"Old Zhong, when do you think we can open branches of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor overseas?"
Hu Tao had been dreaming for ages of making Wangsheng big and strong—not just famous in Liyue, but recognized in foreign nations too.
Even after confirming that Zhongli was actually the Geo Archon Rex Lapis, her nickname for him hadn't changed at all. She still called him "Old Zhong" as casually as before.
"Hall Master Hu, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is indeed a household name here in Liyue," Zhongli sighed helplessly, "but in other nations, it would be very difficult for it to integrate into their local cultures."
Every country had its own funerary customs. Letting Wangsheng expand into other nations would mean running into walls at every turn.
"I know that. But we can at least give it a try, right? Maybe there are people in other countries who'd really like our kind of service." Hu Tao of course understood this much.
"…"
Zhongli slowly shook his head. He really wasn't optimistic at all. Opening Wangsheng branches in other nations… the difficulty level was off the charts.
"Taozi, you can advertise it like this: Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is the only place that has held a funeral for a god."
Koji walked in with a smile as he spoke.
Zhongli's face instantly darkened. So that incident was never going to be let go, was it…
"Oh, that actually sounds usable. No matter what other funeral businesses they have overseas, I bet none of them have ever buried a god." Hu Tao felt that this made perfect sense.
"On top of that, we have a very professional team."
Yaksha plus archon—this level of funeral treatment was something you wouldn't find a second time anywhere in Teyvat.
"Taozi, it's not like Wangsheng is short on money, is it?"
"We really aren't short on money," Hu Tao admitted, "but trying it out doesn't hurt."
"How did you find the other nations, little friend?" Zhongli asked Koji about his impressions.
"Pretty good. Every nation has its own beautiful scenery. As for the gods though… that's a whole other story." Koji glanced at Zhongli, his expression rather strange.
Zhongli's eyelid twitched. Gods were not necessarily "proper" people.
Hu Tao's interest was piqued. "Come on, tell me. I'm really curious about gods other than Old Zhong and Sister Guizhong."
"In Inazuma you've got the Electro Archon, Raiden Ei—she's a country bumpkin who can't cook and a total shut-in. The second Dendro Archon from Sumeru is a silly kid with zero self-confidence. And Fontaine's Hydro Archon is what I'd call a 'big-brain genius.'"
Koji summarized it briefly. As Hu Tao listened, her expression grew stranger and stranger.
"Old Zhong, are all you gods like this?" she asked from the bottom of her soul. These deities really did not sound reliable.
Especially that "big-brain" evaluation—she didn't think that sounded like praise at all.
"…We archons are not all cold and heartless. We also have seven emotions and six desires," Zhongli replied very earnestly.
Hu Tao felt there was something off about that answer, but couldn't put her finger on it, so she let it pass.
"I don't know much about the second Dendro Archon or the second Hydro Archon," Zhongli went on, "but Raiden Ei I do understand quite well. Back then she was merely a warrior standing behind Raiden Makoto. She was never particularly suited to ruling a nation."
Unlike the drunkard Anemo Archon, other gods generally wouldn't wander off to foreign countries just for fun.
Even during his own time roaming the mortal world, he hadn't traveled to other nations.
"Yeah. For certain reasons, the Raiden Shogun turned her own body into a puppet and then ran off to a special inner realm to be a recluse." Koji chuckled.
"That's way too irresponsible!"
Learning that Inazuma's god was basically AFK, Hu Tao stared, dumbfounded. Wasn't this just letting an NPC auto-play in her place?
Zhongli was speechless as well. He hadn't expected Ei to do such a thing. He did know what had driven her there—her elder sister had died in Khaenri'ah, and the blow and psychological trauma were enormous.
"To put it in more interesting terms: Mondstadt's Anemo Archon practices the 'monarch AFK system'—he's been AFK for years and doesn't manage anything. Liyue's Geo Archon uses the 'monarch feigned-death retirement system'—directly faking his death to retire…"
"Ahem!"
Zhongli nearly choked on his tea. Koji's summary even left him at a loss for words.
"I don't think Koji is wrong though. Zhongli, didn't you literally fake your death just to retire?"
Guizhong walked in at that moment, teasing Zhongli as she joined the conversation.
"I'd say Koji summed it up pretty well. After all, Old Zhong, you really did fake your death just to step down, didn't you?" she added mercilessly.
Zhongli could only smile bitterly. He was completely helpless when dealing with personalities like Guizhong and Hu Tao.
"In Inazuma, the Electro Archon is running a 'monarch proxy system'—handing everything over to an artificial intelligence stand-in."
"No wonder they're gods."
Hu Tao nodded. Gods really were different; they could always come up with some fancy new trick.
Zhongli fell silent. They were simply telling the truth; what was there left for him to refute?
"Guizhong, the Yuheng Star, Keqing, heard you built me a house. She wants to poach you to work under her. Interested? I can introduce you." Koji said with a grin.
"?"
Guizhong blinked. The Liyue Qixing wanting a Dust Archon to be their subordinate… was that really appropriate?
"Tsk tsk, Keqing's gotten pretty daring, huh? She actually wants the Dust Archon working under her," Hu Tao exclaimed.
On paper, the Qixing were the highest authorities in Liyue, but compared to an archon there was simply no comparison.
This wasn't a mundane world; it was a world where power ruled. No matter how great your political authority was, without strength you were still just an ant.
"I've heard about that little sister from Zhongli. She's very capable and has her own ideas," Guizhong said, not feeling offended at all. In fact, she found it amusing.
"But would she still have that idea after finding out who I am?"
If so, that would really be some serious courage.
"How could she not? Keqing has of course heard your name. When it comes to beings like gods, no matter how strong or weak a human is, they'll still feel reverence," Koji replied.
The Seven were the victors who'd survived the Archon War. The humans who lived under them had all been sheltered by them, so it was only natural for them to revere their respective archons.
Guizhong nodded. That matched her own thoughts.
"Guizhong, how are things progressing between you and Zhongli?" Koji asked with interest.
Guizhong's cheeks flushed red, and the hand Zhongli used to hold his teacup trembled slightly, the cup no longer perfectly steady.
Hu Tao's peach-blossom eyes lit up, and she instantly put on the look of a spectator ready to munch on melons. She could tell that during this period, Guizhong had been actively making advances on Zhongli, but Zhongli was as dense as a rock. She'd brought it up many times herself, yet Zhongli had never budged.
"Zhongli, it's obvious Guizhong likes you. You can't pretend you don't see it. At least try dating her first." Koji said earnestly.
If it were left to Guizhong alone, the road ahead would be long and difficult. As the matchmaker, he needed to lend a hand.
"Exactly! Sister Guizhong treats you so well. Old Zhong, even I feel like you don't deserve her. Can't you put in a little effort?" Hu Tao chimed in, helping to push the two of them together.
Zhongli's expression grew complicated. Hu Tao was technically his junior, and now here she was trying to play matchmaker for him. The feeling was… odd.
Guizhong gazed at him expectantly, waiting for his answer.
"…All right then."
After thinking it over, Zhongli finally nodded. They could try being together and see how it went first.
(End of Chapter)
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