Ben was once again drowning in assignments, but this time, he wasn't panicking.
After getting roasted by Terrence due to his lack of discipline, he'd begrudgingly adopted his militant study schedule. Two hours of focused work every night after dance practice. It wasn't easy or enjoyable. But it kept him afloat.
His grades were hovering at "not embarrassing," which was still leagues below the standard his parents expected. But Ben took what he could get.
Two days after the third round of NDC, with dance practice paused and his brain fried from the sheer volume of homework, Ben finally dragged himself into the studio. He looked like a ghost someone had tried to dress in sweats.
Terrence wasted no time. "This is what happens when you don't know how to balance academics and dance," he said, voice smooth as ever and tone unforgiving.
Ben dropped his bag with a thud. "Not everyone's a robot programmed to function like a tireless mummy."
Terrence grinned smugly. "That's true. Everyone else just flails in chaos."
"Chill, Ben," Kai groaned, flopping onto the floor like a dead fish. "I'm failing at everything. I tried begging Gyusonim, but it didn't work. The man has no soul."
Ben blinked. "Did you think crying would help?"
Kai looked at him with teary puppy eyes. "I offered to clean the faculty room, too. Still failed. Tài cánrěn le!" [Too cruel]
Ben sighed and flopped down beside him. "Where's hyung?"
Terrence leaned back against the mirror. "Part-time gig. He was weirdly excited and said he was backup dancing for some soloist. Big name, apparently."
Ben tried to suppress the ache in his stomach. Daniel's absence always felt strange. The studio without his boisterous energy felt quieter.
He cleared his throat. "Any updates from NDC?"
Terrence perked up. "Yeah. Apparently, they're scrapping the team format. Not enough teams left with more than two members. Ours is like the last dinosaur."
Ben chuckled. "We survived all three rounds together. That's impressive."
Kai nodded sagely. "Of course we did. We are top-tier performers. We are icons. Legends!"
Terrence side-eyed him. "You forgot 'delusional.'"
Kai puffed up like a defensive frog. "Say that to my face."
"I just did."
Before Kai could launch into a passionate defense of his legacy, the studio door creaked open. Sean stepped in with his usual air of stoic mystery.
He looked directly at Ben. "You missed two days."
Ben collapsed on his back. "I was being crushed under the weight of capitalist academia."
Sean just nodded. "What are you all rehearsing?"
Terrence shrugged. "Just freestyling."
Kai, somehow producing a mouth organ from thin air, blew a tragic tune. "I'm resting before Daniel hyung comes back to murder us with his mentoring."
Ben, now well-rested and somewhat hyper from finishing his assignments, sat up. "Since the team's getting split up in the next round, why don't we try doing a full team dance while we can. Work on coordination, maybe."
Terrence raised a brow, clearly about to veto it, until Sean cut in.
"Okay," he said simply.
Terrence blinked. "You're agreeing?"
Sean shrugged. "It sounds interesting. Let's do an Idol choreo."
Kai's mouth organ disappeared as mysteriously as it had come. He bounced up like an excited child. "Yeah! I always wanted to try EXO's Overdose!"
And just like that, the four of them embarked on their first-ever team dance. It was messy, loud, and wildly out of sync.
But after a long time, they had fun.
***
As the clock crept toward closing time, the studio slowly emptied. Ben stayed behind, too lazy to move, sprawling across a bench in the locker room like a human starfish. His body ached, but his mind felt oddly light.
Just as his eyes started to droop shut, he heard a door click.
He looked up, blinking.
It was Sean.
He walked in calmly and pulled off his t-shirt like it was the most casual thing in the world to do.
Ben sat up so fast he nearly fell off the bench. "Uh…they're gonna close soon."
Sean glanced over, unfazed. "Yeah."
There was no urgency in his movements. He grabbed a clean shirt from his bag but didn't put it on right away. Ben tried to keep his gaze elsewhere, but couldn't help noticing that Sean was built. No one had any right looking like that while being that quiet. He quickly looked away, feeling a little off. He wasn't used to being this aware around guys.
"Do you work out?" Ben asked, voice a bit higher than intended.
Sean glanced down at himself as if noticing his abs for the first time. "Some weight training."
Ben nodded quickly. "Cool. You look it."
Sean blinked at him like he was analyzing a strange bug. Without breaking eye contact, he said, "Your third-round performance was intense. You express yourself really well through dance."
Ben coughed, a bit flustered. "Thanks. You did great, too."
He wanted to say something smart, but his brain felt scrambled. The locker room suddenly felt too small.
Grabbing his bag, he made for the door. "I–uh–I'll head out—"
Sean pulled his shirt over his head and followed. To Ben's surprise, he didn't take the usual route back to his own dorm. Instead, he silently fell into step beside Ben.
"Isn't your dorm the other way?" Ben asked cautiously.
Sean nodded. "I have some family work on this side."
"Oh." Ben didn't push.
Sean pulled out his cellphone, thumbing through it with his usual detached focus. Ben, despite himself, leaned over for a peek and nearly laughed out loud. The screen was filled with pictures of coffee beans, café interiors, lattes with intricate foam art, and the names of drinks that sounded more like spells than beverages.
"Hyung," Ben said, brows climbing, "are you some kind of coffee enthusiast or something?"
Sean didn't even look up. "No."
The reply was so flat that Ben had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from snorting.
Okay, conversation over.
Except if he let his brain wander, it'd go straight back to Daniel, and that was not safe territory. So he scrambled for a distraction.
"You said you like Idol music and dance," Ben tried again. "Why didn't you ever think about becoming an idol?"
This time, Sean's scrolling slowed. His thumb hovered over the screen. He gave a soft sigh and said in his usual blunt tone, "I don't have the voice for it. And I have stage fright."
Ben blinked. "Oh."
That tracks. Sean did look pale and clammy before going on stage in both the second and third rounds of the NDC. But Ben hadn't expected him to be so candid about his own weakness. Sean was reserved and rarely offered pieces of himself, so it was always a mild surprise when he shared anything remotely personal.
Ben sneaked a peek at Sean, who was quietly scrolling. He was always fascinated by Sean's commitment to saying absolutely nothing. When he did speak, it was with such blunt honesty that it felt less like conversation and more like a public service announcement.
A mix of curiosity and poor judgment nudged Ben to ask before he could stop himself. "I wonder, hyung, were you always this introverted? Or is it like a lifestyle choice?"
Sean finally lifted his gaze. His dark, unreadable eyes studied Ben, as if weighing whether he was joking. After a pause, he countered, "Aren't you an introvert too?"
Ben chuckled. "Yeah, sure. But nothing like you."
Sean exhaled and shrugged, like the whole thing wasn't worth more than a breath. "I just prefer to listen rather than talk."
Ben tilted his head, trying again. "That probably makes you popular with women." He paused before asking with mock casualness, "Have you dated before?"
Sean's expression didn't budge, but a faint line appeared between his brows. "Not exactly."
Ben snorted. "That's not an answer."
Another short silence, before Sean said, flat as ever, "I was the only one who liked her."
Ben nearly tripped over his own feet. He'd expected Sean to either clam up or deflect, not hand him a one-liner that felt like a punch in the gut.
"She… rejected you?" he asked carefully.
Sean's face didn't change much, but there was a faint shadow now. He just nodded once.
Ben went quiet. So, Sean knew what it was like to want someone you couldn't have. For him, it was Daniel. For Sean, some faceless "her" who had turned him down. Different circumstances, but the same sting underneath and the same inability to talk about it with anyone else.
Sean's unexpected confession made Ben wonder if he should ask him about his own mess. Ben toyed with the question on his tongue. For a moment, he thought he'd keep it to himself, but the silence nudged him forward, and before he could change his mind, the words slipped out:
"Hyung, what did you do when you realized you liked someone who wouldn't like you back?"
Sean paused mid-step.
Ben watched him, heart pounding.
Sean turned to him, eyes narrowed slightly. "Why do you ask?"
"It's hypothetical," Ben said too quickly. He forced a shrug, trying to sound casual. "I just wondered, what if you liked someone you weren't supposed to?"
Sean didn't buy it. Instead, he asked evenly, "Are they unavailable?"
Ben bit his lip. Sean knew this wasn't some throwaway question. But Ben had already said too much to retreat.
He shook his head. "No. They're single. It's just… complicated."
Sean held his gaze for a long moment, as if weighing the question. Slowly, he turned and resumed his pace, as he said softly, "I'd confess anyway."
Ben blinked. "Huh?"
Sean's voice didn't change, still calm and matter-of-fact. "Why decide it's impossible before even trying? Regret sucks more than rejection. So if I liked someone, I'd just tell them."
Ben didn't say anything for a while. He let those words sink in. Sean didn't know how complicated his situation was. He didn't know that his feelings were curled up around someone who danced like a storm and shone like a star.
But still, he was right.
Regret did suck.