Zhongli had only just agreed when Guizhong, wearing a tired but satisfied expression, immediately hooked her arm through his and dragged him out shopping. After all, if they wanted to properly deepen their relationship, going out for a walk together was the most suitable way.
"Smack!"
Koji and Hu Tao looked at each other, grinned, and clapped their hands together in a perfect high-five.
"If those two really end up together in the end, doesn't that mean Sister Guizhong would be the Empress of Liyue?" Hu Tao asked with great interest.
"Back when Zhongli was wandering the mortal world, he probably even took on the form of the Geo Archon's empress at some point."
Hu Tao's cherry-red lips parted slightly. Old Man Zhong really knew how to play around. She was honestly quite curious about what Zhongli would look like in a female form.
He was already so handsome as a man; if he became a woman, that figure would definitely be stunning. It was just that Old Man Zhong turning into a woman now was obviously impossible—that kind of thing wasn't realistic.
"Koji, do you have any way to turn Zhongli into a woman?" Hu Tao asked.
"It's not that I don't," Koji replied, "but are you sure you really want to do that?"
Koji gave her a very strange look. So… filial of you.
"Achoo!"
Out shopping with Guizhong, Zhongli suddenly sneezed. Guizhong looked at him, puzzled. "You can catch a cold?"
For a god, catching something as minor as a cold was impossible.
"No, I just feel like someone's talking about me behind my back," Zhongli said, shaking his head. He certainly wasn't going to get sick.
…
"Xiangling, hurry up and taste this. This is my improved version of Ghostly March."
Hu Tao brought out a whole pot of pale purple soup, complete with ghostly special effects drifting off the surface. To Koji, just looking at it felt like it could go toe to toe with Raiden Ei's Moment of Judgment.
"Uh…"
Xiangling was no stranger to dark cuisine, but this dish of Hu Tao's didn't feel like "dark cuisine" anymore.
It felt like straight-up hell.
Her instincts were screaming that this was absolutely undrinkable. If she tried it, something was definitely going to happen.
"Come on, drink it while it's hot," Hu Tao said with a smile.
"Hu Tao, has Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's performance been doing badly lately?" Koji asked, hitting her with a straight-to-the-soul question.
He was seriously starting to suspect Hu Tao wanted to use this "dish" to send Xiangling off early and boost Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's business.
"No way, right?" Xiangling was dumbfounded by his teasing tone.
She knew Hu Tao would never have such a vicious thought, but that didn't stop her from teasing this good friend of hers.
"I don't need your 'performance' numbers," Hu Tao snorted, rolling her eyes.
She had no idea Xiangling was poking fun at her at all, and she wasn't actually angry in the slightest.
As the director of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, she dealt with life and death on a daily basis. Most people didn't exactly hate her, but they didn't want to get too close either—they felt it was inauspicious.
Hu Tao understood. It was just one of the helpless realities of working in this particular line of business. For most people, anything related to death was an enormous taboo.
"I know the Electro Archon in Inazuma. Her cooking is even more extreme than yours."
In Koji's opinion, Ghostly March still couldn't compare to Moment of Judgment. A dish personally made by a god belonged to a completely different realm.
"There's someone stronger than this?"
Xiangling was stunned. Hu Tao's dark cuisine was already dark enough as it was.
Hu Tao's interest was immediately piqued. She was suddenly very eager to exchange cooking experiences with the Raiden Shogun.
"The Geo Archon once ate a serving of the Raiden Shogun's Moment of Judgment. He couldn't take it either and almost dropped dead on the spot," Koji said, spinning a piece of 'unofficial history'.
In truth, even gods couldn't withstand Moment of Judgment.
That dish was conceptual-level cuisine; no matter how strong you were, one bite and you'd be suffering.
"Hiss… that terrifying?"
Xiangling couldn't help sucking in a breath. Even the Emperor himself couldn't endure it—wasn't that way too over the top?
"Even the Emperor can't handle it?"
Hu Tao muttered to herself. She hadn't expected Zhongli to have that kind of black history. Now this was interesting.
Passing by, Cloud Retainer happened to hear them. She originally wanted to habitually chide them with a "Mind your disrespect toward the Emperor," but when she thought of the Raiden Shogun's cooking, the words got stuck in her throat.
If even a single drop of that stuff fell on the ground, every plant in that area would wither on the spot.
The Raiden Shogun had the face of a gentle, capable housewife who looked like she'd be good at cooking, but in reality she was a complete kitchen disaster. There really was no one else like her.
"Hu Tao, what have you been busy with lately?" Xiangling asked.
Whenever Hu Tao was doing well, she was usually nowhere to be seen in Liyue Harbor.
"Don't remind me. You know how Guili Plains is supposed to be developed into Liyue's second city?"
Hu Tao sighed helplessly.
"There are a lot of tombs out there. The people doing the construction don't want to build on top of graves, and the descendants of the dead don't want their ancestors' rest to be disturbed."
"Urban development is the general trend. It's unstoppable. The Liyue authorities have already given them compensation for relocating the graves, but the job of finding new burial sites landed squarely on Wangsheng Funeral Parlor."
It was a massive project. Guili Plains wasn't that far from Liyue Harbor, so there were quite a number of graves. And you couldn't just randomly pick new burial sites; you had to consider geomancy and feng shui. That alone made the whole thing a huge undertaking.
Wangsheng Funeral Parlor was an old, established business and deeply trusted by the people of Liyue.
These days, the entire parlor had been mobilized. Even Zhongli hardly had time to sit around; only in the last two days had he managed to get a little rest.
Their energy was limited, but there were still many people waiting on them.
Fortunately, the Yaksha and the Adepti were helping out as well. Since even the Geo Archon himself was lending a hand, they couldn't just stand there and watch, which saved them a lot of trouble.
"I figured as much. The workload really does sound enormous," Xiangling said, suddenly enlightened.
"Some people's graves are especially hard to deal with, like those who don't have any descendants. It's exhausting, really." Hu Tao sighed lightly.
"It's because Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's reputation is too good—especially after you held the Emperor's funeral," Xiangling said with a smile.
…
Hu Tao's lips twitched. That had been a fake death personally planned by Old Man Zhongli. That so-called funeral had basically been a birthday banquet in disguise. Zhongli was still very much alive and kicking; he'd just been busy recently. Yet because of that, the ordinary citizens were all convinced the Emperor had fallen and passed on to another realm.
"That part is true," she admitted.
She wouldn't deny it. Because they'd handled the Emperor's funeral, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's reputation had skyrocketed.
Some elderly people even came in person to pre-book their own funerals. If the Emperor himself had been sent off by Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, then even if they couldn't afford the exact same package, it still had to be better than what other funeral shops could offer.
"Xiangling, are you really not going to take a bite?"
Hu Tao looked at her own dish. Sure, it only looked a little spooky on the surface, but who knew—maybe it actually tasted pretty good.
"I'll pass. The last time I ate your Ghostly March, my stomach hurt for a long time," Xiangling said quickly, shaking her head. She might love cooking, but that didn't mean she was willing to eat absolutely anything.
"Koji, what about you—want to try it?" Hu Tao turned with a smile and asked her good buddy.
"No need. You can give it to Zhongli. He definitely won't refuse," Koji said, smiling as he offered a suggestion.
When it came to Hu Tao, Zhongli really couldn't say no. As long as she acted a little spoiled, there was a good chance he'd grit his teeth and gulp it down.
Compared to Moment of Judgment, Ghostly March was still the gentler one. Even if Zhongli ate Hu Tao's cooking, nothing too serious should happen.
"True. I'll bring it back and feed it to Old Man Zhong later," Hu Tao nodded.
Xiangling couldn't help silently offering a moment of mourning for Mr. Zhongli in her heart…
(End of Chapter)
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