The night dragged on, each hour stretching into the next.
Soren lay on his side, his eyes refusing to close for more than a few moments.
Every time they did, the faces returned, accusing and unrelenting.
His chest tightened until he forced himself awake, gasping for air in the darkness.
By the time dawn bled through the infirmary windows, he hadn't slept at all.
He sat upright, the blanket spread out across his legs, staring at the faint shimmer of magic flickering in his palm.
It was the only thing keeping his mind steady.
The glow gave him something to hold onto, something he could focus on to keep his thoughts away from his memories.
He thought of the fight, of Olivia's light anchoring him, of the moment he had managed to let go, even momentarily.
For a second, he believed he had shaken free of the weight that haunted him, but now, in the quiet aftermath, that hope felt fragile.
The nightmare had proven it.
When the door to the room opened, he flinched in surprise, snuffing the light in his palm.
"...You're awake."
A soft, familiar voice cut through the silence.
Soren turned his head.
Standing there was Lilliana, her pink hair slightly tousled, and her small bear ears twitching as she stepped into the space.
In her arm was a small basket of fruit, likely from her own garden.
"Sorry, I came as fast as I could," she said quietly, setting down the basket on the side table. "You haven't slept at all, have you?"
Soren shook his head.
"I couldn't."
Her lime-green eyes studied him for a moment.
Then she sighed, pulling up a chair and taking a seat at his bedside.
"You know… I've always thought that you look fragile. Like you're going to break at any moment."
Soren wore a strained smile; he had no response to her words.
Lilliana folded her arms and leaned back slightly.
"Did you have a nightmare?"
Soren hesitated.
His hand trembled slightly as he stared at the blanket covering his lap.
"...Yes."
"Remember our promise?" Lilliana's voice was gentle.
He nodded.
"...During the fight against Murmur, I was able to act, able to fight. I thought I'd moved on." His throat caught. "...But I haven't."
Lilliana's expression softened.
She reached out, gently brushing her fingers across his hair.
"I don't know how much you've been through. I only know what you told us the other night, but… Ren, you don't have to move on," she said. "Not completely."
Soren blinked.
"It seems like you think that you have to forget about them," she continued, "but you don't. You can carry them with you without letting those memories break you."
Her ears drooped slightly.
"I know it hurts, trust me, I do, but the fact that you're even here right now, lying in that bed, speaking to me? That means you're stronger than you think."
Her words lingered in the quiet room.
Soren found his chest tightening once more, but this time it wasn't the same suffocating guilt.
It was something different.
Warmth.
But he struggled to accept it.
"...I don't know," he whispered.
Lilliana's hand lingered against his hair for a moment before retreating.
She tilted her head slightly, her small smile returning.
"You don't have to know," she said softly. "Not right away. Healing isn't something you can rush through."
Soren's eyes lowered again.
"But every time I close my eyes, I see them. I can't sleep, I can't… breathe. I fought for them, I really did…" He clenched the blanket in his fists. "But, I don't want to mess up anymore."
Lilliana leaned forward, her gaze locking with his.
"Ren, you didn't mess up. I heard how well you did. If it wasn't for you, then things could have gone much worse. You fought for everyone, even when you could have stayed back. That was you."
Her conviction left him quiet.
"But still… Lyra died. So did Yuli…"
"That wasn't your fault, though. You did your best."
"I still feel guilty…" Soren murmured.
"And you'll probably always feel that way." Lilliana's tone was blunt, but her eyes as she spoke were soft. "But guilt doesn't erase what you can still do. You can still help people, even while those thoughts gnaw at you. You already proved that."
He looked at her, uncertainty evident on his face.
"Ren," she said, placing her hand over his. "Don't wait for the guilt to go away before you move forward. Take it with you and…" Lilliana brushed her fingers over his hand. "Let me help you."
The silence that followed was heavier than before, but it no longer held the suffocating weight it once had.
Soren felt the pressure in his chest loosen, just slightly, enough to let him breathe.
"...Alright," he said at last.
His voice was quiet and held some uncertainty, but something else was also felt.
Resolve.
Even if it was only a small amount, it was still there.
Lilliana's smile bloomed, her freckles bright in the morning light.
"Good boy. Now eat, I'm sure you're hungry."
She picked up an apple from the basket, peeling it with a knife before holding it out toward him.
Her ears twitched slightly with a kind of innocent eagerness, and for a moment, she looked more like an overexcited teenager than the dignified professor she tried to be.
Soren hesitated, then took the fruit.
As their fingers brushed, he felt a small warmth crawl up the back of his neck.
He realised it then, somewhat uncomfortably.
Ever since that drunken morning, he had started to look at her differently, even if only slightly.
Not as the responsible "Miss Rose" who guided him through blood lessons, nor as the friend "Lily" who was reliable, yet let him act comfortably.
Instead, he saw her as a woman.
A small, vibrant and overwhelmingly earnest woman.
Lilliana tilted her head, catching the faint colour on his cheeks.
"What's with that face?"
Soren pulled his free hand to his face and felt it; his cheeks were warm.
He didn't understand what was going on.
And yet, he still found himself smiling despite the heaviness in his chest.
The tension, which had been serious until now, broke under his warm smile.
The weight in the air lifted, replaced with a gentle silence.
After he had finished the apple that Lilliana had handed him, she tugged the blanket back up around his shoulders with surprising care before gently pushing Soren's head to the pillow.
"You need sleep, Ren."
"I can't," he said softly. "Every time I try… I have nightmares…"
She didn't flinch at the admission; instead, she wore a faint smile, happy that he was being honest.
Lilliana reached forward, taking his soft hand into both of hers.
Her small palms were warm, and her grip was pleasant.
"Then I'll stay," she said simply, her voice resolute. "As long as I'm here, you don't need to be afraid."
Soren froze.
Her hands were far smaller than his, but they anchored him all the same.
"I… I don't want to waste your time."
She puffed out her cheeks slightly and furrowed her brow.
"Ren, don't say things like that. My time is mine to waste. And right now, I'm choosing to waste it on you."
The words were ridiculous, her delivery dramatic, reminding him of Esper, and yet, her grip didn't loosen.
Soren swallowed, feeling his chest tighten once again, but this time, it was from something other than guilt.
Her ears twitched when she noticed him staring, and she quickly averted her gaze, squeezing his hand once more.
"Just… close your eyes. I'll be here."
Her words may as well have been a lullaby to his tired mind.
For the first time since the nightmare, his eyelids grew heavy.
The fear still lurked, but their joined hands calmed him.
He breathed out slowly.
"...Alright."
"Good boy," she whispered again, her warm fingers stroking his own.
His last sight before drifting off was the faint smile on her lips.
————「❤︎」————