Chapter 186: Sheldon Heads to the North Pole
"I swear, I'm perfectly normal. I don't have any weird fetishes!" Howard protested during the drive back to Los Angeles.
"Really? So you admit you're gay then?" Leonard drove with a smirk on his face. "Those two tigers were both male."
"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," as the saying goes, meaning that the crazy stuff done in Las Vegas should stay there, separate from everyday life.
But that didn't stop everyone from talking about it on the way home.
Shortly after Ron found Leonard and Raj at Tyson's place, he cross-referenced the security footage from Tyson's house with the hotel's and discovered that the groom had returned to the hotel with them before disappearing.
As expected, he was probably still there. Using the mattress thrown from the roof as a clue, they quickly found the missing groom on the restricted rooftop access.
The poor guy had been dumped there by his buddies as a prank, but the little fat dealer had drugged their drinks, making them forget the whole incident.
The unfortunate groom's skin was sunburned red as a Maine lobster.
Luckily, they still had enough time to get back for the wedding. Of course, they had invited Ron and his group, but the three socially awkward scientists declined.
Really, after all the wild partying the night before, Ron was a bit taken aback by how quickly they sobered up and immediately turned into good boys.
"No, of course I'm not gay. I told you, it was the drugs," Howard continued to protest.
Ron's final explanation for their blackout was that their hotel's previous guest was a junkie who, to avoid detection, had hidden drugs in a water bottle, and the four of them had drunk from it - pure coincidence.
Of course, Paige didn't buy that story.
Standing by the window of the faculty housing, Paige stomped her feet in anger as she watched Ron leave: "Damn you guys, if you hadn't gotten in the way..."
"Leonard, were you really going to pool your money to get me a hooker yesterday?" Howard patted the seat in front of him: "What did she look like?"
"Very hot. Raj said she was your type. Wait! You really don't care what her profession was..." Leonard turned around in surprise.
"Watch the road! Leonard." Ron quickly grabbed the steering wheel to avoid a potential car wreck.
"I can't thank you enough for getting to spend an amazing night with a woman for free!" Howard said excitedly: "What a shame! What a damn shame!"
Howard's expression became completely blissful. God knows what he was imagining - all kinds of X-rated scenarios from the night he missed.
"Even though I don't remember what happened, being able to do the same thing as my best friend Howard and compete with him, I really feel like our friendship has reached a whole new level," Raj said with satisfaction. As he spoke, his hand unconsciously clasped Howard's.
Two big question marks appeared over Ron and Leonard's heads simultaneously. There was definitely something wrong with these two!
Speaking of which, there were cliques within their group of four, though they weren't the backstabbing kind, but rather the close-and-distant kind.
Raj and Howard had a tighter relationship, while Sheldon and Leonard, as roommates, naturally spent more time together than the other two. Amazingly, after Ron joined the group, he managed to maintain the balance.
Ron was Sheldon's older brother, but beyond the necessary family ties, he mostly played harmless pranks on Sheldon.
Like using his toothbrush to clean his shoes or putting his hand in warm water after he fell asleep (classic bedwetting prank).
On the other hand, Ron was tight with Howard because of weapons research. Despite having only a master's degree and being mocked by Sheldon as a "space janitor," everyone acknowledged him as Caltech's best engineer.
Otherwise, he wouldn't have been assigned to design the International Space Station's equipment bays, let alone have unrestricted access to the mission control room operating the Mars rover.
Think about it - if Howard's skills weren't universally recognized, how could any of this be possible?
As for Raj, despite coming from money and looking like a spoiled rich kid, his intelligence is genuinely remarkable. Most of the time, whenever Sheldon has a new theory, Raj is the first to jump on board.
Meanwhile, Ron's thoughts usually focus on how to contact Sheldon's home planet and send his alien brother back where he belongs.
As for Leonard, Sheldon's choice of him as a roommate speaks to his intelligence, despite Sheldon constantly complaining that Leonard's research lacks originality and just piggybacks off others' breakthroughs.
But doesn't successfully building on someone else's research require talent too? Besides, he often sparks new ideas in Sheldon.
It's no wonder that Sheldon and his four-man team represent one of Caltech's most elite scientific research units. That's why Sheldon called them to his apartment as soon as they got back.
"Hey, I got a weird email yesterday," Sheldon announced. Howard and Raj immediately stared at Ron nervously. Could this be footage of their super-friendly encounter with the male tigers?
With Ron's twisted sense of humor, it was totally possible!
Fortunately, Sheldon's next words made them relax: "The university president asked me to meet him in his office at eight o'clock this morning."
"I'm guessing you went to bug him last night, right?" Ron grabbed a bottle of water and settled back on the couch.
"Of course. It must have been urgent for him to schedule a meeting at 8 a.m. the next morning. Everyone knows breakfast is at 8 a.m., and digestion begins at 8:20 a.m. In the 16 hours between getting the email and the meeting, I was like a Heisenberg particle.
I could only know my position or my momentum, but not both simultaneously. How could I stand it? These nagging thoughts kept racing through my mind."
"Yeah, I know exactly how that feels," Leonard said pointedly, glancing at Ron.
"I'm betting you lasted until 2 a.m. at most before knocking on the university president's door, right? I'm guessing he asked you what time it was?" Ron predicted, based on his knowledge of Sheldon's past behavior.
"Yeah, I don't get it either. Why does everyone keep asking me the time? Don't they have watches?" Sheldon asked in confusion, clearly surprised that Ron had nailed the situation.
Leonard jumped in, "Everyone? Who else?"
"The president's wife, and his pissed-off teenage daughter. Their whole family was really interested in knowing what time it was."
Raj looked puzzled. "Ron, I heard you Texans are tough. How did Sheldon survive growing up there?"
Ron rolled his eyes. "How else do you think I learned my combat skills and marksmanship? Without my protection, this kid would've spent his high school years stuffed in a locker."
"Hey, I was already a respected scientist in high school! Everyone in town loved me," Sheldon protested indignantly.
"That's why the dunk tank booth at the county fair was so popular whenever you volunteered. Pretty much the whole town lined up to take shots."
"Dunk tank? What's that?" Raj asked.
Ron explained, "A person sits on a platform over a water tank, and people throw baseballs at a target. Hit the bullseye, and the person falls into the water."
"If Sheldon ever volunteers for that again, I'd blow a month's salary just to throw those baseballs, just to watch him splash into that tank." Leonard grinned ear to ear imagining Sheldon getting dunked.
"Everyone in town felt the same way, so that one booth alone raised more money for the church than all the other booths combined. If his mom hadn't stopped his twin sister Missy from participating, she would've blown her entire allowance," Ron shrugged.
"Hey, Ron, let's get to the point!" Sheldon steered the conversation back on track: "Remember my application to the National Science Foundation to go to the Arctic and search for slow magnetic monopoles?"
"Yeah."
"A spot on the Foundation's Arctic expedition team just opened up."
"Wait," Leonard said, his eyes widening. "You mean the president wants you to join the Arctic expedition?"
"Exactly, and he was very enthusiastic about it. He said," Sheldon beamed with pride, "To be honest, I can't wait to ship you off to the Arctic tonight."
"That figures," Ron sneered. "I bet he wants to send you up there with nothing but a tank top to keep you warm, so you'll stay there forever and never bother him again."
"Sheldon, that's the Arctic. Are you sure you really want to go? I'd be worried about you," Leonard said with concern, though his eyes were practically squinting from trying not to smile.
"Yes, I've agreed to go." Sheldon nodded.
"YES!" Howard and Raj jumped up excitedly and chest-bumped. "We can finally have a summer without Sheldon!"
Howard: "We can actually go outside and do stuff!"
Raj: "Best part is, we can sit anywhere we want on the couch."
Leonard: "I can even take a dump whenever I want, without checking some ridiculous bathroom schedule!"
Ron covered his face in embarrassment. "How pathetic are you guys? Getting this excited over such basic freedoms?"
"Thanks, but don't celebrate just yet," Sheldon interrupted.
"I've got a bad feeling about this." Indians have sharp intuition, because Sheldon's next words hit them like a freight train.
"I formally invite you all to join me on this incredible Arctic expedition."
"Aw man~" Raj groaned in disappointment. "Are you worried we'll mess with your stuff while you're gone?"
"I admit I have those concerns," Sheldon nodded. "But more importantly, I need a team to assist me, and you three are the perfect candidates."
"Hahaha, good luck with that, boys~" Ron gloated.
"The Arctic has brutal weather and polar bears - isn't it too dangerous?"
"Don't worry about our safety. The expedition team promised to provide us with top-notch security personnel to accompany us."
Now Ron was the one feeling uneasy. Sheldon's eyes hadn't left him when he said this, making him squirm. "Wait, when you say security personnel, you're talking about me, aren't you?"
"Exactly, I recommended you to them, Ron. No need to thank me."
Thank your ass!
Ron was so pissed he wanted to curse. If they weren't brothers sharing the same grandmother, he definitely would have.
"Ring ring~" Ron's phone rang at the perfect moment. It was the transfer order Sheldon had mentioned. Fortunately, the order was just an inquiry, not a mandatory assignment.
After all, this was a major scientific project with the potential to prove string theory, and the feds were interested. Planting agents among scientists was standard operating procedure.
It wasn't about targeting the scientists themselves, but ensuring no foreign spies could steal the research results. Who knew what groundbreaking discoveries these eggheads might ultimately make?
The last time America pulled off a major reversal and became the world's leading scientific superpower was when it poached scientists from Nazi Germany during World War II. That single move allowed a second-tier technological nation to hop aboard the nuclear express and become the world's dominant scientific force.
"I can step out for a moment and give you guys time to discuss whether you want to participate," Sheldon said, running back to his room and shutting the door.
"We're not seriously going to the North Pole with him, are we?" Howard was first to object.
Leonard was tempted: "Think about it - this is a national research project. How can we turn it down?"
"No, it's not that we don't want to participate in a national research project, it's that we don't want to spend three months trapped in the Arctic Circle with a maniac!"
"Yeah, I feel the same way. Even though he's my brother, I'm afraid I'll end up strangling him with his own intestines while he's rambling on. My parents would be devastated," Ron said with a conflicted expression.
He was Sheldon's brother, and protecting this troublesome sibling was the right thing to do, but that didn't mean he could actually survive being alone with Sheldon for three months.
He'd probably murder Sheldon before Howard could even make his move.
Leonard tried to persuade them: "Howard, this is a major research project. Imagine if we succeed - we could be on the cover of Scientific American!"
"Or maybe I could fashion a crossbow and take him out."
"Either way, you'd still make the cover."
(End of chapter)
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