The peculiar convoy set off into the night, with Simu perched at the front of his supernatural locomotive like a proud conductor. Each ring of his copper bell sent the entire line of preserved corpses shuffling forward in perfect unison—ting, step, ting, step—creating a rhythm that was both eerie and oddly mesmerizing.
"Ingenious engineering," Gustave called out approvingly from his comfortable perch atop one of the clients. "Though I must say, the steering mechanism could use some refinement."
Indeed, whenever they encountered a bend in the mountain path, Simu had to dismount and manually rotate the lead corpse to face the new direction—a process that broke the smooth rhythm and required considerable physical effort.
"I'm working on improvements," Simu called back with a grin. "Perhaps a system of reins, or maybe bronze mirrors to redirect my spiritual commands around corners. The possibilities are endless!"
Lin Jiu simply shook his head at his junior brother's enthusiasm for adapting sacred techniques into transportation methods.
As midnight approached, their supernatural express entered a dense forest where twisted trees formed a canopy so thick that even moonlight struggled to penetrate. An unnatural mist began seeping up from the forest floor, carrying with it the acrid scent of decay and something far more sinister.
"Junior Brother," Lin Jiu called out sharply, his trained senses immediately recognizing the danger, "this place reeks of malevolent energy. We should proceed with extreme caution."
"Bah!" Simu waved dismissively without even turning around. "Senior Brother, what's there to fear? Between the two of us, plus Brother Gustave here, what mere ghost would dare cause trouble? Unless we're talking about a thousand-year-old Demon King, nothing in these woods poses a real threat."
His confidence wasn't entirely misplaced. Both brothers were accomplished Maoshan disciples with powerful ancestral backing, and while Simu didn't know the full extent of Gustave's abilities, he'd witnessed enough to know the French chef was no ordinary human.
"Besides," Simu continued cheerfully, "most ancient spirits know better than to antagonize authentic Maoshan practitioners. Our ancestors don't appreciate interference with their legitimate descendants."
Lin Jiu could only sigh at his junior brother's cavalier attitude. He remained alert, constantly scanning the mist-shrouded trees for signs of supernatural ambush, while Simu continued ringing his bell with carefree enthusiasm.
To Lin Jiu's surprise, however, they traversed the entire haunted forest without incident. As the exit became visible ahead and the oppressive miasma began to dissipate, he finally allowed himself to relax.
"Perhaps I was overly paranoid," he murmured, though years of experience had taught him that supernatural threats rarely announced themselves so obviously.
"Damn it!" Simu's curse shattered the peaceful moment. "What idiot left these trees blocking the road?!"
Several massive fallen trunks lay across their path like a natural barricade, far too heavy for even Simu's considerable strength to move manually. Using divine summoning techniques to call upon ancestral spirits for manual labor would likely result in those same ancestors delivering a divine beating for such frivolous misuse of sacred power.
"Senior Brother, Brother Gustave," Simu called out reluctantly, "I'm afraid you'll need to dismount. I'll have to guide the clients through individually."
Both men climbed down from their unusual mounts and carefully picked their way over the fallen logs to wait on the far side.
Simu retrieved a small paper talisman from his robes and began chanting in the ancient dialect reserved for corpse-driving rituals. The yellow paper burst into flames as spiritual energy coursed through it.
"Hear my command and obey me!" he commanded, his voice taking on the authoritative tone required for such techniques.
The supernatural connection established, Simu approached the obstacle with his line of clients mimicking his every gesture. He hopped over a smaller branch—they hopped. He bent low to duck under a hanging limb—they bent in perfect synchronization.
"Taoist Simu, watch that stump!" Gustave called out urgently.
But the warning came too late. Simu, focused on navigating the overhead obstacles, failed to notice a sharp tree stump jutting up at exactly the wrong height. His forward momentum carried him directly into what could only be described as an extremely painful collision between wood and his most sensitive anatomy.
"OWWWWW!" Simu's anguished wail echoed through the forest as he clutched his injured manhood and began hopping around in circles.
Unfortunately, the spiritual connection was still active. Every single corpse in his entourage began mimicking his movements exactly—clutching their groins and hopping in agonized circles despite being physically incapable of experiencing pain.
"Junior Brother, are you all right?" Lin Jiu rushed forward with genuine concern.
"Fine! Fine! Perfectly fine!" Simu gasped, waving one hand dismissively while the other remained protectively positioned. Looking up, he witnessed the bizarre sight of dozens of preserved corpses performing an identical dance of imaginary agony.
"Why are you in pain?" he demanded of his clients in exasperation. "I'm the one who got hurt!"
After several deep breaths and some careful readjustment of his robes, Simu managed to dispel the mimicry command and restore his clients to normal standing positions. The remainder of their passage through the fallen trees proceeded without further anatomical disasters.
Once everyone was properly seated again, Simu resumed his position at the front of their convoy with significantly more caution regarding ground-level obstacles. The rhythmic ting-step, ting-step resumed as they approached the forest's edge.
Which was when the second stroke of bad luck struck.
Simu, now hyper-focused on watching for low-hanging branches and protruding stumps, completely failed to notice a large, smooth stone directly in their path. The lead corpse stepped squarely onto its curved surface, immediately lost footing, and toppled backward onto the second client, who fell into the third, creating a spectacular domino effect that sent the entire Corpse Express into complete derailment.
Gustave and Lin Jiu, alert after the previous mishap, managed to leap clear of the chaos. Simu, however, found himself buried under an avalanche of his own customers, his head driven firmly into the ground while several hundred pounds of preserved humanity pinned him in place.
"Damn!" Gustave exclaimed, hurrying to help extract their unfortunate companion.
"Junior Brother!" Lin Jiu called out, already pulling corpses aside. "Can you hear us?"
"Everything hurts," came Simu's muffled voice from somewhere beneath the pile. "This is definitely not my night."
They worked quickly to restore Simu's clients to proper standing order while their owner sat on a nearby rock, gingerly examining various bruises and scrapes. Just as they finished the cleanup, a third disaster announced itself.
WHOOSH!
Something white and silken flashed down from the tree canopy, wrapped around one of the restored corpses, and lifted it smoothly into the darkness above.
"Don't flee, monster!" Lin Jiu immediately drew his peachwood sword, recognizing the supernatural nature of their attacker. "I'll pursue—"
"Senior Brother, wait!" Simu struggled to his feet with a grimace. "That thing stole my client. How can I maintain face if you have to rescue my own business?"
Lin Jiu examined his junior brother's condition skeptically. "Are you certain you're capable of handling this? Your... movement seems somewhat compromised."
"A man never admits he can't perform!" Simu declared with wounded pride. He strapped on his full array of demon-hunting equipment—bells, talismans, sacred weapons—and launched himself into the forest canopy with surprising grace for someone who'd recently experienced two painful accidents.
"I must admit," Gustave observed, watching Simu's fluid qinggong movement through the trees, "Taoist Simu possesses remarkable physical resilience."
"Ai," Lin Jiu sighed, "let's secure his remaining clients before any other supernatural opportunists arrive."
They worked efficiently to arrange the corpses into a defensive formation while Gustave created a subtle electromagnetic barrier around the perimeter. Minutes passed with no sign of Simu's return, and Lin Jiu's expression grew increasingly concerned.
"He's been gone too long," Lin Jiu finally said. "Something may have gone wrong."
"I can maintain the protective field around the clients," Gustave offered. "Shall we investigate?"
They set off through the dark forest, following the obvious trail of broken branches and disturbed foliage that marked Simu's enthusiastic pursuit. Soon, they detected voices ahead—but not the sounds of combat they'd expected.
"Oh... oh my..." came Simu's distinctly breathless voice. "You're so beautiful... how could I resist..."
Peering through a gap in the undergrowth, they discovered Simu in what could charitably be called a compromising position with a gorgeous woman whose silk robes had somehow become extensively disheveled during their encounter.
"What lack of dignity!" Lin Jiu hissed, his face flushing with outrage. "What complete absence of proper behavior!"
While ordinary humans might be deceived by the supernatural illusion, Lin Jiu's trained spiritual senses immediately penetrated the deception. The seductive woman was clearly the same monster that had stolen Simu's client—and his junior brother was enthusiastically allowing himself to be seduced.
It was bad enough when his student Qiu Sheng had carried on with a female ghost—at least Qiu Sheng had the excuse of youth and inexperience. But for his peer, a mature Taoist practitioner, to fall prey to such obvious supernatural manipulation...
"Monster, prepare for judgment!" Lin Jiu burst from concealment, his Sword already glowing with spiritual energy.
SLASH!
The blade cut cleanly through the seductive illusion, revealing the creature's true form as a fox spirit just before it dissolved into wisps of departing yin energy.
"Senior Brother?" Simu blinked in confusion, still somewhat dazed by the broken enchantment. "What are you doing here?"
"Hmph!" Lin Jiu sheathed his sword with an angry flourish, turned sharply on his heel, and stalked back toward their camp without another word.
"Senior Brother, wait! Let me explain!" Simu called after him desperately. "It's not what you think! I was gathering intelligence before making my move!"
Gustave couldn't help chuckling at the interaction between the righteously indignant Lin Jiu and the flustered Simu. The contrast between Lin Jiu's rigid moral code and his junior brother's more... flexible approach to demon hunting created endless entertainment.