Chapter 138: Monica - I Like You Wearing Glasses, Don't Take Them Off!
"What a shame," Chuck shook his head. "You could have provided some entertainment at the crime scene."
"I don't have that ability," Chandler said self-deprecatingly. "And I'll get beat up, right?"
"Yes," Chuck nodded.
"..." Chandler's already timid heart, after hearing Chuck nod so matter-of-factly, completely extinguished the last shred of desire to try.
"Then why did you agree to let me go?"
"You asked for it yourself," Chuck said. "That's the kind of excitement you wanted."
"Does beating myself up not count?" Chandler touched his face, which was still sore, and said self-deprecatingly.
"Do you feel excited?" Chuck asked instead of answering.
"...It's pretty exciting," Chandler's mouth twitched.
"That counts," Chuck nodded. "Most importantly, I'm entertained."
"..." Chandler complained speechlessly—which part of me looks entertained to you?
"Stop joking around," Monica interrupted their banter and looked at Chuck with concern. "You've tangled with the Gambino family—won't there be consequences?"
"No," Chuck shook his head. "This time it's the IRS handling the case. As long as taxes are paid and someone takes the fall, this big issue will become a small one."
"How can that be!" Ross couldn't stand it and looked at Chuck with narrowed eyes, shouting, "That's too corrupt."
"It's the same everywhere," Chuck said calmly. "If this case were handled as a serious criminal matter, not only would the money be collected, but everyone involved would be sentenced according to law. Then it wouldn't go so smoothly next time—the people being investigated would fight to the death. Not only would there be numerous casualties, but more importantly, it would be difficult to collect the massive tax revenue."
"So the IRS picks on the little guy too?" Phoebe, the street-smart one with an innate resistance to large corporations, complained. "They come down hard on ordinary people but bow and scrape to rich people, even rich criminals."
"Making money isn't shameful," Chuck didn't deny this objective reality but explained it with another objective truth.
"Shameful!" Phoebe said with disdain. "Disgusting!"
"I heard from Monica that you're mainly working as a freelance masseuse now. You have regular clients, but it's not very stable?" Chuck looked at her.
"Monica told you about me?" Phoebe, whose mindset was always unique, smiled and said, "You were thinking about me later~"
"Phoebe!" Monica frowned.
"If a large massage chain wanted to hire you right now, offering high pay, full benefits and insurance, and a very stable job," Chuck said, "would you turn it down just because it's shameful?"
"Of course!" Phoebe said firmly. "I, Phoebe Buffay, would rather starve than work for a large corporation that exploits people and treats them like dirt!"
"Noble sentiment!" Rachel applauded, her eyes shining with pride at having such a principled friend.
"Inspiring," Chuck nodded.
If he hadn't watched Friends in his previous life and known that Phoebe would actually face this exact choice in the future and completely cave, even with his enhanced observational abilities, he wouldn't have been able to tell that Phoebe was being disingenuous.
Either Phoebe was a sociopath, or Phoebe was the world's best actress, or Phoebe genuinely felt that way at this moment.
"What do you mean by 'inspiring'?" Rachel asked curiously.
"There's an old saying, 'Actions speak louder than words,'" Chuck said seriously. "Phoebe is a rare person of principle who refuses to compromise her values for money and doesn't find making money shameful."
"That's such a beautiful saying," Phoebe smiled happily. "So well put. It seems that besides romantic French, I should try learning another language."
"..." Monica rolled her eyes, thinking, "Do you really appreciate beautiful sayings? You clearly just like Chuck praising you. Seriously, Chuck has never said anything like that to me."
"Don't celebrate too early," Chandler sneered. "I have a feeling this isn't genuine praise."
"You're just jealous," Phoebe laughed. "You're different from me. You gave up your dreams and sold out to corporate America. You do make more money, have better benefits, and job security, but you're also completely trapped. At first, you only saw this job you hate as a stepping stone. You planned to leave soon and pursue your real passion. But now you've been there over four years and gradually forgot your original plan. This is how big corporations imprison and alienate people. However, you still feel jealous, which shows you haven't been completely corrupted. You still know deep down that people like me are the genuine article."
"..." Chandler's mouth twitched. He wanted to argue, but Phoebe's words hit a nerve. Still, he felt that Chuck enjoyed sarcasm like he did, and the "inspiring" comment definitely wasn't sincere praise, so he shrugged and imitated Chuck: "As long as you're happy."
Seeing his reaction, Phoebe pouted unhappily.
"So there's still hope for my movie?" Future movie star Joey, hope rising again, finally interrupted everyone and redirected the conversation to what concerned him most.
"You shouldn't have worried in the first place," Chuck looked at him. "That movie stars Al Pacino. Even if something happens to the Gambino family, someone else will always step in to finance it. Don't you know Al Pacino's influence?"
"I know, I know!" Joey finally relaxed, nodding repeatedly. "Al Pacino is the pride of Italian-Americans everywhere. Ever since he played the Godfather, he's earned respect from organized crime families, like a real Godfather. He's my lifelong idol. As long as he's willing to make a movie, someone will always invest!"
"I look forward to your performance," Chuck observed Joey's face carefully.
"That's sarcasm!" Chandler, who had been watching Chuck, jumped up and pointed dramatically. "I'm certain!"
Everyone looked at him, then at Chuck, their eyes full of questions. Was Chandler right?
"What a shame," Chuck looked at Chandler. "You truly are gifted at comedy. You'd definitely create even more hilarious moments at a crime scene."
Chandler didn't have Chuck's enhanced perception abilities, and even if he did, he wouldn't have been able to read Chuck's inner thoughts. But Chandler had been right twice in a row—Chuck had been messing with Phoebe and Joey, and while no one else could tell, somehow Chandler had sensed it.
"..." Phoebe and Joey's smiles froze.
So Chandler was right. Chuck really had been mocking them, and they'd been completely oblivious.
"I knew it!" Chandler was overjoyed.
He'd had a gut feeling but couldn't quite pin down the joke, so he wasn't sure.
Now that Chuck had confirmed it, how could he not be thrilled?
Finally, he wasn't the only one getting pranked!
Chuck glanced at his watch.
"Alright, it's getting late. Everyone should head home."
Monica understood immediately, stood up, and clapped her hands, herding everyone toward the door like a mother hen.
"Another experiment, huh?" Joey, the wannabe scientist, made exaggerated faces as he walked out.
"Future superstar, go home and work on your acting," Monica glared at him.
Joey grinned as he left, making various expressions, clearly practicing. He truly believed this opportunity to work with Al Pacino would be his big break.
"What are you doing?" Monica glanced over, noticing that Joey, Phoebe, and Ross were all leaving while Chandler plopped down on the sofa with confidence.
"No rush," Chandler grinned. "You two showering and getting ready won't be done for an hour or two anyway, so I'd like to ask Chuck about the true nature of humor..."
Before he could finish, a pillow smacked him in the face.
Chandler caught it and was about to continue his joke when he met Monica's deadly glare. He immediately jumped up, hands half-raised in surrender, doing an exaggerated dance-walk toward the door with a smug grin.
That was his sense of humor!
Rachel burst out laughing.
Ever since Chuck and Monica's experimental relationship began, personal hygiene had become a running joke among the group. With other couples, only girlfriends complained about making their boyfriends brush their teeth. It was hard to imagine a boyfriend insisting his girlfriend brush her teeth—he'd probably have a death wish.
But with Chuck and Monica, not only did they discuss it openly, brushing teeth was just the beginning. Chuck's personal cleanliness checklist was incredibly detailed.
That's right!
Chuck had an actual written list for personal hygiene, which Rachel and the others had secretly seen when they snooped through Monica's things.
It was truly astounding.
Seeing Monica's willingness to accept all this, Rachel and the others couldn't help but think, "What goes around comes around."
Back in the day, Monica was the one with unbearably obsessive cleanliness habits. Phoebe, Monica's former roommate, couldn't stand it and chose to move back to her grandmother's apartment rather than room with Monica.
In American culture, adults moving back home with family was a last resort, which showed just how far Monica's OCD had pushed Phoebe.
But even someone as obsessive as Monica had now met Chuck, making those who were once "victimized by Monica's habits" feel sorry for her.
"Chandler, wait for me! I remember your mom brought something for you last time—let me check it out," Rachel, who had been laughing and sighing, met Monica's murderous gaze and immediately chased after Chandler.
This wasn't the first time Chuck had conducted an experiment here. After the initial gossip and curiosity, Rachel didn't want to stick around and feel uncomfortable anymore.
Seeing that everyone had tactfully left, Monica smiled with satisfaction and was about to head to the bathroom to get ready. She caught sight of Chuck removing his glasses and immediately called out, "Don't take them off—keep them on!"
(End of Chapter)
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