Chapter 278: The Cronut Dealer and Amy
"Besides your cupcakes, I don't really eat other desserts," Ron said, staring at Max's most attractive features while lying without blinking.
Just as Ron was about to engage in some unnecessary activities while Caroline was away, the door opened and Caroline returned. They quickly composed themselves and stood up straight.
"Max, Max, the cronut guy will be here soon. When he arrives, we'll play good cop, bad cop... Hi, Ron, long time no see!" Caroline said halfway before realizing Ron was there too.
"Long time no see. What were you saying about good cop, bad cop? I'm not familiar with the pastry business. Has this industry become so cutthroat that you need police interrogation tactics to negotiate with customers?"
Caroline explained hurriedly: "Of course not! I contacted a scalper selling cronuts on the black market. He'll be here soon. I asked for ten cronuts, and he's charging me $250."
Max: "That's when I get angry and play bad cop."
"This time I'll play good cop to mediate, and hopefully negotiate the price down to $200," Caroline added, then raised her chin proudly as if to say 'praise me.'
Ron was completely baffled by these two beautiful women's naivety. "I don't know what this cronut thing is, but I'm guessing it's not actual contraband like drugs or weapons, right? So why are you using methods meant for dealing with actual criminals?"
"Then what should we do? I only have two hundred dollars," Caroline said helplessly, waving two hundred-dollar bills in front of Ron. "We're not spending any more of your money. We already owe you too much."
When Caroline had first fallen on hard times, there were wealthy men willing to support her and provide a similar lifestyle, with the condition that she become their trophy girlfriend.
But she had refused—a woman with serious self-respect.
"No, I'm not paying this time. As a veteran federal agent, I'm happy to teach two rookies a lesson. Want to learn?" Ron winked mischievously.
"No way! I've always wanted to try playing tough cop or crime boss. You absolutely cannot steal my moment!" Max flatly refused.
Ron had no choice but to agree: "Fine, but if you need backup, just signal me and I'll play my part."
Ten minutes later, rhythmic tapping came from the bakery window. Caroline, getting the signal, opened the door. Ron remained hidden behind it, unaware there was another person in the room besides the two women.
"Quick transaction, you're not the only ones who want my premium goods," the dealer announced as he entered.
The word "goods" is often used as street slang for things having nothing to do with pastries. Caroline looked confused. "You mean cronuts?"
"Of course, my specialty is the real deal."
Caroline rolled her eyes. "Okay, let me see the merchandise."
The dealer immediately began reaching for his belt.
"Hey, she's talking about pastries," Max interrupted impatiently.
"Why didn't you say so?" The dealer straightened up and opened his box, revealing ten beautifully crafted cronuts.
"Let me sample the product." Max, channeling her inner crime lord, reached out and pinched a small piece, tasting it. She put on the expression of a dealer inspecting quality goods. "This is the pure stuff. What's your price for ten?"
Ron rolled his eyes. These were just trendy pastries—was it really necessary to treat this like a drug deal?
"I quoted $250, but..."
"Bullshit!" Max rudely interrupted before he could finish. "$150. Take it or leave it, buddy!"
Ron knew it was his cue. He stepped out from behind the door, flexing his muscles and striking an intimidating pose.
It looked absolutely ridiculous.
Even so, the dealer was visibly nervous. Caroline, playing peacemaker, stepped in to mediate: "Okay, everyone calm down. $150 is really too low. How about this: you both compromise and settle for $200?"
"There's been crazy demand for these things tonight. I..." The dealer was about to say he needed to raise the price, but when he saw Ron cracking his knuckles menacingly, he wisely swallowed his words.
"Actually, we can negotiate this much more simply," Ron said, pulling out his phone and opening a fake "Federal Agent Badge" app he'd downloaded as a joke. He deliberately let the dealer see the screen.
Then he pulled out his wallet, revealing his actual IRS credentials. The dealer stared in horror as Ron handed the badge to Max.
"Come on, Max darling, show him this. That's right."
Max, encouraged by Ron, quickly learned and, like a mob boss, waved the badge at the terrified dealer. "What's next? Are we going to audit his taxes?"
"Yes, but we can make it more interesting," Ron said with a friendly smile, turning to the dealer. "Listen, pal, you want to make money, and we want to save money, so here's the deal."
"Starting bid for this box of cronuts is $20. Every time Max mentions the word 'audit,' the price increases by $50 until you get a price you're satisfied with. Sound fair?"
The dealer was speechless and could only nod fearfully.
"Don't be so resistant. The IRS is very thorough with business income investigations. If you accept $200, you can leave here with a fair deal and no paperwork."
Ron said these bureaucratic words in the most friendly tone possible.
Was Ron targeting him specifically?
Of course he was!
From the moment the dealer entered, Ron could smell strong marijuana odor. This guy was definitely dealing more than just pastries, and he'd been disrespectful to his girlfriend. Ron had to teach him a lesson using perfectly legal intimidation.
Caroline was worried but knew Ron was always measured, so she didn't intervene. She just couldn't understand why Max was so enthusiastic.
Max didn't stop Ron but instead excitedly encouraged him: "What are we waiting for? Ron, let's get started!"
"Okay!" Ron mimicked an auctioneer's tone. "One box of cronuts, starting price $20, starting now!"
"Audit!" Max called out cheerfully.
"Congratulations, sir. Your cronuts are now worth $200. Would you like to negotiate further?" Ron smiled pleasantly.
The dealer immediately let out a panicked yelp.
"No! I'll sell! I'll take the $200!"
The dealer dropped the cronuts, grabbed the money, and ran. After he left, Ron put away his phone, revealing it had just been showing a downloaded prank app the whole time.
(End of chapter)
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