Pushing open the heavy transparent glass door, Lin Yuhui walked into this engineering company, which seemed to be a cooperative enterprise in Dalian. The office was as large as a big conference room or a university lecture hall, where many young people stayed.
拉开沉重的透明玻璃门,林语晖进入了这家工程公司,似乎是在大连的合作企业.像大会议室,或者大学阶梯教室,一样大的办公室里,很多年轻人在这里.
Lin Yuhui was stationed here for work in phases. He walked to the three empty seats in the last row, yet he did not dare to look over there.
林语晖应该是阶段性驻扎在这里办公,他来到最后排空着的一排三个座位,但是他不敢朝那边看,
At this moment, a cleaning staff mopped the floor right here and said to him,
这时候打扫卫生的工作人员拖地正好到这里,对他说,
"The person in these seats has left."
"空位置的人已经走了,"
Only then did Lin Yuhui look in that direction. He knew the staff was talking about Cerise, and he wondered why she had resigned and left. He turned his head to look at the bright sunshine and green trees on the street outside the glass door, silently wishing her a bright future in his heart.
林语晖这才望向那边,他知道说的是瑟瑞斯,不知道她为什么要辞职离开,扭头望望玻璃门外街道上灿烂的阳光和绿树,心中默默祝福她前程似锦.
But opening his eyes and returning to reality from the dream, Lin Yuhui clearly knew that the restless thoughts in his heart had not been completely extinguished.
但是睁开眼睛,从梦中回到现实的林语晖心里清楚,自己心中那蠢蠢欲动的念头还未彻底熄灭,
He still needed to do something to let that foolish part of himself understand the true appearance of this world, so that he would not regret it in the future. Therefore, he started writing and sent the content to Cerise via email.
自己还需要做点什么,那个蠢东西才会明白这世间的真实样子,才能以后不会后悔.于是他开始书写,通过邮件发给瑟瑞斯,
One of the Love Letters from Sinosteel Compound
中钢大院情书之一
15:02, Saturday, October 9, 2021
2021年10月9 日(周六) 15点02分
I'm sorry, I still have words to say to you. Because I know clearly in my heart that I will regret it for the rest of my life if I don't speak out. I have always communicated with you sincerely, but you never speak your true thoughts. Maybe I am not worthy of your heartfelt communication? Am I unworthy? Or am I overthinking?
对不起,我还有话要对你说.因为我心里很清楚,如果我不说,我这辈子都会后悔的.我一直都是在坦诚地和你交流,可是你从来不说你自己的心声.也许我不值得你交心?不配?或者是我想多了?
I just want to ask you: one day, when you look back on the past, if you took another path in your only life journey, a path against your original intention, merely because you lacked the courage to reveal your true feelings. How will you face yourself then?
我只想问问你,如果有一天,当你回首往事.如果当初仅仅是因为没有勇气袒露自己的心声,而让自己这仅有一次的人生之旅走上了另一条道路,一条违背初心的道路.那时的你,将如何面对自己?
I know there are reasons for both love and hate, and I know it is hard for you to make decisions. I will not urge or blame you. As the saying goes, a man fears choosing the wrong occupation, and a woman fears marrying the wrong person. But maybe you still remember that moment in the past, a beautiful moment, just a fleeting instant. Because only at that moment did we express our true feelings without scruples, pretense or distortion.
我知道爱与恨都是有原因的,我也知道对于你来说决定很难,我不催促你或者责备你.俗话说男怕入错行女怕嫁错郎.但是也许你还记得曾经的那一刻,很美是吧,只有那么一瞬间.因为只有那一刻是你我毫无顾忌,掩饰,或者歪曲的真情表达.
I could only return to my normal self after returning to my peaceful life. To a certain extent, you are right, I am abnormal. If this world is not abnormal, then I am the abnormal one. I once thought I had fulfilled my life's missions and lessons. Given my physical condition, I had no more extravagant hopes. My remaining duty was to live as long as possible and not leave my children prematurely.
我也是回到我自己的平静生活后才能再次回归正常的自我.某种程度上来说,你说的没错,我变态.如果这个世界不是变态的话,那么变态的就是我.本来我以为我已经完成了我的人生使命和课程,以我的身体状况来说,我已经没有什么更多奢望了,我剩下的职责就是尽可能活得久一点,不要过早地离开我的孩子.
But I never expected that fate had more arrangements for me, bringing you into my life. If Lila had not meddled in my affairs, I would never have dared to imagine all this. Yet I am not the kind of person who engages in ambiguous relationships, and I must be responsible for the consequences of my actions. Before posting on WeChat Moments that time, I had already decided to leave my children and be with you. All I needed was for you to take a small step towards me, to let me know that I have meaning in your life, but I never saw that step.
但是没想到命运又给我安排了更多,让你出现在了我的人生之中,如果不是莱拉多事,我想都不敢想,但我又不是那种会暧昧的人,我要对我的行为后果负责的.那次贴微信圈之前我已经准备放下自己的孩子和你一起,,,我只需要看到你向我迈出一小步,让我知道我在你的生命中有存在的意义,但是似乎我没看到.
I had wanted to say something to you that Friday, but in the state you were in, what could I possibly say? A young woman staying out overnight, exhausted beyond measure — what was I supposed to think? To be honest, you are really not my preferred type. I admit you are beautiful, but your behaviors show we are not kindred spirits.
那个周五我本来想和你说些什么,但是你那个状态,我还能说什么.一个大姑娘夜不归宿,累得不行,你让我怎么想.说实话你真不是我偏好的类型,我承认你有美貌,但是做派来讲不是同路人.
Yet I cannot resist the look in your eyes no matter what. I keep wondering if it is my illusion, or if you charm all men with such gazes. Through your eyes, I see a soul that seems to have entangled with me for lifetimes, far more than a mere sense of familiarity. Do you remember I once told you, "Look me in the eyes when you talk to me."? Because I have always wanted to confirm something from your eyes.
只是无论如何我无法抗拒你的眼神,我很不解到底是我的错觉还是你用那样的眼神迷惑所有男人.透过你的眼睛我看到的是一个灵魂,似乎与我有着几世的纠缠,不只是熟悉的感觉.还记得一次我曾对你说,"你和我说话要看着我的眼睛.",因为我一直想从你的眼里确认些什么.
Life is always full of its own drama. That weekend, I happened to watch the 2009 movie Chloe. The film was beautiful and pure. I wondered if this was an enlightenment from heaven. I can overlook your past, and I only hope you can take our time together seriously. But I really cannot accept that you enjoy my attention during the day and go on blind dates with others after work. I am not that kind of person.
生活总是有着她自己的戏剧性,那个周末我恰巧刷到一部电影"克洛伊"2009年的,影片很美,很纯情.我想难道上天要这样启示我吗?我可以不介意过去,我只希望你我相处的过程中你能认真对待.但是我真的接受不了你白天来享受我的瞩目,下班再去与别人相亲.我不是那样的人.
When I confessed my feelings again later, you dismissed me with just one sentence: don't do that. What else could I make of it? I am not the kind of person who clings shamelessly; I have principles and bottom lines. Is shameless pestering without boundaries your value orientation? After that, you and Sapphire kept making insinuations. I truly had no idea what you wanted and what you were doing. You had just rejected me, yet you provoked me like that. Did you think that was right? You never communicate with me directly, perhaps I am not worth it. But problems between two people can only be solved through sincere communication, exchanging feelings and mutual understanding — and that only brings a possibility of success. The world is never that simple, and you will understand this gradually.
后来再次表白,你只一句不要那样就把我打发了.我还能怎样理解?我不是那种死皮赖脸的人,我是有原则有底线的.那种毫无底线死缠烂打的难道是你的价值取向吗?之后就是你和萨菲尔各种敲边鼓,我真的不知道你们想要什么和在做什么,你刚拒绝了我,然后那样刺激我,你们觉得好吗.你从来不和我直接沟通,也许我不值得.但是解决两个人之间的问题只能是两个人真诚地沟通,交换感受,互相理解才有可能成功.我说有可能.即便这样也才仅仅是有可能,世界真的没有那么简单,慢慢你会理解的.
I misunderstood part of your later WeChat message. You sensitively changed the subject when Lila was mentioned, so I also sensitively jumped to the wrong conclusion. I thought if you had such a mischievous side, I could only warn you not to take reckless risks. What else could I do? I wonder if you saw the news a few days later about the case of a female subordinate whose body was hidden in a suitcase. The world is very realistic, and every cause has its effect.
后来的那条微信其中有一部分是我误会了.因为你很敏感的把莱拉的话题岔开了,所以我也很敏感的想岔了.我想如果你是那样的小邪恶,那我就告诫你不要玩命吧,我还能怎么样呢.不知道你有没有看到几天之后女下属被装尸手提箱案件的新闻,这个世界是很现实的,任何因都是有果的.
I remember Lila said you were desperate after you lost your temper with me. I was also desperate. You and your friends talk about blind dates and potential partners all day long, and you chat about your life with friends. Your words and behaviors always seem to attract every man's attention. If you enjoy being the center of attention, that is fine, it is your right, but never include me. I will not mix myself with a group of vulgar men to compete for you. What is the point of that?
记得莱拉在你和我发火之后说你绝望了.我也很绝望,你和朋友成天谈论相亲看对象,或又是你和朋友怎样怎样.而你的行为和语调也似乎是在勾引每个男人的注意力.如果你很享受众星捧月,可以,那是你的权利,但是绝不包括我.我不会把自己混在一群大老粗中间去和他们竞争追求你,有意义吗?
Here is an analogy: taking apples at the Sinosteel canteen. Some people pick one they like and leave immediately. Some pick one, look at the rest in the basket, feel dissatisfied, put it back, rummage in the basket again, and finally take one and leave. Do you think such people are satisfied with the apple they take? Never. They will never be satisfied unless they get the whole basket of apples. Is choosing a partner any different? Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. You always feel the one you have now is inferior to the others, and change your choice when dissatisfied. Is there an end to such comparison? That is why I will never line up for such things. A relationship based on one-sided affection is always useless. Do you think those who cheer blindly despite slim chances are sincere? They are just taking advantage of the situation to make glib remarks.
这里可以类比举一个例子,中钢食堂拿水果的,苹果.有的人看好,拿了一个走了.有的人拿了一个,再看看筐里的,觉得不满意,又放回去,把爪子再伸到筐里,还拨拉拨拉,最后也是拿了一个走了.你觉得后面的这个对拿到手里的满意了吗?不会的,他永远不会满意的,除非把一筐苹果都给他.选对象不是一个道理吗?都有优缺点,某一点当朝的没有在野的好,不满意就换一个,这种比较的方式有尽头吗.所以我是不会排队去做那种事的,两个人的关系,烧火棍子一头热是从来没用的.而那些个明知机会渺茫还在那起哄的你觉得是真心的吗?拣便宜卖乖的吧.
Of course, I have also seen kind people trying to help others find happiness and fulfill what they regard as beautiful things, such as Stephanie and Christian. The other day, Stephanie and Dylan talked about Nick, saying he was divorced with a child and wondering what kind of partner he was looking for. Their words sounded exactly like they were talking about me. I know she meant well, but I am really obsessive-compulsive and conservative. My standard is simple: one must be pure or loyal, there has to be one of the two. If I cannot find such a person, I would rather stay single than be harmed by foolish teammates. To be honest, I felt powerless facing you back then. When you were dissatisfied with me, did you know how many nights I could not fall asleep or woke up from dreams, all because of you? You are only twenty-five, while I am forty-five with a bad heart. I am also in pain. Do we have to compete on who suffers more? Two people in a relationship should cherish each other, so how did we end up hurting each other?
当然我也看到一些好心人一直在成人之美,在做一些成就他们所认为的美好的事情,比如斯蒂芬妮,克里斯蒂安. 那天斯蒂芬妮和迪伦谈论尼克,说他离婚还有个孩子,还想找什么样的,听着那么像说我呢.我知道她是好意,但是我确实有洁癖也很保守,我的标准很简单,要么纯洁要么忠诚,总得有一样吧.找不到我就单着呗,也比猪队友害死我强.说实话当时那样的你,我很无能为力,当你对我不满的时候,你可否知道多少个夜晚我也是无法入睡或是从梦中醒来,都是因为你,你才25岁,我已经45岁了心脏还不好,我也很痛苦,难道我们要比惨吗.两个人相处本应互相爱护,怎么就成了互相伤害.
Now I can regain peace. I no longer need to hear or see anything about you. Though I still think of you involuntarily from time to time, this is not a reason for me to disturb you again. The reason is simple, just as I said at the beginning: I hope you listen to your inner voice and ask yourself.
现在我可以恢复平静了,再也不用听到或者看到什么关于你的事情,虽然我无法抗拒地还是常常想起你,但这不是我再次打扰你的理由.原因很简单,就是如开始所述,我希望你能倾听自己内心的声音,问问自己,,,
If this is just my unrequited love, it is fine. Fortunately, I can still love and have the courage to confess, and the result does not matter. If you are still hesitating, I will not press you. I do not ask for a confirmed relationship, nor do I expect a happy ending. Separated by thousands of miles, out of sight and out of mind, I will no longer be jealous because of you, nor fear that my sudden death will affect you. Would you like to be online friends with me? I have no online friends and no real friends. Apart from my children, you are the only person I am willing to confide in. Is such an online friendship worthwhile?
如果只是我自作多情,没关系,还好我还能去爱,还有勇气表白,结果不重要.如果你还在犹豫,我也不催促你.我不要求确立关系,也不期待成就美满,远隔千里眼不见耳不闻,也不会再因为你吃醋,我也不再怕自己突然死掉会对你有什么影响.你是否愿意和我做网友?我没有网友,也没有朋友,除了我的孩子,你是唯一我愿意说些知心话的人.这样的网友,值吗?
No one in this world will wait for someone forever. Everyone faces an end sooner or later, either physical death or emotional death. I know Christian has been working hard. He is a good man, though he has a little temper sometimes. Regarding you and me, the inspirational quote he posted that haunts me the most is:
这个世界上没有人会永远等一个人,横竖还有个死呢,身死或是心死.我知道克里斯蒂安一直在努力,他是个好人,虽然有时候也会有点小脾气.关于你我,他发的鸡汤,最让我不能释怀的就是,
Inhale the future without any expectation.
Hold the present and Exhale the past without regret.
If I do not say these words and confirm your true thoughts, I can never calm down and have no regrets in this life. Life is actually not long, and we are all learning and growing throughout life. May both of us live up to our own lives. If I am not the right person for you, please spend more time with your relatives. The time you spend with them is limited, and moments on social media are just fleeting clouds.
如果我不说这些话,不确认你的心声,我无法平静,也无法做到此生无悔.人生其实没有很长,我们都是一直在人生中学习成长,愿你我都不辜负自己的人生.如果我不值得,那么请你多陪伴自己的亲人,他们和你在一起的时间也是有限的,朋友圈不过是过眼云烟.
Appendix: David's Quotations
附:David语录
Young lovers bond by appearance and affection,
小情侣声色相亲,
Middle-aged lovers bond by wealth and desire;
大情侣财欲相求;
Elderly lovers dwell on past years,
老情侣追忆年华,
Age-gap lovers wander like souls across eras.
忘年情侣隔世游.
I hope you will not share our private conversations with others, but I will not stop you if you insist on doing so. I have a strong heart and do not care about others' opinions. I only do what I believe is right. But you should also consider others' feelings. For example, Lila is also single, so there is no need to hurt her feelings. If we really get together, she will be our matchmaker. Everyone comes to this world with their own lessons to learn. She is less mature than you, so as her elder sister, you should take more care of her.
希望你不要把我和你的私人交流共享给别人,但是如果你很想那么做我也不阻拦.我的内心足够强大,不在乎别人怎么看我,我只做我认为对的事情.但是你也要考虑别人的感受,比如莱拉,她也还单着呢,何必刺激她.要是你我真的成了,她还算是咱的小红娘.每个人来到这个世界都有各自的课程,她没有你成熟,做姐姐的要多关照关照.
(Translated by Doubao)