said firmly, "But it's not over yet."
Jonathan looked at Lu Ke blankly, with no emotion in his eyes, as if he didn't understand what that meant.
Lu Ke couldn't lie and say, "Things will get better." He couldn't give Jonathan such an empty hope because even the doctors and God couldn't guarantee it, so who was he to do so?
But Lu Ke knew he wouldn't give up. He refused to give up, just as he refused to give up on football, his dreams, and his life.
When he was a practice squad player in college, John Wold mocked him for being foolish, for foolishly pursuing a hopeless goal and a lifeless dream, like an idiot. He kept hitting a wall, getting bruised and battered but still not giving up. He said that was the most foolish kind of persistence. "A truly smart person has to know when to give up."
Nietzsche said that what many people call maturity is just having their edges smoothed out by customs, becoming worldly and practical. That is not maturity. It is the premature decay of the spirit and the death of individuality. True maturity should be the formation of a unique personality, the discovery of a true self, and the spiritual harvest.
Maybe all it takes to stick to your dreams and yourself is a little foolish courage.
Later, John Wold joined him.
Until now, Lu Ke still remembers the young man who ran wild at the Rose Bowl. He once thought his career would be spent as a practice player, wasting away for four years until it ended. But in the end, he fought side by side with Lu Ke, caught the tail end of his youth, and shone brightly for a moment.
"Live as beautifully as summer flowers and pass away as quietly as autumn leaves."
Before the end arrives, life has countless possibilities. Before reaching the finish line, dreams can take countless forms.
The same is true for Ryan. The moment to sprint to the finish line has not yet arrived. Why would he give up now? This is absolutely not how a true 49er should act.
"It's not over yet," Lu Ke repeated his words, with a determined look in his eyes, cheering Jonathan on. "Never give up until the moment the game ends. Keep fighting and always have hope. Even if the final outcome is still a loss, at least we fought with all our might until the last second. Isn't that why the team has made it this far and why the fans are willing to walk side by side with us?"
If you know it's a game you're going to lose, what do you do? Do you raise your hands and surrender to end the pain early? Or do you clench your fists, raise your hands, and fight until the last drop of your blood is gone?
Ryan's game is not over yet.
Jonathan's mouth was slightly open. A glimmer of light reappeared in his numb and blank eyes. His numb and confused emotions seemed to have loosened a little, but he couldn't tell what the specific emotion was. After all, he had been under pressure for too long and couldn't turn things around immediately.
Lu Ke gave a big smile and gestured toward the hospital room. "Can I go in and visit Ryan? I mean, if it won't disturb his rest and recovery."
Jonathan then came back to his senses but still couldn't organize his words into a complete sentence. He just nodded repeatedly to show his agreement.
Lu Ke then turned around and gently pushed the door open.
He wasn't sure if he had just arrived at the right time, or if the room arrangement was always like this. The room, which could hold six people, only had Ryan in it. He was sitting quietly facing the window. From his back, Lu Ke couldn't accurately describe his expression and demeanor.
Lu Ke and Jonathan had been standing outside the door for a while, but Ryan remained completely still.
Lu Ke deliberately made some noise with his footsteps to let Ryan know someone was there, but Ryan still sat motionless, so Lu Ke had to keep a little distance. To avoid startling Ryan, he walked to the bed across from him, looked around, and sat down on the edge of the bed, parallel to Ryan.
Lu Ke turned his head, and Ryan still didn't move. Lu Ke couldn't tell if Ryan had noticed his presence.
Just as Lu Ke was hesitating about whether he should make a sound, Ryan spoke first. "...Wuh... believe, now... hmm..." His words were a little mumbled, and the syllables were all stuck together and unrecognizable, which made Ryan show a helpless smile and pause for a moment.
He didn't make any noticeable movements. He seemed to just adjust his breathing, and then Ryan spoke again. "Whether you believe it or not, I'm very excited right now. I never thought I'd be sitting with a Skywalker one day. It's unbelievable. My mind is screaming right now, but I have to force myself to suppress my excitement to avoid disturbing other patients."
Ryan's speech was very, very slow, almost word for word, and some syllables were a little slurred, but this time, Lu Ke could finally understand him.
Lu Ke didn't rush to interrupt Ryan. He waited until Ryan finished speaking before chuckling. "Every week, we have a chance to fight side by side. I thought you were used to it by now." Lu Ke also slowed down his speech a little, not too deliberately or obviously, but enough to slow the pace down so that the atmosphere wouldn't feel so weird.
The corners of Ryan's mouth twitched slightly. It seemed like he was smiling, but it also looked like he was twitching. It was hard to tell. "That was a time when seventy thousand Niners fought side by side. I was just one of them."
He paused again, and Ryan swallowed with great difficulty. The small movement was like a slow-motion analysis, with every frame incredibly clear.
Lu Ke didn't speak. He didn't pretend to be happy or joyous. He didn't talk non-stop to distract himself. Instead, he maintained a sincere and honest attitude, looking at Ryan.
This was because Ted Ginn Jr. had told Lu Ke during his recovery period earlier this year: "We don't need pity; we need equality. The greetings and positive attitudes you show look like condescending charity to us, because you already know our outcome. The thing is, I don't accept that as my outcome."
After swallowing, Ryan continued:
"But the truth is, I can't move now. Sitting here quietly is my physical therapy for today. If I shake a little too much, I might lose my balance and fall, and then I won't be able to get back up. Just like now, I want to turn my head and look at you, but I don't dare to.
Similarly, I want to go back to Candlestick Park and fight side by side with all my teammates, but I can't. This is my current situation. But you don't have to worry about me. I've gradually accepted it. It's just that Jonathan still can't give up. He always feels like he owes me. He's such an idiot. How could he owe me anything?
Witnessing the rise of the 49ers again is the most beautiful thing."
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