World Coordinates: KonoSuba: God's Blessing on This Wonderful World!
Timeline: Six Months Before Satou Kazuma's Isekai Journey.
Location: Reincarnation Hall.
"You three are already dead, you know—"
Aqua, who had yet to reveal her true idiocy and thus still appeared somewhat dignified at first glance, sat smiling on her divine throne, gazing down at the trio standing in the magic circle with (seemingly) benevolent pity.
"Ohhh—"
Hisako let out an exclamation of wonder and instinctively took out her phone, aiming the camera at Aqua above and clicking away to take photos.
"Hisako, what are you doing?" Erina asked, both amused and exasperated.
"Huh? Because, Erina, look—" Hisako gave Erina an innocent look, then subtly pointed at Aqua, who was sitting on the divine throne with her ears perked up, clearly thinking, "Huh? What are they talking about? Why are they ignoring me?" yet stubbornly pretending not to care. She whispered, "That's the Aqua-sama, you know? It's like, a local landmark kind of feeling? Like the Hachiko statue at Shibuya Station—"
Locals might not think much of it, but if you're a tourist visiting from out of town, you'd at least take a photo with the Hachiko statue to prove you've been there, seen it, conquered it, right?
"Oh—"
Erina immediately had an epiphany and quickly pulled out her phone from her small bag, aiming the camera at Aqua and snapping a couple of photos.
Aqua: "???"
What's going on!? What's happening here? Why are these three, who are clearly dead and have just met the great, kind, intelligent, compassionate, and capable goddess that is me, reacting like this? Isn't this weird!?
Aqua's mind was in turmoil, but to maintain her character, she stubbornly sat on the divine throne, waiting with dignified restraint for Hayashi and the others to ask the first question—after all, unless they say something like, "What? I'm dead?" or "Where is this place?", she won't deliver her next line!
Hmph!
Don't underestimate a goddess's dignity, got it!?
While Aqua sat on the throne, engaging in a brain storm with an IQ of 2.5, Hayashi, overhearing Erina and Hisako's conversation, couldn't help but suggest, "You're doing it wrong—what you're doing now is like finally arriving at Shibuya Station and just taking a few photos of the Hachiko statue with your phone."
Hisako tilted her head. "Isn't that fine?"
Hayashi replied matter-of-factly, "Of course not! Don't you at least want to take a selfie with it and flash a peace sign or something?"
Huh, that… kinda makes sense?
Erina and Hisako exchanged glances. "But she's not the Hachiko statue. It's not like we can just take a photo with her whenever we want, right?"
"Come on, she might not be the Hachiko statue, but she is Aqua!" Hayashi raised an eyebrow at Erina and said, "Just wait, I'll go and con—ahem, negotiate with her."
You totally meant to say "con," didn't you?
Hayashi jogged up to Aqua's divine throne and, with an "astonished" expression, looked up at the blue-haired goddess—though the angle was great, she was sitting cross-legged, so he couldn't see anything—and "gasped" in "disbelief," saying, "Th-this dignified and beautiful appearance, this wise and profound gaze, this untouchable aura—you must be the Water Goddess Aqua, ranked number one on the Most Popular Goddesses list, right?"
"Eh?"
Aqua froze, her brain kicking into even higher gear—
"Damn? There's such a ranking? And I'm number one? Hiss! Am I really that awesome? Wait, no, the key point is—how did this dead human know my name? Huh? Could it be that my fame has already spread to Earth?
As expected of me!
Thinking this, Aqua almost had the impulse to transform into Kogoro Mori, sticking out her tongue while laughing uproariously—but no, she was a goddess, she had to maintain her image!
"Ahem, ahem!" Aqua cleared her throat and then said with a straight face, "I never expected that this goddess's reputation would be so... so showy... no... so illustrious... no, that's not it either..."
Hayashi, watching Aqua stammer, couldn't help but whisper a reminder, "Indeed, Goddess-sama's reputation is so illustrious, resounding like thunder. Anyone who hears your name can't help but exclaim—Aqua!"
"Hmph—"
Aqua was practically on the verge of turning into Pinocchio, her nose growing dozens of meters long. But the last shred of dignity she had as a goddess—mainly because people were watching below—kept her barely in check.
"You know so much about this goddess... are you a follower of the Axis Cult?"
"Of course! I've always wanted to meet Goddess-sama in person!"
Woo-hoo, this guy must be my devoted believer!
Aqua's ego began to inflate. She couldn't help but put her hands on her hips, a smug expression creeping onto her face as she said, "I never thought I'd run into one of my believers—what's your name?"
"I go by no other name—I am Hayashi Sora!"
"Then I'll call you Hayashi," Aqua said, her ego now at its peak as she crossed her legs and spoke with an air of superiority. "Little Hayashi, now that you've seen this goddess, do you have anything to say?"
Subtext: Quick, praise me, flatter me, say something nice!
If this were a true believer, they would probably weave a tapestry of compliments, showering Aqua with praise like the Milky Way descending from the heavens. But would Hayashi, who knew Aqua's true nature, indulge her?
Absolutely not.
"Yes, yes! Goddess Aqua, can I take a photo with you?"
"Huh?"
"If I end up in another world and meet followers of the Axis Cult, I can tell them I've personally seen the gentle, virtuous, beautiful, wise, and radiant goddess who could make fish sink and birds fall from the sky!"
"Mhm, mhm!"
"And if I don't meet any Axis Cult followers, I can still use this photo as proof that I've seen the goddess and know how great she is. Then, when I spread the faith, wouldn't it be twice as effective?"
"That makes sense!"
By now, Aqua was so dizzy from the flattery that she didn't have the brainpower left to consider one crucial detail—she had only told Hayashi and the others, "You're dead," but she hadn't yet mentioned the option of "retaining your memories and reincarnating in another world."
Truly...
As expected of Aqua (loudly)!
If he can spread the word for me, won't my followers increase even more? And then my monthly salary from the divine realm will go up too! The moment she thought about her rising wages, Aqua immediately waved her hand magnanimously and said, "Fine, come here! This gentle, virtuous, and wise goddess permits you to take a photo with me!"
Hayashi twitched the corner of his mouth, thinking, 'This idiot probably wanted to repeat what I just said but couldn't even remember a single idiom, huh?'
Do you even understand what it means to be the T0-level dumbass of the multiverse? (Tactical lean back.)
And so, under Hayashi's invitation, Erina and Hisako walked over to Aqua with expressions torn between laughter and tears, taking several photos with her—complete with filters and decorations, maximizing the cuteness factor.
Huh? You're asking about beauty filters?
What a joke! Do 2D beauties even need beauty filters? That wouldn't be a beauty filter—it'd be an uglifier!
"Want to take more?"
After several group photos, Aqua—who had somehow developed the air of a celebrity—said with lingering enthusiasm, "This goddess is feeling generous, so I'll grace you with a few more shots! Oh, and autographs too, if you want!"
Hayashi couldn't help but glance at Aqua. He suspected that if he secretly pulled out a contract—or even a slave agreement—she'd sign it without a second thought.
After all, in her mind, the three of them were her die-hard fans. And why would die-hard fans ever betray the goddess they worship?
'Still, better not do that—' Hayashi twitched his lips again. The only redeeming quality this goddess had was her looks. As for her personality? That was as nonexistent as the Ender Dragon's father.
Best leave her to the King of Perversion, Kazuma!
"That's enough. This phone's pretty old—can't store too many photos." Hayashi chuckled before swiftly changing the subject. "Oh, right! Goddess, you mentioned earlier that the three of us are dead. What's that about?"
"Ah... oh..." The sudden topic shift made Aqua's CPU immediately switch tasks. Scratching her head, she completely forgot about the photos and said, "This is the Reincarnation Shrine. Your presence here means you've died and received divine blessings—"
"Ooh, and then?"
"You have two choices: either reincarnate into another world with your memories and start anew, or go to a heavenly paradise and live out a peaceful, elderly retirement."
Here, Aqua's brain—smaller than a fingernail—somehow recalled her duties. After the basic explanation, she leaned in conspiratorially, as if sharing juicy gossip.
"Since you're my true believers, I'll let you in on a secret—heaven isn't as great as you think!
You'd just be souls without bodies, so aside from sunbathing, you can't do ~any~thing! Total torture!
But if you choose the other world, you get to live like RPG heroes—adventuring in a world of swords and magic, meeting new allies, saving war-torn lands, defeating the Demon King, and becoming legendary heroes who win the girl!
So? Tempted? Act now, and you'll get a special ability as a reincarnation bonus!"
It must be said, it was truly impressive that Aqua managed to memorize such a long script! Who knows how long she spent reciting it to commit it all to memory!
Well done, great goddess Aqua!
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