Chapter 277: Cronut Craze
As soon as they got back to the apartment, Sheldon said goodnight and retreated to his bedroom. Without any disruption to his routine, Sheldon's biological clock was more precise than a Swiss timepiece. Within minutes, the sound of his rhythmic snoring drifted from the bedroom.
"Leonard, the only way you're going to get over Penny having a new boyfriend is to find yourself a new girlfriend," Raj offered his questionable wisdom while packing up the laser equipment.
Howard, suddenly fascinated by the topic, jumped in with his own insight: "He's absolutely right. If you want, I could introduce you to this amazing new dating app I discovered."
But Leonard wasn't interested: "No thanks."
"Are you sure? They guarantee to match you with someone compatible."
"Did they match you with anyone?"
"Tons. Eight dates last month," Howard bragged. "If you count the women who bolted the second they saw me in person, that's a solid twelve!"
Ron looked skeptical. "Hold up, Howard—don't you have a girlfriend? What happened with you and Bernadette? Did you get the boot too?"
Ron realized he'd missed quite a lot during his extended Chicago mission.
"How could that be?!" Howard protested, clearly deflecting. "It's just... you know, a free spirit like me would never limit himself to just one woman when there's a whole world of possibilities out there."
"So yeah, you got dumped," Ron concluded.
"Hey, we're discussing Leonard's situation here, okay Ron? You know so many women—haven't you ever considered setting up your friends?"
Howard desperately tried to change the subject. Instantly, three pairs of hopeful eyes locked onto Ron.
Ron shrugged. "Look, I don't have any female friends I'm planning to introduce right now. Or if you don't mind potentially breaking federal law, you could ask my niece Alex. She's at academic summer camp, surrounded by plenty of smart girls her age."
Even though America's age of consent laws vary by state, federal protections for minors are taken very seriously.
Howard and Raj, both immediately horrified, abandoned that tempting but illegal notion. Leonard had never held much hope anyway.
"I'm not looking for a rebound relationship right now. You two should just mind your own business, or find some other hobby if you're that bored. I'm going to bed. Goodnight, everyone."
Leonard shuffled off dejectedly. Zack had dealt him a serious psychological blow tonight. If past patterns held, his pillow would be soaked with tears by morning.
"You know what could be entertaining?" Raj said conspiratorially. "What if we used that dating site to find Sheldon a girlfriend?"
"Forget it," Howard said, nervously glancing at Ron's expression, relieved to see nothing alarming there.
Raj, however, was still testing the waters. "Think about it—we could treat this like a scientific experiment, like finding a mate for a socially awkward mad scientist?"
Howard frantically gestured for Raj to notice Ron's presence, but the oblivious Indian only grew more animated.
"Frankenstein didn't find a wife; he attempted to create one from corpse parts," Ron finally interjected. "But I'm actually curious about your proposal. You should try it. If it works, it'll be nothing short of miraculous."
The mental image of a rigid, antiquated scientist like Sheldon paired with a young woman would be pure comedy gold.
Wait—Ron suddenly became alert. Could this be how Sheldon and Amy were destined to meet?
He asked cautiously, "What's your game plan?"
"First, we create a profile using Sheldon's personal information on the dating site, assuming you're okay with that."
"Absolutely," Ron nodded.
"Then we answer all the compatibility questions using Sheldon's typical responses and speech patterns..."
Halfway through the explanation, with Ron's tacit approval, Raj began crafting an elaborate matchmaking scheme specifically designed for Sheldon. After observing for a while, Ron grew bored and headed to his room for the night.
But tonight was destined to be anything but peaceful.
Ron was jolted half-awake by what sounded like a rodeo happening in the apartment across the hall. The enthusiastic vocalizations were so loud they echoed throughout the entire building, instantly destroying any chance of sleep.
Ron checked his phone. It was just past one AM, and based on previous experience, the noise would continue for roughly two hours.
It wasn't Leonard's endurance causing the marathon session, but rather Penny's experienced enthusiasm, which filled even the intermissions with solo entertainment.
Ron simply got dressed and decided to take a late-night walk.
Los Angeles nightlife was just hitting its stride, and the Williamsburg diner where the two sisters worked was still serving customers.
He hadn't seen the girls since returning from Chicago; they'd been swamped with work.
After the business boom following that rock star's death, the small cupcake shop had finally stabilized into steady success.
However, when Ron arrived at Max's bakery, he noticed something different from his last visit.
"Long time no see, gorgeous," Ron didn't bother hiding his feelings when Caroline was absent. He wrapped his arms around Max's waist from behind and asked, "Where'd you get this beautiful espresso machine?"
"Oleg hooked us up. Hey! Ron, be careful—Caroline could walk in any second." Max warned him to be cautious, but she honestly turned around and kissed him passionately anyway.
After a long moment, they broke apart: "Where's Caroline? Why isn't she working tonight?"
"She went to grab some pastries. There's this incredibly popular cronut that's all over social media lately. Have you heard about it?"
(End of chapter)
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