Chapter 137: Who Dares to Be More Miserable Than Me?
"Let me go!"
"Apologize!"
"If you don't let me go, I'm going to lose it!"
"Come on! I'm not some rotting dinosaur skeleton buried underground."
Ross was held there by Phoebe gripping his ear, spouting tough words, but it was useless.
After all, Phoebe wasn't his sister Monica, so he had to be careful about actual violence... Well, that's how he rationalized it.
He wouldn't think about the real reason—like being a coward.
Fortunately, he was excellent at mental gymnastics.
"Why are you so funny?" Chandler waved his middle finger at Chuck for a while, then smiled at the amusing scene of Ross being restrained by Phoebe, before his attention returned to Chuck.
"Because I, too, have a tragic life," Chuck said calmly. "Given your upbringing, you use self-deprecation and sarcasm as defense mechanisms. If you insist I'm funnier than you, then that only means I'm more miserable."
"...How could you be more miserable?" Chandler said, with the expression of someone who had hit rock bottom only to meet someone even worse off. "My dad left my mom for the pool boy. They had a huge fight on Thanksgiving, then divorced. My dad ran off with his male partner. My mom remarried multiple times, and her romance novels became required reading for all my classmates, both male and female. Whenever they saw me, they'd get these weird looks—some smirking, some blushing, some staring. My mom often gave interviews revealing embarrassing stories from my childhood that made it practically unbearable for me to face anyone... Who could be worse off than that?"
Chuck paused, pondering for a moment.
"What's he doing?" Rachel nudged Monica curiously.
"Shh!" Monica immediately signaled for silence, suppressing her excitement as she said, "He's probably thinking, recalling his tragic past."
"Uh, then why are you so excited?" Rachel was stunned, watching Monica's trembling body.
"This is the first time Chuck is going to open up about his past, maybe the first time he's ever shown emotion. This is so important to me..." Monica continued trembling. She lowered her voice at the end, saying so only Rachel could hear, "And I really have to pee."
"..." Rachel rolled her eyes speechlessly.
Chandler, on the other hand, felt threatened. He'd heard Monica's earlier words. He admitted he wasn't as good as Chuck in other areas, and even his best skills—humor and comedy—had been somewhat overshadowed. While comparing misfortunes was unpleasant, if his life story couldn't measure up, what was the point?
Under everyone's gaze, Chuck took a long moment to think before slowly speaking, "You're indeed more miserable than me."
"..." Everyone's mouths twitched.
That's it?
After all that buildup, that's all?
"Oh my God!" Chandler felt it most deeply, his voice dragging out his ex-girlfriend's catchphrase again, self-deprecatingly saying, "You're actually funnier than me!"
Monica was the most disappointed, but said nothing and ran straight to the bathroom.
"What's wrong with her?" Ross, not wanting his ear twisted anymore, tried to change the subject. He hadn't heard Monica's whispered words and was genuinely confused by her exaggerated reaction.
"Chuck and Chandler are so funny, Monica cracked up," Rachel explained, unable to contain herself and bursting into laughter.
"Since I'm more miserable than you, more miserable than anyone, why are you funnier than me?" Chandler protested. "Isn't that just kicking someone when they're down?"
"This is indeed a heartless, shameless, and unreasonable world," Chuck nodded. "But if you really need a reason, I can give you one. Although you're the most miserable, I know about your worst experiences. You don't have to live through them, just borrow from them. Comedy masters don't have to experience every tragedy they portray to portray it well. I know your story, and I know countless other stories of misery you can't even imagine, both in scope and severity. In a way, how can you compete with me?"
"...Okay," Chandler paused, thought for a moment, then agreed.
He knew Chuck was a consultant for law enforcement and had undoubtedly seen all kinds of tragedies. Although he was miserable, it was only in weird, dysfunctional ways, not truly devastating ones. Honestly, in terms of real suffering, he couldn't compare to crime victims and their families.
"I have an idea," Chandler agreed but still felt somewhat unconvinced. Suddenly his eyes lit up. "Next time you're on a case, can you take me with you? I want to try what you said—seeing more misery will make me funnier and stimulate my comedic talent."
"You want to go to crime scenes?" Chuck glanced at him.
"I want to go!" Chandler nodded. "Actually, I've always had that idea. My daily routine limits my imagination. I remember my most thrilling experience was riding the subway late at night. I was so tired I fell asleep, missed my stop, and ended up in the Bronx. And then... I actually made it back alive."
"Thrilling indeed," Chuck nodded.
The Bronx was a high-crime area, and this was New York City. Late-night subways were havens for criminal activity. A bookish, nerdy-looking guy like Chandler could easily become a crime statistic if he wasn't careful.
"Right?" Chandler was delighted to see Chuck agree. "But they keep laughing at me. Chuck, you understand me."
Chuck didn't refuse outright.
The reason he frequently hung out with these six friends, aside from Monica initially, was that being with them not only helped him develop social skills but also boosted his positive emotional state through laughter and joy.
While not as comprehensive as the significant gains he achieved by debating with Sheldon, the rate of improvement was much greater than with other people.
This, he supposed, was the power of comedy.
And Chuck wasn't the only one who benefited.
Thinking of this, he adjusted his black-rimmed glasses and nodded, saying, "Next time there's a case, if you have time, you can observe."
"Great!" Chandler exclaimed, waving his index finger instead of his middle finger this time.
"Can I come too?" Joey couldn't help but interject. "You know, I'm an actor—a professional one. I need to experience these situations more than Chandler, who just does comedy as a hobby, so I can get into similar roles in the future."
Seeing Chuck seemed unimpressed, Joey added, "By the way, my agent just got me a great role opposite Al Pacino. You know Al Pacino specializes in movies like The Godfather, which involve criminal elements. If I could see it firsthand, I'd definitely be able to immerse myself in the role better and nail it. This could be a turning point in my career, please!"
"Fine," Chuck glanced at Joey.
"Really?" Joey was overjoyed, a little incredulous that Chuck had actually agreed. In his opinion, Chuck didn't seem like a very accommodating person.
Although he'd requested it, he hadn't actually held out much hope.
"You make valid points," Chuck nodded.
"Right?" Joey pursed his lips and nodded with a smile, feeling very proud.
Look at Chandler and Ross—Chuck used to be the only one who left others speechless, but now he'd made Chuck see reason.
This was the power of being an actor!
"Are there any cases recently that we can observe?" Joey asked cheerfully.
"There's a major case," Chuck said. "You're also of Italian descent. Do you know the Gambino family?"
"Well..." Joey's smile faltered. "Why are you suddenly asking about the Gambino family?"
"You know the Gambino family?" Phoebe, the street-smart one, looked at Joey in surprise.
Having been on the streets years ago, she knew the Gambino family in New York very well.
"I don't know them personally," Joey shook his head. "But we're all Italians in New York. Who doesn't love Godfather movies? And the Gambino family is somewhat like the Corleone family in real New York. I also heard that Al Pacino's new movie has investment from their family... But that's just gossip, I don't know if it's true."
"Too bad," Phoebe tilted her head and smiled. "I thought you knew those kinds of big shots."
"Phoebe!" Ross looked at her in disbelief. "That's a crime family, and you're eager to meet them?"
"Hmm?" Phoebe replied with a nasal tone and smiled. "You're not trying to look down on me, are you? Now you know how tough I am, right?"
"..." Ross's mouth twitched, but after Phoebe had twisted his ear and seeing her domineering attitude now, he was genuinely intimidated.
"Chuck, why are you asking about the Gambino family?" Monica had returned from the bathroom. Hearing this, she looked at Chuck worriedly.
"They're suspected of tax evasion," Chuck said calmly. "As an IRS consultant, I assisted with the case, and Mr. Gambino has been arrested."
"What?" Joey was shocked and stammered, "You, you arrested Mr. Gambino?"
"Yes," Chuck nodded. "This is the latest case, perfect for you to experience. I'll take you there tomorrow."
"No, no," Joey went pale and waved his hands frantically.
He was a professional actor, and professionalism was everything. He should make every effort to improve his acting skills, but he really didn't want to stay a bit player forever, let alone a dead bit player.
"Why not?" Chuck said seriously. "Aren't you going to film Al Pacino's new movie? Is there any better opportunity for you to experience the atmosphere than investigating the Gambino family?"
Joey: "..."
"Okay, stop teasing Joey," Monica said unhappily. "Look how scared he is."
"Not going?" Chuck nodded, then looked at Chandler. "Then it looks like just the two of us are going."
"I may have oversold myself earlier. Actually, my life is plenty exciting," Chandler said seriously. "And I don't like comedy as much as I claimed. Otherwise, why would I still be working in a cubicle to make a living? I should have been chasing my dream as a comedian long ago."
(End of Chapter)
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