Soren lay there, his eyes closed as he tried to rest.
But every time he did so, he saw them.
The faces of the people he failed to save.
They flickered across his mind like dying embers, each one a reminder that he was still alive and they were not.
He wished he could have done something, anything, but it was already too late.
Even though he had acted in the fight, even though his body still remembered his desperate stand, he wasn't sure if he had done anything meaningful.
Alex would have found a way to survive, just as Olivia would have.
That was how the story was meant to go.
Even Felix, a character from the game, likely would have survived, as he had proved himself resourceful enough.
So where did that leave him?
Had he changed anything?
Or had he only dragged them down, adding scars to their memories?
Thoughts such as these invaded his mind frequently ever since Olivia's incantation wore off.
The silence in the private room was suffocating.
It was while he was dealing with these thoughts that the Infirmary door swung open.
As it was still nighttime, visitors were usually not allowed, yet someone was still there.
Soren's eyes shifted to the door.
Standing there in the doorway wasn't one or two figures; however, it was three.
And they were all familiar.
"Soren?" A quiet voice whispered.
"I'm here," he replied hoarsely.
It seemed the figures were trying to stay quiet on the off chance that Soren was still sleeping, as the moment they heard a response, they ran over towards him.
It was only then that they came into sight.
Olivia, Alex & Felix.
The other three survivors of Murmur's attack.
"Are you holding up?" Felix asked first.
Soren checked his body, flexing his fingers and shifting under the blanket.
"Seems like it," he said flatly.
Besides a few scratches around his neck that he had made while thrashing in his sleep, his body was in near-perfect condition.
"That's good." Olivia exhaled in relief. "By the way, where are the priests?"
"No clue, I've been awake for a couple of hours and I haven't seen a single one."
"If I had to guess," Alex cut in, "they're probably running around healing all the other students. The professors said that there were… a lot of injuries."
"Ah, I guess that makes sense," Felix nodded.
"So, what happened after I passed out?" Soren asked after a moment.
Alex scratched the back of his neck.
"Well, to be honest, I didn't stay standing much longer either, but from what I remember… a group of professors found us not too long after we killed the demon. After that, I woke up in a room like this."
"Same," Felix said.
"Me too," Olivia added quietly.
It seemed none of them remembered much past the fight.
All of them had collapsed, emptied of mana, divine power or stamina.
"So," Felix went on, "I snuck out, and ran into these two creeping through the hall. So we figured we'd come say hello."
Soren blinked.
"You sneaked out? Why?"
Felix grinned faintly.
"I wasn't going to leave you brooding alone in here, was I?"
Brooding.
The word stung, but he forced a small smile in return.
Soren suddenly remembered that there was another person in Alex's group who had survived, so he asked, curious as to what had happened.
"Wasn't there someone else in your group?" Soren asked after a pause. "Another magician?"
Olivia's face fell slightly, and Alex lowered his gaze.
"Dead," Felix said at last.
Soren's chest tightened.
He didn't even know the boy's name.
For a moment, the guilt within him pressed heavier than before.
"...Sorry," he muttered, though not even he was sure who he was apologising to.
No one answered.
The silence lingered before Alex broke it.
"Anyway, Principal Ibrahim made an announcement earlier. Classes are cancelled for the next few days."
"Figures," Felix muttered. "They're probably scrambling after this mess. But honestly… a break sounds good."
Olivia nodded faintly.
"I… agree."
They all seemed relieved to have survived, even if weary.
Yet Soren couldn't mirror them.
Every word they spoke only made the guilt inside him twist tighter.
Even when he had acted, even when he had fought…
He wasn't sure if he deserved his place next to them.
The thought must have shown on his face, because Olivia leaned closer, her eyes endlessly gentle.
"You did well, Soren," she said softly.
He was startled for a moment.
She smiled faintly, though her hands gripped her gown tightly in her lap.
"If it weren't for you, I…" She didn't finish.
Felix chimed in, trying to sound casual.
"Whatever that [Shockwave] thing was, it was scary, but it saved my life."
"And don't forget that you were the one who exposed Murmur's stealth. That's what let us win." Alex added.
Their voices echoed in the quiet room, like three small lights trying to push back the dark.
Soren wanted to believe them.
But deep inside, a voice whispered that they were wrong.
That they would have survived without him.
That all he had done was bleed, scream, cry, and barely hold it together.
His lips curved into a strained smile.
"Thanks," he said, though his heart wasn't convinced.
The others didn't push him further.
Felix still felt guilty about shouting at Soren during the fight, and the other two didn't see themselves as close enough to be able to help.
They knew he was still carrying wounds, and that they weren't visible, but they didn't believe themselves to be the right people to heal them.
For a while, the four of them sat together in the dim room, only the faint sound of footsteps in the hallway and the occasional creak of a chair when someone shifted.
The quiet should have been peaceful, but for Soren it was unbearable.
His mind kept dragging him back to that suffocating corridor.
To the blood.
To the laughter.
His neck throbbed; he could still feel the hands that grabbed at him in his nightmare.
Felix leaned back with a sigh, crossing his arms behind his head.
"You know," he muttered, "I thought we were done for. For the first time in my life, I was sure that was it."
His tone was light, almost joking, but his voice cracked in the middle, revealing the truth.
Olivia looked at Felix curiously, as if wondering where he was going with it, before Alex opened his mouth.
"It wasn't the first time for me…" Alex paused for a moment. "But honestly, I'm still not sure how we're all still here."
Soren swallowed, his throat dry.
Soren wanted to answer, to tell him that it was because of him, because he is the Hero, but the words were caught on his tongue.
His mind instead remembered the two members of Alex's team who had died, the warriors' desperate dash towards his team, and the magician who had fought desperately.
Soren didn't remember either of their names; he had never even spoken to either of them.
"You three…" he said hoarsely, "you'd have found a way… with or without me."
Olivia shook her head.
"That's not true,"
Her voice was firmer, the gentleness from the earlier encouragement gone.
"You think we could've done that without you? That we'd still be here?" Her eyes gleamed in the faint light, her gaze steady and unwavering. "You don't give yourself enough credit."
Soren flinched at the conviction in her tone.
He wanted to believe her, but he couldn't silence the voice that told him he had just been lucky, or worse, a burden.
He lowered his gaze, staring hard at his palms.
The faint callouses that had begun forming from his repeated training were there, but they were so small that they made his effort seem meaningless compared to those around him.
Felix stretched and forced a grin.
"Well, whether you believe it or not, I'm glad you were there. Honestly, I thought you were gonna collapse. Sorry for being rough, but in the end, you stood your ground. That counts for something."
Alex nodded in agreement.
"You fought with us. That's all that matters."
The words filled with warmth wrapped around him like a blanket, but he couldn't quite pull it over his shoulders.
He gave another strained smile, the kind that didn't reach his eyes.
"...Right."
The others seemed to sense that no matter what they said, it wouldn't matter right now, so instead they shifted the topic.
Felix leaned forward on his knees.
"Hey, Alex, tell him what you told me earlier."
"About what?"
"You know? The professor's reactions."
"Oh, right."
A smile appeared on Alex's face as he began recounting what he had seen earlier.
"Before I said that the professors rushed over not long before I passed out. So I happened to see some of their reactions."
Felix butted in, a grin plastered across his face.
"This guy said that none of the professors could believe it. That students had killed one of the Seventy-Two Demons."
Then Alex responded to Felix's words with slight annoyance.
"That's because it wasn't supposed to happen. We were supposed to run or hold out, not fight…"
"Yeah, but the demon's still dead?" Felix interrupted, smirking.
Olivia stayed quiet, her fingers folded neatly in her lap, though her expression was slightly clouded.
"...We're alive. That's what matters."
Her words landed heavily in the room.
The silence that followed made Soren's chest tighten once more.
His mouth moved to speak, to correct her.
That not all of them were alive.
That there was blood on his hands.
But instead, he closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe in and out.
The minutes ticked by, and eventually Felix began rambling about whatever came to mind.
His voice was deliberately loud to fill the space.
Olivia kept telling him to quiet down, while Alex occasionally smiled at them.
For a while, Soren just listened, letting their voices fill his mind.
It felt normal.
And yet, every time their laughter flickered, he saw the shadows behind it.
He saw Murmur, his deep, violet eyes curled into crescents as he mocked him.
He tried to push it down, tried to focus on the warmth of company, but the guilt continued to cling to his very being.
Eventually, Felix yawned loudly, stretching his tired body.
"Alright. I think we've pushed our luck enough. I need some sleep."
"He's right. We should go." Alex said as he stood up.
Olivia lingered, her eyes remaining fixed on Soren.
For a moment, she looked as though she wanted to say more.
To ask.
To push.
But instead, she just smiled softly, rising to her feet.
"Try to get some rest, Soren."
"I'll… try," he murmured.
The three of them headed for the door, their footsteps echoing in the quiet room.
Before leaving, Felix glanced back with a slight grin.
"Don't brood too much, alright? Let's get something to eat when you're up tomorrow."
Soren huffed faintly, though his lips twitched upward.
"Sure."
When the door shut, the silence returned.
The room was still.
Only the faint glow of the moonlight lit the room, casting a pale blue light on the walls.
Soren stared at the ceiling, letting the stillness sink into him.
The warmth of their presence lingered, but so did the shadows.
He exhaled shakily, running a hand over his face.
Even when surrounded by light, the dark never left.
————「❤︎」————